20. Kade

Chapter twenty

Kade

I entered Dr. Fellows' office feeling both excited and a little hesitant about the future. It was my last session. Exhaling slowly, I settled into the familiar armchair.

I'd grown fond of her office's faint lavender scent and knew that I would miss it in the future. Perhaps I could use an essential oil to bring back the comforting feelings away from my sessions.

Settling into her seat across from me, Dr. Fellows pushed her tortoiseshell glasses slightly down the bridge of her nose and smiled. "Final session of the summer, Kade. Are you feeling good about that?"

Needing to buy a bit of time while I thought about my answer, I reached up and raked my fingers through my hair. It had been an intense but mostly positive summer punctuated by the disaster at the harbor.

I rubbed my cheek. "To be honest, I've got a pretty wild mix of emotions going at the moment. I know I've made a lot of progress, but so many things are still undecided."

Nodding, Dr. Fellows held her pen above a pad of paper. "Those feelings are normal. Can you tell me more about what is still uncertain?"

While I rested my elbows on my knees, I leaned forward with my chin in my hands. "I think it's mostly about what happens next. Life feels real for once here in Whistleport. I get to be myself around Ziggy and not worry about what someone might see. In a few weeks, though, I go back to UNH as the star forward of the hockey team. There's so much more to me now than in the past, but I'm not sure that's what anyone wants to see."

"So, those expectations conflict with what you've learned about yourself this summer?"

I let the question float for a few minutes while considering what to say. "I don't know that it's a direct conflict. Maybe complication is the better word. From where I sit right now, the easiest path, the route of least resistance, would be to slip back into my old patterns and be the guy who always does what others expect of him."

Dr. Fellows pushed her glasses back up her nose with one finger and leaned back. "Do you have any ideas about what could help you continue on the growth path you've discovered here in Whistleport?"

While I thought about the question, I gazed out the office window, which had a view of the fire-scarred harbor in the distance. "I suppose I need to be more honest. That means with my teammates, coaches, and perhaps my parents."

"Thinking that way shows a lot of maturity." I loved the sound of approval in her voice. "This is all a process. You can take your time with it."

A bit of the weight rose off my shoulders. "Thanks, Doc. Trying to perform perfectly on the ice introduces a lot of pressure. Sometimes, being a straight, rich kid with perfect manners is like putting on another kind of performance."

Dr. Fellows' voice was gentle, but she had a firm point to make. "Life is not a stage play. It's for real, and it's okay to struggle for answers. Sometimes, you might even stumble and have to pick yourself back up again. What matters most is that you keep growing and moving forward."

When the session wound down, Dr. Fellows left me with a last nugget of wisdom. "I want you to consider what your world would look like if you could simultaneously honor your feelings for Ziggy and your commitment to your hockey team. There's no need for them to be mutually exclusive. If you can visualize it, you can do it."

Those final words echoed inside my head as I left the office. Next, I decided to stop at Tidal Grounds. The familiar jingle of the bell and the rich aroma of delicious coffee greeted me as I stepped inside.

Silas looked up from behind the counter and called across the room. "You look a little… serious today, Kade. What will it be? Do you need a pick-me-up?"

I chuckled and sat on a stool at the counter. "Can't hide anything from you, can I, Silas? Give me something strong enough to curl my toes. It will be fuel for thought."

He nodded and reached for a clean mug. "Rumor says it was the last of a series of important meetings for you. How're you doing after that?"

It took only minutes for Silas to slide a steaming mug across the counter to me. I inhaled the scent and smiled. "I guess it's a little sad in a way. It makes me think about leaving Whistleport, and that will be hard."

As he leaned on the counter, Silas's eyes were a deeper blue than I remembered. "It does get under your skin, doesn't it? I do think it's important to remember that everything you've learned here goes with you. It doesn't get left behind."

I sipped the coffee. It was intense but flavorful, too. "There's a bit of vanilla in here, isn't there?"

Silas grinned. "You have top-notch taste buds, my man. Does it work?"

"Oh, yeah. No complaints here." I paused to let my thoughts catch up. "You know, I just hope I can hold onto all the great lessons when I plunge back into life at UNH, and everybody expects me to be the same old Kade."

"I don't think any of us need to worry. You're a stronger man than you think. And if you need any of us up here, we're all still in your corner."

I nodded, feeling gratitude for his positive words. "Is Ziggy around? He's usually on his shift by now, right?"

Silas shook his head. "That would be the usual schedule, but he asked for the night off and said he needed some space. If I were a gambler, I'd place a bet that you can find him at the arena. The rink seems to be his comfort zone."

A few minutes later, I sipped the last of my coffee and thanked Silas. I power-walked to the arena and enjoyed the familiar chill as I stepped inside.

Sure enough, Ziggy was on the ice. He was alone, gliding around with remarkable grace. I thought perhaps he should have been born to an Arctic family. He looked so natural wearing skates.

"Fancy meeting you here," I called out.

Ziggy turned, spotted me, and grinned from ear to ear. He skated toward me. "Hey, how was the session? Is Dr. Fellows sad to see you go?"

"It was a good one. Let's say it was a little bit intense but still worthwhile. Should I get my skates? I'd be happy to join you."

All it took was a slight nod. Less than five minutes later, we were both on the ice, syncing up as we skated side by side. The sound of our blades provided a soothing backdrop as we talked.

"Last session," Ziggy remarked. "That's a huge deal. Congrats."

"Yeah, and we talked a lot about what happens next. She knows all about you and how I feel about my hockey team."

Ziggy glanced at me. "Going back to UNH won't be easy, will it? I feel that way about UMaine. At least I've got Eric to help out a bit."

I agreed. "No, it won't be easy, but I've got you now. I know distance isn't easy, but I hope that's what we do. You're too good to lose."

He pulled up to a stop and faced me. "Yeah? You think that about me?"

I threw up a small shower of ice shavings as I stopped by his side. "Yeah, I do, and you're important enough that I don't want to hide it from anybody anymore. I'm thinking about coming out to the team. We can still lead rival teams, but when the game's over, I want to be able to be myself with you."

Ziggy reached out for my hand. Our fingers locked together despite our gloves. "That sounds great, but do you think they can handle it? Will your teammates still follow you as their leader?"

I shrugged. "I think we'll figure it out. They might learn a good lesson when I show them how to be rivals on the ice and partners off it. There's no reason we have to be one or the other."

Ziggy's green eyes sparkled. "Partners? I think I like the sound of that."

As we stood side-by-side at center ice, a peaceful sensation filled me, and an idea started to form in my mind. It was a potential solution or at least something that could help Ziggy's family situation so he could go back to college and pursue our relationship without guilt.

I wasn't ready to talk about it quite yet, and I didn't have a guarantee it would work, but it ignited a glimmer of hope. A playful note crept into my voice. "You know, we should probably practice our on-ice rivalry a bit if we're going to be convincing when we go back to college. It would be embarrassing if we looked soft."

Ziggy laughed. "I get where you're going. You're so on with this. The first one to score five goals wins?"

I nodded as my adrenaline started to spike. "You're going down, Knickerbocker."

We faced off at center ice. Ziggy dropped the first puck, and I snagged it, trying to dart to the left. He was on me immediately, working to poke the puck away with his stick.

Using a spin move I'd perfected at UNH, I broke away and opened up a clear shot at the goal. I didn't have time to dawdle. Ziggy was on my tail. With a quick wrist flick, I sent the puck down the ice, where it sailed into the net.

"One-zero," I announced.

"No need to be an ass about it." Ziggy laughed. "Anyway, you lucked out. That won't happen again."

Those were famous last words. It did happen again, and soon I was up two-zero. It looked too easy for a moment, but then Ziggy decided he wouldn't go down without a fight.

He roared back with a vengeance and showed the skills that likely earned him his spot on the UMaine team. He executed a top-shelf snipe, a beauty that would have made NHL highlight reels.

"Two-one." He showed off some fancy footwork as he skated past me. "Better be careful, Kade. I'm just warming up."

As our competition continued, we pulled out all the stops. After I poked in one more shot, Ziggy tore up the ice. He evened the score at three-all, sending a shot between my legs.

"Don't cry," he teased. "I did that in a game last spring." We both lowered our hands to our knees, working to catch our breath.

I managed to sneak past Ziggy in the next round and send a shot into the center of the net. "Four-three. I'm ahead, and I only need one more to win."

Ziggy skated around me in a circle. "That's all you need, but you won't get it."

The next few minutes were some of the most intense one-on-one hockey I'd ever experienced. Ziggy threw everything he had at me. He had blistering speed on his skates and executed textbook shots, but I blocked one after the other. Finally, he got one past me, and I nearly slammed into the boards when I tried to block it.

"Four-all," he said, his chest heaving. "Next goal wins."

I was too busy fighting for breath to say anything back. We faced off one more time. We agreed to set the puck at center ice and take two steps back. After I counted down, we both lunged for it in a wicked tangle of sticks and skates.

Ziggy suddenly broke free, cradling the puck on his stick. He tore off down the ice, racing toward the goal. I pushed myself as hard as I could in hot pursuit. When he wound up for his shot, I dove forward, stretching my stick as far as I could to block.

It was like everything dipped into slow motion. The puck moved through the air and missed my outstretched stick by mere millimeters.

Ziggy danced a jig and shouted, "Yes! Looks like I'm the winner, Kade!"

Slowly, I climbed to my feet. "Yeah, okay, but don't let it go to your head."

He skated over to me and pulled me into a hug, saying, "To be honest, I think we're both big winners." Ziggy stared into my eyes, and we both started laughing as we panted for breath.

I tightened my arms around him. "Good game."

"The best."

Later, Ziggy methodically packed his gear in the locker room as usual, but he was quieter than normal.

I moved up close to him on the bench. "Hey, are you okay?"

He looked up. "Yeah, mostly, but just thinking about the next few months, you know. No matter how I look at it, there's a lot of hard stuff to face."

I nodded in understanding. As I watched him, my earlier idea about how to help came back. It was risky, maybe even a little wild, but the more I thought about it, the more right it felt.

Could I make it happen? It would involve taking a stand and being true to myself. I'd have to prove that I really believed in myself and our partnership.

Ziggy caught me staring into space and raised an eyebrow. "What are you thinking about?"

I smiled as my affection for him surged. "Nothing." That wasn't true, but I couldn't share my thoughts just yet. "Well, I do keep thinking about how lucky I am."

He smirked. "Lucky to finally find the guy who can hand your ass to you on the ice?"

"Well, that, but most of all, just lucky to have you."

As we finished packing up and headed out of the locker room, my mind raced forward on my plan. I didn't know exactly how it would play out, but I was confident of one thing: I was going to do everything in my power to help Ziggy, no matter the cost. Because I knew that's what I would do for the people I loved.