25. Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Five

Bennett

My first day back to work after a month off had been exhausting. My body ached with it, my head pounding with a dull throb that had started about an hour into the staggering number of emails I had to slog through and hadn't stopped. My stomach was off, rolling over and over, bouts of nausea hitting me every so often, no doubt brought on by the sheer mental exhaustion of the day.

I had been staring at the array of canned varieties of soup in the grocery aisle for about ten minutes now, my mind blank and just not functioning. Soup sounded good on my stomach, and quick and easy. Since I had known today would be long, I hadn't bothered thawing anything, not sure what time I would end up leaving work. This morning, I had planned to just swing by a fast-food place and grab something. However, my stomach's relentless somersaulting made the thought of greasy, fried anything revolting.

Finally reaching for a can of chicken noodle soup, I decided that was what sounded the best. Chicken noodle soup always made everything better, even the canned stuff. Tossing it into my cart with a dull thud, I rubbed my temples, trying to remember if I had crackers in my cabinet at home.

"Bennett!"

The child's loud, excited voice as he called my name startled me, and I glanced up to see Lucas running towards me, a huge grin on his face. Before I could brace myself, he launched himself at me, causing me to stagger into my cart.

Wrapping my arms around him, I closed my eyes, breathing in the sweetness of him. Strawberry shampoo, sunshine and happiness.

"I miss you!" he mumbled into my stomach, still holding me tightly. "When can I come over to your house?"

Hearing heavy footsteps, my eyes locked onto Shay's as he traversed the aisle. His lips were turned up into a slight smile that didn't quite reach his blue eyes, as he took in the scene of his son clinging tightly to me.

"Ah, I'm not sure–" my tired mind raced to come up with something to say to Lucas that wouldn't stomp all over his feelings.

"Lucas, I told you Bennett is busy," Shay rescued me with his fib. "He just went back to work today after being on vacation for weeks. I'm sure he has catching up to do."

Lucas glanced up at me through his lashes, his head as far back on his neck as he could get it. "But I won't be any trouble, I promise."

Oh, this boy was going to break me .

Smiling gently down at him, I told him, "You aren't ever any trouble, sweetheart. But your dad is right. It's going to take me a bit to catch up with work. Give me a couple of weeks, and then you can come over. I'm sure I'll need help weeding and watering the flowers we planted."

Not daring to look at Shay as I made the promise, I could feel his eyes heating my skin as they roamed over me. Very aware I looked a mess at the moment.

"I hope that's okay?" My voice was rough with emotion, and I cleared my throat. Lucas was still clinging to me, and I relished his warmth against me.

Shay nodded, not verbally committing either way. "You look exhausted."

Waving his concern off, I forced myself to step back from Lucas, putting a few inches of distance between us.

"Long, long day. This was a good lesson for me to learn on using more of my PTO, and not being forced to take a month off. I'm going to collapse when I get home." For the first time I noticed they didn't have a shopping cart with them. "No cart?"

Shay tilted his head towards the direction they had come, and I saw an abandoned cart, half full of various items. "Lucas saw you and took off." He gave his son a pointed look, "Something he knows better than to do."

Lucas huffed out an annoyed breath, "But it was Bennett, Daddy. We know him."

"Still," I tossed some random cans of soup in the cart that I probably didn't need, but it busied my hands, "you shouldn't run off from your dad."

Shay held his hand out to Lucas. "We'll let you finish up so you can get home to bed. We need to do the same."

"How's the house?" Why was I still talking? It had only been a few days since the pool party.

Shay smiled a genuine smile this time. "It's really good. We're doing good."

"That's good."

That was a lot of ‘goods'. Kicking myself internally, I told myself to stop talking. Let the man get his shopping done.

"My room is soooo cool!" Lucas danced around excitedly. "Uncle Gabe came over and painted it a pretty blue for me, and we hung up all kinds of cars and stuff on the walls. I even got some new toys and stuff. It's neat. Plus I got my own library card, so I can rent books anytime I want now."

"That's great," I told him, glad to see him so happy. "And you'll be starting school in the Fall. Are you excited?"

Why. Was. I. Still. Talking?

"Yeah! And Daddy says I can have a real birthday party next month! With balloons, and games, and I can invite kids! I'm gonna invite Rory and Patrick, and Matty and Logan." As his excitement grew, so did the loudness of his voice. "It's going to be fun! Not like the boring parties I used to have. With a cake I didn't like, sitting with my grandparents, doing nothing. It wasn't fun at all. And they never gave me anything I wanted. It was always boring, stuffy clothes I didn't like."

"Sounds like this party will be fun," I told him, glad he was so excited and had made some friends.

"Promise you'll come, Bennett?" His little voice was so earnest, his eyes wide with hope.

Imploring Shay with my eyes for how he wanted me to play this, he offered me no help with his tiny shrug. What did that even mean? Was I supposed to say yes or no ?

"I'll try my best to be there," I told him, not committing but unwilling to break his tiny heart by outright refusing.

"Come on, Lucas," Shay urged him, "we need to finish up, and Bennett needs to get home. You really don't look well, Bennett."

My energy–what little I had entered the store with–was flagging, and I leaned against the cart for support.

"I'm just really tired. I'll be fine after a good night's rest, and I get caught up at work. I nearly managed to get through all my emails today," I joked lightly, though it wasn't a lie.

Shay's hand came up like he was going to touch me, and I waited anxiously, my body thrumming with anticipation, but then he pulled it back and rested it at his side. Desperately, I tried to keep the disappointment off my face. "It was good to see you. Get some rest."

Numbly, I watched them walk back to their cart of groceries, Lucas's small hand tucked tightly into Shay's. Lucas looked over his shoulder, waving in the way only an exuberant six-year-old could.

Limply I waved back, watching them as they moved on, talking quietly to each other. Whatever Shay said made Lucas laugh, the sound bright in the store.

I wanted to be a part of whatever secret they were sharing, whatever had made Lucas laugh. I wanted to be with them shopping like a family, picking out things for dinners to come. My heart physically ached with the need, and when they were out of sight, I was left with an emptiness inside me that I knew only they could fill.

Closing my eyes, my hand wrapped tightly around the cool metal bars of the cart, and I silently told myself that I would not cry in the middle of Walmart.