15. Chapter Fifteen

My bound hands were above my head, my knees draped over his muscled forearms. The pull of his arms had me stretched wide enough that I felt the burn in my hip joints. It made it hard for me to move, so that all I could do was take what he was giving me. His dick stretched me wide, the burn not as intense as before, but still there. He changed the angle slightly and pegged my prostate straight on. I screamed at the sheer ecstasy of it, my head thrashing restlessly against the pillow.

Some omegas might want their first time to be gentle. To be filled with sweet kisses and soft caresses.

I wasn’t like most omegas. I’d known that my entire life, but it was more profoundly obvious in that moment.

I didn’t want gentle.

I didn’t want sweetness.

I wanted exactly what this alpha was giving me. Rough touches. Sharp, guttural, unintelligible moaned words. The sound of slapping skin against slick flesh.

I wanted to be split open.

I wanted to be marked.

I wanted to see and feel this night for days afterward.

I wanted to remember it each time I sat down, or took a step, or looked in the mirror.

I didn’t want to know his name or who he was. But I wanted this man–this alpha, this wolf–to fuck me into the mattress, into oblivion, to own me.

Being a virgin never held any kind of sacred meaning to me. It was just a thing. One last piece of my innocence in a world I was happily leaving behind to start fresh.

Closing my eyes against all the thoughts whirling in my brain, the ones that never let me truly relax, I arched my back, ground my head into the pillow, and stopped thinking.

His mouth latched onto my neck, his teeth nipping, laving, and sucking the tender skin there.

Gasping, the heat inside me ramped up to an inferno and my mind let go. Floating, feeling, surrounded by nothing but his hard body, his weight and heat and the scent of him. His hands and teeth on my skin.

Blinding white lights exploded behind my closed lids, like shooting stars in a blackened night sky. Until I was falling, shaking, all my muscles tight but moving against him. His cock so deep inside of me, his hips forcing me open wider, the air filled with grunts, gasps, and moans. And then there’s nothing but a peaceful feeling and I’m floating, floating. Just floating.

I gasped as I woke from the dream that had haunted me for months. The only difference was that now I had a name to go with the memory.

Blinking my eyes against the bright sunlight spilling over my bed, I stretched, feeling a twinge in the lower half of my body. Thankfully I hadn’t come from the dream. This time. My body was still too sore from giving birth to be interested in joining in on the dream.

I envied all those omegas I saw on TV who seemed to carry on with everyday life immediately after giving birth. A part of me felt slightly defective that everything still hurt, certain parts more than others.

By the time I had gotten Julianna down after her eleven p.m. feeding, I had been in a fair amount of pain. Especially my bottom, after sitting in the rocking chair in her nursery for hours. It was padded, but not nearly enough.

The events of the prior day rushed at me, and I flopped an arm over my eyes, like that was going to drown out the memories.

Grayson had insisted on driving me home when Dr. Sinclair–Finn–had released me. Dr. Pierce–call me Asher–the pediatrician who had been on call when they had brought Julianna and me in, had declared her fit despite being a month early, and released her to go home. A small part of me had been afraid they would keep Julianna for a few more days and I would have to leave the hospital without my baby. Something I hadn’t been looking forward to. Since I didn’t have my car at the hospital, and I wasn’t cleared to drive, I’d let Grayson bring us home.

It had been so strange to be wheeled out of the hospital, holding Julianna, with the large, brooding alpha wolf shifter walking next to us. His arms laden with bags and random hospital paraphernalia. Along with a vase of flowers and balloons that had arrived that morning from Miss Rose. It had reminded me that I still needed to make the phone call I had been putting off to my parents.

When we’d gotten to my house, Grayson had pointed out a loose board on my porch, declaring he was going to call someone to come fix it. Last night I had tried to remember who he was going to call and when I couldn’t I had nearly panicked. I had an eidetic memory. Why couldn’t I remember? Was it pregnancy brain? How long after having the baby would I have to wait for it to go away?

Upon discovering Julianna’s crib miraculously standing, put together, in the middle of her nursery, I had burst into tears. Because…because all I seemed to be able to do was cry the last few days, and that was becoming my go-to response to just about everything in my life. It was as annoying as the lingering pregnancy brain.

My tears had seemed to flummox Grayson, and he floundered, not quite sure what to do with a crying omega. He had flushed, rubbing a hand through his hair, and mumbled something about having taken Julianna back to the hospital nursery for a few hours after I had fallen asleep, and leaving long enough to put her crib together.

My bed had been put together too, and made up with fresh sheets, even if the rest of the furniture and boxes seemed haphazardly scattered throughout the house. The bathrooms held all the essentials though, and the kitchen had been put to rights well enough. Even the fancy bottle warmer had been found and was waiting on the kitchen counter. Sure it was the work of the two grandmothers who seemed to have chosen me, I needed to remember to thank them.

And, then it had all gone to hell. It was all too much for me. I’d felt overwhelmed by almost complete strangers doing so much for me. Grayson was stepping in where I didn’t want him to be, doing the things I had planned to do for Julianna myself.

And he wouldn’t leave. Every time I had turned around, I was practically bumping into his large frame.

He wanted to feed Julianna, change her, and just take over all her care. It was maddening and frustrating, and I’d finally told him he needed to leave.

Which had started an argument. He felt he had a right to be there and was just trying to help. I felt he wasn’t letting me do anything for my baby, and that she and I didn’t seem to be bonding. He told me I’d better get used to him being in our daughter’s life, and I had snapped, saying that he should probably get a lawyer. In my mind I had meant it as a protection for both of us. Having things firmly in place, in a court order, protected both parties. My snappish tone had come across as an attack and he’d taken it as one.

Glaring, he had stormed out, slamming my front door, promising this wasn’t over between us. The slamming door had startled a dozing Julianna, who had spent the next several hours alternating between fussing and screaming.

At least I knew she wasn’t hungry, as she was taking to the formula fine. She just wouldn’t settle for me. It was like my presence upset her entire world. It had taken hours to finally get her settled last night, before I could tip toe across the hall and collapse on my bed in mind numbing exhaustion.

The bone-weary tiredness that had plagued me in the hospital, no doubt partly related to my severe anemia, had nearly faded to the background after the wonderfully restful night I had had.

Goddess, I had slept like the dead, too! But I felt more refreshed this morning than I had in days, and ready for a much-needed cup of coffee. Wait. That couldn’t be right. Why had I had such a peaceful night of sleep? Julianna hadn’t woken me one time after I had settled her just before midnight. Heart hammering in my chest, I threw off my blankets and staggered to my feet. Wincing slightly at my throbbing muscles, I rushed to the window and pulled the heavy curtains open.

The sun was high in the clear blue September sky, its placement telling me it was at least ten in the morning. Grabbing my cell phone off the nightstand, the time confirmed that it was closer to ten thirty.

Julianna!

She hadn’t woken up once. It was almost twelve hours past her last feeding. Had I somehow slept through her cries? I was a hard sleeper, but all my online research had assured me that I would hear my baby. That something in an omega’s brain suddenly got tuned to hearing their child, no matter how hard you might have slept prior to childbirth.

The first night in the hospital, I had woken just enough to hear her start crying, only to be shushed by Grayson’s softly whispered murmurs to her.

Instant terror filled me. Dear Goddess, why hadn’t my baby woken up? My brain raced, flipping through all the dire scenarios I had read about during pregnancy. Of things that could go wrong once you brought your baby home.

Despite her being sturdy and the assurance from the pediatrician that her lungs were good, she was still a month early. They should have never released her. They should have kept her in the NICU. My mind wasn’t even registering that she hadn’t needed to stay in that part of the hospital after she’d been born.

Nothing was making sense right now. The only thing I knew was that something had to be terribly wrong. That all my worst fears–the ones you never imagined would happen to you–were coming true.

Running across the hall to the nursery, I ignored the pain of the pull from my stitches. I had to get to Julianna! Should I call 9-1-1 now or wait?

My heart nearly pounded out of my chest when I realized I was staring at an empty crib. Paralyzing fear nearly brought me down to my knees. I grasped the railing of her crib tightly to keep myself upright, glancing around the room frantically.

Where is my baby!

I was positive I had locked the door after I had asked Grayson to leave. I even remembered double checking it before we had come upstairs for the night. Because even though Sweet Alps was considered a safe town, and the crime rate was low for its size, I had my child to protect. And I was a single omega living alone. There would be no unlocked doors for me.

Why hadn’t I gotten the alarm installed yet? I should have done that before we moved in. Because I thought I would have time to do all these things before I gave birth, that’s why.

My feet pounded down the stairs, and I screamed for her, “Julianna!”

Yelling her name made no sense, but I did it anyway. The only thing I could focus on was that my days-old baby was missing!

A large shadow loomed on the staircase wall in front of me, and a strangled scream tore from my throat.

“Wyatt, what’s wrong?” Grayson’s deep baritone was filled with concern, as I skidded to a halt on the stairs, trying to steady myself with the banister. My other hand came up to my heaving chest, feeling my racing heart beneath my palm, my breathing ragged.

Focusing on the large alpha when he came into view, my shaking legs finally gave out and I sank down onto the hard wood of a step.

Grayson stared at me with concern, standing shirtless in front of me and wearing threadbare jeans held up only by the sharpness of his hip bones. In his arms he held a sleeping Julianna, a burp cloth slung casually over one broad shoulder.

Drawing in a ragged breath, I tried to remember how to breathe. Julianna was fine. She was here. No one had broken in and taken her. Nothing dire had happened while she slept in her crib.

Nothing besides her alpha father breaking into my house and taking her from her crib without permission.

What in the actual fuck is wrong with him? This is so not okay!

Oh my, there’s those abs. I had forgotten how ridiculously delicious those things are.My giraffe purred like they were a damn cat.

“Are you okay?” Grayson asked, his considerable bulk gently swaying back and forth with the baby. He looked so natural like that, like he’d been doing it his entire life, and it made me just a smidge envious at the ease with which he did it.

Our first night home after I had asked Grayson to leave–kicked him out, whatever–hadn’t been easy. Like so many things the last few days, it had definitely not gone according to the plan I’d had in my head.

And here Grayson stood, looking fairly unrumpled, like taking care of a newborn was no big deal. Like everyone could just do it.

“What are you doing here?” When my brain stopped its mental gymnastics, I rasped. “I know I locked the doors.”

Grayson had the good sense to not meet my eyes, and if I wasn’t mistaken there was a slight blush dusting those ridiculously high cheekbones of his, just peeking out from the edge of his beard. “You did. I, ah, might have picked the lock after you went to bed.”

“Excuse me?” My tone was sharp as a knife blade. “You did what?”

It felt like my eyebrows might have become one with my hairline.

He was the sheriff for fuck’s sake. Did he think he was above the law? Was he even thinking at all?

Grayson scraped his lower lip with his teeth, wrinkling his nose. If my fear hadn’t been replaced with rage, I might have found that just a little adorable. Might have. Possibly. Shifting slightly on the hard stairs, I couldn’t disguise my wince as I pulled myself up slowly. “Ow.”

Concern flashed in his dark eyes, and he reached his free hand out and gently grasped my elbow, steadying me. “You shouldn’t be up yet. Come sit on the sofa. Are you hungry? I’ll make you some breakfast. I wanted to let you sleep as long as possible. I hope we didn’t wake you. She was pretty upset at her last feeding. Had a burp she just couldn’t get out and she was not happy about it. She might be a bit colicky from the formula. Maybe we should switch to a different one that is easier on her tummy.”

Dumbstruck, I let him guide me over to my soft sofa and push me down into the comfort of it. It was much better on my butt than the stairs had been. And what was he going on about? Formula and colic and babies’ tummies. Was he the baby whisperer after all?

“I didn’t even hear her,” whispering, tears filled my eyes at the inadequacy that I felt. The same feelings had swamped me last night as I had paced the floor with her, trying to quiet her heart wrenching sobs. “I didn’t hear her! Or you! You were in my house, across the hall from my room, and I didn’t hear you!”

Wailing, I let the tears fall freely down my cheeks and drip off my chin, making a wet patch on the leg of my pajama pants.

“What kind of a father am I? I suck at this! Everything is so easy for me, but this is so hard! Why is this so hard? And why am I so bad at it? Omega’s are supposed to know how to do this, and I don’t and it’s hard! Nothing has gone like I planned it, and I’m pretty sure she hates me! My own baby hates me!” I sobbed.

Grayson gave me a slow blink, looking uncomfortable for a second, before he sat down on my coffee table in front of me. Julianna slept on in his arms, not at all disturbed by my mini-meltdown. The fact that she was so peaceful in Grayson’s arms had me sobbing harder.

“Hey,” Grayson whispered, taking his thumb and wiping at one of my tears with the most tender of touches, “everything is okay, Wyatt. Jules is fine. And you wouldn’t have heard me, so don’t get upset that you didn’t. I’d be more worried if you had heard me. I would hate to think I was losing my skills already. Goddess, Jamie would never let me hear the end of it, if I was. Your body needed the sleep. You just had a baby. That’s hard work, and you need time to heal. I couldn’t do what you did, no way could I give birth like that. Give yourself a break, baby.”

Jules? Baby? Have I woken up in an episode of The Twilight Zone?

Mate, my giraffe huffed in my ear. Bossy, domineering, take charge mate. Yummy.

He’s all that and more, I silently agreed.

“Look at her!” Waving a hand in their general direction, I sobbed harder. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t seem to stop whatever was happening inside my body and all the feelings I was feeling. “She hates me! She wouldn’t stop crying yesterday, no matter what I did for her. But she adores you, because of course she does. What did you even do for her, huh? I’m the one that carried her, kept her safe, got fat! Pushed her out of a very small hole, with no drugs! I have stitches in places you shouldn’t have stitches! Why doesn’t she love me? Why does she love you? What have you even done for her?”

Grayson shrank back a fraction, holding Julianna just a little bit closer to him, and that made me cry harder. I had never been prone to crying. It was an impractical use of time and energy and really solved nothing. Apparently, all my years of pent-up non-crying were spilling out now.

“And put on a shirt!” Flapping a hand at his bare chest and his absolutely ridiculous, beautifully sculpted muscles on full display, I huffed, “No one needs to see all of that this early in the morning!”

Lies, lies, lies!But his abs were fucking distracting, as were the way his jeans were hanging so damn low on his hips. I swear I could see a hint of his curly pubes sticking out the top.

With wet eyes and hitching breaths, I blearily saw Grayson pick up his cell phone from the coffee table, and slide a thumb over it. Without taking his eyes off me, he held it up to his ear.

Whispering low, I heard him say to the unknown person on the other end of the line, “I think I broke him.”