13. Sutton

THIRTEEN

SUTTON

“My Sutty!” Case barrels through the door, running a million miles an hour, or as much as his little legs let him. I’m in the recliner, my feet propped up, a pillow in my lap, and a blanket on top. The rehashing of events, the drive home, and even the shower wore me out. Though, there is something to be said about feeling Ryland’s hands in my hair, how he ignored the way my body was more than ready to go further, the clothes he gave me, and the comfort I needed when he held me while I took a good long look at myself in the mirror. Ryland is my anchor in the darkest of storms.

“Careful, bud, remember what we talked about,” I hear Russell trying to cajole him before he hits the living room. A big smile stretches my face when he rounds the corner, and Case stops short. This is what I was afraid of, that he’d be scared to see me, to touch me, and to be around me.

“She’s okay, just a couple of bumps and bruises.” Ryland squats down, tugging him until they’re at eye level. I can see the crocodile tears rolling down his cheeks. My heart clenches inside my chest. “You can lie with her, just be careful. Our Sutty needs lots of love and rest, okay?” I hear Ry explain to him, along with a few other things, and instead of Case walking to me, Ryland chooses to pick his little body up and hold him to his chest, hugging him so tightly, it almost feels like I’m intruding on the father-son moment. One of the things I miss most about my mom are her hugs. When she wrapped her arms around you, she held on. She also instilled in me her love. It didn’t matter if she was walking outside to work in the yard or heading into work, she told me I love you. Religiously.

“Kay, Daddy.” He squishes Ryland’s cheeks with the palms of his hands. There is nothing hotter than watching a single dad in his natural element, and when he places a kiss on Case’s forehead, closing his eyes and breathing in his little boy scent, it’s even sweeter. My ovaries weep at the thought that this could be my future, watching them together day in and day out.

“Alright,” Ryland replies.

“Me go to Sutty and be careful.” Case kicks his feet, the universal language that he wants down.

“Hey, Case man.” I hold my hand out to him, hoping he’ll accept my offer.

“Hi, Sutty, me ssss…it wif you.” His speech isn’t what it usually is. He’s nervous. I should have stayed at the hospital tonight instead of coming to Ryland’s. Sure, the bill would have set me back even more, but what’s an extra fifty bucks a month if it meant Case would feel better?

“You can sit with me whenever you want. I’ve got just enough room for you here beside me.” I scoot to one side, placing the pillow on my side, and he climbs into the spot.

“You two good?” Ryland asks after giving the two of us a moment to get situated. Case is running his hand up and down my arm that’s hooked around his neck. Our heads are together, mine resting near his, and I’m slowly dozing off. There’s something comforting about snuggling into a toddler who doesn’t usually sit still yet somehow knows today he is.

“We are, thank you,” I say quietly. It seems I’m not the only one who’s tired. Ryland dips his head, kisses my lips, then glides his finger down the slope of my nose.

“I’m going to make you a drink, grab your medicine, and figure out dinner. I’m not sure what I have, so it may be a pizza kind of night.” I scrunch my nose up. Most people love the cheesy dough with red sauce. Sadly, it’s my least favorite, and it’s probably because it gives me serious heartburn. I’d much rather eat anything else.

“Or not,” Ryland says with a chuckle. “Not your idea of food?”

“It’s not my favorite, but I won’t turn down anything you offer, either.” I don’t tell him the amount of sauce the local pizza place puts on their pies is ridiculous, plus it’s not that great sustenance wise for Case. Carbs, sugared tomatoes, and minimal amount of meat is nothing but junk food.

“Babe, the look you just gave me.” Ry shakes his head. “We aren’t having pizza. I’ll scrounge up real food.”

“Thank you.” I pause. My appreciation isn’t because we aren’t having pizza; it’s so much more. “For everything.”

“Alright, boy, get out of my way. I haven’t laid eyes on my girl, and it’s about time I do so. Plus, your momma wants you in the kitchen. Brought everything in, but she said you’re needed,” Russell says in his booming voice. Still, Case sleeps on, and it makes me wonder if he still takes naps in preschool or if he comes home to crash for an hour or so while he waits for dinner.

“Your girl? Mom know you smooth talk Sutton that way?” Ry tosses back a tease. These Johnson men. They’re all a bunch of helpless flirts. I smile as they banter back and forth for a moment. When they’re done, Ryland looks at me and arches an eyebrow to ask if I’m good. I give him a smile, hold Case a bit closer to me, and nod.

“How ya doing, baby girl? I don’t want the watered-down truth. Lay it on me.” Russ sits down on the couch. The way Ryland has his living room set up, there’s a recliner closest to the wall on one side, a small side table, and lamp. On the other side is another table, matching lamp, a plush dark brown leather couch, repeating the process on the other side of the couch, except it’s a chair that doesn’t recline. The coffee and side tables are a light wood tone. There are scratches and dents, but I’m unsure if he purchased them that way or if it’s the wear and tear from everyday use.

“I’ve been better. Never thought I’d be a statistic for domestic violence, and the kicker of it all is we’re divorced. Nothing but roommates, have been for quite a long time. My stupid pride got in the way. Had I just gone to you and Ms. Catherine, a lot of this could have been avoided.” It’s the truth. I can try to deny it all I want. I should have opened my mouth and asked for help. Stupid me.

“Honey, don’t beat yourself up. You’re a lot like your mom. She didn’t like to ask for help. It’s why Catherine freely gave, so now it’s your time to let us give to you. Plus, I suspect my son has his eyes on the prize, and that’d be you, my dear.” Russell’s eyes are full of warmth. He’s not selling me a line of bullshit.

“I’m going to try my hardest. I have a lot going on right now. It’ll be a lot, and Ryland has so much already on his plate. I’m scared to let go,” I admit to myself and to him.

“Ry’s shoulders are broad enough and can carry a lot. He can take on more than you think. Now, what I want to know is what kind of magic you possess to get my grandson to take a nap.” I look down at his mop of messy hair. His chest is moving up and down, and his hand is scrunched into my borrowed shirt. He’s not waking up anytime soon.

“I thought he always did this when he got home from school?” I ask. Russell shakes his head.

“Sutton, he hasn’t taken a nap in the middle of the day in I can’t tell you how long. That boy is go, go, go from the time he wakes up until he passes out at night. Now, you ready for a drink and your pain pills?” I’m amazed. He’s only been lying with me for less than twenty minutes, yet Case is conked out.

“I don’t want them. I know I need them, and they’ll help me sleep, and that will in turn help me heal, but they make me feel loopy, too loopy.” Apparently, I’ve been given truth serum somewhere along the way, freely giving everyone any information they ask.

“How about you take them today at least? Then see how you feel tomorrow. Then maybe switch to over-the-counter medicine instead,” Russell negotiates. He knows I saw my mom on so many pills toward the end, and it haunts me till this day. Mom needed them. She wasn’t addicted; she was in pain from the cancer ravaging her body. Still, it was hard to watch.

“I like that plan, thank you.” He nods and gets up from his place on the couch. I turn my head to face the television. Ryland flipped something on earlier, but it didn’t hold my attention, and it doesn’t now either. I close my eyes and fall asleep with the sweetest little boy in the whole wide world. The only person missing in this equation is his dad. That would make this feel complete.