Chapter Thirty-Four

Norah

"What's going on in that head of yours, Eamon Kennedy?" I ask quietly. "You've been miles away."

After spending a few days at the hospital without a hint of improvement in Caity's condition, we're now sitting at a table on the patio in the backyard. Eamon has been quiet and brooding all day. He heaves a sigh before turning to look at me, his eyes filled with pain and regret and I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, my anxiety skyrocketing. It doesn't get any better when Eamon reaches for my hands. He grips both of them in his and stares into my eyes.

"Norah, love," he starts, releasing a shuddering breath, "I'm going to stay."

My brow furrows in confusion. "Stay? What do you mean?"

"I mean I'm staying here with Mam. She needs me."

Nodding, I say, "I know. That's why we're here."

"I don't mean a short stay. I'm going to stay indefinitely," he mutters, looking down at our hands.

I open my mouth to object, but I can't form words. What is he saying? My eyes well with tears, and I begin nodding my head. "Okay, so I'll stay too."

He shakes his head, then whispers, "No, Acushla. You need to go home. You have too much there to give up. And I won't be—"

"Stop!" I cry out. "Don't you dare do what I think you're trying to do, Eamon Kennedy. You have a life there too. We have a life there."

"Norah, please," he pleads, "don't make this any harder than it already is. My family is here."

"But you are my family," I choke out. "How can you just tell me to go back? Do these last months mean nothing to you?"

Eamon raises his head, eyes wide as he grips my fingers tighter and says, "‘Course they mean something to me. They mean everything to me, but I can't just abandon my family in their time of need for a lass."

I recoil as if he'd physically slapped me.

"For a lass, " I hiss through my teeth. "Is that all I am to you? Obviously what we've had doesn't mean everything to you if you can refer to me as just a lass. I gave you everything, Eamon. Every part of me. My heart, my body, everything. And you can just dismiss it so easily?"

"Norah, that's not what I meant," he growls in frustration, jabbing his fingers into his hair. "Did you not drop everything for your Mam when she was sick?"

"That's different. And you know it," I seethe. "We had no one! Not one single family member or friend could come and help. All we had was each other. I can't believe you can sit there and compare them."

I rise from my chair to stalk back towards the house. I can't sit here and listen to this anymore. I can't believe that he's honestly trying to end us when we've only just begun.

"Norah, wait!" Eamon follows after me and grabs my arm, turning me towards him .

I gasp at the contact, then glare at him. "Let go of me, Eamon. Right now."

"No, we need to talk about this," his grip tightens and I flinch, the contact triggering my fight-or-flight instinct. He releases my arm immediately, shock shuddering over his face, then quickly turning to regret.

"Norah, I'm so sorry," he whispers. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Tears stream down my face as I wrap my arms around my torso. I know he didn't mean to hurt me, but the aggressiveness of his actions brought all of the fears I thought I'd banished rushing back.

"Why are you doing this, Eamon? Why are you pushing me away? You said you love me."

He slowly reaches towards my face to brush a loose strand of my auburn hair behind my ear. "Aye, I do. Which is why I can't ask you to give up your life in the States. I don't plan on going back. Even if Caity comes out of this, she'll most likely need extra care. I can't leave Mam to do that on her own. I just can't."

"Let me help you," I beg. "Please. I want to be here with you, for you. I love you," I choke out between sobs.

He pulls me into his chest, wrapping me in a firm embrace, then kisses the top of my head. The gesture is so gentle that it breaks me further.

"I don't want you here to help. That's not fair to you. You're almost done with school. I won't let you throw that away," he mutters into my hair.

"So, then I'll go back when the semester starts, and come back here after graduation. I can take my degree and skills anywhere. You know this."

Eamon puts me at arm's length, his face set into hard lines, and says callously, "No, Norah. I don't want you to come back here."

I jerk my head back, stunned. None of this makes sense. Not his words, not his actions, and especially not the tone in which he just spoke to me.

"Why?" I whisper through trembling lips. "I don't understand why you're doing this. Please explain it to me, Eamon. How can you go from telling me how much you love me one day, to telling me you don't want me the next?"

"I do love you," he says, red-rimmed eyes refusing to meet mine. "But I can't love you the way you'd want here . In Ireland. You'll just be a distraction I can't afford right now and I don't want that. "

A distraction? Pain and anger flood my veins so hard, that my knees start to buckle.

"I didn't realize I was such a burden to you." I spit at him, jerking my arms from his grasp.

I hear him calling after me as I flee towards the house. Rushing up the staircase, I storm into his bedroom and grab my suitcase. In a fury, I start throwing my clothes in, not even bothering to fold them. Once everything is packed, I pull out my phone to search for a taxi service. I can't handle another minute here and asking him to take me back to the Dublin Airport is out of the question. The drive alone would be torture. After securing my taxi, I search for the cheapest flight I can find back to the States and purchase it. Quickly and quietly, I trudge down the stairs and out of the front door to wait on the curb. Being inside the house is suffocating. The fact that he hasn't come inside looking for me is both a relief and heart-shattering.

Five minutes later, I'm in the cab, instructing the driver to take me to the nearest train station. It will be faster and cheaper than taking a taxi the entire way. I consider it a blessing that the driver isn't chatty. The last thing I want to do is to make idle chit-chat when I'm dying inside. I do send a text to Charlie though.

Norah: I'm coming back. My flight lands in Raleigh tomorrow a little after 8:00 am. Could you please pick me up?

Charlie: What? Why?

Norah: It's a long story, but I'm coming back alone.

Charlie: Norie, what happened?

Norah: He broke up with me.

Charlie: HE DID WHAT?! OMG! Tell me what's going on.

Norah: I'll call you when I get to the airport, okay? I'm in a cab right now headed for the train station.

Charlie: Okay babe. I'll keep my phone right beside me so I won't miss you. Love you!

Norah: Love you.

It takes every ounce of self-control I have to keep from sobbing in the back of the taxi. The driver only looks in the rear-view mirror once, but quickly averts his gaze when he sees the tears falling over my cheeks. On the way to the station, I look up the train schedule and purchase a ticket to Dublin. Once we arrive, I pay the driver, tipping him a little extra for leaving me to my thoughts. Making my way inside the station, I find a quiet corner and wait for my departure. A text message alert sounds on my phone.

Charlie: Don't be mad, but I told the girls. You're going to need us when you get back and we're here for you.

Amelia: Yeah, Norie. We love you and are here to be whatever you need.

Layla: Love you!

Myra: I'll supply the booze! Of course, I can't drink it, but more for you!

I sniff back a fresh wave of tears. My friends really are the best. I think about the prospect of staying in Ireland and leaving them behind. My heart throbs painfully. Would I have given it up for Eamon? It would have been difficult, but yes. I would have. But now? I need my friends. I need the love and support they always offer, even when we're bickering.

Once I'm settled on the train and it pulls away from the station, I pull out my phone to send a text to Eamon, letting him know that I'm headed home. Just as a courtesy. He beat me to it. I have two missed calls and a text message from him.

Eamon: Norah, where are you?

Norah: I'm on my way to Dublin. I'm flying back home, just like you asked. Please tell your Mom I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye.

Eamon: Stop wherever you are. I'm coming to get you. You don't need to travel by yourself.

Norah: No, Eamon. I'm on a train. And I'm quite capable of taking care of myself. This isn't the first time I've traveled through Ireland alone. Stay with your Mom. She needs you more than I do .

Eamon: Don't do that. How could you leave without telling me?

Norah: Goodbye, Eamon. Please don't contact me again. I can't bear it.

I shut my phone off and stuff it in my purse. Tilting my head back to rest on the seat, I close my eyes and take a shuddering breath. The small bandage I put over the crack in my heart is in danger of falling off and I refuse to have a breakdown on the train. I just need to make it home and into the safety of my house, then I can fall apart. The steady hum and movement of the train begins lulling me to sleep and all I can think is that I really wish my Mom was still here.

Eamon

"Fuck!" I yell, throwing my phone across the room.

I can't believe Norah just up and left without saying anything. I would have taken her to the airport if she was so set on going. I don't even know where she's at right now, but I'm sure she's headed for Dublin. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I pull at my hair and swear again. I was an absolute arsehole to her. It killed me to be so cruel, but it had to be done. I'm not going to let her waste her life here. She has so much waiting for her back home. Sticking by my side while I take care of my mother and sister is not what I want for her. She deserves so much better.

My phone lights up on the floor and I lunge for it. "Norah? Norah, where are you?"

"It's Teagan, mate. What the fuck is going on? I just had a text from Layla that you broke up with Norah and she's on her way back to the States. Please tell me this is some sort of sick joke."

I groan into the phone, "It's a long story."

"You fecking eejit," my mate snarls through the phone."What on earth possessed you to make such a dick move? I thought you were in love with her?"

"I was. I am, " I tell him. " It's complicated, Teag. My Mam and sister need me here. Caity is doing poorly and Mam shouldn't have to do this alone. I need to be here for my family."

"I get that, but how does ending things with Norah factor into this?" Teagan demands. "Surely she'd give up everything to be there with you. Everyone can see she's head over heels for you."

"I can't do that to her. She has a life in Wilmington and I won't ask her to give it all up just so I can selfishly keep her by my side. I love her too much to tie her down."

Teagan lets out a humorless laugh. "You're a thick gobshite, aren't you, Kennedy? Did you even think to ask her what she wanted? Because it sounds like you made the decision for her."

I stop short. I didn't ask her.

"No, I didn't, but…"

"But nothing. This isn't the Middle Ages, mate. Women don't need men making the decisions for ‘em," he barks out.

"Fuck off," I growl, flinging myself onto my bed. "That's not what I was doing. I was trying to save her from a miserable life. She might be willing now, but what happens when the years drag on and she starts resenting me? Better to end it now after a few months than years."

Even as I say the words, I don't really believe them. I know deep down that Norah wouldn't resent me or my family. She'd fit right in, bringing light to the darkness. That's just who she is.

As if reading my mind, Teagan says, "You don't believe that."

"I can't take it back," I mutter, pinching the bridge of my nose. "She's already on her way to Dublin. I don't even know which train she took. She just…left without telling me. I would have driven her."

"You think she really wanted to spend all that time in a car with you after you basically sent her packing? And then to say goodbye at the airport?" he asks in disbelief.

I hadn't thought of that. I was so upset over her traveling alone that I never even considered how difficult that would be for her. For me as well. Could I have really let her get on a plane and fly across the ocean?

"Fuck. I've bolloxed everything, haven't I?"

"Yeah, mate. You really have," Teagan agrees, not showing a hint of sympathy. "So what are you going to do about it?"