Chapter Twenty-Two

Holly

“ I ’m so glad you said yes,” Ryan says, his voice warm as he glances down at me with a smile.

I smile back, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as the wind blows on my face. “I’m glad you asked me out again.” At least, I think I am. Ryan is nice. He’s fun and kind and brought me to the Christmas market of all places. He’s the perfect guy. And yet, I can’t stop thinking about the last time I was here with Mark.

We continue walking through the market, the sound of our footsteps crunching over the thin layer of snow on the ground as the lights glow above us. “I always love coming here. It’s so beautiful this time of year,” he says, admiring the lights.

“Yeah. The lights make it look magical,” I muse, glancing around at the stalls, remembering how Mark was groaning at the lines and crowds of people. My lips twitch at the memory, kind of wishing he was here with me right now.

We wander past a stall selling homemade gingerbread cookies, and Ryan reaches out and buys two, handing me one. When our fingers meet, I let out a nervous laugh, but he holds my eyes as his fingers brush against my gloved ones. “I had a great time with you last time, Holly,” he says softly.

“Me too,” I reply automatically, but my thoughts drift. I can’t seem to stop thinking about Mark. I picture him with his serious expression, his dark eyes that always seem to see right through me, and his deep, steady voice. Why the hell am I thinking about him? I’m here with Ryan. I should be focusing on him.

I press my lips together in a smile as Ryan leads us to a stall where a woman is selling handcrafted candles, and immediately, my mind wanders to what Mark would do if we were here together. Would he chastise me for complaining about being cold but then let me snuggle up to him to share his warmth? Would he grumble about the commercialization of Christmas, only to secretly enjoy watching me light up over the decorations? I can almost see him standing next to me, his expression softening as I laugh at his gruffness.

“You want one?” Ryan’s voice pulls me back to the present.

“Huh?” I blink, trying to remember what he asked me.

“A hot chocolate,” Ryan says with a chuckle, nodding toward a nearby stall where steam curls up from cups of hot chocolate. It’s the same stall where Mark and I were last time we were here.

“Oh.” My cheeks flush slightly, and I let out a nervous laugh. This is a great date—the perfect date, and yet I’m distracted, letting my thoughts wander to someone I shouldn’t be thinking about. “I’d love one,” I say, trying to enjoy the moment with Ryan .

He grins, his eyes lighting up as he turns to order. When he hands me one with a warm smile, I take a sip, savoring the warm sweetness that spreads through me. Ryan takes his own sip and closes his eyes, tilting his head back. “Damn, that’s good.” I can’t help but laugh, the sound bubbling up before I can even think about it. Ryan’s eyes snap open, and he looks at me with raised eyebrows, clearly amused. “Something funny?”

“Sorry,” I say, shaking my head as I try to suppress my smile. “I was just thinking of something.”

Ryan tilts his head. “Care to share?”

I pause, my thoughts drifting back to the last time I was at this stall. “I was just thinking about what Mark said the last time we were here,” I admit, taking another sip of my drink.

His brows knit together in confusion. “Mark?”

I nod. “Yeah, he’s a friend of mine. I think I mentioned him on our first date?”

“Oh, right,” Ryan says with a nod as he takes another sip of his hot chocolate. “So, you two came here together?”

I nod, letting a genuine smile slip onto my face. “We came here to pick up a Christmas tree for his place.”

“Ah,” Ryan says, finishing off his hot chocolate. “And what did he say that was so funny?”

I laugh softly, shaking my head as the memory runs through me. “He said it was just cheap powdered stuff. He loves the rich, dark chocolate mixed with milk. Apparently, it’s ten times better.”

I think about the last time we were here, how Mark grumbled about the price but still bought me hot chocolate, his eyes softening as he watched me savor every sip. How he always pretends to be annoyed, but I know he’d do just about anything to make me happy.

Ryan chuckles, his expression lightening. “Sounds like you two are pretty close.”

“I guess we are,” I say, managing a smile. “He’s a really great friend.”

Is that all he is?

The question hits me unexpectedly, making my eyes widen slightly. I try to push it away, but it lingers as Ryan continues to smile warmly at me. “He’s lucky,” he says, his hand gently drifting to my waist, the touch making my heart race. “Having someone like you in his life.”

His touch is warm, and he cradles my cheek, our faces just inches apart. My breath catches, and a rush of panic courses through me. Ryan’s breath mingles with mine, his closeness making everything feel a little too intimate.

I had a good time with Ryan. This date is… everything I’ve always wanted. He’s funny, a really great guy, successful, and loves Christmas. He’s everything I should want. But I can’t seem to get Mark out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I think about his deep voice, furrowed brows, gruff exterior, how he’s secretly soft, just for me, and how spending time with him makes me happy. How close we were to something more that night at the rink, and how disappointed I was when nothing happened.

How I wish he were here right now, sharing this moment with me instead of Ryan. How it would feel if it was his big hands on my waist, his touch on my face, his lips an inch away.

And I know, without a doubt, Ryan isn’t the one I want.

“Ryan,” I say, taking a deep breath as I step back, creating some space between us.

He closes his eyes, his hand falling to his side. When he opens his eyes again, there’s a raw vulnerability in them. “It’s not going to work out between us, is it?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

I shake my head, feeling a weight of guilt for agreeing to come out tonight with Ryan when my thoughts are so consumed by someone else. But it wasn’t until this moment that I realized how much I want to be with Mark. It doesn’t matter where we are—whether it’s at his apartment, a noisy bar, or even in the freezing cold. I just want to be with him, near him.

I just want… him.

The connection I have with Mark is something I have never been able to find with anyone else. He makes me feel happy, even when he scowls. He makes all of my dreams come true, even if it goes against everything he stands for. He does everything he can to put a smile on my face, and I can’t keep pretending any longer that my heart doesn’t race extra fast whenever we’re together.

Every moment we’ve shared has been leading up to this, making me realize, clear as day, that I have feelings for Mark. Big, strong feelings that I never expected.

What the hell am I going to do about this?