Chapter Twenty-One

Mark

I have a fucking tree in my house.

I can’t remember the last time I had a tree in my house. Maybe a plant here and there that Mia would shove into my hands in her poor attempt to brighten up the place, but never a tree.

But of course, that was before Holly came into my life. I’ve got a bad feeling I’d let her do just about anything, even plant a damn tree in the middle of my living room if she wanted to. Hell, I’d let her rearrange my furniture, paint the walls, and fill this space with fluffy pink pillows. Anything, as long as it made her happy. Hearing her laugh and seeing her smile is like music to my ears, sweeter than anything I’ve ever heard.

And there she goes again, that beautiful smile lighting up her face as she spins the huge tree she picked out, adjusting it, taking a step back, tilting her head, examining it from all angles.

“How about from this side?” she asks, twisting the tree once more

I lean against the wall, crossing my arms as my eyes squint at the tree. “Looks the same?” I say with a shrug .

She glances at me over her shoulder, looking at me like I’m crazy. “I think it’s best if the professional takes care of this, actually,” she says before turning back to face the tree.

I let out a scoff. “You’re a professional tree decorator now?”

“Of course,” she says with a grin as she steals a quick glance at me. My heart does that stupid fluttering thing that makes me think it was dead before I met her. God, I love that smile. “My mom always let me decorate our tree. I was the best at it,” she says, her eyes twinkling at the memory. “Still am.”

I shake my head, a smirk tugging at my lips as I take a seat on the couch, Murray jumping onto my lap a second later. “As long as you’re humble about it,” I tease, shooting her a dry look. Truth is, I love how happy she seems about everything. This girl came into my bar and twisted my whole world around. She brought joy into my life again, and I know I don’t deserve any of it.

She’s everything I never knew I needed. Everything I thought I would hate but can’t get enough of. She’s light and laughter, smiles and joy. And what the hell am I? A grumpy fucking bastard with nothing to offer her.

Sasha found someone else who could give her everything she wanted, and Holly will do the same. There’s nothing I can give her. I can’t be what she wants. But fuck, I wish I could. I wish I could be exactly what she was looking for, because she’s exactly what I’ve been searching for without even knowing it. She’s exactly what I want, and I can’t do anything about it .

It’s too fucking late. She’s already met a guy she likes, even practiced ice skating for him, for fuck’s sake. And yet, I can’t stop thinking about that day, what It felt like to have her in my arms on that rink, our faces inches apart, her fingers brushing against my lips and her gorgeous eyes locked on mine. She was right fucking there. And I chickened out.

And now I can’t stop thinking about when the last time I’ll see her will be. I know I won’t see her anymore once this guy falls for her and they spend all their time together. Why would she want to hang out with me once she finds her dream guy? She won’t.

“Can you pass me those lights?” she asks, pointing at a massive box with colorful string lights sitting beside me on the couch.

Quickly moving Murray to my side, I grab the lights and lift off the couch, handing them to her.

“Actually.” She glances down at the lights in the box. “I might need your help,” she says, glancing at me with a hint of uncertainty.

“I knew you’d rope me into decorating,” I admit, arching a brow. Stop talking, jackass. Just do it. Whatever it is, if Holly asks, you do it. If Holly asks you to kill someone for her, you just fucking do it.

She sighs. “You’re tall. I need you. Help me wrap these around the tree,” she says, fluttering her lashes at me. Little does she know, all she needs to do is ask, and she’s got it.

“Is that my only qualification?” I ask, raising an eyebrow, trying to ignore the fact that she said she needs me .

“Yep,” she says with a grin. “That, and you’re the only other person here.”

I roll my eyes but move closer, taking one end of the lights from her. We start at the bottom, wrapping the string around the tree and working our way up. Holly hands me more of the lights as we go.

“Not too tight,” she says, leaning in to adjust a loop I’d pulled too snug. “We don’t want to crush the branches.”

“Of course. The poor branches,” I mumble, rolling my eyes as I try to focus on the tree, but fully aware of her proximity. Her scent, a mix of vanilla and cookies, fills the air, making my head swim and a groan rumble in my throat. So fucking sweet.

“See?” she says, stepping back to admire our work once we’re done. “Teamwork makes the dream work.”

I snort. “You sound like a motivational poster.”

“Well someone has to motivate you to stop being so grumpy all the time,” she says, flashing me a quick wink before she flips the switch and the tree lights up, casting a warm, bright glow over the room, full of color.

I glance down at Holly seeing her eyes light up as she stares at the tree and my heartbeat gets louder and faster. I love seeing her happy.

“It’s perfect,” she murmurs quietly before breaking out into a grin and grabbing the bag filled with a million and one decorations she picked out. “Now for the fun part.”

She reaches into the bag and pulls out an assortment of ornaments. There’s so many in here that I can’t even see the bottom of the bag anymore. Glass baubles, tiny wooden reindeer, bells, snowflakes, bows. You name it, she probably bought it.

“Here,” she says, handing me a glass ornament. “You can place the first one.”

I take it from her, hesitating for a moment, before I reach out and hang it on one of the branches, carefully stepping back to make sure it doesn’t fall since it’s glass and cost me a fucking fortune.

Holly watches me, a smile tugging at her lips. “Look at you,” she says softly. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

I scoff, rolling my eyes. “I’m only doing it for you.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, grinning as she picks up a delicate glass angel and hangs it on a higher branch. “You can’t fool me, Mark. I see that smile.”

I shake my head, turning back to the tree to hide the faint smile pulling at my lips. “Whatever you say, Holly.”

We continue decorating as I hand her ornaments, and she finds the perfect spots, stepping back to admire her work after each one, humming softly under her breath.

When we finish, she takes a step back, her eyes shining as she looks at the tree. “It’s beautiful,” she says softly before turning to face me with a hint of uncertainty on her face. “What do you think?”

I swallow hard, my chest thumping loudly. I think you bring the light into my life . “It looks good,” I say instead.

“Good?” she echoes, raising an eyebrow. “It’s beautiful. Best work I’ve ever done, hands down.”

I nod, struggling to find the right words. “It’s the most beautiful tree I’ve ever seen. ”

She chuckles. “Well, you don’t have to go soft on me. I like your hard exterior.”

That’s not the only thing that’s hard, sweetheart. I clear my throat. Now is not the fucking time. “You do?”

She nods enthusiastically, turning to face me. “Of course. You balance me out. I see everything as sunshine, you see everything as a cloud of grey and rain. Together, we’re a rainbow.” She grins. God, she’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Her phone buzzes, lighting up her face, and her eyes widen. “It’s Ryan.”

Of course it is.

“He wants to go out again,” she continues, lifting her eyes to meet mine.

Of course he does . Who the fuck wouldn’t want to go out with someone as beautiful, amazing and sweet as Holly? “That’s great,” I say, forcing my mouth to move. “I told you he would.”

“Yeah,” she says with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Ryan’s a great guy. I really did have a great time with him.”

Jesus. It’s like a knife through my fucking heart. “You think he might be the one?”

She shrugs, looking down at her phone. “I don’t know. How do you know? Did you ever have… the one?”

I think I might be looking right at her. “No,” I say quietly, swallowing the words down my throat. “I haven’t.”

“Really?” she asks, her brows dipping. “Not even with Sasha? ”

I arch a brow. “She cheated on me, sweetheart. I don’t think that equates to being the one.”

“Right. Of course,” she says with a nervous chuckle. “But there was… no one else?”

I hold her eyes. “No,” I tell her. “There was no one else.”

She laughs again, this time a little lighter. “Well, maybe if you weren’t so grumpy and kept everyone away, you could have found someone by now.”

A frown tugs at my lips. “I thought you said you liked that I was grumpy.”

“I do,” she confirms with a nod. “But that’s just me. Other girls…” She shakes her head. “Might not like it as much.”

That’s why you’re perfect for me . “That’s fine by me,” I tell her. “I don’t want any other girls.”

Her laughter fills the room, fills my heart. “No?” she asks, arching a brow. “So, I’d be the only girl in your life, then?”

If I got my way. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No, no,” she says with a shake of her head. “Of course not. It’s just… you don’t want to get married?” she asks, tilting her head at me.

I’ve never thought of marriage. I didn’t even think of proposing to Sasha, and maybe that’s why she left, but something about hearing Holly speak about marriage makes the image pop into my mind. Holly in a long white dress. Holly holding a bouquet while smiling. Holly pulling the veil back and smiling up at… me.

“Not really,” I tell her instead .

Her eyes widen a little. “And you don’t want kids?” she asks. “You don’t want to see little Mark’s running around?”

My expression darkens, the weight of my past pressing down on me. “Do you want kids?”

“Of course,” she says with a laugh, her eyes lighting up. “I love children. I’ve always wanted them. I think I might want four, maybe even five.”

“Five?” My eyes widen, a cough escaping my throat.

She laughs again, lifting her shoulder in a shrug. “It might sound crazy, but I have so much love to give and I just want to share it. I’ve always wanted to adopt a kid or two.” Her eyes soften. “There are so many kids without parents that need love. I want to be that for them.”

Fuck.

She’s the purest soul I’ve ever met.

How the hell did I get so lucky to have her in my life?

“You don’t want any?” she asks, her voice gentle as she turns to face me.

I hesitate for a second. “I, uh… I had a vasectomy.”

Her brows furrow. “Oh.” She nods, her throat moving as she swallows. “Well, I guess that’s alright since you don’t plan on getting married or having kids, right?” she asks with a small laugh that doesn’t sound quite right.

Fuck.

Why the fuck did I say that?

I do want kids. I want kids if it’s with her. I want everything if it’s with her.

“Right. ”

Holly presses her lips together in a smile before she lifts off the couch. “Come on,” she says. “We still need to set up the tree skirt.”

I furrow my brows, glancing as she grabs a large cloth, pulling it out of the bag. “Why the fuck does a tree need a skirt?”