20. Holden

CHAPTER TWENTY

HOLDEN

I stood outside Mylo's cabin for what felt like hours, staring at the door, praying he'd open it. I'd knocked until my knuckles ached, called his name until my throat went raw. Nothing. Not even a rustle from inside. He was done with me. And honestly, I couldn't blame him.

I finally dragged myself back to the house, the weight of it all pressing down on me. It was one thing for Mylo to push me away, but knowing I was the reason—knowing I was the one who messed this up—made my chest feel like it was caving in. By the time I walked into the living room, my head was pounding, and all I wanted was something—anything—to make the noise in my brain stop.

West, Knox, and Law were already there, sprawled across the couches with beers in hand. They looked up when I walked in, and I knew they could see it all over my face—the defeat, the heartbreak. I didn't even bother hiding it. What was the point? They knew everything anyway.

Hell, everyone probably knew by now.

"Didn't go well, did it?" West asked, his voice softer than usual.

I shook my head and dropped into the armchair across from them. "He wouldn't even open the door."

Knox winced, taking a slow sip of his beer. "I mean... can you blame him? You've been keeping a pretty big secret, Holden. And not just any secret—a shifter secret. He probably thinks you're hiding something worse."

I ran a hand through my hair, frustration bubbling inside me. "I know. I fucking know, okay? I hate this. I hate that it's gone on this long. I hate myself for not just telling him."

"So tell him," Law said, like it was the simplest thing in the world. "Get it over with. Rip off the damn band-aid."

I let out a humorless laugh. "Yeah, because it's that easy. I tried. I really did. But every time I opened my mouth to say it, all I could think about was James. The way he looked at me when he found out. The fear in his eyes. I can't... I can't do that again."

Maybe it was stupid, but it felt like if I could postpone it long enough—savor the time we had together—then by the time he found out, if he decided to walk away... at least I'd have the memories.

It was stupid.

"This isn't James," Knox said quietly. "This is Mylo. Your mate. You're not the same person you were back then. You've got to stop letting that one moment control your whole life. Mylo deserves the truth. Hell, he deserves the choice to decide if he wants to be with you or not."

"And what if he decides he doesn't?" I asked, my voice cracking despite my best effort to keep it steady.

"Well, he's already done that because you didn't tell him," Law pointed out bluntly.

"Helpful," I growled.

Law just shrugged, completely unfazed.

"Then at least you'll know you tried," West said, his gaze steady. "Right now, you're not even giving him a chance. You're deciding for him, and that's not fair. Not to you, and definitely not to him."

I closed my eyes, the exhaustion settling deep in my bones. They were right. I knew they were right. But knowing it and actually doing it? Those were two very different things.

"Noah offered to tell him for you," Law said after a moment, his tone careful. "Why don't you let him?"

"What kind of mate... what kind of alpha does that make me?" I snapped, the words sharper than I intended. "I can't have someone else tell him. It has to come from me."

"So tell him then."

I really wanted to punch my cousin.

"That's not fuckin' helpful, Law."

He just smirked, like the little shit he was.

"Okay, okay," Knox said, raising a hand in surrender. "What about writing it down? Maybe if you put it in a letter or something, it'll be easier."

I snorted. "Yeah, right. Like we're passing notes in high school. ‘Hey, by the way, I'm a bear shifter. Are you cool with that? Circle yes or no.'"

West chuckled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm serious, Holden. You've got to do something. Not telling him is doing more damage than telling him ever could. He's already gone, man. What's the worst that could happen?"

"He could die." My voice was barely above a whisper. "He could run from me... and literally die."

"He won't," Knox said, his voice calm and certain. "You're not a monster, Holden. You're his mate. He deserves to know that."

"Yeah," Law added. "You're only holding back because you're scared. And I get it. But you're hurting him by keeping this from him—which isn't what a good alpha does."

I flinched at that.

"So why not just... tell him?"

The silence that followed was heavy and suffocating. I stared down at my hands, my fingers curling into fists. They were right. I knew they were right. But the fear of losing Mylo—of seeing that same look in his eyes that I'd seen in James'—paralyzed me.

"I'll think about it," I muttered, my voice rough. It was the best I could offer right now.

West sighed, leaning back against the couch. "Just don't take too long, okay? He's not going to wait around forever. And you don't want to lose him over something like this."

"I hope it's that simple when it's your turn," I shot back.

West held my gaze for a second, then looked away, a shadow crossing his face. "You're right—it's not simple. But it's not impossible either."

"And you won't be the first shifter to break the news to your mate," Knox added. "Even the council doesn't forbid it."

I nodded, though the thought of Mylo moving on—finding someone who could give him everything without all the secrets and baggage—made my chest ache in ways I couldn't describe.

I wanted to be that person for him. The one he could trust, the one he could rely on. But I had to let go of my own fear first. And that? That was the scariest part.

Because if I let go of that fear—if I told Mylo everything—there was no guarantee he'd stay. And the thought of losing him... it was almost too much to bear.

"Just... think about it, okay?" Knox said, his voice softer now, almost gentle. "We're here for you, whatever you decide. But you've got to make a decision, Holden. Before it's too late."

I nodded again, swallowing hard. They were right. I knew they were right. But knowing it and actually doing it? Those were two very different things.

And as I sat there, the weight of everything pressing down on me, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd ever be brave enough to take that step. To trust Mylo with the truth. To trust him with my heart.

Because that's what this was really about, wasn't it? It wasn't just about being a shifter. It was about letting someone in—giving someone the power to break you.

And after everything I'd been through, after losing James, after years of keeping everyone at arm's length... that was the scariest thing of all.