Chapter 22

T o her own astonishment, Elizabeth slept for a while. When she awoke, it was fully dark outside. She hastily prepared herself for dinner, wondering what else had happened in the intervening hours. She was about to leave her chamber when Jane opened the door.

"Lizzy, Papa wishes you to go to the library."

"Thank you. I shall."

"Please be warned that Lord Matlock is there, as well as Mr Darcy."

"Oh…"

"Yes. Colonel Fitzwilliam, however, is in the drawing room with us. I cannot imagine why the earl did not allow his son to join them."

Elizabeth suspected the reason but said nothing. However, at the library door, she took a moment to breathe before she knocked, her hand trembling.

"Miss Elizabeth! Please come in," the earl invited her. Her father was seated on a chair, looking preoccupied, grave, as she could not remember seeing him before. The earl was pacing the room. Mr Darcy was sitting on a sofa, gazing at her. She chose another chair, sat, and waited.

"This is certainly one of the most difficult moments I have faced in my life," Lord Matlock said. "And many others, probably more difficult, will follow, as what I am about to tell you now, I must tell my sons too. It is a revelation that might break my family apart and cause much turmoil to innocent people."

He paused and looked at his audience. "I would probably not have revealed this secret if my lunatic sister had not spoken in anger. Since you were in the midst of it unwillingly, I think it is fair that you know the truth."

"Uncle, to me, no secret matters," Mr Darcy said. "Please do not feel the need to reveal something against your will because of Lady Catherine's ridiculous behaviour."

"I agree with Mr Darcy," Elizabeth whispered.

"I would still beg you to listen. I have already spoken to Thomas and prepared myself to take these steps. Fortunately for you two, the revelation has little significance, except that it might change your opinion of me — and rightfully so. It will show my true character in a light that you may despise. But you are free to distance yourself from me if you choose to."

"I am sure that will not be the case," Elizabeth said, and Mr Darcy nodded.

"Let me begin. I shall try to be short, without unnecessary drama. The facts are more than thirty-five years old. As you know, I went to Cambridge rather late, at the age of twenty-three or so. I was already married to a lovely woman — the daughter of an earl. It was a marriage arranged by our families. We barely knew each other, and when we came to understand each other better, we realised we had nothing in common — as often happens in such marriages. We had a cordial relationship, as two acquaintances living together. We both fulfilled our marital duties and had two healthy, handsome sons."

Another pause followed.

"However, during my time at Cambridge, I found the love of my life. Yes, I know it might sound ridiculous, but even today I feel it is true. Julia Miller. The daughter of a librarian. She was sweet and gentle and affectionate. I could not help courting her, though I knew it was forbidden. If I had forgotten, my friend Thomas Bennet would remind me often. To no avail."

He looked at Mr Bennet, who did not say a word.

"Of course, Julia did not know I was married. I introduced myself as Henry Fitzwilliam, without any mention of the Matlock name. She knew I was from a rich family that would likely not accept me marrying her. She knew the rules better than I did. Then her father died, and she was alone, in a small cottage. I provided for her, so she had everything she needed, and a year later, when I finished my studies, I asked her to move to London. I bought her a little house, far away from mine, on a respectable street. I hired her a few servants. I needed weeks to persuade her, but the prospect of being alone and not seeing me outweighed her concern for decorum. After all, it was a situation often seen among the ton. I dare say at least one of every two gentlemen had a lady friend — if not more."

The earl's voice faded, and he stared into the fire absently.

"I took precautions. I asked my friend Thomas to make all the purchases for me, so my name appeared nowhere. The house was in her name, so she could use it as she pleased. Thomas was also the one who visited her regularly, more often than I did, and ensured she had what she needed."

"So she did not know who you were?" Mr Darcy finally asked.

"Not until our first child was born. A daughter, Beatrice. She is a year younger than Anthony. At that time, I confessed to her my true name, and I gave her a letter to recognise Beatrice as my daughter. You may imagine how upset she was with me — hurt, disappointed, betrayed. She refused to see me for months, though I went to her almost daily. She finally surrendered. True love often causes weakness of character."

"And?" Mr Darcy asked as the earl had stopped again.

"Our time in London lasted almost four years. I lived a double life, without my wife or my sisters knowing of it. I was the master of my own life, and I had the liberty to do as I pleased. The only one who knew the truth was Thomas. He never agreed with me, but he always supported me. He knew my heart, he knew my actions, he knew my reasons. And then, in the fourth year of our stay in London, our son was born. Martin is a year younger than Richard."

"You have two other children?" Mr Darcy asked in disbelief. Elizabeth was so stunned that she did not dare voice a single word. Mr Bennet was still silent.

"Yes. I also recognised him through a letter, and I gave both children fair settlements. That year, my sister Catherine was to marry Sir Lewis de Bourgh. Apparently, some acquaintances also had business in that part of the town, and they recognised me. I rarely left the house with Julia and the children. Most of the time we stayed inside. She attended the theatre and opera at times, and Thomas would accompany her. I was always careful to never be in the same place at the same time. Apparently, I was not careful enough."

"Oh dear," Elizabeth whispered.

"So one day, Thomas and I were visiting Julia. I was playing with Martin when Catherine, Anne, and George Darcy burst in. Of course, Catherine was the only one who was enraged. She confronted me, and you can imagine how she offended Julia. She threatened that if I did not end the relationship immediately, she would expose me to my wife and her family. Of course, I threw her out of the house."

The heavy silence in the room was only broken by their breathing.

"I was ready to protect Julia and the children at any cost, but she was not the same after the confrontation. In the following days, she said she could not accept the situation, which could put her children in danger. She decided to leave and put everything behind her. To put me behind her. Of course, I opposed it. I came up with all sorts of crazy ideas! I even suggested Thomas should marry her, only in name, of course, to offer her respectability, while we would keep up our arrangement. It was of course a dreadful, ludicrous idea. It was the first time Thomas and I had a terrible fight. We were on the verge of a duel."

Elizabeth gasped, looking at her father. His expression was impenetrable.

"In short, while in private Catherine continued to rail at me, she did not tell my wife. George and Anne were discreet and avoided any further involvement, but I could feel their opinion of me had changed. I had acted in the most dishonourable way, under the excuse of love. Julia, however, did not wish to continue the deception. Without informing me, she begged Thomas to help her escape her situation. In the summer, when I was at Matlock Park, in Derbyshire, she sold the house and moved away with the children. She left me a letter with Thomas. She spoke of her love and devotion but also of her decision to separate from me, in order to save me, my family, and our children. I searched for her desperately. Thomas was the only one who knew her whereabouts, but he refused to reveal it to me. I begged him, I fought with him. He split his friendship and loyalty between me and Julia. Of course, Catherine and her husband continued their case, and they confronted Thomas several times. They demanded to know where Julia was. They threatened him, and they tried to buy his disclosure. Thomas's answer was of such a nature that Catherine still hates him to this day."

"The feeling would be mutual if I did not find Lady Catherine's actions to be ridiculous," Mr Bennet finally interjected. "Is it not ironic that her most loyal servant is my cousin?"

"Papa, wait! What happened next?" Elizabeth enquired.

"Thomas was generous enough to inform me once every year that Julia and the children were well and had a comfortable life. I had no reason to worry, but my suffering never abated. For thirty years, I have not had a single day without pain. Julia wrote to me from time to time, every few years, but we never met again. She died seventeen years ago — from a weakness for which several doctors found no cause and no remedy."

"So did my mother," Darcy whispered.

"Yes. Only then did I find out she had purchased a small property near Bath. She knew I disliked Bath, and there she went. I blamed Thomas for not telling me where she was. I blamed him for respecting her wish over mine. That was the last time Thomas Bennet and I met, or spoke, until recently."

The earl stopped, filled his glass, then emptied it in several gulps. Mr Bennet handed over his own glass, and the earl filled it too.

"And the children?" Mr Darcy asked.

"They are well — could not be better. Beatrice is married to a colonel and has two sons. Martin was an army doctor. He was wounded and was honourably discharged. He has married and has a newly born daughter."

"So you have met them?" Mr Darcy enquired further.

"No. I searched for them and watched them from afar after I discovered their location. Julia did not tell them about me. They believed their father had died. She never used my letter of recognition, but I am pleased and relieved that she at least used the money to offer the children a comfortable, safe life and a good education. I did not try to speak to them. I respected her wish, at least, after it was too late."

"Dear Lord," Elizabeth whispered.

"You are the only ones who know the whole truth. Catherine knows something, but it is too little to cause any harm. Now I must decide whether I should tell Anthony and Richard. It is a decision I must take on my own and suffer the consequences."

"Yes," Mr Bennet said. "I believe you need some privacy. We shall leave you alone."

"No…not tonight. I need a little more time. Let us go to dinner now — we are certainly expected."

The earl was the first to leave, and Mr Bennet followed him. Elizabeth stood up, feeling dizzy. The story was painful and far from what she had imagined.

"Miss Bennet, may I?" Mr Darcy asked, offering her his arm. She took it, supporting herself on it, and they walked side by side, in silence, sharing the burden of a secret neither of them had wished to find out.

"Miss Bennet, too much was said today, and there is no place for more words. But I must apologise for my aunt's irrational actions. I am very sorry you had to suffer her abuse."

"I know you are sorry," she answered, looking at him. "But, as horrible as it was, in some ways I do not regret it."

They were close to the drawing room, and the voices from there were already loud.

"One more thing, if you do not mind. Please be assured that my proposal was not made in anger, nor out of revenge. It was as heartfelt as it was ill-timed and ill-placed. I shall repeat it in a more appropriate manner whenever you wish to hear it again," Mr Darcy said a moment before they joined the rest of the family.