32

r emy

I sat at the end of my bed with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arm wrapped around them. Up above was a skylight made out of melted down glass bottles, so it had a warped look. The morning sun and clouds were pulled around like a stretched-out funhouse mirror.

Boden stirred behind me. "You're up early. Bad dreams again?"

"No, not last night." I shook my head, and I felt his rough hand warming the bare skin of my back. "It's the opposite, almost. There's such a relief, but now I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something because I'm not waking up in a panic about Stella or Max or the baby or something."

He sat up, looping an arm around my waist as he slid closer to me. "You should be getting sleep while you can, because in a few days we'll have a newborn crying all hours of day and night."

"I know, but I actually think I'll like that better. The house is too quiet."

"You never trust peace or silence." He kissed my shoulder. "But you don't have to worry. Chaos will find us soon enough. It always does."

"You're probably right." I leaned against him, and he enveloped me in his arms, my back pressed against his chest. "What are your plans for the day?"

"I need to head down to talk to the Guardians," Boden said, and his voice rumbled through me as he spoke.

"The Guardians?" I snorted. "That still sounds like such a silly name to me. Why don't they just call them guards?"

"I don't know. Someone liked the way it sounded," he supposed. "But regardless of the name, they're keeping the town safe, and with my experience as a sergeant at the last quarantine zone, I want to help."

"No, it sounds good. You should be a Guardian. I just don't love the name." I wrapped my arms over his, and he kissed my neck. "They need someone smart and brave like you."

"They could use someone smart and brave like you , too," he suggested playfully.

"I don't think that's for me, not that I really know what is for me," I said. "My only job experience was being a bagger at a grocery store in high school, and then my time as a human guinea pig at the BCQZ."

"You'll find something," he assured me. "And there's no need to rush. Max and Stella will likely need help once they move here."

"Yeah," I agreed. My stomach fluttered in an anxious way I couldn't quite explain, but it felt something like dread.

Boden had been kissing my shoulder but he stopped. "Are you okay? You just tensed up."

"Yeah, I'm great," I lied, because I should be fine.

We had everything we could ever hope for. Life could be so much worse after all we had gone through, but here I am in Boden's arms, preparing for the return of Max, Stella, and the baby.

Shame washed over me because I knew that I should be happy, grateful, and relaxed, but I just wasn't. I couldn't be.

I wriggled out of Boden's arms, because I couldn't handle the affection in his touch when I knew that I didn't deserve it.

"Sorry. Was I touching your scars again?" Boden asked, already taking the blame for something that wasn't his fault.

"No, you're fine."

His fingers often brushed against my scars, because it was nearly impossible for him to avoid it when I was naked. I could handle it most of the time, but every now then, he would touch one, and I'd recoil from it.

I got out of bed and pulled on my underwear and jeans. "I want to see Max and Stella, and I need to spend some time around town figuring out what I am going to do while I am here."

"That sounds like a good plan," he agreed, but there was a hesitation in his voice. I didn't press on what it might be because I was afraid of what it might be.

"Stuff's good, so I gotta make myself useful." I pulled on a t-shirt, and then I grabbed Boden's flannel to wear over it. "You and Serg have your things, and now I've got to find mine."

"So you'll be gone all day?" he asked, looking up at me from where he sat on our bed, naked under the blankets.

I shrugged. "Probably. But I should be back by supper."

I walked over, kissing his cheek, and told him goodbye before heading to the ladder.

"Remy," he said, so I paused and looked back. "I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, of course." I forced a smile at him.. "I love you, too."

Boden smiled back, and I couldn't tell if he believed me or not. But I felt too restless to stay in the loft, so I told him to have a good day, and I left.

It was still early, so Emberwood seemed to be mostly slumbering. There were a few people awake, and chickens and geese wandering all over. I normally didn't like walking around here. It all felt so crowded and loud and pushy after living isolated for so long. But this early in the day, it was quiet and not so bad.

Unfortunately, it didn't take that long for it to change. Soon, everyone seemed to be awake and in a hurry. I let the crowd take me downtown, and I spotted the Athenaeum I had seen Lazlo playing guitar.

I couldn't hear him now, but I drifted toward it anyway, hoping that I might see him again. I had been so focused on everything happening with Stella I hadn't really had a chance to reconnect with him.

When I had left the house, I told Boden that I wanted to go visit Max and Stella, and I meant to. They didn't need help from me, because Jovie and Eden were there, and Stella was breastfeeding. And it wasn't like I had any practical advice or any real experience with babies. I was more clueless than they were.

So I wasn't in that much of a hurry to see them, even though I did truly love my niece. I just didn't really know what to do around her.

Inside the Athenaeum, there were a few patrons reading books and drinking tea, but none of them looked like Lazlo. I went over to peruse the books on the shelf, because it had been a long time since I had anything new to read.

"You find anything you like?" the bespectacled woman I had seen working here before asked, and I looked up from a battered copy of Shane by Jack Schaefer. "That one's a real classic from my own personal collection."

"Oh yeah?" I asked.

"It's one of my favorites," she enthused. "Are you that friend of Lazlo's? "

I nodded. "Yeah. Has he been around lately?"

"Not today, but he does come in from time to time," she replied.

"I am so sorry to interrupt, Athena, but I am in a state that requires interruption," Mayor Vaughn Douglas said, and he came walking over to us with his sight fixed on the bespectacled purveyor of the Athenaeum. His hand was resting on his tailored vest made of chocolate colored corduroy, and he gave me an apologetic smile. "I promise to take but a moment of the lady's time."

"Sure, no problem." I stepped to the side to flip through the book and give them both space.

"Do you have anything to settle a stomach?" Vaughn asked her quietly. "I have been under the weather for days, and none of my usual remedies seem to be doing the trick."

"I have some ginger tea I could make with a little honey," she offered. "That usually settles my tummy."

"I would be much obliged if you could whip me up one of your finest cups of ginger tea posthaste," he beseeched her.

"Sure thing, Mayor," Athena said, and before she went to do that, she turned back to me. "If you're looking for Lazlo, she'll know where he is."

She pointed to someone who had just walked in, and I looked over to see a thin blonde young woman dressed in a meticulously styled distressed sweater and torn denim skirt. Her long, wavy hair was underneath a black hat with a wide brim. She wore heavy eyeliner and lipstick. The thick pink burn scar that ran from her chin on the right side down her neck to below her cheek was new.

"Harlow?" I asked.

She smiled at me. "Remy?"

I walked over to her. "Holy shit. You are so grown up!"

Lazlo had told me how she was doing, and I knew that she wasn't the young girl I had last seen eight years ago. But it was still another thing to witness it for myself.

"And you're…" Harlow looked over me with an expression I couldn't read. "… you're basically the same."

I glanced down at myself and shrugged. "I suppose I don't change much." Then I motioned to a nearby table. "Do you want to sit down and have some tea or something?"

"Sure."

We sat down together and ordered lavender tea, and Athena brought it out in two mismatched ceramic cups. The silence between us felt heavy and unexpected, and my thoughts went back to the last time we had spoken.

Harlow had only been thirteen then, and she'd overheard that I was planning on leaving her for good.

"How could you do that?" She looked at me, her eyes sad in the fading light. "You were gonna leave without saying goodbye."

"I didn't know how to. I thought it'd be easier on you," I said.

"You thought disappearing would be easier?" Harlow looked at me skeptically. "After all the people I've lost who I never got to say goodbye to?"

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"I don't want you to go," she said quietly.

"I know. But this is a nice place here, for you." I lowered my voice a little bit, knowing that Lazlo was probably eavesdropping. "And Lazlo needs you. He needs someone to take care of him."

"Will I ever see you again?" she asked.

"Honestly, I really don't know. "

Without warning, she threw her arms around me, and I hugged her for as long as she would let me. After she calmed down, we went back inside, and I didn't see her again.

"Lazlo has told me that you have your own boutique, and you're living with your girlfriend," I said.

"The boutique is great, and Kimber is amazing." She smiled, her face brightening a moment, and she fiddled with the cross necklace. "Lazlo told me that you were in town, but that you had been busy with some family issues."

"My brother had a baby with his girlfriend," I said. "Rafaella. She's two days old and perfect."

"I did hear about that," Harlow admitted. "Emberwood is a very small town, and word travels like wildfire. That's actually why I came here. I had heard you were wandering around town.

"People were gossiping about me this morning ?" I asked, glancing around uneasily.

"You're new, and you have a lion. People are gonna notice you," she pointed out with a smirk. "I can't believe you and Ripley are still together."

I shrugged. "She's a pack animal on the wrong continent. What else is she supposed to do?"

"She seems more tame now, with a collar and leash."

"Time and domesticity have a way of doing that," I said. "How have you been?"

"How much has Lazlo told you about my life?" she asked.

"Basically just what I said. You're happy, you like drawing and making clothes," I said. "He did mention that you've had some rough times over the years."

She frowned and looked down at the teacup. "I know you're curious about the burns. Everyone always is. So I'll just get it out of the way. After the BCQZ fell, I escaped with Laz, Kimber, and some other people. Kimber and I ended up being held captive by these deranged people from the Loth Family Ranch. Have you heard of them?"

I shook my head. "No. Should I have?"

"It's better that you don't. They're super fucked up and… and eventually, Laz and Nova rescued me and Kimber. Things were bad, there was a fire, and a lot of the Loth family died. We managed to get away though, and Laz and Nova brought us back to their homestead. We actually had a good life until February of this year.

"The Loths wanted revenge," she went on. "But they had been hurt, and it took them a long time to find us. But when they did…" She trailed off and chewed her lip. "They burned everything down, and I nearly lost my life." She shook her head, clearing it. "But we made it out alive. We eventually made it here, and we found happiness again."

"I am so sorry all that happened to you. But I am pleased that you were able to find happiness here." I smiled wanly at her.

Harlow was still staring down at her tea when she said, "It's always so important to me that something good comes out of something bad. Emberwood has been that for me. Maybe it can be that for you, too."