21. Ziggy

Chapter twenty-one

Ziggy

I resisted getting out of bed, and then the luscious scent of Mom's blueberry muffins wafted up the stairs. I'd barely slept, with thoughts about Kade, my family, and our secret rolling back and forth in my head all night.

When I finally rolled out of bed, I glanced at myself in the mirror over my dresser. The person I saw staring back was older and more resolute than the one I'd noticed early in the summer. I decided it was the right day to come clean—time to stop hiding.

While padding downstairs in worn UMaine sweatpants and an old T-shirt, each step was another move forward into a new beginning. It was a sunny day out, and the kitchen was warm and bright. Mom was washing dishes in the sink, and I bent close to kiss her.

"Morning, sleepyhead. I started to think you might be hibernating."

I spotted the muffins on a cooling rack. "These smell fantastic." I snagged one and took a bite. "Oh, man. I bet most guys my age don't have a mom who bakes delicious stuff like this."

Mom turned around, drying her hands on a towel. "Ziggy, do you want something? The compliments are wonderful, but—"

"And they're well deserved. Is Dad around?"

She nodded. "He's out back, fiddling with an ancient lobster trap burnt in the fire. He tells me he's making art with it." She sighed softly. "And Emma's at Bridget's. She's planning to be back in a few hours."

I pulled open the fridge and poured myself a tall glass of milk. My palms were sweaty. "Mom, can we talk? You, Dad, and me? I need to tell you something."

"Oh." Her eyes opened wide. She turned around and pulled the plug on the dishwater. "Why, of course. Let me get your father, and we can talk in the living room."

Minutes later, we gathered for the discussion. Nervous energy filled my body. I sat on the edge of the couch at one end, tugging at a stray thread on my sweatpants.

Dad settled into his old armchair across from me. Black ashes and soot from the trap streaked his hands. He placed them on his knees and leaned forward.

Mom was at the opposite end of the couch from me. Somehow, she'd put her hair up in a bun for the talk. When I first came downstairs, it was falling over her shoulders.

As soon as we were all gathered, I stood. I had too much adrenaline racing through my body to remain sitting. I'd rehearsed my words in my head all night, but now, at the critical moment, they were gone. Poof! Like a cloud drifting into the sky. How was I going to tell my parents about a huge part of me they'd never met?

Dad broke the silence by using my given name. He only did that when he wanted to express the gravity of a situation. "Zachary, whatever it is, let's get on with it. You're making your mother nervous."

I stopped pacing and faced them with my hands lightly clenched at the sides. Shouldn't there be a film crew? It was a newsworthy matter, to me, at least.

"Mom, Dad, I'm gay." The words exploded out of my mouth and then hung there, just below the ceiling light fixture. "And I'm dating Kade Langston."

I watched Dad tilt his head slightly as he looked at me. Then he glanced at Mom. Neither appeared shocked or angry. That was a good thing. What were they thinking? Waiting was excruciating.

"Kade? Is that the UNH boy you brought to dinner?" Dad leaned forward, waiting for my answer.

"Yes, that's him." I rubbed my damp palms on my sweatpants and braced myself for more. When I looked at Mom, she appeared much less concerned than when I asked her about talking. Where was the anger, confusion, and rejection? I'd read so much about that in online guides to coming out.

Dad shocked me when he chuckled softly. "Well, I'll be damned. Your mother owes me twenty bucks."

"Knick!" Mom scolded him from across the room. She turned her attention back to me, her eyes shiny with tears. "Oh, Ziggy. Come here, sweetheart."

I paused. "Wait! The two of you bet on whether I was gay?"

Dad laughed again. "No, we didn't. What we bet on was whether you would come out to us before the end of the summer."

I exhaled and walked over to sit by Mom. She wrapped her arms around me, smelling of vanilla and blueberries. "You already knew I was gay?"

Mom spoke softly. "We've had our suspicions for a while now." She reached up and slowly raked her fingers through my hair like she'd done since I was a little boy. "A mother often knows things like this about her son."

I pulled back and looked from one to the other as my anxiety balloon deflated. "So, you're okay with this?"

Dad stood and crossed the room to us. He squeezed my shoulder with his beefy hand. "Son, we would never reject you for being you. My only concern has been whether it might make your life more difficult outside of this house. I'd never want that for you."

Tears welled up in the corners of my eyes. I reached up to wipe them away with my wrist. "But what about how this could impact my hockey? I don't know what my team might think. And then there's the rivalry with Kade, at least on the ice."

Dad surprised me again. "Hockey's just a game. Family and the people you love are what matters. Although, I don't know whether this means I need to cheer for the wildcats, too. That would be awkward." He winked at me.

I laughed softly. Years of worry and self-doubt had evaporated in minutes. I'd never expected such a stress-free response from my parents.

"Now, hang on for a sec. Mom said you had suspicions about this. What gave it away?"

My parents exchanged a knowing look. They'd perfected the ability to have entire conversations with just one glance.

Dad cleared his throat. "Well, son, I wouldn't pin it on only one thing, but Kade has been around a lot this summer."

"Go on." I was curious and wanted to hear the rest.

Mom rubbed my upper arm. "Well, when he wasn't around, your face would light up every time there was a reason to mention his name, even if it was a complaint."

"And you have spent a lot of time helping Rory at the rink. It nearly doubled once he brought Kade on to coach, too."

I blushed. "That was just dedication to the program."

"Admirable." Dad chuckled again. "And a few late nights sneaking out of the house. You're not as clever about that as you think. I have some ideas about what was happening then."

"Knick!" Mom scolded Dad again, but she followed it with a smile. "I noticed how you looked at each other when you assumed nobody was watching."

Dad picked up the thread again. "There was a clincher for me. It was the night of the 4th of July festival. The two of you disappeared during the fireworks. when you came back…" His voice trailed off as he smiled and raised an eyebrow.

Mom finished the thoughts. "What he's trying to say is you both had a special glow. For me, it brought back memories of how your father and I were when we first started dating."

"So, you already knew the night of the explosions.

Simultaneously, they responded, "Yes."

"Was I that obvious?" I lowered my face into my hands, and I couldn't decide whether I should be mortified or touched by my parents' interest in my life.

"We're your parents, Ziggy." Mom continued. "We were pretty sure, but we wanted you to take your time. We just hoped you weren't afraid to talk to us."

Dad nodded. "It might seem like we're set in our ways sometimes, but helping you and your sister grow into happy adults is what matters most."

"I just… I didn't know how to tell you. I worried so much about how you would react. I didn't want to disappoint you or my hometown."

Mom pulled me closer again. "Oh, sweetheart, you could never disappoint us by being you. That's part of who you are. You love who you love."

I sat up straighter. "Well, there is something else, too. What Kade and I have is going to be long-distance soon, and we're going back to our teams. I'm scared it might be too hard for us to manage."

Mom squeezed my hand. "First off, I'm so happy to hear that you're definitely going back to UMaine. Secondly, nobody ever said love is easy, but it's always worth fighting for if it's real. You might have some challenges coming up, but you and Kade will face them together. And don't forget, we're always in your corner."

We continued talking for the next couple of hours, and I was more open about my life than I'd been in years. I told them about the first kiss with Kade at the arena. Then, I shared what I knew about his struggles with his family. I also mentioned the rivalry and how scary it was to fall for someone who was supposed to be the enemy.

Suddenly, in the middle of our conversation, Emma burst through the front door. She absorbed the scene—Mom, Dad, and I huddled close—and her eyes widened.

"Did somebody die? Please tell me Aunt Mildred's okay."

I laughed. It was the perfect break in the tension we needed. "Nobody died, squirt. I just came out to Mom and Dad. I told them about being gay and about Kade."

Emma smiled. "Finally! I was about to lock you in your closet upstairs if you didn't spill it soon." She plopped down on the couch with us and wedged herself between Mom and me. "Does this mean I get to be your fashion consultant now? She pinched my sweatpants. Ziggy, your wardrobe could use some serious help."

Mom sighed. "Emma! This is a big moment for your brother."

"Oh yeah, I agree. All I'm saying is if he's going to date the prettiest forward in Hockey East, he needs to look like they go together."

I groaned. "I think I do okay."

Emma's eyes sparkled with mischief. "Speaking of gay friends, I've got to share about Jake, a gay guy in my art class. Last May, we did this big end-of-the-school-year show."

I raised an eyebrow. I didn't remember Emma ever talking about a guy named Jake, and I wondered where she was going with her story.

"Jake decided to come out at the show." She waved her hands to illustrate her story. "He created this massive installation piece – picture a giant closet door right in the middle of the gym. He covered it in all these labels society puts on people."

Mom leaned in, curious about the story. "What happened next, honey?"

Emma grinned. "So, the showcase opens, and Jake's nowhere to be found. Everyone's wondering where he is. Then, suddenly, the lights dim, and a spotlight hits the closet door. Out comes Jake, wearing the most fabulous rainbow suit you've ever seen, trailing glitter everywhere!"

Dad chuckled, shaking his head. "Sounds like quite the entrance."

"It was epic," Emma agreed. "He got a standing ovation. But the best part? His super-conservative grandma was there, and she just marched right up to him, glitter and all, and gave him the biggest hug. Turns out, she'd known for years and was just waiting for him to be ready."

It was a touching story. "Thanks for sharing, Em. It sounds like a big warm and fuzzy moment."

She nodded. "Yeah, it really was. And you know what? Jake said the hardest part wasn't the big reveal—it was working up the courage to tell his closest friends first. So, thanks for trusting us, Zig."

I reached over and ruffled her hair, earning an indignant squawk.

The story was a welcome moment of lightness after the emotional intensity over me coming out. We all sat together as a family, letting the warmth of acceptance and love settle around us like an old favorite blanket.

Mom was the first to move, her practical nature reasserting itself. "Well, I suppose those muffins won't pack themselves up. Knick, dear, could you give me a hand in the kitchen?"

Dad nodded, groaning slightly as he pushed himself up from his chair. "Sure thing. Though I warn you, my artistic vision for that lobster trap is far from finished."

"I can't wait to see how it ends up," Mom replied, her voice fond and exasperated at the same time. "Emma, didn't you say you had to come home to work on a project?"

My sister's eyes widened. "Oh shoot, yeah! A bunch of us from school are pitching in together. Some aren't back from vacations yet, but I think we've got enough people. My part of the diorama of the harbor won't build itself." She bounded up the stairs, pausing briefly to toss a wink in my direction. "Don't think this gets you out of being my model for figure drawing class, bro! We'll have to sort out the right weekend. Maybe I can get a twofer with Kade."

As my family dispersed, returning to the rhythms of everyday life—albeit with a new, beautiful understanding among us—I suddenly needed quiet.

I slipped out the back, the old screen door creaking softly behind me. Leaning against the railing, I gazed out at the harbor. Our neighbors were already starting to rebuild.

My hand found my phone in my pocket, and I knew there was one more person I needed to share this moment with. Someone who had become as essential to me as the sea was to Whistleport.

With a deep breath, I began to type a message to Kade.

"I told them. About us. About everything. They're amazing, Kade. I can't wait for you to really be part of this family."

"I love you, Ziggy Knickerbocker. More than words can say. You're the bravest person I know."

As I turned to go back inside, where the warmth of my family waited, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window. The person looking back at me was still Ziggy Knickerbocker—hockey player, poet, son of Whistleport. Only now, there was something more. He was in love with Kade Langston, and for the first time, he wanted all of the world to know.