Chapter 41

Once Jane and Miss Darcy were gone, the gentlemen sat. Elizabeth longed to comfort Mr Darcy. It was for the best that they would not have a private conversation; she might say more than was wise, even promise to always love him. She expected that she would, but what would be the good in burdening him with the notion that she would never be happy because he was unable to marry her? He kept his gaze steadily on her, and she could not look away.

“Miss Bennet, will you please tell us what happened?” Colonel Fitzwilliam said.

At the same time as she nodded and began to say that naturally she would, Bingley spoke.

“I understand why you ask, but my sister has been through a great deal today. If she does not wish?—”

Elizabeth rested a hand on his arm. “It is kind of you to worry for me, but it is not necessary. Miss Darcy’s needs are far more important.”

Bingley frowned. While they had waited for the gentlemen’s arrival, he had taken her aside to say that she did not need to see Mr Darcy if she did not wish to. He was evidently still upset with his friend, but she expected that, as soon as he had a greater understanding of the situation, his disappointment would lessen.

“Thank you,” Colonel Fitzwilliam said. “I do not know how much Bingley already knows, but please speak freely. The time for secrets amongst us here today has ended.”

Elizabeth nodded. She had noticed his tacit apology. It was welcomed, but it would take much more than that for her to overlook how he had treated her since the winter.

Not knowing how long they had before Jane and Miss Darcy returned, Elizabeth quickly and efficiently explained as much of what Georgiana and she had spoken of as she could recall. In particular, she wanted Mr Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam to know what their ward had told her about Mr Wickham. The colonel covered his eyes with his hands and bowed his head for a long moment. Mr Darcy allowed her to see the tears that formed in his eyes. Bingley, pale and looking like he wanted to vomit, also noticed and clasped his shoulder; he then did the same to the colonel.

“I do not know if anything I said to her helped,” Elizabeth admitted. “She and I had two brief conversations when I was lately at Pemberley during which I urged her not to blame herself.”

“We have told her the same more times than I can count,” the colonel interjected, sounding as though it was important to him that she knew they had.

“I expected as much,” she said. “I know she did not believe me previously, but today, I think she might have…oh, I do not know, understood, perhaps even accepted what I said—not fully but a little. It might be only a wish on my part, but I genuinely believe there was a significant difference in her demeanour after she slept.”

Indeed, after Miss Darcy awoke from her long nap, she had seemed a great deal stronger and more at ease than she had when Elizabeth first found her, perhaps since Elizabeth had first met her. If anything, the young woman was embarrassed.

Colonel Fitzwilliam slowly took a deep breath. “Thank you. I hope you are correct, but even if you are mistaken, please know that it is not because you did not say the right words. My parents, Bramwell, Darcy, and I have all talked to her extensively, promised her we do not fault her for what happened. Mrs Annesley has also attempted to help her see the event as we do. None of it has had the desired effect. My cousin and I are both grateful for the care you provided her, and I cannot express our profound relief that you found her. She is far calmer and more composed than I feared she would be.”

Bingley had been quiet throughout her explanation, his chin lowered. As the colonel fell silent, he looked up and said, “Darcy, I owe you an apology. I had no notion what you and Miss Darcy have been experiencing these last two years. Two years! It has lately come to my attention that I do not notice a great deal. I wish I had known so that I might have been of use to you. Jane has vowed to help me become more observant, if only so that I can be a better husband and brother. I shall add friend to that.” Bingley looked between Mr Darcy and Elizabeth. She guessed he was thinking that one of the matters he had overlooked was that the two of them loved each other.

“You think too much of it. I ought to have told you…something. We did not want people to suspect thus did our best to act as though nothing had changed, but especially after last summer, I should have confided part of it,” Mr Darcy said.

Bingley waved this away, and when the colonel asked what he meant, Mr Darcy promised to explain it another time. Elizabeth knew he had been referring to their disagreement when he had informed Bingley of his lies regarding Jane.

Her sister and Miss Darcy returned before more could be said, and the party from Pemberley prepared to take their leave. They exchanged subdued farewells, and Miss Darcy, standing between her guardians, addressed Elizabeth, her voice sombre.

“Thank you. I-I am very glad you were here. I do not know what would have become of me otherwise.”

“I am very glad that I was here too.” Elizabeth stepped forwards and gripped Miss Darcy’s hand. “Be well.”

Miss Darcy gave her a tremulous smile and a nod. Elizabeth felt a gentle pressure on her hand as Miss Darcy briefly returned her clasp. Then, with Colonel Fitzwilliam’s arm across her shoulders, Miss Darcy turned and left the room.

Mr Darcy remained, his eyes lingering on Elizabeth; she could not—did not want to—look away. At length, he could no longer delay following his sister and cousin, and he walked out of her life for what she expected was the final time.

Jane and Bingley immediately began to ask whether she was well and offer all manner of comforts. Elizabeth refused them all, assuring them there was no need. At length, she agreed to take a walk with Bingley while her sister rested. Contrary to his garrulous nature, he said little, which suited Elizabeth.

They were almost at the inn again, when he surprised her by saying, “He is a good man. Darcy, I mean.”

“I never doubted it. That might not be strictly true, but when I did, I was angry and disappointed. Now, I know he is the best of men, the best of brothers—next to you, of course—and he will be the best of friends, if you allow him.”

Bingley nodded.

She retired soon after they ate, only to lie awake far into the night, occasionally sitting at the window and staring into the courtyard, thinking of Mr Darcy and what he was doing at that moment.

The following morning, Bingley absented himself to allow the sisters to speak privately. Elizabeth assumed the couple had planned it in advance, expecting she would be franker if it were just her and Jane. They sat side-by-side upon an old but well-maintained sofa in the parlour, the remnants of their breakfast having just been cleared away by a maid.

“What would you like to do?” Jane asked. “Bingley and I have completed everything that requires our presence in Derbyshire for the moment. However, we could remain longer if you wish to be near Pemberley.”

It was an effort not to gape at her sister. Elizabeth had not expected her or Bingley to think she wanted to intrude on the Darcys. She shook her head. “No. I am glad I was able to…do whatever I could for Miss Darcy, but nothing has changed. We ought to continue to Scarborough, do you not think? After which, you must return to Hertfordshire to see to closing Netherfield Park and arranging to remove to Larch Lane as soon as possible.”

“As soon as possible? W-why?” Jane’s brow gently furrowed.

Elizabeth chuckled and held her sister’s hand. “My darling sister, Bingley is the unobservant one. You are with child, are you not? I have suspected it this last fortnight, or perhaps a little longer.”

Jane’s joy was evident in the pinkness of her cheeks and softening of her features. “I ought to have told you, but it is very soon. From what my maid and I estimate, I am weeks away from feeling the quickening, but yes, I do believe I am. I would like to be settled in our new home before winter begins.”

“Christmas at Larch Lane. It sounds wonderful. How much we shall have to celebrate.”

“I hope we shall. But be serious for a moment, Lizzy. Are you certain about leaving the neighbourhood so soon? If Miss Darcy’s health was the chief impediment to you and Mr Darcy?—”

“It was and still is,” Elizabeth interjected gently. “You must see that nothing has changed. Miss Darcy’s needs must come first.”

Evidently, her troubled thoughts were reflected in her demeanour because Jane asked, “What is it? Please tell me.”

Elizabeth sighed. “My feelings were injured that he was not honest with me at the beginning. Last night, I dreamt of seeing him at your wedding. I woke up and was unable to sleep further. It left me reflecting on that day, and I think he was going to explain it all to me, but I did not allow him to speak. I heard only that his family were against his marrying me, and he had given in to their persuasion. I was furious and refused to listen to more. If he had told me then of his sister’s situation and what it meant for us, I would still have been disappointed, but I like to believe I would have understood, and my anger would not have been directed at him as it was for so many weeks. Even after he told me the truth last spring, I was still angry, then because he had not done it sooner! What is worse is that I know I interrupted him that day too. I do not know whether he had more to tell me, but I do recognise that I must learn to listen to people more carefully and let them speak, especially when the conversation is such an important one.” She rolled her eyes. “So much of my anguish might have been spared. I loved him still. I knew it soon after we met in town. I think I hated myself a little for that. How could I possibly still care so deeply for someone who would give me up just because his family objects to my lack of high connexions and fortune? I might have spared some of his sorrow too. He knows what I believed of him, what my sentiments have been, and it must have affected him.”

“If he came to you today and told you he had resolved it, that Miss Darcy accepted your union, would you marry him?”

How could she possibly answer such a question? In some ways, it was easy. She would say yes immediately, likely cry out in joy and throw herself into his arms. But imagining it might be possible was too painful to bear. After a long pause, she said, “I do not want or need to remain in the vicinity. Leaving aside what happened yesterday, you and Bingley had expected to continue to Scarborough tomorrow or the day after, if I recollect.”

Jane nodded. “I have been anticipating meeting Bingley’s family. After that, we have a long journey to Hertfordshire. My mother has been urging us to return. Since she does not yet know we have been searching for a new estate, she does not understand why it is taking us so long. I am growing anxious to tell her. I do not like to keep it from her or my father and sisters, but I do not feel it is right to give the news in a letter. I know you were unhappy in Hertfordshire last winter, and if you do not wish to go…”

“I admit that for just a second, I considered asking that you leave me in town with Aunt and Uncle Gardiner, but that is not fair to our parents or Mary and Kitty. I have not seen them in months. Papa has actually written to say he misses my company, and he assures me Lydia has returned to her lamentable husband.”

“You will stay with us at Netherfield,” Jane said decidedly, then her voice turned hesitant. “What of Mr Grey?”

Elizabeth took a deep breath and ran a hand over her face. There was no question of Mr Grey, and looking back on it, she acknowledged that there never had been, not unless he was content to wait a very long time. “Please ask Bingley to inform him that I do not anticipate marrying for at least the next year or two, possibly longer. I expect he will understand why without my brother needing to explain further. I genuinely admire him, but I cannot promise him anything at present. He deserves someone who can love him as devotedly as I know he will love his wife, and that will never be me.”

“You ought not to give up on finding love just because you and Mr Darcy cannot marry.” Jane’s brow furrowed.

“I have not. I am giving up on the notion that I might learn to love Mr Grey. There was a time I thought I might, and if we were to meet again in three or four years, and neither of us were married, then perhaps we would be able to find happiness together. I very much doubt he will remain single so long, however. He wants to have a family of his own, and he deserves it. I did not say I would never marry, just that it would not be for some time. If you do not take care, Jane, I shall accuse you of not listening to me. I begin to think you wish to encourage me to accept the first man who proposes so that you and Bingley will be relieved of my company!”

“Of all the times to make a joke!” Jane shook her head. “You know you will always have a welcoming home with us. We have said it often enough.”

“You have, and the only reason I have not accepted before now was my stubbornness and how disordered I have felt because of the situation with Mr Darcy. That is at an end. I shall endeavour to be useful at Larch Lane. Perhaps I shall teach your adorable children to be mischievous. I am certain they will be as beautiful and handsome as their parents and just as desirous of pleasing everyone. It will do them good to explore a way of being contrary to their natures.”

Jane laughed and so did Elizabeth. It felt good, and she determined to set aside her sombreness and embrace cheerfulness instead. It might not be easy, but she was tired of being unhappy, and believing she had done Miss Darcy a good turn, Elizabeth had reason to be satisfied with her sojourn in Derbyshire.