Chapter 16

We're still holdinghands when we've left the row of small farms and homes behind us but haven't yet reached the woods.

Neither of us is saying much, but the silence doesn't feel quite so bleak and despairing as it did before.

Things might not be great, but they're also not terrible. Everything isn't going to fall apart, and maybe slowly we'll be able to fix this. Get back to where we were before.

Or maybe something even better.

I'm still terrified about the idea of being pregnant, but at least I no longer fear I'll be left abandoned to try to keep a baby alive all by myself. I'm almost certain I saw a flicker of excitement on Jimmy's face as he realized I was pregnant. It was quickly swallowed up with other feelings, but at least the core of it exists.

Maybe part of him likes the idea of being a father. Maybe we can actually do this.

Maybe.

All those thoughts are whirling inside my head when Jimmy suddenly jerks to a stop.

I stop too, gazing up at him with wide eyes.

"I'm real sorry, Chloe," he bursts out.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Sorry for actin' like this. For upsettin' you so much. The confusion is all my fault."

"No, it's not." If I'm sure of anything, it's that I'm part of the blame for all this too. I've always been so scared and insecure. I've always felt so helpless. I'm probably too clingy. I've tried too hard to be exactly what he wants instead of being real with him.

He's always made it clear he wants me to be real, but I've been too scared to do it.

"Yeah, it is," he mutters. "At least most of it is. You're right about our agreement. You didn't get it wrong. That's what I offered you. That's all I offered. It's not that I wasn't hopin' for more. But it all felt so… so weird. So it was easier to focus on the practical. I've never been good at relationships. Mary used to tell me all the time I got to say what I'm thinkin' instead of always keepin' it to myself. But I… I'm bad at that. So I assumed you knew. I kept hopin' you were feelin' what I was feelin' so maybe I wouldn't need to… to really open up."

I stare at him, breathless and excited and shaking again. I don't exactly know what he's trying to say, but it's something.

Something important.

He's never talked like this to me before.

He clears his throat and drops his eyes the way he always does when he's uncertain. "At first it was just the arrangement. I mean, I really needed a woman, and you were the prettiest thing I ever saw in my life. So I thought… well, maybe that'll work."

"I understood that. Not about the pretty thing, but about the rest of it. I was never expecting anything else."

"I know. I see that now. You kept thinkin' it while I was thinkin' maybe we were… we were feelin' more."

I gasp. "You were feeling more?"

He shifts from foot to foot. Avoids my eyes for a few seconds before he finally holds my gaze. "Well, yeah. Didn't you know that?"

"I thought we were just… just getting used to each other. Making the arrangement work."

He nods. "Yeah. I get that. And I can see now what I couldn't before—that you kept goin' way out of your way to please me 'cause you were scared I'd change my mind. That's why you hardly ever argue with me and you have sex no matter how you're feelin' and you work so hard to make our home so nice. And I feel like total shit right now 'cause I realize I been takin' advantage of you. Of your fear."

"No! No, it's not like that at all!"

"Isn't it?" His mouth twists ruefully. "So you're sayin' you did all that for me just 'cause you want it from the bottom of your heart?"

"Because I was trying to be a good partner to you! I didn't think that was wrong."

"It wasn't wrong. But I shoulda… I shoulda seen it more clearly sooner. I kept tellin' myself maybe you really do love givin' blow jobs, but that wasn't it, was it?"

"I do love giving?—"

"So every time you've done that for me you've wanted it for yourself?" He sounds dry and tired and knowing.

Resigned.

I start to answer but can't force the word out. Because it's not true.

Of course every single time I haven't wanted it just for me. Only this morning I forced myself to do it when I was feeling sick and then I made sure he wouldn't recognize it.

I knew it wasn't right. To either one of us. But I did it anyway because I was so scared.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I guess… I guess I should have trusted you more than that. But I?—"

"But you had no reason to think it was anything more than our transactional agreement because I never opened my mouth to tell you."

I nod since what he's said is entirely true. "But the sex wasn't all like that. I did… I did enjoy it."

"Did you?"

"Yes. I did."

"You weren't fakin' everythin' to make me happy?" His voice wavers just slightly, and it's gut-wrenching.

"No! I hardly ever faked at all. Except… except today because I felt so sick and scared."

He nods soberly. "I shoulda seen through it."

We stand in silence for a moment, staring at each other.

"I…" I have to clear my throat before I can continue. "I've really liked being with you this year. The work has been hard, but I've… I've been able to tackle it, and I never knew I was strong enough to do that before. And being with you has been… has been really good. I've loved keeping house. I've loved taking care of you. I've loved trying to make you feel good and that you've been so serious about making me feel good too. It's… it's been one of the best years of my entire life, and the year isn't even close to over. I did… I did believe this wasn't supposed to be any more than we agreed, but it hasn't felt like a burden to me."

He's breathing heavily again. He leans a little closer. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Good," he murmurs thickly, taking my head in both his hands again. "'Cause it's been one of the best years of my life too."

He's about to kiss me. I know it for sure, and I want it desperately. But his lips get about an inch away from mine when there's a sudden crack of sound.

A gunshot.

Jimmy's body jerks and he slumps over, grabbing the back of his thigh with both hands.

I gasp and stare at the blood that's starting to seep through the denim around his fingers.

He's been shot. That's my one clear thought before everything happens all at once.

We're swarmed. That's what it feels like. There are a lot of people all moving at us at the same time. They surround us before I can react or even move my hand to my gun.

Jimmy does grab for his holster, but someone knocks him all the way to the ground before he can pull out the weapon. They kick him. More than once.

His grunts are horrifying, and I would have screamed if my throat would work. It doesn't. So I choke instead as a big, smelly guy grabs me, holding me trapped against his body with both arms around me.

I struggle. It's instinct, and I can't help it. But there's no way I can pull out of his brutal grip.

Terrified and dizzy and stunned and nauseated yet again, I let him pull me backward toward an old camouflage-painted Jeep SUV parked on the grass away from the road.

We would have heard an engine approach, so I have no idea where it came from.

They're dragging Jimmy too. He's completely limp and unconscious.

He might be dead for all I know.

I'm slammed with more fear and dizziness as we get near the back of the vehicle. With a final spurt of strength, I push on one of the forearms holding me until I can lean down and sink my teeth into the flesh.

The man howls in pain and outrage and lets go with that arm. I shove him away and turn to run.

I can't.

He grabs for my ponytail, yanking on it so hard I'm briefly afraid he'll pull my hair out. He whirls me around and punches me.

The world darkens, and I fall down.

* * *

I don't think I'm out for very long, but the next thing I'm aware of is Jimmy's voice. Jimmy's hands on my face, my body. "Chloe. Chloe, baby. Wake up. Can you wake up?"

I blink, my head pounding violently, my vision still blurred and darkened. Or maybe there's not much light where we are. But it's his face above me. I can tell that much. "Jimmy?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here. Can you sit up?"

I do what he asks because he asks it, even though the move makes my stomach churn dangerously. "Where… where are we?"

"They put us in the back of the Jeep."

That must be why it feels like the whole world is rocking. We're in the back of a moving vehicle.

"Can we get out?"

"Not easily. They got this whole thing reinforced like they use it to haul people around. We'd have to blow the lock off the back, but it's movin' too fast to be safe to jump anyway."

"Okay." I take a few deep breaths and try to clear my mind. "Then we'll have to be ready for them when we stop."

His gaze shifts to appreciation. Something like awe. "You think you're up to helping?"

"Of course I am. I've been punched, but I've lived through that before. At least he didn't hit me in the stomach." I cup my belly protectively although it's way too early for me to have even the slightest of bumps.

"Yeah. When you were out for so long, I was afraid…" He makes a guttural sound instead of finishing the sentence. "Anyway, I got a bullet in my thigh, and it's bleedin' pretty bad. I think you're in better shape than me."

"Oh no!" I remember now hearing the shot. Seeing the blood on his jeans. I pull off the thin little sweater I'm wearing and wrap it tightly around the wound in his leg. It's not a great bandage, but it's better than nothing.

Jimmy lets me tend to him, but then he says, "I can't run, Chloe. Not sure I can even walk right now."

I stare at him, speechless and confused.

"There's gonna be a lot of 'em waiting when they open the door. If we wait until they get us to wherever they're takin' us, there's no way even one of us is gonna get away. But if we make 'em stop sooner, we might have a chance. There were a bunch who attacked us, but only three got in the front of the Jeep."

"How can we get them to stop?"

"They took the weapons off us they saw, but they were sloppy and missed the one at my ankle. So I got a gun. I can shoot the lock off the back and then try to blow one of the tires. They'll have to stop then."

"Do you think you can take all three of them after we stop?"

He gives a half shrug. He looks pale and sweaty and pained and weak. If our survival rests on Jimmy being able to stop a moving vehicle and then fight off three assailants, our chances are flimsy.

"I don't know if I can get all three, but I can definitely clear a path for you to run."

"What?"

"You're gonna have to run. As soon as we slow down enough, you got to jump out and run as fast as you can."

"But they'll catch me. They're bigger and fast?—"

"I'm gonna keep 'em off you for as long as I can. You'll have a head start. They won't have the SUV to chase you, so they're gonna have to run too. You gotta run for all you're worth and not stop for anythin'."

"But… but…" I can barely take a breath. Much less get a full sentence out.

"It's the only way."

"But they'll kill you!"

"Maybe. But I don't know. If they wanted me dead, they would've made that first shot a kill shot instead of goin' for my leg. For some reason, they want both of us alive. So they might not kill me. But there's no way in fuckin' hell I'm gonna let 'em touch you. You gotta get away."

"So I have to… to leave you?"

"Yes. Leave me."

The bumpy rocking of the drive is making me sick—it doesn't feel like we're even on a road—but something far worse is roiling in my stomach and darkening my vision. "Jimmy," I whisper hoarsely. "I can't."

He winces as he readjusts. Reaches over to take my face in both his hands. "Yes, you can."

"I can't leave you." Tears are starting to spill out of my eyes. "They'll kill you. I can't."

"Yes, you can," he says again, sounding almost fierce now. "You can do this. You can do it for me."

"But I'm not strong en?—"

"Yes, you are!" He straightens up even more, leaning toward me. He's breathing in fast, thick pants. "You're stronger than you ever believed. Stronger than I ever gave you credit for. You can do this, Chloe. You have to."

My shoulders shake, and my face contorts in an attempt to hold back sobs. "But?—"

"Listen to me! I seen you tackle one hurdle after another since we got together. You lost everythin' and you picked yourself right back up. You learned how to do all these tough jobs and do 'em all real good. You took care of me and kept me goin' and made life worth livin' for me again. You've been brave and sweet and generous and determined and resilient, and you been all that thinkin' this was just a practical arrangement. Without even knowin' how much I love you. You're the strongest person I've ever known, Chloe. You're gonna be strong enough to do this too."

I collapse into tears but only for a few seconds. I fight through the emotion to maintain control. "You love me?"

His face twists. There's perspiration beaded on his forehead and streaming down his jaw. "Course I love you, girlie. I've loved you for ages. Just been too scared to tell you. Figured you musta known anyway."

There's too much going on inside me to even begin to process it all or sort it into understandable realities. I choke on tears and beam up at him. "I never knew."

"Yeah. Figured that out this afternoon. That's all my fault. Not yours. We don't got time to work it all out right now. Don't know how long before they get to where we're goin'. So you ready to do this?"

I'm not ready for anything except collapsing into sobs on his chest. That's out of the question, however, so instead, I sniff hard and nod.

"Okay. As soon as we slow down enough, you jump out and you run with everythin' you got in you." He points toward the back of the SUV. "You run in that direction. You don't stop for anythin'. For anythin'. No matter what they do to me. You got that?"

I don't have that. I don't have it at all.

"Okay," I choke out.

"When you get back to our people, they'll know what to do."

"We'll come back to get you."

He doesn't respond to that, and it feels significant.

Like he knows he's not going to be around to rescue.

I can't even begin to deal with that horrifying possibility, so I don't let the thought penetrate my fear-clouded brain.

"Okay, girlie. You ready?"

I nod again. Try not to cry.

He leans over and gives me a hard kiss. It doesn't last nearly long enough. Then he's pulling away. Scooting close to the back hatch of the Jeep. Pulling out the small pistol from his ankle holster.

"Dummies didn't even check for this one," he mutters.

I move into a crouch, balancing myself on the side. As he's aiming toward the lock, I say, "I love you too, Jimmy."

He makes a weird, guttural sound as he fires.

It reverberates painfully in the enclosed space, and the hatch flies open.

I hold on against the rush of wind as Jimmy leans farther so he can extend his arm to shoot at one of the tires.

As soon as he does, the SUV jerks sharply, then slows down.

"Now!" Jimmy gives me a little push toward the open hatch, and I jump while the vehicle is still moving.

I fall. Tumble onto the grass. Hit my knee hard but ignore the pain as I jump to my feet and into a run.

I glance back once. I can't help it.

Jimmy is hanging out of the rear of the vehicle, his right hand extended to hold his pistol in place.

But he gives me a little salute with his left hand.

The small gesture slices at my chest.

I ignore it. Accelerate into a sprint. There's shouting behind me. Gunfire. I'm desperate to turn to see what's happening, but that would slow me down.

Jimmy is counting on me. I'm the only possible way he's getting out of this alive.

So my only priority is to run and keep running.

That's what I do.

* * *

I'm not sure how long I run, but it's longer than I've run in my entire life.

I've never been very good at it. My legs aren't long, and my boobs are way too big. They flop around painfully since I don't even have a bra to hold them in place.

Maybe those three bad guys came after me, but I don't hear them after the first minute of muffled shouts and gunshots.

Maybe Jimmy was able to shoot them all. Unlikely but not impossible.

I hold on to that hope.

I can make it back to the Carlsons' farmhouse. We can get a group together to go after Jimmy. He'll still be there—wounded in the back of the Jeep. Alive and waiting for us to get him.

It could happen.

Why shouldn't it happen?

He doesn't have to be dead.

I sprint until my lungs burn and my head roars and my legs won't work anymore. Finally I have to rest for a few minutes to catch my breath. Then I start running again at a more moderate pace.

I'm not being followed. I'm sure I'd know by now if I was. Those men's legs are way longer than mine, so they could have easily caught up to me if they were really giving chase.

They're not. But I still need to get to the Carlsons' as soon as possible to save Jimmy, which means I can't slow down.

I keep going in the same direction Jimmy indicated even though it seems to take forever. Hopefully I'll eventually get to a landmark I recognize. It's entirely possible I've angled wrong and will end up far off my intended destination, but surely eventually I'll recognize something.

At one point, I have to stop to throw up and then spend a few minutes recovering. I slow down even more after that. My body simply won't move any faster.

The moon is full and high in the sky when I finally see the road that takes us from our little cabin to the community of farms and houses where the Carlsons live. It's almost exactly the spot where we were waylaid.

I sure hope more of those guys who attacked us aren't lurking around to strike again. If they are, there's nothing in the world I can do to hold them off.

I can barely stand up straight.

There's no one else in sight when I reach the road. No sound except crickets and the far-off hoot of an owl.

I limp my way back down the road until I finally get to the Carlsons' familiar farmhouse. I'm wheezing and bending over when I pound on the front door.

Greta opens it with a gun in her hand.

I can't hold myself up anymore, so I fall into her arms.