Library

19. Mylo

CHAPTER NINETEEN

MYLO

I was scrubbing dishes in Holden's kitchen, the soapy water turning lukewarm as I worked my way through the last of the plates. The soft clink of glass against the ceramic sink was the only sound around me, but my mind was far from quiet. No, it was running a full marathon of overthinking, and I couldn't help it.

My brain kept replaying those moments—Holden trying to tell me something, his voice cracking, the way he looked at me, like he was holding the world's biggest secret. And I kept wondering what on earth it could be. I wanted to let it go—maybe I could've been more patient if it wasn't for everyone else. The knowing glances, the way people went quiet when I walked into a room, like they all knew something I didn't.

I rinsed off a mug, setting it on the rack to dry. The pit in my stomach? Yeah, it was the size of the Grand Canyon by now. It twisted, gnawed at me every time I saw Holden—every time we kissed, every time he looked like he wanted to say something but didn't. It was like waiting for a bomb to go off, with no idea when or how bad the damage would be.

I shook the water off my hands, drying them on a dish towel as I replayed my conversation with Noah. I'd tried talking to him, hoping he'd spill something—anything—that would make me feel less crazy.

"Noah, just... tell me what it is. Please," I had said, my voice practically cracking with frustration.

He'd looked at me, then away, his lips pressing into a thin line. "Mylo, it's not my place."

"Not your place?" I'd laughed, but it wasn't funny—not even a little bit. "Come on. You know what this is doing to me, right? I feel like I'm on the outside, like I'm not even part of this whole thing. Everyone knows, Noah. Everyone except me."

Noah had sighed, reaching out like he was about to touch my arm but thinking better of it. "He'll tell you. When he's ready, he will. You just have to trust him."

Trust. Right. I'd nodded, swallowing down that awful feeling—the one that tasted like betrayal and fear.

I put the towel down, leaning against the counter, staring out the window at the evening light filtering through the trees. I'd trusted Chuck once, and the rug had been pulled out from under me.

And I wanted to trust Holden… but he always looked so guilty whenever the subject came up. The one thing I hated more than anything was feeling left out of the loop, like I was standing outside in the rain, watching everyone else warm and happy inside.

I let out a sigh, pushing away from the counter. Now, my imagination had officially gone off the rails. Was Holden hiding some dark secret? Was he a serial killer? A part of some weird cult? Or—and this one made my stomach churn—maybe he had a secret family somewhere.

It wouldn't have been this bad if I hadn't known there was a secret. But knowing, and not knowing what it was? That was torture.

And it sucked, because Holden was so perfect. He treated me like I was the best thing that had ever happened to him. I'd barely even gone back to my cabin since he came back. And somehow, that only made it worse. If it was nothing, why couldn't he just tell me?

"You could be overreacting," I muttered to myself, shaking my head.

But even though I wanted to ignore the elephant in the room and just keep living in this bliss Holden and I had found, I couldn't. So I grabbed my phone, drying my hands one more time before shooting a message to Tyler. We'd kept in touch since I moved, and I'd recently filled him in about Chuck and everything else.

Me: Hey, you around?

Tyler: Always. What's up?

Me: Just… trying not to lose my mind.

Tyler: Uh oh. Holden trouble?

Me: Yeah, everything's good. Like, really good... except for this one huge, frustrating, soul-crushing thing.

Tyler: Spill. What's he doing?

Me: It's not what he's doing. It's what he isn't doing. There's this secret, Ty. Something he won't tell me, but everyone else seems to know about it.

Tyler: Wait, like a huge secret? What kind of secret are we talking here? Secret baby? Secret wife?

Me: Could be. I honestly don't know. He keeps saying he'll tell me when he's "ready." But how am I supposed to be with someone when there's this big thing hanging over us?

Tyler: Yeah, that's... weird. Are you sure it's not something small and he's just being dramatic?

Me: If it was small, why would Noah know and not tell me? Why would everyone know but me? It feels like they're all in on some big inside joke, and I'm just standing here looking stupid.

Tyler: Damn. That sucks, man. Have you tried demanding answers?

Me: You know me. I've tried everything. I've asked nicely, I've hinted. It's like running into a wall.

Tyler: So what are you gonna do?

Me: I don't know. I really like him, Ty. He makes me feel things I didn't think I could feel anymore. But this secret... it's like a wall between us, and I'm starting to think I'll never get past it.

Tyler: Ugh. I hate that for you. He needs to step up. You deserve to know what's going on.

Me: Yeah. If he doesn't tell me soon, I think I have to walk away. I can't keep doing this—being in the dark. It's making me feel sick, like my stomach's twisted all the time.

Tyler: You gotta look out for yourself too, you know? If you need anything, I'm here. You know you can always come crash with me.

Me: Thanks, Ty. I just needed to vent.

Tyler: Always, bro. Just don't let it eat you up. Either he steps up, or he doesn't. You'll be okay, I promise.

I was pacing Holden's living room, drumming my fingers nervously against my thigh. The quiet of the house pressed in on me. I couldn't keep doing this—waiting, hoping, feeling like something was about to explode.

Why did Holden act like telling me would be the end of the world? It only highlighted how much I didn't belong and made my heart ache in ways I couldn't even put into words.

I paused by the window, staring out at the fading light. The mountains were just shadows now. I loved it out here, but even the beauty couldn't calm me down. I'd tried. I really had. I told Holden he could tell me when he was ready. But the longer it dragged on, the worse it got.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I glanced at the door to Holden's office. He'd gone in there after dinner to handle some emergency at the resort. I knew I was probably making him nervous, but I was past caring. Every time I looked at him, all I could think was: Why won't you just tell me?

Taking a deep breath, I gathered whatever courage I had left and crossed the room. I knocked on the door, barely waiting for his quiet "Come in" before opening it.

Holden looked up from his laptop, his eyes meeting mine. For a moment, I almost lost my nerve. He looked so tired, like the weight of whatever he was holding back was pressing down on him just as much as it was on me.

"Mylo?" Holden said, his voice gentle. "Everything okay?"

"We need to talk." The words came out shakier than I wanted, and I hated it. I wanted to sound firm. But this was Holden, and every time I looked at him, all I could think about was how much I wanted this to work. How much I wanted him. How right it felt when I was around him, like every horrible thing in my life had led me to this moment.

He set the laptop aside and stood up, concern written all over his face. "Okay. What's going on? Is everything okay?"

I crossed my arms, more to have something to do with my hands than anything else. "I can't keep pretending like everything's okay when I know you're keeping something from me. It's driving me crazy, and it's… it's not fair, Holden."

He winced, his gaze dropping to the floor. I could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands curled into fists at his sides. He didn't want to do this. I knew that. But I also knew I couldn't keep waiting.

"There's something you're not telling me," I pressed on, my voice trembling just a little. "And I get it, maybe it's complicated. But whatever it is, it can't be worse than what my brain's been coming up with. I just want the truth. I just want you to trust me enough to tell me."

He didn't answer. He just stood there, staring at the floor. That silence—God, that silence said everything.

My heart sank, a lump forming in my throat as the realization hit me. He wasn't going to tell me. He couldn't.

I blinked back tears, biting the inside of my cheek, trying to hold myself together. I'd promised myself I wouldn't cry. Not here. Not in front of him.

"I can't keep doing this," I said, my voice breaking. "I thought we had something real, Holden. I thought you felt the same way."

His head snapped up then, his eyes filled with something I couldn't quite read—pain, regret, maybe even fear. "I do," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "I do feel the same way. But it's not that simple, Mylo. Please, just… give me more time."

I shook my head, the tears finally spilling over. "I've given you time. I've been patient. But I can't keep waiting. I can't keep feeling like I'm the only one a hundred percent in this."

Silence. Heavy, suffocating silence that stretched on forever.

I nodded, swallowing hard, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. "I… I'm done, Holden," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "I can't do this anymore."

I turned, each step away from him feeling like a knife twisting in my chest. I made it to the doorway before I heard him.

"Mylo, wait?—"

I paused, my hand on the doorframe, my heart pounding, hoping—praying—that he'd say it. That he'd finally let me in.

But he didn't. There was nothing but silence behind me.

I swallowed hard, my vision blurring as I walked out of the room, out of his house. Every step felt heavier than the last, and by the time I reached my cabin, I felt like I was falling apart.

I sank onto the bed, burying my face in my hands as the tears came—hot, bitter, unstoppable.

How stupid could I have been? To think I could have something good. Something real. I'd let myself believe it, let myself fall for him, and now…

Now, I was right back where I started. Alone.

And the worst part? Despite everything, I still loved him. And that hurt more than anything.

Comments

0 Comments
Best Newest

Contents
Settings
  • T
  • T
  • T
  • T
Font

Welcome to FullEpub

Create or log into your account to access terrific novels and protect your data

Don’t Have an account?
Click above to create an account.

lf you continue, you are agreeing to the
Terms Of Use and Privacy Policy.