Chapter 37

37

Abrielle

"We have to be different," I blurt out.

"What does that mean?" Colver asks with an angry scowl on his face.

He's really worked up…

"We can't do what our parents did," I say. "I don't want to be my mother. You don't want to be your father."

"What is that supposed to mean, Abrielle?"

"It means whatever is on your mind, you need to tell me. It's not just about your feelings."

I point to my stomach.

That makes him flex his jaw.

Colver zips up his bag and lifts it off the bed. The strap slides over his massive shoulder and he starts to walk toward me.

I block the doorway. I shake my head.

Colver touches my chin. He's soft. But he's angry.

"I kept my word to you, kitten. I showed up. Saved you. That's what I'm good for. Like I said. I doubt you'll ever see that piece of shit again. Which is good for everyone. But hearing him question if I'm the father of your baby…"

I gasp. "That's what he said to you? Oh, Colver, there is no-"

"I've got to go, Abrielle. You wanted me to say what was on my mind, so I just did. Now I'm going to go."

"That's not how it's supposed to be!" I cry out as Colver leaves the bedroom. "We're supposed to talk about everything!"

He freezes. "Were you going to talk to me about finding a new place to live? Didn't mean to see it on your laptop, but that's on your mind. So you can keep that to yourself, huh?"

"No, Colver. You've got that part wrong."

He looks back at me. "You can write this any way you want, kitten. I'm leaving. Play it through your head any way you want. I'm carrying my bag and going to play hockey. That's what I do. That's how I support myself. And how I'm going to support my family."

His eyes move down to my stomach at that last sentence.

I have no doubt (as I said before) that he'll be a good father to our baby.

But why can't I be greedy… why can't I want Colver to love me the way I love him…?

Why can't I cry as I watch Colver leave?

Why can't I just break this fucking cycle my mother left for me and his father left for him…?

"That's not coffee," I snap.

Jess's eyes go wide. "It's a smoothie. Healthy. Yummy."

"You don't sell smoothies."

"No, I don't. I went and got you one. You cannot drink more coffee. I don't care how tired you are."

I'm in a bad mood.

A really bad mood.

Last night, I slept in Colver's bed. Alone.

I cried. I tossed and turned. I had dreams of him with another woman. Getting married to her. Buying a big house with her. Me showing up to that giant house to pick up our daughter or drop her off.

Yes, in my dream, I've given birth to a girl.

Then I'd wake up and cry some more.

I wanted to text Colver but refused to allow myself to do so.

In other words, I slept like crap and I'm not in the mood to be told what to do.

Sorry, Jess…

"This is a good smoothie," Jess says. "You know, I kind of want to have a smoothie place too. But then I think why would I do that to the place a few blocks away, right? That's not fair to them. I'm probably a terrible businessperson."

"Fuck them," I blurt out. "Bury them. Put them out of business. Who cares?"

"Wow. You're…"

I curl my lip at Jess. "What? What am I, Jess? Say it. Tell me what I am."

"You're a bitch right now," she says. "And if you need anything, let me know."

She doesn't back down, which I think I appreciate.

She leaves the gallery and I stand there alone.

My eyes gravitate toward the smoothie. I reach for it and disregard the ugly green color and I take a sip. The rush of sweet pineapple activates every tastebud in my mouth.

The smoothie is freaking delicious.

Finally - something good happening today!

I'm being dramatic but that's okay, I'm allowed to be dramatic right now. About anything and everything.

My gallery is really close to being ready to open.

There's really no point in me being here right now. Anything that needs to be done I can't actually do. Unless I want to be really stubborn and climb up on a ladder.

I touch my stomach and shake my head.

Believe me, I want nothing more right now than to annoy the hell out of Colver. But I won't do anything crazy to hurt myself or the baby.

I leave the gallery, smoothie in hand.

I guess I'll take advantage of Colver's apartment while I can.

Oh, fuck, that makes me feel like my mother.

I've worked on my site and social media all afternoon.

Pictures, stories, forms, mailing list stuff… it's an endless list.

A sense of annoyance surges through me the entire time though. I'm very uneasy. And by uneasy I mean very uncomfortable. My head, my body, everything.

As much as I try not to think about anything I'm thinking about everything .

I think about what happened with Simon. How dumb I was to trust him. I let him control so much and he took everything from me…

What did you do then, Abrielle?

I ran to Colver.

And what did he do, Abrielle?

Colver bailed me out. Fucked me. Bought all my artwork from Simon.

And now…

I shut my laptop and turn on the TV.

Of course I go right for the channel where the hockey game is going to be aired.

It's still a couple hours away.

There's some show with guys taking about all kinds of sports.

It's a snooze-fest for me, but I secretly just want to see Colver on TV.

I want to know things are okay or will be or…

I think I might have to fall out of love with him.

I don't want to though. I don't want to fall out of love with Colver Caspian.

I want him to love me.

Just love me, Colver!

The voice screams in my head and then I felt a sudden electric sting in my lower back.

It hits so hard I jump forward and almost off the couch.

A dull ache radiates around my stomach and down to my inner thighs.

It feels like a cramp almost.

I've been sitting too long.

That's all.

I stand up and start to pace the living room.

The feelings subside.

I close my eyes and exhale a long breath.

That was my warning. I need to calm down. I need to relax. I need to just breathe and let things happen as they're meant to be. Last thing I need is-

The next jolt of pain makes me cry out.

I lose my breath and feeling in my right leg.

I start to fall and quickly run and hop toward the couch.

I'm not able to sit down.

Instead, I fall to my knees in front of the couch.

Trying to keep any sense of panic away, I reach for my phone and call Jess.

I groan.

The pain only gets worse.

Jess answers after the third ring.

"Hey," she says. "Are you feeling any better than earlier?"

"I need you," I manage to say. "I'm in a lot of pain, Jess. I'm scared. I'm sorry I was a bitch to you. Something is wrong with the baby. Colver isn't here. Jess!"

I groan and drop the phone to the floor.

My hands grab at the couch cushions and I bury my face into a cushion and let out a screaming cry.

Right now more than anything - and no matter what is happening - all I want is Colver to be with me.