Jacques

T he pain in my wife's eyes kills me.

Why , she asks.

She wants to know why she can't tell me to get the fuck out like I did to her.

And I know the answer because I'm the evil bastard between the two of us.

"Why can't I say it?"

Her knees buckle, but I catch her in my arms, and she no longer has the energy to avoid me.

All my wife is able to do is beat my chest as she cries her heart out.

"Why? Why? Why?"

And I only have one answer for her.

"I'm sorry, Riri. I'm sorry."

A crowd has started to gather outside her dorm room, but this means nothing to me.

All that matters is the girl in my arms.

"I never allowed myself to believe that you love me," I say hoarsely. "I told myself that all you felt for me was infatuation. And that your feelings will die over time. And so when Eva---"

The moment I say the other woman's name, I know I've made a mistake.

My wife shoves me away, and I have no choice but to let her go.

"I'm sorry, Riri."

It's all I can fucking say because there's no excusing how I hurt her.

"I'm sorry. I should never have believed her."

But my wife only stares at me.

"Forgive me."

"I do."

I know she means it, but the way she also says the words terrifies the hell out of me.

"Give me another chance, Riri."

"I can't."

"I won't make the same mistakes again---"

She shakes her head, and hope starts to slip out of my grasp.

"Remember what you asked me?"

Her face pales at my question.

"Because this time, I'd like to ask the same thing."

My wife starts crying again. "Stop it, please just stop---"

"Let me love you, Riri," I say rawly. "The way you deserve to be loved."

She tries to cover her ears, but I grab her hands because I need her to hear my every word.

"Let me love you," I repeat doggedly. "Let me love you the way I have always wanted to love you---"

"I can't," she chokes out. "I just can't."

The fear in her tone is unmistakable.

Have I really hurt her so much that it's completely over between us?

Is it really too fucking late?

"I love you, Riri."

It's all I can say.

"I know I don't deserve you. I wish I could turn back time, but I can't. All I know is that I love you."

And I know now it's the only truth that matters.

"I feel like a fool," my wife sobs.

So do I , I think dully.

I feel like the biggest fool in the world, to have thrown my wife away because of another woman's lies.

"Why can't I stop, ?"

She looks at me like I have an answer, but I have nothing.

I have absolutely nothing without her, and I---

"Why can't I stop loving you?"

I can't fucking believe what I just heard my wife whisper.

"I wish I could stop if only to save myself from pain. But I can't seem to do it. I love you too much---"

I yank her back into my arms, and it feels like a miracle when her arms wrap around my neck.

"I love you, Riri."

And my own eyes start to fucking tear.

"I love you, and I will always, always love you."