9. Jaxson

Ipaced the living room, my nerves fraying a little more with each step. This wasn’t my home, and yet I felt like a prisoner held captive within its walls. Emilia’s cries echoed in the air, a constant reminder of my inadequacy as her caretaker.

I glanced at the clock for what felt like the hundredth time, willing the minutes to pass faster. I hated to admit it, but the only thing that made it feel like I could breathe in the suffocating atmosphere that had become my life was when Rhys came around. His presence brought a sense of calm amidst the chaos. A fleeting moment of relief from the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a baby.

Or at least, that’s how it felt most days.

Right on time, the doorbell rang, and I let out a sigh of relief. Rhys had arrived. I quickly glanced at Emilia, who was deeply focused on her own world of baby chew toys. If chewing on them could be considered playing, that is. Without wasting any time, I rushed to open the door.

“Hey,” Rhys greeted me with a warm smile, his presence instantly lifting my spirits.

“Hey,” I replied, unable to suppress the gratefulness in my voice. “Thanks for coming.”

Rhys smiled as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “Thanks for inviting me over.”

I leaned over and planted a brief kiss on his cheek, watching as a blush crept up from his neck.

But before I could even appreciate that a beautiful man was in my home, I clutched him to me and pulled him in for a hug. Rhys wrapped me in his arms, and the familiar heat he radiated brought relief from my stress. I sighed heavily, my shoulders slumping with the weight of exhaustion.

“You okay, big guy?” he asked, rubbing my back soothingly, like I’d seen him do with Emilia. No wonder she liked him better than me.

“Honestly, I feel like I’m going stir crazy in this house. And Emilia is a baby. She’s not the biggest conversationalist.”

Rhys pulled back to look at me. The smile he was fighting to suppress was evident. “Give her time. She’ll be talking your head off in no time.”

He had every reason to run in the opposite direction. We were still figuring out what we were, or if we were anything at all, and I kept adding baggage to our relationship. I kept dumping my crap on him. He would surely get tired of my shit soon.

His expression softened with empathy as he listened, his gaze filled with understanding. The best part was he never took his hands off of me.

“I can only imagine how tough it must be to be a single parent of an infant,” he said gently, reaching out to place a reassuring hand on my face.

I leaned into his touch, grateful for his comforting presence. “Yeah,” I murmured, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. “But having you here makes it a little easier.”

Rhys gave me a sincere smile and looked directly into my eyes, offering unwavering support. “I’m here for you, anytime, Jaxson.”

A sense of gratitude flooded over me as I listened to Rhys’ words. His genuine sincerity cut through my walls and calmed the ache in my heart. He stood there, emanating strength and stability, grounding me in that moment of raw vulnerability. It was a reminder that I didn’t have to face everything by myself, something I had feared when I moved out here. Something I’d feared since losing my family.

His hand on my face, his thumb swiping back and forth from my cheekbone to my lips, sent shivers down my spine, igniting a spark of warmth in the depths of my soul.

I looked forward to seeing him when he showed up had become a habit. I waited every day for him to arrive and light my world up. But I also realized I needed to show interest in him as well.

“How was your day?”

Rhys’s eyes softened even further, his lips curling into a gentle smile. “It was good. Thank you for asking,” he replied, his voice warm and soothing. “Work was busy as usual, but coming here to see you makes everything better.”

He was fucking perfect. I was convinced he was meant for me.

“And what about you?” he inquired, raising his hand slightly, before continuing his calming movements. “What did you do today?”

“Same thing I do every day. Email, firewalls, change diaper, find pacifier, give her a bottle. Its on repeat.”

“Our—” he flushed, “I mean the little miss still keeping you up?”

Why did the sound of him almost calling her ours sound so right?

“I swear she hates me.” I probably sounded like a whiny child, but every time I thought we were making progress, she would suddenly turn against me.

Rhys chuckled, and squeezed my shoulder, “She loves you,” he reassured me. “She’s still finding her way and learning a new way of life. Give her time. Some babies have the internal clock turned reversed for a long time.”

As I leaned in closer, my forehead pressed against his shoulder and my voice took on a pleading tone. “Really? Because every time she’s nice to me, it feels like a trap.”

Rhys began to shake in my arms as he laughed at my ridiculous statement. But if it kept him wrapped around me like this, I’d be as ridiculous as he wanted.

“Jaxson. She’s what, five months old?” he reminded me. “I’m pretty certain she can’t hate you.”

“Well, she certainly loves you better than she does me,” I pointed out.

He pulled back to look in my eyes, and the playful side was back. “Well, you have to admit, I am quite lovable.”

My smile was genuine. “I can’t argue with that. You are the baby whisperer.”

He flushed and ducked his head, but I wanted to make him see that I meant it. I lifted his chin with my finger. “You are very special, Rhys. You make everyone around you feel at ease.”

“Thank you, but that number in your experience is two. You and her. For all you know, I could be a monster,” he murmured.

“Not possible,” I whispered across his lips before I leaned in and pressed a quick kiss on them. He leaned into it, savoring the moment.

My hand found his, leaving me to lace our fingers together. Reluctantly, I pulled away, but didn’t let go. “Let’s go join the little munchkin in the living room. What do you want to bet she’ll be more excited to see you than me?”

Rhys chuckled softly as he followed me to the living room, his hand holding onto mine. The sound of Emilia’s squeals filled the air as we entered the room, her eyes lighting up at the sight of Rhys.

“Well, well, look who’s here!” I teased, watching as Emilia attempted to talk to him, kicking her feet in the air. It was moments like this that melted away the stress and uncertainty that had clouded my mind.

Rhys sat down on the floor beside her while she stretched out under her black and white musical toy suspended above her. His smile was wide as he interacted with her, his voice gentle and soothing. Watching them together, I couldn’t help but feel a surge of warmth within me. Maybe this chaotic journey of parenthood wasn’t meant to be done alone.

I found myself captivated by the scene before me. The way he effortlessly connected with her, showering her with affection and joy—it was a sight to behold.

I sank down onto the couch, my heart swelling with affection for both of them. Rhys glanced over at me, his eyes soft and filled with an unspoken understanding, like he could see the emotions swirling inside me. In that moment, I considered myself the luckiest man in the world that he had come to mean to me in such a short time.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what I was about to ask. “I was hoping we could do things a little differently today,” I began.

He looked up at me. “Okay. What did you have in mind?”

I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, as I clasped my hands together to keep them from shaking. “I’d like to spend time with you, just us.”

Rhys smiled, “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I reiterated.

His face softened as he stroked my daughter’s hair. “You know I love spending time with her, right?”

“I know, but imagine if I could get her to sleep before you got here,” I said

His brow furrowed. “But then I won’t get any time with her.” I could tell he actually meant it.

I dropped my gaze to the floor, then looked up into his warm green eyes. “I need you to make me a baby whisperer, like you.”

Rhys gave me an approving look as he curled his lips in, making me smile. “I could do that, but it will cost you.”

Now I was a smiling fool. “I’ll give you whatever you want. It would be nice if she didn’t cry like 80% of the time I was holding her. I swear each time you get her to sleep, she’s slept for longer.”

Rhys chuckled softly at my comment, his eyes filled with warmth and understanding. “It’s all about finding the right rhythm with her, Jaxson,” he explained gently. “Babies can be quite sensitive to our emotions and energy. Maybe she picks up on your nerves or tension when you hold her.”

I nodded, rubbing the back of my neck. “Okay. She might be sensing some of that.”

Rhys reached out to put his hand over mine. “You’re doing great, Jaxson.”

Rhys turned away and picked her up from the floor. He stood and placed her in my arms. I made a conscious effort to relax my posture and focus on the moment. Emilia was staring up at me with those big, curious eyes, as if sensing the shift.

Rhys grinned, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I’ll let you in on a little secret—babies love it when you sing to them. She always relaxes more when she hears your voice.”

I raised an eyebrow, surprised by his revelation. “Sing to her? What should I sing?”

“Maybe not Baby Got Back,” he teased. I knew what he was talking about. I’d seen that episode of Friends.

Feeling a mix of embarrassment and gratitude, I nodded. “Alright, I’ll give it a try.” I wasn’t sure why it was the first song that came to my head, but I started humming The Climb by Miley Cyrus.

As Emilia watched me, I took a deep breath and started humming the familiar tune. To my amazement, she continued to gaze up at me with curious eyes.

Rhys watched with a warm smile, his gaze filled with pride. “See? You’ve got this, Jaxson. She already adores you.”

As I continued to sing the song about not giving up on the difficult things in life, I realized how the lyrics mirrored my life. Difficult things were going to come up, but learning to deal with it meant I was growing as a person. I had to be patient and enjoy the process.

When I’d finished, Emilia’s eyes were getting heavy.

“Babies are incredibly perceptive,” he explained, gently running his fingers over her head. “They pick up on our emotions, even when we try to hide them. My guess is Emilia can sense your worry.”

I sighed heavily, feeling the weight of my own insecurities pressing down on me. “But how do I stop worrying?” Some days, it felt like that was all my brain had to give me. How I was doing this wrong, and how it would be different if it Jayson and Leanne were here to do this for her. How much I was fucking this up.

Rhys leaned forward, his expression thoughtful. “It’s not about trying to suppress your emotions,” he said softly. “It’s about finding ways to manage them.”

I sighed deeply.

“Everyone gets overwhelmed, but what works for me are deep breathing and mindfulness exercises to help me stay grounded in the present moment.” He met my gaze. “Come on, let’s practice together.”

I felt a sense of calm wash over me, replacing the frantic whirlwind of worry that usually consumed. If my team could see me now, they wouldn’t recognize me. How did a little wisp of baby have me hyperventilating more than going into combat?

For one, you had training.

And before Emilia, I wasn’t sure I’d even held a baby.

“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed,” Rhys reassured me, his voice steady and reassuring. “But remember, you’re not alone in this. I’m here.”

I nodded, feeling a glimmer of hope flicker within me. With Rhys’s guidance and support, I knew that I could learn to navigate the challenges of parenthood.

“It’s almost bedtime,” I said. “Would you want to get her ready with me?”

He grinned. “Of course. I’d love that.”

Seriously, was this man real?

I leaned forward. Rhys met me in a sweet kiss over Emilia’s head. “Then maybe we can spend some grown up time together.”

As the warmbathwater enveloped Emilia, I gently washed her delicate skin, feeling the tension release from my shoulders. Rhys was standing behind me, his firm hands kneading away the knots of stress that felt like they had been accumulating since the day I buried my best friend and then my sister a few months after. With each soothing touch, I felt a sense of peace come over me, mirroring the serene expression on Emilia”s face.

We bathed, fed, and sang to Emilia. Despite my initial doubts and insecurities, I relaxed as more time passed. With Rhys’ steady presence and unwavering support, it didn’t feel like my chest was going to explode.

Once Emilia was settled into her crib, I felt an overwhelming wave of gratitude wash over me. Exhausted but relieved, I sank back into him, leaning into Rhys’ comforting embrace. As I nestled against him, I felt the weight of the day”s worries begin to lift from my shoulders.

In that moment, with Rhys”s arms wrapped around me and the gentle rhythm of Emilia”s breathing filling the room, I allowed myself to let go of the fears and uncertainties that had been weighing me down. With Rhys by my side, I knew I could handle whatever challenges parenthood threw my way.

We quietly left the room, baby monitor in hand, and made our way to his favorite spot on the sofa.

“Why don’t you rest for a while. Lay your head here in my lap, and I’ll listen for her.”

My eyes were heavy. If I took a short nap, I could rebound. So I did as he asked. Rhys ran his long fingers through my hair, instantly relaxing me.

As sleep began to claim me, I found solace knowing that no matter what tomorrow brought, I had Rhys by my side, ready to face it together. And with that comforting thought, I drifted off into a peaceful slumber, feeling grateful for whoever sent him to me.