Chapter 23

D uring dinner, half of those in attendance were thoughtful and tense, and the other half were careless and talkative. Lord Matlock struggled to behave in his usual way, but, now she was aware of it, Elizabeth noticed his hidden pain. She wondered whether he would confess the tormenting truth to his sons — and when. Christmas was in two days' time, then Boxing Day, then the theatre, then the New Year. The viscount's wife was expecting. How would the revelation of such a secret affect their family?

Elizabeth's turmoil, whilst it could not compare to the earl's, was significant — the encounter with Lady Catherine, then Lord Matlock's narration, then Mr Darcy's proposal. And there were no doubts remaining that he was speaking in earnest. Was it possible for a single day to be so heart-warming and so heart-wrenching at the same time?

Unlike on previous occasions, dinner was over quickly. Mr Bennet declared he was tired and wished to rest; he went directly to his room, refusing another drink. When everybody withdrew to their chambers, and while her sisters prepared for the night, Elizabeth felt restless and worried. She went to her father's door, and only on the third knock did she hear his voice.

"Papa, may I come in?"

"Of course. What is it, Lizzy? I hope nothing else has happened."

"I wished to speak to you for a moment. How are you feeling?"

"Quite well. Why would you ask?"

"Papa, you may joke if you want, but now I know how much torment and what a heavy burden you have carried all these years. A lifetime. I can hardly imagine how difficult it must have been. To be torn between loyalty to your friend and to the woman he loved must have been a torture."

Mr Bennet took her hand in his. "My torture meant little compared to theirs."

"Yes, Papa, but you were blameless. I am grieving for Miss Julia, but Lord Matlock made his choices without thought to the consequences. Or even worse, willingly dismissed them. He had two families and hurt both, and he condemned himself to a life of misery."

"Please do not judge him and do not reprimand him, Lizzy. I know it is hard, but it would pain me to know you despised him. How can you be sure what you would have done in his place? To marry for convenience, then fall in love… How can one escape from the misery and misfortune that brings?"

"Dear Papa, I do judge him, but I certainly do not despise him! I am as fond of him as of my own family — and such feelings do not easily disappear. I am more concerned that you have suffered on his behalf. As for your question — I cannot answer it. When one is in love, one may act in ways they never thought possible."

"Sadly, or fortunately, I have never been so deeply in love, and I am old enough to presume it will never happen. What about you, Lizzy?"

Mr Bennet's eyebrow arched quizzically, and Elizabeth recognised her father's expression. She smiled and kissed his cheek. "I believe I am, Papa. I am quite sure I am."

"Really? Such a direct answer? Should I expect more news? Soon?"

"You should, Papa. I am not sure when — just be prepared."

"So, should I assume that it is not a tragedy if one calls one tolerable?"

"It is not a tragedy, Papa, but there are better ways to make a good first impression."

With a little laugh, she kissed her father again and left.

∞∞∞

Darcy could not remember when he had last felt as exhausted as on that particular night. The day had begun so pleasantly, with a visit to his club, then his return home to find Elizabeth visiting Georgiana. And then the storm had erupted with the appearance of Lady Catherine, who was as successful as ever in ruining everyone's mood.

She had never been on affectionate terms with Lord Matlock. They were both too obstinate and rarely admitted their own errors — Darcy recollected their quarrels from when he was a child. Lady Catherine's resentment had increased when Sir Lewis named Lord Matlock as Anne's guardian, along with his father, George Darcy. It was the earl who had explained to Anne that she was the heiress of the de Bourgh fortune and properties and had the liberty to do as she pleased. Anne did nothing about it, but Lady Catherine resented her brother even more.

He had never seen his aunt so violent before; he expected her to be enraged at the news of his engagement to Elizabeth but not to act with such desperate rage before he had even proposed. Her hate of the Bennets made her irrational — more so than ever. It was strange that when her clergyman had first spoken to her about his cousins, she had arrogantly assumed they were different Bennets. That Mr Collins — stupid, a hypocrite, and a slanderer — certainly needed to learn his lesson.

He blamed himself for not defending Elizabeth better; he felt he had not done enough to protect her from his aunt's fury. However, Elizabeth had shown her inner strength in defending herself and had seemed to not need anyone's help. He smiled as he recollected her statement about his aunt shadowing the traits of his character. His boldness in actually proposing to her in front of his aunt was pure madness, and he somehow regretted doing it. He only hoped Elizabeth was not upset and that he had not ruined his chances of a positive answer.

When he recollected Lord Matlock's confession, Darcy could hardly bear the pain and the disappointment. He had grown up with his uncle being almost as close to him as a father. The earl's duplicity was as hurtful as his turmoil must have been all these years. Darcy's thoughts turned to his cousins, especially Richard, who had been his best friend his whole life. The feeling that he had been told such an important secret that was still concealed from Richard was distressing. On further reflection, Darcy understood the depth of Mr Bennet's loyalty and what a difficult position he had assumed for more than thirty years.

While he utterly and completely disapproved of his uncle's actions, Darcy accepted that it was a habit among gentlemen of the ton to keep mistresses. Even Sir Lewis de Bourgh had had several, whom even Lady Catherine was aware of but chose to overlook. His aunt had the ability to twist reality to suit herself.

It was not unusual even for the ladies of the ton to have a particular friend whom they visited occasionally. It was simply the way of the world. It was what Lady Catherine suggested he do after marrying Anne.

His affection for Lord Matlock, and his own feelings, affected Darcy's judgment. For a moment, he imagined what would have happened had he married his cousin Anne — with whom he certainly had a cordial relationship — and then met Elizabeth and fallen in love with her, as he had! What would he have done? Of course, Elizabeth would have never accepted an illicit relationship, and he would likely never have dared suggest it to her. But he would have probably desired it! Since he had met Elizabeth, his rationality had certainly been affected.

Hours passed before Darcy fell asleep, and he woke up in the morning to the first sound of carriages outside. It was too early for breakfast, so he requested some coffee and returned to his reflections. He wondered about Lady Catherine's whereabouts and decided to send a servant to her house.

He was just finishing his coffee when his valet brought him a surprising note from Mr Bennet.

Mr Darcy,

After careful reflection throughout the night, I have decided that we shall return to Longbourn sooner than we planned. I am sure you will agree that Lord Matlock needs peace in order to thoroughly consider some future decisions of great importance. He surely cannot do it with all of us here, and he has accepted as much.

We shall stay until after Boxing Day and return to Hertfordshire on December 27th. I am sorry not to be able to enjoy your generous offer of your box at the theatre. I hope to have the opportunity in the future.

I hope we shall see you and Miss Darcy more in these remaining days; your company has been a pleasure and a privilege to us.

Best regards,

T Bennet.

The news took him by surprise, but it was quite logical. However, it panicked him as he had less time to speak to Elizabeth than he had estimated. The thought of being separated from her felt like a grasping claw in his chest.

While he struggled to control his anxiety, he took a piece of paper and wrote,

Mr Bennet,

Your decision saddens me, but I must agree with it. I assure you of my regard and consideration for everything you have done for my uncle.

I am sorry to not be able to enjoy a night at the theatre with your family, as I am sorry for not having a chance to have you all as my guests.

However, I trust this will happen very soon. I look forward to sharing my library with you and fishing together at Pemberley, hopefully next summer.

I apologise for my boldness, but I must ask you for a favour. With your approval, I would like a few minutes for a private conversation with Miss Elizabeth before you leave. If you approve of it, please ask Miss Elizabeth if and when she would be able to talk to me.

F Darcy

He asked for the note to be delivered immediately, and then he waited.

Before breakfast, the reply arrived.

Mr Darcy,

I have no objection to your talking to anyone in my family. Indeed, you are the kind of man to whom I would not refuse anything.

Elizabeth is quite eager to speak to you too, and after consulting our plans for the coming days, I have a suggestion.

Since I would be sorry to depart without even seeing your library, I propose I come with Elizabeth for a short visit this morning. This would serve your purpose for a private conversation, as well as mine to see something I have long wished to.

The few words brought Darcy an overwhelming joy. There could be no doubt Elizabeth was well aware of the reason for his request, and Mr Bennet supported it.

With his fingers trembling from emotion, he wrote back.

Mr Bennet,

I am grateful for your suggestion, which I find perfectly suits me.

With the anticipation of a young boy and his heart racing, he sent the last note, knowing it could be the key to opening the door to his felicity.

Not without emotion, Darcy shared his plan to propose with his sister. He had no doubt of Georgiana's approval, and it came with joy and a warm embrace. His appetite was scarce, unlike his eagerness, and when his most awaited guests were announced, he worried about his lack of composure.

He looked at Elizabeth, who tried to smile but was probably as nervous as he. Mr Bennet, however, seemed comfortable enough.

"Mr Darcy, you have a beautiful house, sir. I believe I should compliment it on behalf of Mrs Bennet, who is not here," the gentleman jested.

"Thank you, sir. And thank you both for coming. I hope it was not inconvenient."

"Not at all," Elizabeth whispered.

Darcy had so much to say, but the words seemed difficult to find.

"Brother," Georgiana interjected, "may I take Mr Bennet for a tour of the house? I know Miss Elizabeth has already seen it. And we shall be in the library if you need us."

His face brightened with gratitude. "Of course. What a wonderful idea."

"My dear Miss Darcy, you are such a wise young lady," Mr Bennet added. "I shall be delighted with your company, and I shall try not to bore you too much."

The two of them left, and Darcy found himself alone with Elizabeth in the drawing room. She was flushed, her hands clasped in her lap. He took a few steps, then sat on a chair close to her.