5. Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed

Dalton

N ot going to lie, without the support of Larken, Deke, and Chase, I think I would have had to take a break from work. A vacation, extra sick time, anything. I loved Axel. Really, I did. Just seeing him, especially when he was with him, was like a kick in the teeth.

Every day was a struggle to be around him and not cry. Like me, the experience of the beta sickness had changed him. Not only was his appearance altered, he was quieter, kind of like Chase, too. Since Axel was younger than me, he was struggling more with recovery. He had the elf to cater to his every need, though.

Everywhere I went, there they were. It was a constant reminder that I'd missed my chance. If I'd ever had one.

I wanted to be happy for Axel. Really, I did. Seeing him happy should have made things easier for me. It just didn't. All the time there was this ache in my chest. It caused me pain to see him with someone else. Each time it felt like my heart was being ripped out of my body and stomped on.

Each smile they shared was a slap to the face. A wake up call.

The office was frantically busy. With the birth of the triplets and Kade taking parental leave, we were short handed. I took on as much extra work as I could stand. It didn't help Axel was often disappearing off with the elf to do patrols, even though it wasn't exactly his job.

Sometimes Deke came into Axel's office and helped me out, probably feeling guilty that Axel was dropping the ball. No one would say anything to our Second, they were too busy coddling him after the sickness, which I understood, but I'd been sick, too, dammit! Chase picked up the slack where he could, too. Both of them, Chase and Deke, were goddess sent, I swear.

"Hey Dalton! I'm sorry you've got so much to do. Will baby cuddles make up for it?" Kade asked sweetly one morning a couple of weeks after they were born.

The Alpha Mate looked pretty fresh for a man with three babies to look after. He had Roan, Blake, and his family all helping, so I guess it was possible he was getting sleep. I heard there were times when he and Blake would just nap on the sofa in Blake's office with the kids being looked after by Roan and Dakota since the two assistants could multitask with the best of them.

When you were an assistant for a Sweetwater, you had to learn special skills, it was in the job description.

The Alpha Mate was weighed down with stuff. If I was to guess, he had just been outside with the triplets, getting them some healthy fresh air. Gentle exercise for the new papa was okay since he had been healed post birth by his grandfather, Aldrin.

"Baby cuddles? Heck, yeah!" I reached my hands out for any of the babies. Didn't matter which one, okay? I was going to hug the stuffing out of all of them. Kade would not be leaving until I loved on each of them in turn.

Kade shook his head, but handed me the one with reddish brown hair. The omega, Felix. "Careful, support his head," he urged as he gently lowered the tiny baby into my waiting arms.

"Aren't you just adorable?" I cooed to the baby. He was so alert! So knowing. I swear babies knew the secrets of the universe and lost them as they grew up.

Felix wriggled in my arms, making sweet baby noises. He smelled so perfect! He made faces at me, almost like he was smiling. Could shifter babies smile this young? Did he know just how precious he was ?

"Aww, he's smiling at you. He likes you," Kade said, answering my first question for me. He looked at us fondly.

"It's not gas?"

"No. They've all started smiling. Shifter babies grow pretty fast."

I held him close, reveling in the feeling of holding something so precious. "Thanks, I needed this."

Kade paused his bustling around, his fingers clutching a folder. Concern passed over his face before he smoothed it away. "Everything okay?"

Internally, I rolled my eyes. Guaranteed Kade was about to bring up Axel and not the massive pile of papers I had to deal with. Purchase orders, payroll, schedules for the factory. I wasn't sure why they landed on my desk, but here they were. Yet all people could think of was Axel. As if my entire life revolved around the other beta.

You , my raccoon said. Reminding me that I often thought of Axel. Even when no one else had mentioned him, I was thinking of him. He was the metaphorical elephant in the room.

There was a long stretch of silence before I finally answered. "Just a lot going on in the office."

"That it?" he probed. His eyes held mine. No judgment in those amber orbs. Kade had such pretty eyes. Felix had inherited them from him .

Here it comes, I said to my raccoon. He made his laughing noise in return. My alter didn't like to speak much, just words here and there, yet had absolutely no issues with communicating with me.

"Yeah, what else would there be?" I feigned innocence.

Kade frowned, appearing to have a mental conversation with himself, his mate, or maybe his wolf alter, before finally giving in. "Are you doing okay with Axel dating Teárlach?"

Well, there it was. The hundred dollar question.

"Not going to lie to you," just myself , I added in my head, "it's difficult. My crush was just a crush, though. Nothing big." Lie, big lie, but whatever. "Axel deserves to be happy."

"Do you think it'll be with Teárlach?"

"Don't you? You've seen them together, right? All over each other, practically speaking without words." I tried to keep my voice even, to not let my feelings show. My hurt over Axel could turn toxic if I let it. There was no way I'd go there. I had to get to a place where I could genuinely be happy for my friend.

"I'm not sure," Kade said honestly, letting his worry for his brother-in-law out.

"Why not?"

Again, Kade thought about what he wanted to say. Really weighed out the words. "There's something off there. The elf isn't telling us something. Plus, we don't know how long he'll stick around. What if he breaks Axel's heart?"

"Then Axel will be broken hearted for a while. Eventually he'll get over it or learn to deal. A little heartbreak isn't the worst thing in the world."

As much as it hurt me to think of Axel in pain, I couldn't control his feelings anymore than his family could. Whatever happened to him and the elf would happen. I wasn't going to interfere.

"But—"

"Nope. We don't get to decide anything for him. You can try speaking to him. Pointless, though. Axel will do whatever he feels like."

I looked down at the now sleeping baby in my arms. "Gimme Elliotte now, please."

"Dalton…"

"Seriously, Kade. Your concern for me, for Axel, for everyone, is awesome. You are a fantastic Alpha Mate and I know your instincts are going wild right now."

"Okay, so what?"

"So it's up to us how we live our lives. Our mistakes are ours to make. I'll get over my crush and Axel will either live happily ever after, or he won't. Nothing you do will change things. Might make Axel pissed at you though. "

Kade mulled it over as he took Felix from me and returned him to the stroller, replacing the little baby with his slightly bigger sister. I looked into her sweet face and smiled. Maybe I'd never have this for myself, but I would always be a part of their lives. I'd hoped I'd be closer, being Axel's chosen mate rather than the elf. In truth, I'd likely never been thought of like that by him.

Being this close would have to do.

Greyson, the last triplet, began to whine. Kade looked around him, cradling the baby as he looked for somewhere to sit aside from the floor.

"I'm going to ask Blake to get you some more help," he said as moved some files off a chair and onto the floor. "Sorry. He won't settle unless I feed him."

"Can I?"

"Would you?" he asked in relief.

We swapped places, me sitting in the newly cleared chair and Kade taking my place on the floor next to the mat he laid out for Elliotte to lay on.

The bottle was still warm, tucked into a handy pouch to hold the heat. Greyson rooted his head around for the nipple before latching and sucking hungrily. "You are so precious," I whispered to him.

Inside I felt my heart break just a bit more.