Ryder

Chapter 43

I'm still reeling. I look at the messages and listen to the voicemails, but I still can't wrap my head around them. I still can't believe he thinks the only option is for him to get married and for me to hide in the shadows, like some cheap fucking side piece. I'm angry, and I'm hurt, and I don't know what to say to him, but when the NDA comes with the courier, I tell him to fucking shove it. I'm fucking heartbroken. The man I thought I would be with for the rest of my life literally just tossed me aside, wanting to reduce me to an affair. A fucking closeted affair as well.

Dad comes into the kitchen, and I nurse the same cup of coffee I've had for the last hour. I need to get ready for work. Even though I have the team, I still go and help Dad out when I can. It's the least I can do, and with the team, I miss it. We have mechanics for that, but I love working with Dad.

"You don't have to come to work, you know. If you're not feeling it, I can manage without you."

"Thanks, but I'm fine. I need to keep busy."

"I'm sorry, son. I thought you guys were good together. You brought out the best in him."

I smile, but it doesn't hurt any less. It's like a stab to the chest. I brought out the best in him, but he still didn't want me enough to fight for me. He just let his dad toss me aside as a quick fuck. Yeah, I was a quick fuck to a lot of guys, but he was everything to me. So, I knuckle down and head to work. I get dirty and grimy, take it all out on the tools and the bikes, and feel marginally better at the end of the day. It's not until I get home that we're listening to the news, and they're raving about the new power couple, Archi-fucking-bald and fucking Chelsea. They're doing a run-up to the wedding, what they're wearing, who will be there, and to make it worse, there are fucking pictures and videos all over of the ‘happy fucking couple' fucking smiling and laughing.

Mum hugs me as Dad turns the tv off, "I think we've watched enough shit for one day," Dad says, and I smile at him.

"Speaking of weddings." I grin. "When's yours?" Mum looks at Dad, and he smiles. "We were waiting till you got on the team before we decided."

"Well, I'm on the team now, so it will give me something to look forward to." I smile, and Mum hugs me tighter.

"How did I get so lucky, to have not one great guy, but two?" She squeezes me tighter.

There's a bang on the door that sounds like we're being raided before it flings open, and Jay bursts in. "Fuck man, I ran here when I saw the news." He flings his arms around me. "Tell me if you want me to break the fucker's legs." He squeezes me tighter.

"Why did you run here?" I turn in his arms to look at him. "Why didn't you take your car?"

"I couldn't remember where my car keys were, so rather than waste time hunting for them, I ran okay."

"Okay, but when you still can't find them later, they're in your pocket."

Jay stuffs his hand into his pocket. "Motherfucker." He grumbles. "Sleepover!"

Mum shakes her head at us, and Jay hugs me tighter. He has his own place above the tattoo shop on the high street, but he stays here at least once a week. After spending so much time with Arch and holding each other in bed, I don't really want to be alone. I know I should get my own place, but I never wanted to leave Mum.

If I'm honest, now that she has Dad again, and I have the extra money I get from the team, I suppose I could at least start looking, but then I'm away such a lot at the minute. Is there any point?

"Dude, stop thinking so hard. I can hear you from here." Jay shoves at me and laughs.

"Well, I'm going to bed."

Jay scrunches his face up. "Dude, it's 8:30."

I roll my eyes at him, and he kisses Mum on the cheek and slings his arm around me. "Let's get you to bed, old man." He laughs, and I dig him in the ribs.

As I slide into bed, he strips down and slides beside me. "Seriously, dude, you doing okay?"

I shrug. "I thought he loved me, I actually thought I meant something to him, but he was getting married all along." I scooch further down. "I just thought I was finally enough, you know? Finally worth more than a quick fuck or fumble. Guess I was wrong."

"You're worth more than him. I know it, and he fucking knows it. Let him fuck Chelsea. She looks like she's got a scabby vag anyway, so fuck them both. Hope he gets chlamydia and his dick falls off."

I laugh at that, and Jay turns and rummages in his drawer, pulling out the two bags of Jelly Tots I stashed for him. "Fucking score." He tosses one at me. "I will share with you, seeing as your love life's in the toilet."

"Thanks," I huff out. I mean, they're my freaking Jelly Tots. Once I've stuffed them in my face, I turn over and turn the light off.

His arm slides around me, and he hugs me tight. "I'll be big spoon tonight, okay?"

I chuckle. "Thanks, man."

He snuggles into my back and kisses my shoulder. "Night." I shuffle back into him as close as possible and fall asleep. I don't know what I'd do without Jay, but I hope I never have to find out.