19. Matt

I'm not prepared for the rush of carnal need that crashes over me when Zak shoves me onto his couch and climbs on top of me. He dips his head, capturing my lips in a kiss so deep, so desperate, and so intense, I could come from the fucking rapture alone.

His mouth brutalizes me, devouring my moans, infusing me with heat to the point where I think I might spontaneously combust right here. Sparks shoot straight to my groin, my cock aching to explode out of my pants. I run my hands down the sides of his torso, digging my fingers into his hips as he grinds his cock against mine.

I yelp when he tugs my hair, pulling it hard so he can lick a path down the side of my neck. He pulls at the collar of my t-shirt, yanking it down before capturing my nipple in his teeth. He nips, suckles, and torments me more and more with every passing second. Fuck, I need this so badly. It's like he's transformed into a vicious beast, unleashing all his latent anger on me with his rough touch and brutal kisses. Tingles explode over my skin where he bites and sucks his way through the bottled-up rage.

I can only hope there's an endless supply of it because this is the only thing on Earth that can bring me peace, and I can't be without it anymore.

Zak pulls away only to yank my t-shirt over my head. He tosses it to the floor and lowers his head to trace the outline of my tattoos with his demanding tongue. I shift against him, craving the friction it creates between us. My breaths are sharp and shallow because I don't have enough time to suck down oxygen before he crushes his mouth against me again.

And shockingly, that's when I realize the only time I can breathe freely is when his hot and hungry tongue is in my mouth, coiling with mine. It's like every nerve and cell are flipped on like light switches, bright, alive, and glowing. Every kiss, every look, every touch is like a resurrection of the man I was when we were together.

I felt safe, accepted, and loved. But it wasn't enough to stifle the fear that lurked in the dark corners of my mind, the fear that drove me to do things I still regret to this day.

After his injury and departure from the team, I died a little inside. My heart, my soul. Blackened with shame and guilt and loss. Football wasn't enough to heal me.

Only Zak could do that.

Except I cut him loose to save myself, shattering both of our hearts in the process.

"Make me feel everything you feel," I rasp, grabbing him by the sides of his face.

His dark eyes glow with intent, and he back away from me, rising up from the couch while I lay there panting like I've just run suicides. He lowers himself to his knees, leans forward to loop his fingers into my sweatpants and boxer briefs, and pulls them to my ankles. Then he runs his hands up and down my tense quads, kneading the muscles. His eyes glitter with deviance and desire as he takes my cock into his mouth.

A loud gasp escapes me when he leans down to take me deep into his throat. He doesn't start slow, and there's nothing gentle about his technique. He exudes power and control, holding each over me like a whip.

Whip…

Shit, I wonder if he's got any of those things here.

I press the top of his head down, forcing him to bob hard on my cock. Every time he deep throats me, I thrust against his mouth. Fuck, it's so hot and wet. White noise fills my ears, lust floods my veins. My balls scream for release, blood racing to my cock.

I'm close. So fucking close. Just a few more seconds and?—

Zak sits back on his heels, my cock slipping from his mouth with a loud pop.

An evil smirk lifts his lips.

"You fucking cocksucker."

"No. I'm an amazing cocksucker."

My heart thunders so hard, I can barely hear my words over the fierce pounding. "That's your revenge plan? Edge play?"

"I didn't think of it before, but it's pretty damn satisfying." His grin widens. "For me."

"You're an evil bastard. I fucking hate you."

"Good. That's what I want you to feel." Zak's eyebrows knit together as he rises to his feet. "Exactly what you asked for."

Goddammit. Blue balls suck. Frustration bubbles in my gut. I grab my cock and stroke it, never moving my eyes from his face. Then I lick the fingers of my free hand, a matching smile lifting my own lips.

Fuck him if he thinks he's the only one who can play.

I rim my asshole and press two fingers into the tight ring of muscle. It feels good, but I'm more interested in what it's doing to Zak. He stares at me, his jaw tense. Then, his hand drops to his shorts. He reaches into the waistband and grabs his own cock, tugging it out so I can see.

My mouth waters at the sight of it. I alternate between riding my fingers and my hand. I clench tight, still feeling the burn of his cock tearing into me like a savage in the stairwell. I love the feeling of his thick cock stretching me, driving into me like a man possessed, like it's the only thing that can unravel him.

He tries so hard to hold on to his control, but when he fucks me long, hard, and deep, he loses it completely.

And I fucking love it.

That's my power over him.

"What are you doing?" he growls, glaring at me as I writhe against my fingers.

I moan for effect, shifting so he can see me work my asshole. "I need to come, and you couldn't get the job done. So, I'm gonna do it myself, and you're gonna watch me do what you didn't."

His eyes are wild and brimming with fury. "You wanted to feel pain. I gave you what you wanted."

I add a third finger, still working my dick. "Sounds like an excuse to me. Why don't you just admit that maybe you're not that great at sucking cock?"

"I'm a fucking master." His lips pull into a tight line. "And you know it."

I yelp, my ass working hard against my hand. My fingers drive faster. Tingles assault the head of my cock. "Well, master," I grunt. "I'm about to make myself come right here on your couch because you couldn't make it happen."

A feral expression settles into his face. He kicks off his shorts and lunges for me, his hand flying up to my neck. With a squeeze, he hisses, "You don't come until I say so."

Goosebumps shoot up all over my prickled skin. I try to choke out a response but he's gripping me too hard. For a second, dizziness assaults my mind, and fuck me if his whole possessive alpha sadist alter ego doesn't make this whole scene hotter.

"Can you even make me come?" I taunt, choking out the words because his grip is just that tight.

"You know I can. Better than anyone ever could or will."

He's right. Nobody can make me feel the things he can. Part of me never let another man in because deep down, I knew Zak took a piece of me that I couldn't get back. He brought me to life, and when he was gone, that life was snuffed out like a candle on a birthday cake.

"Prove it. Show me now."

My body is so close to erupting into carnal flames here on his couch. I'm desperate for release, to feel him pressed against me, into me, connected to the point where there are no beginnings or endings… where we're fused together, one in body, heart, and soul.

I let go of my cock and tug his shorts down to his ankles. Zak takes his hand away from my neck and leans into me again. He grabs both of our dicks in his hand, stroking them, slicking the precum down the sides as his dark eyes sear into me. That look takes away my breath even more so than his hand did when it was around my throat.

We thrust against each other, my fingers still fucking my ass. With a grunt, he pushes them aside and takes over, crooking them as he delves inside of me. Immediately, all my nerve endings fire at his command. He knows just how to touch me, just how to make me come undone with his masterful fingers.

Not that I'd ever admit that to him.

I want to see him work for it.

I want to feel him work for it.

"Kiss me," I rasp, grinding my hips against him as sparks ignite in my groin.

He envelops my lips, silencing the cry knotted in my throat before it can escape. His fingers peg me relentlessly, my arms and legs morphing into Jell-O as all the blood shoots straight to my cock.

"Is that all you want?" he mutters against my lips. "For me to kiss you?"

"Fuck, no." I tug his head back the slightest bit so I can dig my teeth into his shoulder. "I need you inside of me. I want to feel your cock deep in my ass."

I clamp down hard on his flesh, and he sucks in a sharp breath, his hands working my cock and my ass harder in response. When I pull away, I see the bruise already starting to form.

My marking.

My claim.

"Bedroom," he growls. "Now."

We barely make it into the room, our arms and legs entwined, tangled tighter with every stumbling step we take down the hallway. His beard scrapes against my skin, his lips glued to my neck, my ear, my mouth. I run my hands down his back, his muscles rippling under my touch, his skin so smooth against my palms.

I grasp onto his lower lip with my teeth as he backs me onto his bed. I fall onto the plush mattress, sinking into the middle of it, swallowing his moans as he collapses on top of me. The tip of his cock teases my asshole, precum slicking the rim.

"Beg me for my cock." His eyes gaze down at me.

Flecks of gold glimmer in the depths, the chocolate brown pools overflowing with raw emotions I've never seen before.

Emotions he's never let me see before.

My heart clenches.

What changed? And why?

A dying ember of hope ignites.

Maybe I didn't fuck this up completely. Maybe there is still a chance for us…

Oh fuck. A chance for what?

Disappointment? Betrayal?

More secrets? More lies?

My gut plummets. My brain is completely fogged with sex and lust, need and hunger. Right now, in this moment, there's no room for sensibilities or rational thought.

He slides against me, jerking my dick as he thrusts hard into my ass.

I gasp, the familiar and delicious burn engulfing me. Each thrust brings him deeper, connecting us on a level I'd only fantasized about reaching again. I stare up at him, his dark eyebrows knitted together as he studies me right back, like he's memorizing every inch of my face from the scruff of my five o'clock shadow up to the scar over my right eye and back down to the shape of my mouth.

His eyes drink me in like a man in the desert wandering around for hours who finally finds water.

"Kiss me," I croak out, bringing his face close to mine. Leaning toward him, I capture his lips with my own, deepening the kiss, wanting to be one with him on every level, in every possible way.

And even though I came here believing we'd never have tomorrow, that our time had passed, right now I find myself clinging to what's happening between us. What happened in that stairwell was nothing compared to this. That was purely carnal. Just fucking.

I figured this would be the same.

It's not.

My heart leaps into my throat.

It's everything I never expected it to be.

Everything I wish it wasn't.

Zak drives into me. I cry out when his cock finds my prostate. He hits it over and over again until the pleasure is so intense, so all-consuming, that I give in to an orgasm that damn near throttles me. Ropes of cum spurt over Zak's chest. His hips roll against mine, his cock sliding in and out of my ass faster and faster until a low groan erupts from his chest. He spasms, tremors quaking his body as he fills me.

He collapses on top of me, our skin soaked with sweat and sticky with cum. His breath heats my neck, tiny tingles dancing over my skin where he lies against me. I drape an arm over him to hold him close, and for a second, he stills, his breathing even after a few minutes.

But just as I'm about to drift off into a blissful, post-coital nap, he jerks from me and turns away. Startled, I raise myself up onto my elbows in time to watch him head into his bathroom. He doesn't even look back at me.

I don't get it.

That was the hottest sex we've ever had. Otherworldly hot.

A realization jolts me.

Hot as fuck because it was us.

He had to feel it, too.

How can he just ignore what just happened between us?

"What the hell? That's it?"

When he turns, I have my answer.

Whatever walls may have crumbled in those fleeting minutes we were together are back up in force. He glares at me with a renewed hardness in his eyes.

"That's it."

A shiver slips down my back at the iciness in his tone.

"How can you…that was cra…" I grab the sides of my head, trying to process the fact that Zak can just shut off any reaction to what just happened between us. "You're just gonna turn your back on that?"

"You've taken everything from me, Matt. I have nothing left for you."

He twists away and slams the door behind him.

A second later, I hear the shower spray. The finality hits me like a lead brick to the chest.

I guess that's my cue to leave.

Or just a fucking harsh reminder that the pieces of me I gave up will never be returned.