2. Fable

Chapter 2

Fable

" Y ou should get a cat ," Jinx muses as she trails her fingers along my bookshelf. " Or maybe a plant. A plant could be nice ."

I glance over at her, at the way she doesn't stir the air. I'm not crazy. I realize she's not really here. Jinx is nothing more than a manifestation of my memories and guilt now, a side effect of knowing her so well. When she'd been alive, Jinx had been my consciousness then, too, though I'll admit, she was more often the devil than the angel on my shoulder. At first, in the hospital, I thought I was seeing a ghost, that somehow, Jinx was haunting me. Now, I know different.

I could never be so lucky as to be haunted by my best friend.

Still, though I know she's no phantom, she truly does haunt me, and I prefer this to the overbearing static the pill Dr. Julia prescribed me caused. My mind can insert Jinx into all scenarios with ease, so it does. I haven't been able to let Jinx go. I can't just forget her. I'd rather feel like a crazy person and talk to my best friend. I'd rather hear her voice rather than forget what it sounds like.

Dr. Julia would be disappointed in me if she finds out I stopped taking the pills. I'm not supposed to encourage the PTSD-induced hallucinations, not if I want to get better. Thing is, there is no getting better if Jinx isn't here. I lost a major part of me that day, and I don't even mean just my leg. I lost a piece of my heart.

"I can barely keep myself alive at the moment, let alone another living thing," I say, shaking my head. "A cat deserves someone who can be there for it. Hell, a plant deserves to be watered at the very least. You know we never had a green thumb."

" Hmmm. . . you're probably right. You have been skipping showers more than normal. Totally fine. You're killing the greasy, depressed look ," she says, grinning.

I sigh. "I'll take a shower."

" Yes. Do that! And then maybe dress in a big ballgown and go to the grocery store? You used to love that ," she says.

My throat closes, and my vision goes blurry for a moment. "It's not the same without you here," I croak, my fingers tightening in my pant leg.

Jinx's smile turns sad. " I know, Everhart. I know. But you've gotta start living again, man. You don't deserve to waste away in this hellhole, pining away for me ." She fluffs her hair jokingly, the vibrant pink of it still somehow not as pink as it had been when she was alive. " I mean, I know I'm amazing and all, but you don't deserve this. You deserve better ."

I shrug. "You were my best friend. Hell, we were roommates. What do you expect me to do?"

" Make new friends. Call the ones you had. What about Lily? You liked Lily ."

My fingers tighten further. "Lily stopped calling months ago. She just kept telling me how sorry she was. I couldn't stand it anymore."

" What about Henry? You thought he was cute before. Maybe sex will help? " she tries.

"Henry never even bothered calling after the accident," I murmur.

" That fucker! " Jinx growls. " You're right. Fuck Henry. He doesn't deserve you ."

My laptop buzzes with a notification and I glance over at it. It's an email, but I can't be bothered to check it. It's always things like hospital bills and worksheets from Dr. Julia she wants me to work through. There's no reason to check it right now.

It dings again and Jinx glances over at it. " Aren't you going to check that, Everhart? "

"It's probably spam," I murmur. "Ignore it."

My phone dings with the same notification and I glance at it. The urge to check it is strong, which is strange. I haven't felt such an urge in so long. The world has been fuzzy since the accident, more like background noise than anything else.

" I think you should check it ," Jinx declares. " Maybe it's your mom ."

"Mom stopped talking to me long before the accident," I remind her. "Remember? I cut her off and she got mad and broke my vase as she left?"

" Oh, yeah ," Jinx nods. " Well, it could still be important? "

Mom hadn't even bothered calling after the accident. The hospital had even called her while I'd been under since she was listed under my contacts as "Mom." She never answered. Despite the many voicemails they'd left her, she'd never shown up. But that's okay. I wasn't alone there. I still had Jinx.

Sighing, I pick up my phone and unlock it. The background picture of me and Jinx in our ren faire costumes appears as my background and my chest gets tight. It takes me a few long minutes to steady my breathing, so I don't have another panic attack. I've had far too many of those lately. Still, it's hard to face the very last photo Jinx and I ever took together.

" Your armor work was phenomenal ," Jinx muses as she leans over my shoulder. " Shame they had to cut it off you ."

I quickly swipe open my email app and wait for it to load. An email pops up with the subject line, "Get ready for your stay at Circle Bee Ranch," and I frown as I click it open.

"This must be a mistake," I mumble as I scroll through the message. "‘We're excited to welcome you to Circle Bee for your month-long reservation. Here's what you need to know' . . . What is the world?"

" Oh! " Jinx exclaims. " Happy Birthday! "

I blink. "It's not my birthday yet."

" But it will be by the time you're on this trip. It isn't until September ," she points out.

"I. . . don't get it. Why would I go stay at a ranch?"

Jinx throws herself on the couch. The cushions don't move. " Remember that night we got drunk and watched all those old westerns without realizing what we were watching? " I look down at the email again and notice both my name and Jinx's on the reservation. " Well, I booked us a trip for a month long stay for your birthday, because you said you wanted to be a cowgirl for a while and find us some cowboys. I would have told you before now, but. . . well, you know ."

My heart squeezes. "I'll cancel it. I can't afford something like this right now." I haven't even been able to go back to work yet. I've been dipping into my savings since the wreck and the medical bills are starting to stack up even with the insurance claim covering a lot of it.

" It's already paid for ," Jinx argues. " All inclusive, too. I wanted it to be the very best ."

My eyes well as I look down at the reservation again. September. That's only two months away. "Even dead, you think of me."

" Always, Everhart ," she smiles. " Or should I say, Cowgirl ?"

Her image fades away, leaving the couch as pristine as it had been before. I drop my phone and fall to the floor, the hardwood bruising my knees, but the pain is nothing compared to what I've endured. It's nothing at all.

The panic attack hits me so hard, all I can do to hold myself together is curl up in the fetal position on the floor. I try the counted breathing Dr. Julia recommends.

When that doesn't work, I simply lay there and cry.