17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen

Shay

The elevator dinged and the doors opened onto the third floor in a fancy, chrome and glass office building. Besides the key Bennett had insisted I take, he had printed off the lawyer's address, along with a list of places in Sweet Alps to get groceries, restaurants, and other places in town he thought might be important. It was a thoughtful thing for him to do–like everything else he had done–and I had thanked him with a soft smile. It seemed like all I did was thank the man for looking out and taking care of us.

This morning had been awkward. I was well aware I was to blame for all the weird energy between Bennett and me. I just couldn't deal with anything that had happened the night before, and all the things we had done. Whatever had my dick retreating for so long, along with my tiger, had roared to life beneath Bennett's gentle touch. His smell. His gorgeous, compact body. His inherent goodness that made up all the parts of him.

Last night was nothing short of wonderful. Amazing. Beautiful. Earth shattering. More words than I could come up with to describe it adequately.

And yet, it was wrong on so many levels.

There were so many things I had to deal with before I could think about moving forward with someone, even if that someone might be–was–my fated mate. And how did I begin to tell Bennett–or anyone for that matter–that I was barely holding it together? That I might look okay on the outside, but on the inside? On the inside I was a complete and absolute mess.

Bennett was going to end up hurt, and that was the last thing I wanted and had been doing my best to avoid. Last night his touch had been comforting and calming, feelings I hadn't felt in longer than I could remember. He smelled so damn sweet and good and true. My body had craved him, ached for him, my tiger roaring to life beneath my skin.

But I couldn't deal with any of the feelings Bennett evoked in me. Not right now. Not with everything that was coming my way. Not with everything I needed to deal with.

I just couldn't.

A part of me wanted to bury my head in the sand and not come back up until my life had settled down. But I couldn't do that. That wasn't reality, and I had Lucas to think of. It had almost been a relief when Asher had shown up this morning and told me the house was ready for us to move into.

How did I even begin to explain to Bennett that I wasn't trying to get away from him, to put distance between us, after the night we spent? Even though I was positive it looked and felt that way. But rather, I needed to learn how to be alone for a little bit, just me and Lucas. That I needed to get all the things–Edward, his parents, my life–settled before Bennet and I could stand a chance of having a future.

I was messed up, and I knew I was messed up. Just like I knew I needed to clean up the wreckage myself.

How did I tell him there was a part of me that wasn't sure I would ever be able to crawl out of the deep hole I had allowed Edward to put me in? That I wasn't sure I would ever be anything but fucked up? That I didn't want him–Bennett, who was everything good and pure–to be tainted by any of the fallout debris.

Fuck, I should probably see about finding a shrink, or some kind of support group, or something.

One thing at a time , Shay , my tiger whispered, one foot in front of the other. You can do this.

Not that I'm not happy you're back, but where the fuck have you been the past six years?

Like you, I couldn't deal. Sorry.

He didn't sound one bit sorry.

One foot in front of the other. One thing at a time.

There was a tightness in my chest that didn't have anything to do with my bronchitis. No, this was something else. I had felt it a few times in the past, and I shook my hands at my sides, telling myself to just relax. Instead, my breathing sped up, the air around me roared in my ears, and I fought the urge to run to the nearest restroom and give into what I had suspected for years were panic attacks.

Taking a fortifying breath, I told myself to calm down. That I was safe. Stepping out of the elevator car, I found myself directly in the offices of Alex Ortega .

A glass wall conference room was located directly in front of me, with a long, impressive table surrounded by plush seating. Turning to my right, there were couches and a few chairs tastefully arranged before you got to a cheery looking older woman, sitting behind a desk.

The waiting room was empty, and I was glad of it. My stomach churned with knots as I slowly walked up to the desk, my shoes sinking into the thick, plush carpet on the floor.

The omega woman looked at me with kindness in her bespeckled brown eyes, smiling brightly. "You must be Shay? Alejandro is expecting you. Follow me. Can I get you coffee, tea, water? Something else, perhaps?"

"Water, please." My voice cracked, and I swallowed, trying to alleviate the sudden dryness that plagued me.

My coughing was mostly under control, except for the random tickle that would start for no apparent reason, triggering a coughing fit that would last for minutes. Bennett had shoved a handful of honey flavored cough drops in my pockets before I had left, and I pulled one out now and popped it in my mouth. Better safe than sorry, since I guessed I was about to do more talking than I was comfortable with.

She nodded, opening the closed office door to her right without knocking.

"Get your feet off that desk, Alejandro," she admonished, frowning, but I didn't miss the twinkle in her eyes. "Honestly, what am I going to do with you?"

"Continue to harp at me, I would imagine, Irene." The deep teasing voice held not an ounce of remorse.

"Shay is here." Beckoning to me from where I hovered nervously in the doorway, she chided, "Come on in. Don't let his horrible manners fool you. He's an excellent attorney. I'll be right in with your water. And another coffee for you." She fluttered an aging hand at the alpha seated behind the desk as he stood to greet me.

"Alejandro Ortega," the man gripped my hand tightly with a firm handshake, "but call me Alex. Only Irene and my abuela call me Alejandro. Have a seat and we'll get started."

Alex was a tall, broad-shouldered alpha with dark brown hair that hung loose, brushing his shoulders, and a trim beard covering his jaw. He was dressed in dark jeans, and a pale blue button up, the sleeves rolled back over his forearms. His intelligent brown eyes gave me a quick once over, probably seeing more with his sharp look than I wanted him to.

Sitting in the chair in front of his desk, I tried not to fidget nervously. Slowly, I let out my breath and tried to loosen the tight muscles of my shoulders. "Thank you for seeing me."

Alex smiled, his white teeth bright against his brown skin. "Well, when Bennett calls, I tend to listen."

My brows furrowed, wondering who exactly this man was to Bennett to elicit such devotion, but he didn't offer up any further explanation. Instead, he pulled a file folder in front of him and flipped it open just as Irene came in with water and coffee for us.

Placing them on the desk, she told him, "I'll make sure you're not disturbed."

Alex sipped his coffee, while he read over whatever was in the file folder. Finally, he looked up at me, getting straight to business. "I've been given copies of the police and hospital reports. I'll need to get some information from you to file the Alpha Law paperwork, and then we'll go over options and a strategy plan. Sound good? "

Taking a sip of the water to occupy my hands, I nodded my agreement. Nerves were racing through my body, and my stomach felt jittery. I had been dreading this day, knowing I was going to have to tell this man–this stranger–things I hadn't ever said out loud to anyone before.

I wasn't prepared to see the judgement in his eyes when he heard my truth. What would a complete stranger think of me when he heard the things I had done? The things I had allowed to happen to me? Would he even still agree to represent me?

Alex must have seen my trepidation, nerves, or fear, because he gave me a reassuring smile. "Pretty much all you need to do at this point is let me know if the information I have is correct. Then we'll get into the harder stuff."

"Great," I muttered, looking down at my tightly clenched hands in my lap, before raising my head. "Have you ever had a case like mine before?"

Alex stared hard at me for a few, endless seconds. "Abuse cases, yes. An abused alpha, who has declared Alpha Law? You're my first for both."

Hearing the word– abuse –said so casually in regard to me, causes me to flinch. It's an ugly word, full of all kinds of different meanings, none of them good.

"I want you to know, Shay, that I will treat your case like I would any other. Alpha, omega, beta, it doesn't matter. The law is the law. And abuse of anyone, especially by a mate, is wrong. What you're doing is very brave."

Snorting derisively, I glared at him, shaking my head in denial. "Brave? No. I'm not brave."

"Yes, you are. You might not see it yet, but trust me, it takes a brave person to leave. To take your child and get out of the situation you were in, that takes a strength that some people never find."

"I don't feel strong," I admitted, my voice shaking.

"I know you don't now, but I promise you, one day you will." He took another sip of his coffee and picked up his pen. "Ready to get started?"

After verifying my information with all the standard things like name and date of birth, he asked about my living arrangements. Explaining that we had been staying at Bennett's but that we would be moving into a rental house belonging to my brother's mate, I was thankful Bennett had written down both his and Gabe's addresses. Finally, Alex got to the one question I had been dreading. "Highest level of education you completed?"

Reluctantly, I whispered, "Eleventh. I was almost done with my senior year when I…"

Alex, to his credit, didn't look at me with judgement or disapproval, just waited patiently for me to finish my answer.

"I was a couple of weeks away from graduation when I dropped out."

The admission filled me with shame, even though I knew it was a stupid thing to be ashamed of. Part of me knew my reluctance to admit I hadn't finished high school came from Edward. He used me dropping out as a verbal assault against me on more than one occasion. He had filled me with embarrassment for not having a high school diploma, made me feel stupid, even though he was the one that had encouraged me to quit. It was a choice I regretted from the beginning.

Alex's pen scratched across the paper, and I felt like I was failing some kind of test that had been sprung on me with no time to prep for it. "Do you have plans to get your G.E.D.? "

"I'd like to, yes." I eagerly admitted, because it was something I had thought about for years. "Maybe even some college classes, or trade school." Heat warmed my face. "I'm not smart like my brother. I can fix about any engine out there though, so I guess that's something."

Alex smiled, something I noticed he did often. Maybe he was just a cheery guy, or maybe he did it to put his clients at ease. Whatever the reason, it did have a calming effect. "Well, now I know who to call when I need car repairs."

He opened a drawer and dug around, then slid a paper across the desk at me. "That's information on how to get your G.E.D. There's also the school information you'll need to get your son enrolled for the next school year."

Clutching the paper to me like it was a lifeline, all I could do was nod.

"Alright, I know you verbally declared Alpha Law at the hospital," Alex looked down at the file, "but did you declare it verbally to Edward?"

"I sent him and his father a text message. Then I tossed the phone."

Alex quirked his lips, a small smile forming. "See, you're not dumb, Shay. That stands as written notice to Edward. I'm going to write up the formal documents for Alpha Law. Now, I know the law is old as dirt and hardly anyone uses it. Or even knows about it, but it's not the guarantee it once was. Omegas have more rights and judges don't automatically grant in the alphas favor. But we have a strong case, and we're going to get you on the road to making it even stronger."

"Could he take Lucas from me?" My voice shook with fear, my heart pounding at the thought. "Because that can't happen. "

"Doubtful," Alex laid his pen down, his face serious. "That's not to say he won't try and put up a hell of a fight doing it. I've done a bit of googling about Edward and the Clark family. Russell Clark is a formidable alpha."

"Edward didn't even want Lucas."

"Do you think he'll fight us, then?"

"He'll do it because it will hurt me. And his parents will fight it. They are the ones that wanted a grandchild. They used it as leverage to not cut Edward off."

Alex leaned back in his chair, the leather creaking. "I feel like there's a whole tangled web here, Shay. And we'll get into it. All of it. You're going to have to tell me everything. Even the smallest detail that you won't think matters. From the beginning until the very last night. Every nitty gritty detail."

"Do you think we can win?" I couldn't lose Lucas. I couldn't let him end up with Edward.

"Yes, I do." Alex sounded much more confident than I felt. "But we might have to play dirty. And instead of waiting for them to come at us, we're going to come at them first. Hard and fast, and a punch straight to the throat."

My eyes widened as Alex leaned across the desk at me. "We're going to serve Edward with the Alpha Law paperwork. And I want you to consider filing charges against him." He waved at my face, where the bruises were not as garish as they had been a week ago but were still visible. Ugly splotches of mustard yellow and puke green, mingled with reddish purple on my still too pale, slightly unhealthy-looking skin. "That's assault and battery for sure, attempted murder if we want to push the envelope."

My eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "I…no… "

Hearing the words attempted murder made the truth of that night all too real. Edward had been trying to kill me. For horrifying moments before I blacked out, I thought I was going to die. That I would never see Lucas again. That I was going to leave him to be raised by Edward, or more likely, Edward's parents.

But even as I started to protest, I knew Alex was right. Edward had tried to kill me, and it wasn't the first time. It certainly wasn't the first time he had hit me, left bruises, broken bones even.

"Look, Shay, do not kid yourself and think these people aren't going to try to contest this filing. They will. And they will use everything they can against you to prove you can't take care of Lucas. That you are an unfit parent. I know lawyers like the Clarks have." He smiled, but it was a feral, predatory smile that lacked the warmth from earlier. "I used to be one of those lawyers. I know how they think. I know what moves they will make. But if you don't want to do this, if it's too much, that's okay. I understand this is a lot, and this will probably get really ugly. If you want us to take our chances with only filing the Alpha Law paperwork, we can do that. This is your show. I'm just the guy who files the papers, and uses big, fancy words in court if it comes to that."

Edward might not give one fuck about Lucas, but I had no doubt he would try to take him from me just to hurt me. Or use him as a pawn to get me back. It wasn't even that he wanted me back because he loved me. He didn't love me–I doubted he had ever loved me. I was nothing more to him than a pretty possession and he had made it clear no one else would ever have me .

Edward played mind games like he was playing a championship chess game. Sad to say, I had fallen for his manipulations more than once.

But Russell and Graham Clark, Edward's parents, would fight for Lucas. And they would fight hard and dirty. They continually turned a blind eye to their only child's destructive behavior, going so far on several occasions to force him to do what they wanted with bribery. It was no wonder Edward had turned out the way he had. They had even seen the bruises, the broken bones, when I couldn't hide them. No one was as clumsy as Edward claimed I was, and I had seen the truth in their eyes at my silence. They knew exactly what their son was capable of.

There was no way in hell I would let my son be raised by any of them.

Lucas was the one truly good and pure thing that had come out of my poor life choices.

But did I have it in me to fight them in court? I was so fucking tired. Bone, soul weary. A tiredness that had nothing to do with barely being on my feet from being sick. No, this was an exhaustion born of fighting, begging, pleading, and being constantly on edge twenty-four-seven.

Of never knowing when the next shoe would drop. When the next screaming match would begin, or what slight thing would set it off. When the next punch would be thrown, the next verbal slice of words would cut so deep I was sure it would never heal. Of wondering if I wouldn't be able to get there in time, to get in front of Lucas, and Edward would hurt our child. If this was the time he would end my life.

Filing charges against Edward meant admitting what had happened. Saying out loud that I was an abuse victim. That I had let someone hurt me, repeatedly, over and over. That I was weak.

Survivor , my tiger whispered. Not weak. You did what you had to do to survive.

No thanks to you.

I'm here now, Shay. I'm getting stronger every day, just like you. Don't stop fighting now. You stop fighting and he wins. You're telling him what he did was okay. And it wasn't okay. None of it was okay.

Moving forward meant admitting all the things that Edward had done to me. It meant standing up and saying that what he had done wasn't acceptable. It meant standing up for myself and my son, because I refused to raise him to think that treating anyone like Edward had treated me was okay. Because none of it was okay, and I had to fight for Lucas. I had to fight for myself.

It was time for me to tell the truth and stop protecting Edward out of some misguided version of love, or fear, or shame and guilt that I carried around inside me.

Blinking, I cleared my vision and focused on Alex, as he patiently waited for my decision.

"File the charges," I whispered, then cleared my throat, until I found my voice. "I have pictures. Other…instances. Hospital dates. I don't want to use them unless we have to." My eyes implored him to understand how fucking hard this was for me. "I can give you some names of people who will tell you what they saw and heard."

Maria and Albert absolutely would, I knew. Possibly Marcus, but I didn't trust what side he was on despite him letting us go that night, so probably not. "I'm just trying to protect Lucas as much as possible. Edward is still his father. I don't want to badmouth him to our child, but I will do what I need to do to keep him safe. "

Alex gave a quick nod of his head, typing furiously on his computer keyboard. "I don't think I'll have any trouble with the assault and battery. The attempted murder will be harder to prove, if it comes to that. I'm hoping his lawyers will want to negotiate a compromise. And I'll be asking the judge to grant a restraining order against Edward. It will be temporary unless we need to extend it. The Clarks are wealthy and powerful, but there's one thing most people like them don't want."

"What's that?" All the things he was saying to me swirled around in my brain, like I was on a tilt-a-whirl ride. I never did like those things, and I really just wanted to get off.

"They don't like their family business splashed around courtrooms or the news."

"You think they will just let us be?" Please, please, Goddess do not make me have to go into a courtroom and tell strangers what had happened to me. What I had let happen to me. Please don't put my son through that.

"I'm hoping so." Alex had stopped typing and sat back. "Regardless, even if they don't come to the hearing on the Alpha Law, the judge is going to want you to have certain things in order. I know this judge. He's tough but fair."

"What kinds of things?"

"A job, adequate childcare, housing. He may want to speak to Lucas."

"No!" Springing out of my seat, I paced in front of the little space between the chair and the desk. "I don't want Lucas involved in this."

"Sit down, Shay." Alex didn't raise his voice, but there was a commanding tone that the alpha inside me wanted to bristle at. Sinking into the chair, I sighed, feeling defeated. My nerves were well and truly shot .

"Like I said, Judge Stewart is tough but fair. When he wants to speak to a child, he does it in his chambers, away from the court and the parents. The child is free to speak and Stewart listens. He's been sitting the bench for thirty years in family court. He knows what he's about. What you need to do is exactly what I tell you to do. Cooperate. And when we go to court, no outbursts. Let me handle any bullshit the Clarks throw at us. We'll meet again before the court date to go over any filings or countersuits they might try to bring."

There was a brief knock on the door, and Irene bustled in with a stack of papers and her cheery smile. There was something comforting about the woman's presence. She had a grandmotherly air about her, with a side of I'm-not-going-to-put-up-with-any-shit.

"Here's all the documents you requested, and Tessa called." She tapped one pink painted nail against a yellow sticky note on top of the stack. Alex thanked her with a smile, pulling the sticky note off as she retreated back to her guard post.

"Do you have any plans after you leave here?" he asked, his eyes scanning the forms.

"The bank," I told him, "my brother gave me a check. It was my inheritance. I can pay you now."

Alex raised a dark brow at me, shaking his head. "I told Bennett I would do this pro bono and I plan to honor that. You keep that money. You'll need something until you get a job, and a little cushion in the bank will look good in court. The other thing that will look good to the judge is therapy. Dr. Tessa Carpenter is an excellent psychiatrist, and she has agreed to see you right after we're done signing all these." He tilted his chin towards the small stack.

"Therapy?" Knowing I probably needed therapy and actually doing it were two very different things.

"Yes." Voice firm, he handed me a pen, and pointed where I should start signing. I could barely focus on the words on the papers. A bunch of legal mumbo jumbo that made my head hurt, but I got the gist of it. "I honestly think most people could do with a dose of therapy in their lives. And I think it will do you good. Tessa is excellent, and she has experience with people in your situation."

Guess I was going to be later getting back to Bennett's than I had thought. Apparently, I had a date with a therapist. I was just wrapping my head around having to tell Alex the things that had happened and having them replayed in a court of law. And I was eventually going to have to sit down with Asher and answer all his questions. Patience wasn't my brother's strong suit, and I was shocked he was giving me time. Still, I wasn't sure I was mentally prepared to speak to this Tessa person today.

Alex pointed his pen at me, reading my mind or maybe my facial expressions. "I'm telling you, Judge Stewart likes when people have taken the initiative to get themselves in a good head space. You can skip out on going, but as your lawyer, I'm advising you against it. But you can make your own decision, Shay."

He slid the sticky note across the desk to me, and I took it, noting it had a name, address and phone number written on it.

I wasn't against the idea of therapy. I was sure it was helpful to people. Other people that weren't me. And I wasn't dumb enough to think that even though Lucas seemed well adjusted now, that somewhere in his future he might need to talk to someone about anything he had heard or witnessed. Or even the events of the last couple of weeks. Getting help for my child did not mean that I needed the same kind of help. At least not yet. Maybe someday. But if it would help me keep Lucas, I didn't really have much of a choice.

My heart pounded, my chest growing tight, like I was still in the grips of my illness. Dread, anticipation, and fear for what she would tell me about myself had me breaking out in a cold sweat, even as I agreed to meet with the therapist. Psychiatrist. Whatever. There was probably some distinction between the two professions, but I wasn't clear what that was.

The truth was I could make all the excuses I wanted about Edward's behavior, blame him one hundred percent. But we had both been in that relationship. Together. I was there and present. Like the old saying went, it took two to tango.

The harsh reality was I had loved Edward. And I had seen all the red flags and ignored every single one of them. Had rushed headfirst towards them, like a bull charging a matador. I had fallen head over heels for Edward the first time I had seen him.

Even after I saw Edward for exactly who he was, deep down inside, I had still loved him. Convinced that my love would change him into a better person. A better version of himself. That my love for him would be enough to save us both.

A dark part of me had loved the danger, excitement, and recklessness that was Edward. Had craved it even. Even after I had seen the ugliness of him. Seen the absolute cruel monster that lived beneath his beauty, I had loved him.

If I had seen all of that and still loved him, what kind of person did that make me?

That was what I feared any therapist would realize about me. That was the fear that lived inside of me, on a daily basis. It was a question I had asked myself over and over and over .

How could I have loved someone so cruel, so heartless, who would do and say the things he did to me. How could I allow that to happen to me, just because I was in love? Who did that?

And I never liked the answer I came up with.