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Chapter 44

It's the morning of the wedding, and I know I don't have a choice, but I can't stop thinking about him. If I had just said no to my father, we would still be together. There's been so much media coverage which our fathers have orchestrated, but it's fake smiling and laughing for the camera. I don't even know this girl. We play nice because our fathers expect it, we're expected to have a ‘full' marriage, and the thought of fucking a woman again turns my stomach. I didn't realise I was gay till I met Ryder, then everything just made sense.

Now, I'm getting married and expected to have children, and after the honeymoon, I'm stepping into my father's shoes and running the company. Everything's moved so fast and been taken out of my control. I should have fought harder for him. I should have fought for him full stop, and now I'm standing at the end of the altar with a fake smile on my face, waiting for my fiancée to become my wife when we've barely had more than two conversations. I told her I was gay, she told me she had a boyfriend, and here we are.

She looks pretty as she walks down the aisle towards me. The dress is nice, and I bet it was expensive. She's petite, with blonde hair and blue eyes, attractive if you like that kind of thing, and I did before him. This wouldn't have been a problem if I hadn"t met him, but all I can think about is him.

When I look at the flowers, they make me want to sneeze. They're everywhere—the church is filled with them. There's a flower girl throwing petals around, and I have no idea who she is. But as my bride walks towards me, I have to close my eyes and steel myself because I want to bolt. I want to run straight to him and beg him to take me back, and I should have done that from the start. I should never have let him go. But life sucks, and here I am.

The wedding goes by in the blink of an eye, and the reception is much the same—pictures, fake smiles, fake, fake, fake. We must head to a hotel for the night before we fly out to Aruba tomorrow.

"Can you undo my dress?"

"Erm, sure."

"Daddy says once I give him a grandchild, we can stop fucking. Shall we start now? Get it over with?"

"Pardon?"

"Daddy said…"

"I heard what you said. So, can we give them a grandchild and end the marriage?"

"No! We have to stay married, but we don't have to try to get pregnant if we do it straight away. We can then get on with our lives, we'll hire a nanny, and then we will still live in the same house, but we don't have to be together anymore." She sighs. "Daddy says if I give them a grandchild, I can start seeing my boyfriend again."

"Fine, let's get this over with."

I strip off and look at her naked on the bed and sigh. "Turn over, arse up, face down." This might be the only way I can do this if I can't see her face. I slide up behind her. I look down at my limp dick and then close my eyes. A smile comes to my face as I think about the first time I heard him in the shower block. I feel myself getting hard. I reach down and find her pussy. I slam inside. I keep my eyes closed, grit my teeth, and think of him. I cum in minutes, and I pull out, flip her over and prop a pillow under her arse, keeping my cum inside her.

"Fingers crossed," I say.

She mutters, "I didn't even cum."

"Well, don't let me stop you." I nod to her hand, and she sighs before reaching down and sorting herself out. I step into my sweats and leave before she's even cum.

I stand outside his house. Jay's there again. He's been here every night this week. I know that, as I spend most of the late evening outside his house, watching him laugh and joke with his mum, dad, and Jay. I watch them go to bed together, and I watch him leave in the morning and then go back to work. I'm exhausted. I feel dirty now I've fucked Chelsea, and I know no matter what, once I had crossed that line, he would never take me back. But I still can't let go. I can't move on. I'm not living anymore. I'm barely a person, and right now, I think I could quite easily end it all. But then again, I haven't got the guts to stand up to my father. How could I take my own life? I'm a pathetic excuse for a man, and I wish I could change things.

As Jay leaves, I follow him. He pulls up at the tattoo shop, and as he walks in, I rush beside him. He spins on me. "Fuck, you dickhead I could have killed you. What the fuck do you want?"

"I need to see him, Jay. I need to get a message to him. Will you please help me?"

"Dude, you got fucking married yesterday. Shouldn't you be with your wife?" He spits.

I grimace. "I don't wanna be with her, Jay, but if we have a baby, we can stop being together. We still have to pretend to be married, but if Ryder would wait for me when she's pregnant, we can be together." I don't see it coming. I just feel the sting in my face as I'm knocked to the floor.

"I should fucking kill you for what you've done to him, what you fucking put him through. You're a waste of fucking space, Archie, and don't show your face near me again. I won't be held responsible for my actions. I will do you a favour, though. I won't tell him you came telling him to wait while you get your wife knocked up. It's definitely not the way you tell someone I fucking love you. Now go. I don't want to see you anywhere near either of us again."

He grabs me and shoves me out the door, slamming it and locking it. I spin and bang back on the door. "Jay, please let me in, please. I need to talk to him. Jay?"

He closes the blind and walks away from the door. I drop to the floor and sob. What the fuck have I done? It's so fucked up, I can't breathe.