11. Bulldog

Chapter 11

Bulldog

I ’m glad that I second-guessed myself. I swore I was going to walk away, but only a few hours later, I’ve already convinced myself to go see her.

She’s holding me, and I know I’m getting her wet. I definitely wasn’t thinking because I drove over here on my bike with dark clouds in the sky. I knew it was going to rain, but I didn’t care.

She pulls from my arms and is no sooner gone than she’s coming back to me, holding out a towel. She wraps it around me, but I reach for her again, wanting her in my arms.

She puts her chin on my chest and looks up at me. “I’m so sorry for how I acted, but you have to know that I’m not embarrassed of you. All of that was about me.”

I loosen my hold on her because even though I’ve never been the brunt of the “it’s not you, it’s me” breakup, this is how I imagined it would start.

She pulls me over to the dining room chair and starts pulling off my boots. She gets one off and then looks at me. “I’m embarrassed by how old I am and how selfish I am that I want you when you’re so young and you have your whole life still ahead of you.”

She yanks on the other shoe and when she drops it, I pull her to my lap. I hate that she’s so hung up on our difference in age. “I couldn’t be more proud to have you on my arm. I didn’t last one day trying to stay away from you, and I don’t think I can. I know I don’t want to.”

Something between a laugh and a sob escapes her throat, and she’s pulling me in for a kiss. I know we have so much to talk about, but I can’t dismiss her. I can’t pull away from her.

We kiss and get lost in each other until I hear footsteps coming down the hall and pull away from her. It’s completely obvious what we were doing, but other than the pink in her cheeks, Kate doesn’t try to hide it.

Emma comes around the corner and I smile at her. “Hey, Emma.”

She doesn’t even look surprised to see me. But she does roll her eyes. “Thank goodness. I haven’t seen Mom so upset, well, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her that upset before.”

Kate gets embarrassed and tries to hide her face from me, but I stop her by tipping her chin up to look at me. “I don’t want you upset. Ever.”

She pulls herself from my arms. “I’m not. Now.”

The doorbell rings again and Emma announces, “Chinese.”

Kate

I go to the door and swap cash for the bags of food. Bull, Emma, and I sit down, and I spoon out a little bit of everything on everyone’s plate.

I watch as Bull and Emma talk, and once she finds out he was in the army, she asks him a gazillion questions. I wait for him to get fed up with all of them, but he doesn’t. And I notice that he talks to her like he would anyone else, instead of like he’s talking to a child, which seems to go a long way with Emma.

“So, how’d you go from being in the army to being a bouncer at a bar?”

“Emma!” I say, alarmed that she’s asked him such a thing.

But he just laughs. “It’s a legitimate question. It’s okay.”

But still, I tell him, “You don’t have to answer that.”

“No, I can. It’s fine. I saw so much when I was in the army. I lost a lot of good friends, my fiancée left me while I was over there…”

Emma and I both gasp, and he looks at me apologetically, like he should have already told me that, but I shrug my shoulders. “How could she do that?”

He takes a drink of water and sets the glass down. “It’s fine. Some people aren’t cut out for a life of waiting. It’s good. It all worked out. But when I got out of the army, I had trouble adjusting. That’s when Saint and Ranger and the rest of the guys sort of brought me in and made me part of the family. I’ve been the bouncer since I got home, but I’m trained in defense and security detail.”

Emma takes it all in, and I’m proud of the way she listens and asks intelligent questions. She’s growing up too fast.

And then she turns to me. “So I graduate soon.” And here it is, she wants something.

“Graduate?” Bull asks.

I shake my head, because I can tell he’s confused. “She’s graduating eighth grade.”

“Ooooh!” Emma claps her hands together and bounces in her seat. “You have to come to my graduation.”

He doesn’t even have to think about it. He nods his head. “Yeah, sure, if it’s okay with your mom. I’ll be there.”

I shake my head at my daughter and then look at Bull. “It’s almost two months away. You don’t have to commit to going.”

He smiles and reaches for my hand. “I’ll be there. Just tell me when and where.”

Emma goes into the spiel of when and where the graduation is. I notice that Bull takes his phone out and puts the details in his calendar and then sends a text.

“It’s all set. I’ve requested the night off and I have it in my calendar. I’ll be there. So what do you want for your graduation?”

Emma starts to speak, looks at me, and then back to Bull. She recites exactly what we’ve rehearsed. “You don’t need to bring a gift. I’ll just be happy if you are there.”

Bull smirks, because it’s obvious that Emma has rehearsed the line. He laughs. “Okay, maybe money then. That way you can get what you want.”

“Yes!” Emma pumps her arms, but instead of admonishing her, I let her run off back to her bedroom.

As soon as she’s out of earshot, I tell him, “You know you can’t make promises that you don’t plan to keep. Plus, it’s two months away.”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I’ll be there.”

I know I look at him doubtfully, but it doesn’t stop him from pulling me into his lap. “So, let’s talk.”

I can’t help it, I tense up. He nuzzles my neck, and the stubble rubs along my jawline. “About what?” I ask him.

I can feel his smile against my chin. “Well, I was thinking that since your daughter’s in the other room, and we really can’t do anything, I could at least sit here, hold you, and tell you everything I would like to be doing to you.”

Then I soften in his arms. This I can handle.

He whispers against my skin, reminding me in words what it was like for him to be inside me and how much he wants to be there again. He goes on and on, telling me everything he feels being with me, beside me, and in me. And well, I thought I could handle it, but I literally melt against him, breathing hard and wanting him more than I’ve ever wanted anything before in my life.