Chapter 21

Chapter

Twenty-One

ANI

Sweat coats my body as I wake in a panic. I have no idea what time it is, how many hours have passed, what day, and for a few terrifying moments, I have no idea where I am. Hell? I might as well be in eternal damnation. Same difference.

I sit up and notice that I am still naked and curled up on the single wool blanket that scratches my punished skin. Not that any of it matters. I slept, and I consider that a good thing. The door to my room remains closed, and I wonder if Phoenix has come in to check on me. Will he, soon? The ceiling light is on, so at least I am not in complete darkness, and I scan the room for the extra comfort items that Phoenix had told me would come.

To my right is a single glass and a pitcher of water. A mirror has been hung on the otherwise empty wall. A few hardback books are stacked nicely by the water, and I see a hairbrush. Comfort items…

So he has been here. Now what? Will he come back soon, or will I have to call out for him? The idea of calling him to assist me to the bathroom makes me cringe, but my protesting bladder doesn’t give me much of a choice. After a glance around the room, I quickly realize there isn’t even a bucket to use if I wanted to. I could certainly urinate in the corner somewhere if I absolutely must, but I have to remain in the close confines of the room for however long it takes to get pregnant and then the nine months of carrying the child, and I would much prefer not to have to smell my own waste if I don’t have to. I need Phoenix, whether I like it or not.

I rise from the blanket and stretch the kinks out of my body before I go to the door. Knocking firmly, I call out, “Excuse me? I would like to use the bathroom, please.” I turn and look up at one of the cameras in the hope that I am being monitored. “May I please use the restroom?”

As much as I don’t want to, I decide there really is no reason to be rude. I am at his mercy. Giving attitude or demanding he come immediately will not work in my favor, and right now, my bladder screams for me to behave.

There is silence and not a single sound or approaching footstep in the hallway.

Knocking again, I say, “Hello? I could use some assistance.”

Silence.

Feeling the tightness in my bladder increase, I cross my legs in an attempt to not wet myself while waiting.

Just as I am about to knock again and throw some curse words his way, the door to my room opens. Taking a few steps back to allow Phoenix enough room to enter, I quickly realize he’s not exactly happy to be here. I’ve woken him from his slumber. He’s the big, hibernating bear who has emerged early from his cave.

God, the man truly is huge. And I’m smaller in size, most likely thanks to childhood malnutrition stunting my growth. Before his anger, I found our size difference comforting. His mass made me feel safe. But now, he’s intimidating.

Phoenix takes two large steps into the room and stands before me. Dark hair, stormy eyes, and dominance. Phoenix doesn’t have to say a single word to make me understand that he is not a man to be messed with right now. Power, mystery, and alpha power pulsates from his body at the same rhythm as my heartbeat. His firm jaw that clenches while he examines me from head to toe draws my attention away from his hypnotizing glare.

“It’s late. Why aren’t you sleeping?” he asks.

“I… uh… may I please use the restroom?”

He remains silent, stony, and cold.

Swallowing back the large lump in the back of my throat, I say, “I need to use the bathroom badly.”

He nods and leaves the room. Once past the threshold, he looks over his shoulder to where I still stand frozen. “Follow me.” His deep voice is firm, direct, and so silky smooth.

I will my body to follow the man, even though warning bells are going off that he is not to be trusted, no matter what. His energy is off. I’m not getting the calm Phoenix. I’m getting the cold, distant Phoenix. He’s a flame that seems to be growing, and I sense it. There could always be something up his sleeve, and I remember what he did to me the last time I entered the bathroom. But again, my bladder doesn’t give me much of a choice.

Phoenix leads me to the restroom, opens the door, and steps inside. I follow him in then turn, expecting him to exit and wait outside the door.

When he remains in place, I ask, “Can you leave?”

“No.”

The idea of relieving myself in front of this man infuriates me. “I don’t need you to watch over me.” I glance at the small room that has the toilet and think about just going inside and shutting the door, but something also tells me to not attempt doing anything without his direction.

“Please. I’ll be quick.”

“Go,” he snaps, which only makes me angry. I am a fucking human being who deserves an ounce of decency and privacy to relieve myself. Grant me fucking bathroom privileges, for Christ’s sake!

“Are you enjoying this? It’s sick,” I declare. “I’m not going to go piss in front of you.”

His expression hasn’t changed since the moment he came for me, but his eyes darken at my refusal.

“Go now.” This time his voice stabs into my soul. I am not going to win this battle, but I still am not going to go pee in front of him.

“All I ask is that you leave the room. I would like a little privacy. Take away a comfort item if you have to in exchange for allowing me this brief time alone. Please.”

“Either go now, or I’ll take you back to your room. You can sit in your own filth for all I care. I don’t care where you go.”

He is lucky I don’t have a knife in my hand. I’d kill him right here and now.

“Fine,” I say. “If you don’t care where I go,” I add as I squat right in front of him. “I’ll piss right here, thank you very much.” I empty my bladder in the middle of the room, staring directly into his eyes as I allow every ounce of liquid to release from my body. It isn’t like I have much of my dignity left to lose anyway.

Phoenix remains emotionless. He doesn’t say a single word or do a thing. His lack of anger is far worse than any wrath he could inflict. My knees wobble as I remain in my squat, and I just hope I won’t fall. He scares me. There is no doubt about that, and yet here I am. The fool pissing on the floor mere inches from my captor’s shoes.

He doesn’t move. He doesn’t speak. If I don’t know better, I would say he isn’t even breathing. My actions have no effect on him, and I instantly regret it. My childish act empowers him. I am now the woman squatting in front of a man with piss dripping out of me. Humiliation for me, honor for him. Without doing a single thing, Phoenix wins this battle. Damn him.

As I rise and try to control my anger, Phoenix raises one eyebrow and asks nonchalantly, “Are you done?”

“I am a fucking human being. Not a fucking slave. Remember that.” Clenching my teeth, I straighten my shoulders and try to muster as much pride as I can. I glide past him, leading myself back to my room. His footsteps follow behind me and can almost feel his smugness burning against the back of my head.

When I approach the door, Phoenix takes hold of my upper arm. It doesn’t hurt, but his grasp is tight. He leads me into the room and forces me to sit on the wool blanket by pushing me down. He kneels down and reaches into his pants pocket, pulling out a pair of handcuffs.

“I don’t want you to put those on me,” I say as panic begins to set in. I’m not sure what his plan is, but I can see how pissed off I made him now. Seeing the handcuffs throws me back into my twisted reality.

I am a captive. Not a guest. No rights, no options, nothing.

He doesn’t reply but instead grabs my wrists in front of my body, clasps the metal rings securely around them, and locks them with a small key. The cuffs are tight enough that when I move even slightly, they pinch. I can feel my flesh connect with the cool restraint, but considering how tight they are, how long will it be until I lose all feeling?

It doesn’t take me long to recognize a metal butt plug when he pulls it from his pocket. Placing it at my lips, Phoenix says, “You’ll discover soon enough that I have little patience for bratty tactics. I don’t find bratting sexy at all, and I will put an end to it quickly. Open your mouth.”

A butt plug? Is this my punishment for pissing in front of him? He has warned me to behave… repeatedly.

Not giving me the chance to comply, Phoenix pushes the metal past my lips and moves it in and out of my mouth, rubbing it along my tongue with each pass. “I’d advise you to get it nice and wet, because that’s the only lube you’re getting.”

He doesn’t allow it to be in my mouth long enough for me to do as he orders, instead he pushes me onto my stomach. The movement is awkward thanks to the handcuffs, so lying there is far from comfortable as my body is contorted. He only makes it worse when he spreads my legs wide and pushes the butt plug inside me without any warning. The biting pop has me crying out in surprise more than pain.

I try to wiggle and push the invading implant out of me, to no avail. “Please. It stings. It’s too big. It’s stretching me.”

“Yes, that’s the point.” He stands up, not caring in the slightest that I am growing more distressed by the second.

“Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorrier than you can know.” I take a deep breath as I turn around and kneel before him. “The cuffs are too tight.” I extend my wrists to him so he can see for himself and hopefully have mercy.

“Enough with the pleading,” he says. Without another word, he opens the door and exits, leaving me alone in my prison.

Hysteria sets in. There is no way I will be able to endure what this man has in store for me. I am a strong woman, but no one is this strong. I look up at the camera in the corner hoping he’s watching.

“I’m scared! Terrified. Please. There has to be a way that you’ll let me go. Please.”

I can’t do this. I can’t do this!

Every time I move, the handcuffs seem to tighten. The rough edges are rubbing my skin raw as I push and pull in the hope that I can somehow move them up or down my arm like a loose bracelet.

Kneeling as I am, the butt plug seems to be stretching me so wide, I worry I will tear. The weight of the metal sits heavy inside of me. How long will I have to wear it? Will Phoenix ever take it out? I can’t with my wrists in the handcuffs. There is nothing I can do.

I get up and walk to the full-length mirror to find out if I can see the plug in my ass. When I see my reflection in the mirror, the pink skin of my ass from the earlier discipline makes my horrid plight even more of a reality. Staring back at me is nothing but a woman who is at the mercy of a Godwin—the most ruthless and feared men in the world.

I run over to the door and pound my cuffed fists against the wood while screaming into it. “Don’t leave me in here like this! Everything is too tight, too big. Too painful. I’m panicking. I thought I could do this. That I could be the compliant captive and pay my penance. But I can’t. I can’t. Do you hear me? Come back in here!” I bang my hands on the door as hard as I can over and over.

Complete silence.

I twist my head to look back at the camera. He has to be watching. “Please! Phoenix! Phoenix! I swear to you that I’ll be good. I’ll be good and never give you an issue again. Just please allow me out of this room. Take the cuffs off and the plug out. Let me earn it! Let me earn it as a comfort item. Please.”

Complete silence.

“Spank me! Punish me any other way. Please.”

My sobbing only amplifies the silence.

My mind teeters on a dangerous cliff of sanity. I will fucking have a nervous breakdown right in this damn room if he doesn’t come and help me. I can’t be alone.

“Don’t leave me alone!”

Collapsing to the floor, I sit on my outer thigh so the butt plug won’t have any pressure on it and allow the tears to fall. I glance back at the camera and plead with my eyes.

Why do I bother?

He doesn’t care. In his eyes, I deserve this.

And maybe I do. I wasn’t some naive girl who didn’t know what I was getting myself into when Daphne had me wait in the car while Apollo handled Mark. I knew. I knew a murder was being committed. I might as well have killed the man myself.

And now I am paying the price for it.