23. Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three

Shay

"Come on, Daddy!" Lucas called impatiently from where he was keeping watch by our front door. I didn't even need to look up from the kitchen counter, where I was sorting out stuff to put in the beach bag to hear him practically bouncing from one foot to the other. "People are there already! I see kids I know! And I'm hungry! I can smell the hot dogs!"

Taking a deep breath, I held it for the count of five, then slowly let it out. Pulling the macaroni salad I had made out of the fridge, I told my child to calm down. "Pretty sure you're smelling the hamburgers. And you don't even have your towel yet. Go get it please."

I felt the eye roll all the way across the room and hid my smile as I double checked I had packed the sunscreen. It was the fourth of July, and Asher and Gabe were throwing a pool party BBQ. Asher had told me it was just going to be their closest friends, then had looked at me with concern. "We did invite Bennett. He's likely bringing Seth with him, but I just wanted you to be prepared. We invited him before you got here, and well, he's a friend and a good neighbor. I really don't want to uninvite him. Is it going to be weird for you?"

Assuring my brother that spending an afternoon in close proximity to my fated mate, who I had essentially rejected for absolutely selfish reasons, wouldn't be weird, might have been the biggest lie I had ever told in my life. It was going to be so weird. And uncomfortable.

My stomach was already tightening with the desire to see Bennett in a bathing suit. In my mind, I was picturing his compact, lithe body, and all his luscious skin. His dark hair, wet and slicked back from the pool, as water trailed down his neck, around his nipples, sliding down his flat stomach.

Nope, not weird at all, I thought, as I reached down to adjust my thickening dick inside my board short style swim trunks.

It had been two weeks since I'd said goodbye to Bennett, and I missed him terribly. Which was stupid, since we barely knew each other. Yet, I felt like there was a part of me that was missing. Lucas missed him too, continually asking when we were going to see Bennett again, and if he could go next door to visit him.

When I did catch glimpses of Bennett, my heart soared. My stomach always did a massive dive bomb of swirliness, and my heart pounded in my chest. Every time I glimpsed Bennett, my soul was filled with…happiness.

It had taken me a few days to figure out exactly what it was I felt when I saw him, but it was undeniably happiness. Bennet made me happy. There was something about him that just seeing him made me feel calm. Made me think that no matter what, I was going to be okay.

When he would raise his hand to wave, and his lips would curve into a small smile that didn't quite meet his gorgeous green eyes, I still held out a sliver of hope that he was going to wait for me. Not that I would blame him if he didn't.

I knew I was riding the hot mess express. Hell, I was a walking red flag to most people. I had trauma. I had triggers, as I was finding out. I had emotional scars. I had more baggage than you would pack for a month-long European vacation.

Why the fuck someone as good and kind and pure as Bennett would want anything to do with my mess, was beyond me. And I wasn't going to hold it against him if he decided I wasn't worth the time and effort. Hell, it still astounded me that Bennett was even single. He was a catch and a half, and much more than I deserved.

Lucas wrinkled his nose up at the mention of hamburgers, and I shook my head at his disgusted face. For some reason, logic known only to a six-year-old, he was on an anti-hamburger kick. Well versed in the completely illogical palate of small children, and what they would and wouldn't eat on any given week, I let him be. If he didn't want to eat hamburgers that just meant more for me.

He was right; I could smell the scent of grilling meat wafting over from across the street. Lucas, not caring if we were letting the central air out into the world, had been standing with the front door open for a good half hour. Eyes peeled for the first arrivals at his uncle's house.

"You sure they are having hot dogs?" Teasing him, I walked down the hallway to grab him clothes for later, to change into. He followed close on my heels, already dressed in his red swim trunks covered in Dalmatian dogs, sandals, and nothing else.

"Uncle Gabe said so," he declared, matter-of-factly. Asher had let me know there were going to be plenty of kids there, and they would have tons of kid-friendly and approved food choices.

"More burgers for me then." Booping his nose with a finger, I grabbed his brand new Batman beach towel off his bed. Folding it, I shoved it under one arm, while digging in his drawers for a shorts outfit. "You want pajamas? Uncle Asher said they are going to have fireworks when it gets dark, and marshmallows and S'mores. But it won't be dark until way past your bedtime."

Deciding I should just pack them regardless of Lucas's opinion, I added a pair to my pile. More than likely, I'd end up carrying him home sound asleep, and could just put him easily to bed.

"Uncle Asher said I could spend the night."

Giving my son side-eye from where I was crouched on the floor in front of his dresser drawer, I sighed. "When did this conversation happen?"

Lucas shrugged, scuffing his toe on the carpet of his room, and not meeting my eyes. Sure signs he wasn't telling the complete truth.

"I'm waiting. What exactly did Uncle Asher say?"

Lucas followed me back down the hallway silently, no doubt trying to conjure up an answer that would sound truthful. Repacking the bag so his clothes for later were on the bottom, I raised a brow at him when he climbed up on one of the tall bar stools in front of the kitchen counter.

His little chest heaved mightily with the sigh he emitted, and I had to force myself not to laugh at his dramatics. "He said maybe I could stay the night. Which, really, is like a yes, when you think about it."

"Is it? Hmmm. And did you think that maybe you should have asked me for permission before making plans on your own? Pretty sure I'm the keeper of your social calendar, sir."

Lucas giggled at my teasing tone, knowing damn well neither Asher nor I was likely to say no to him. Regardless of our answers, I didn't want him making plans without telling me first–even with my brother–and I wasn't thrilled about the way he had stretched the truth. We'd be having a much longer conversation about that later.

"All right," I stated, sliding the strap of the beach bag over my shoulder and grabbing the plastic bowl of macaroni salad. Cooking was definitely not something I was taking to naturally, but I could decently boil macaroni. The recipe I had found on Pinterest had been pretty basic and easy, while still tasting good. Lucas had been on board until he'd seen me stir in the diced celery, and declared it was on his no eating list. "Let's hit the road."

Sliding down from the tall stool, I waited with bated breath until his feet hit the ground. The stools were high, and Lucas seemed to love seeing how long it would take him to slide off them to hit the floor.

Glancing around the cozy and large living area, I was once more thankful for my brother and his mate. Gabe's house was a sprawling three-bedroom ranch, with an open concept kitchen, living and dining room. There was more than enough space for Lucas and me, and it was furnished. Gabe and Asher had swapped out a few pieces when they had moved into Asher's place, so some of the furniture had been Asher' s at one point in time. Either way, I was thankful to have a more than nice roof over our heads, that I didn't have to buy furniture for.

There was a large two-stall attached garage that Trixie was safely housed in, and a good sized fenced-in backyard. Well, mostly fenced in. The backside had been left open, with direct access to the woods that ran behind it. It was convenient, but also made me a bit nervous to let Lucas outside by himself to play. I planned on asking Gabe if he would be okay with me fencing all of the yard. It would just make me sleep better at night. I kept having nightmares about Lucas playing back there, and a snarling wolf slinking into the yard from the woods and snatching him up.

Though that wasn't really Edward's style, I still wouldn't put it past him to try to take Lucas. Not because he wanted Lucas, or enjoyed being a father, but he knew it was the best way to hurt me.

Once Gabe heard my reasons, I figured he'd be fine with having the entire backyard closed off.

Turning to make sure the front door was locked, even though we were only going across the street, Lucas started jumping up and down and waving madly. Tires crunched from next door, and I glanced over and saw Seth's blue Honda pulling into Bennett's drive.

The slim omega exited his vehicle, and I felt his icy glare all the way across the yard.

"Hi Seth!" Lucas called, still waving madly. "Are you going to Uncle Asher's party?"

Thankfully, when Seth took his eyes off me to glance at Lucas, his face softened and he grinned, waving back.

"I am, with Bennett!" Seth called, just as Bennett emerged from his house .

My breath caught as he walked over to Seth's car, shielding his eyes with a hand from the sun. He was wearing ombre blue board shorts that set low on his slim hips, no shirt, and had a towel slung over his shoulders. In one hand he held a beach bag similar to ours, and in the other he had a bag of chips.

He looked stunning, cool and relaxed, and I forgot how to breathe as I stared at his beauty. A slight breeze ruffled his dark hair, and I swore I smelled the faint scent of cinnamon and sugar.

Holding up a hand in greeting, I gave him a small smile. The one he returned was tight, not natural at all, and nearly broke my heart. He whispered something to Seth, then turned and went back into his house.

Lucas was already at the end of our driveway, nearly to the road, and I called for him to wait for me. Hurrying after him, I took his hand, and made a big show of looking both ways. Even though we lived at the end of a cul-de-sac that got little traffic, better safe than sorry.

Glancing over my shoulder as we crossed, I saw Bennett had returned but he wasn't walking across the street. Instead, he and Seth had their heads bowed together closely. Seth glanced over his shoulder at me, glaring and gesturing to Bennett with his hands as he spoke.

Sighing softly, I told myself it didn't matter what they were discussing, or that Bennett definitely seemed to be avoiding walking across the street with me. Hopefully, they would still come to the party, and me being there wouldn't be a big deal. If so, there really wasn't much I could do about it. Asher was my brother so he had to expect I would be here today. As much as I didn't want to make Bennett uncomfortable, I was also trying to reestablish a relationship with Ash .

Plus, Lucas needed to get to know his uncles and cousins. He was thriving attending Little Cubs, the daycare in town, while I worked. He was making friends and turning into a real social butterfly, and he was so excited to start school in just a few months.

Lucas didn't even bother knocking on Asher's front door, just went inside and ran through the house, towards the back. Slipping out the backdoor from the spacious kitchen, he announced loudly, "I'm here!"

Laughing at his joy, and the fact that he felt free to just be a kid, I trailed behind him. The in-ground pool, a recent addition from what I had gathered from Asher and Gabe, glistened, the blue of the water inviting in the hot sun.

Asher enveloped Lucas in a tight hug, and my heart melted. It was a sight I had almost given up ever seeing–Asher with Lucas–and I couldn't help the strong emotions that washed over me. Pushing them to the side before they had a chance to overwhelm me, I noticed a few people milling about.

Ryan Sinclair, who I knew from the daycare, popped his reddish blond head from around a large, graying alpha who was sitting on the edge of the pool, his long legs dangling. Ryan floated between the alpha's legs, both hands resting on each of the man's muscular thighs. Since I knew Ryan was married, I assumed the man was his husband. "Hey Shay! Nice to see you."

Waving, I smiled, looking around for an empty chair to set my bag down. Finding one, I made my way to Asher, who was crouched down next to a kiddie wading pool that had been set up on the concrete and filled with water. Tristan, Rafe, and a little girl that I recognized as Ryan's daughter, Charlie, were splashing around merrily. Toy boats and rubber ducks floated around them, along with a huge blow-up beach ball .

"Unc Say, Unc Say!" Tristan splashed his palms against the surface of the water, splashing Rafe, who let out a displeased scream at having water spray his face.

"Hey, T," crouching down to his level, I greeted him. "Hey, Rafey. Hi Charlie," I acknowledged the sweet little girl, whose blue eyes lit up, but she smiled shyly before ducking her head.

"Thought this was a good alternative for the littles who can't swim yet." Asher stood, wiping his wet hands on his swim trunks. "Lucas said he can swim?"

Lucas took that moment to jump off the side of the pool, into the deep end, with a loud yell and splash.

"Thankfully, yes, he can." Shaking my head at my son's antics, I just grinned at him. "He's been swimming for a couple of years. I think he misses our pool, so you'll probably be seeing a ton of him this summer."

Asher grinned, "We look forward to it."

"He mentioned he might be spending the night with you guys tonight?"

Asher nodded, "He's been scheming to, yeah. I told him we'd need to discuss it with you first. But we are happy to keep him. The twins love spending time with him. He's really great with them. Never acts like he's too big to play with them."

Keeping an eye on my madly swimming child, I was interrupted from answering when more people arrived, kids in tow. Asher introduced them as Lachlan and Quinn Sinclair, and their two kids, Rory and Patrick. The little girl was a beauty with thick chestnut hair and the same blue eyes as Charlie. The little boy was just as gorgeous with wild black hair that stuck up on top of his head, and large emerald eyes.

It soon became obvious to me that Rory and Charlie both got their eyes from their alpha dads. Lachlan explained that he and his brothers were part of a set of identical quadruplets, and they would all be in attendance today.

"Wade and Finn are on their way," Quinn Sinclair announced, rolling his green eyes. "Finn got called in for a delivery last night and was catching a nap. He didn't have a chance to make anything, so they needed to stop at Walmart and grab something to bring. No one wants Wade cooking anything."

Quinn was tall for an omega and thin, with chestnut hair like his daughter's, that fell to his shoulders in waves. I recognized him from The Sweet Spot, a place Lucas had visited when he spent the day with Bennett, and insisted we had to go. They had great coffee, and I'd found myself stopping a few mornings over the past week, on my way to work. His husband was at least the same height as Gabe, with broad shoulders, black hair and ice blue eyes. They made a striking couple, and exuded friendliness.

It was clear that all these people knew my brother and his mate well and seemed happy to include me in their mix. They probably all knew what had brought me here, and possibly even some of Asher's and my history, but no one mentioned a thing or made me feel awkward, which I was grateful for.

Tessa insisted I needed to work on making friends, and building a life that included more than work, and taking care of Lucas. She probably wasn't wrong. Honestly though, between starting work, getting Lucas settled, and us trying to establish some kind of routine, there wasn't really any time left over in my day–or social battery–to worry about making friends. At least there hadn't been yet. It had only been two weeks since we had left Bennett's, and I thought we were doing pretty good, all things considered.

The side gate opened with a bang, and all eyes turned to stare at the newcomers. Seth sauntered in like he was making his debut on the stage, hips swaying, sunglasses bedazzled with rhinestones covering his eyes, the sun sparking off them.

"Gabe, pleeeasssee tell me the food is almost ready," Seth whined, leaning against the bear and sniffing the meat on the grill appreciatively. "I'm about to die from starvation. I need some meat."

Gabe shook him off with a good-natured grin. "Almost. Go bother someone else."

Seth huffed, but he wandered away from the grill. Bennett entered through the open gate much slower, and I wondered if he had been talking himself into actually showing up. His eyes met mine, his lips pressed into a thin line. He seemed to give himself a silent pep talk, before he walked forward and asked Asher where he should set his bag of chips down.

He was close enough that I was sure I could scent him this time. His sugary sweet smell on the tip of my tongue, mingling just under the smell of whatever Gabe was cooking, made my mouth water.

Raising his head, he batted his lashes and stared up at me. If I wanted, I could reach out and touch him. Run my hand over the skin of his shoulder, down his silky arm.

Brows furrowed, he leaned his head closer, then demanded, "What did you do?"

Frowning, I tried to figure out what he was talking about, before my hand came up to cover the wide, white square of gauze that was taped to the juncture of where my neck met my shoulder. Covering my mating gland, and the scar there.

"Oh," I breathed, secretly happy about the concern I'd heard laced with his demand to know what I had done to myself. It warmed me inside to know that he was worried about me .

Lowering my voice, I told him, "I started the process to break Edward's and my bond. There isn't much bond left, at least from what the doctor said, but it still needs to be done. I have about three more sessions, he thinks."

Bennett's eyes widened in shock. "That…I've heard that can be a really painful procedure."

Shrugging my shoulder like it was no big thing, I told my hands to stay by my side. To absolutely not reach up and push the wayward lock of hair off his forehead. "It wasn't the most pleasant thing, but it will be worth it."

In fact, it had hurt like hell. Having a doctor cut into my scar, then dig out what was left of the bond tissue between Edward and me, had not been fun. Even numbed up, I could still feel the scraping sensation. It hadn't hurt but it hadn't been pleasant. And afterwards, the mark burned and throbbed for hours.

But the pain was worth it, especially if it meant I could fully break our mating bond, I would sit and do a hundred sessions. If it meant that one day Bennett and I might someday be able to claim each other, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Though honestly, thinking of being mated to anyone, ever again, nearly set off one of my panic attacks. Tessa and I were working on my feelings toward it, but I didn't know if I would ever be able to offer that to Bennett. But I wanted to be prepared, just in case, and I also wanted to be free of any last hold Edward had over me.

That was if I hadn't blown it completely with Bennett. I had hurt him, and for that, I would never forgive myself, but I'd had to do it.

For us to have a chance in the future, I had to let him go now. Even if it hurt like hell. Even if he hated me for doing it .

Even if I wanted nothing more than to grab him in my arms, claim his lips, and shout to the world that he was mine.

Bennett bit his lower lip, his green eyes searching mine for something . Searching for something I wasn't sure I had to give him. Not now. Not yet.

But I wanted to. I wanted to give him the world. I wanted to be the alpha he deserved.

I just hoped he would be patient and wait for me.

"I hope you…" Bennett's words trailed off, and he blinked furiously. His gorgeous eyes glistened as he stared up at me, as he tried desperately to blink away what I prayed weren't tears. "I hope you find what you're looking for, Shay. You deserve all the happiness."

His voice cracked on the last word, and I was positive my heart cracked a little too, before he turned quickly and rushed away. Dropping the chips on the table Asher had indicated, Bennett sank onto a lounge chair beside Seth.

His back was to me, rigid and tight, and Seth reached out and wiped something off Bennett's cheek, and pain squeezed my heart tightly.

Seth glared at me, pointing with two fingers first at his eyes, then towards me. Letting me know he was keeping his eyes on me, and he was pissed I'd made his bestie cry.

Well, fuck. I was pissed at myself for making him cry too. I hated that Bennett was hurting because of all the bad decisions I had made in my life.

And when Lucas noticed Bennett had arrived, and launched himself out of the pool, running to Bennett soaking wet, my heart leapt into my throat. Watching Bennett catch my son and pull him close, despite the fact that he was soaking wet, hugging him and kissing the top of his wet head made me ache for everything I had never had with a mate. For everything Lucas had never had from his omega father.