Chapter 6

6

Sleep hadn’t come easy to Alison. She had tossed and turned in bed, waiting to hear any movement to suggest that Liam had returned. She didn’t know why she bothered. If past precedent gave her any indication, Liam would return in the wee hours of the morning smelling of drink and women, though he always bathed before announcing himself to anyone. It was almost as if he were ashamed, though Alison knew it couldn’t be that. Someone who was ashamed of their actions would usually take steps to not repeat the same situation from reoccurring. As far as she knew, Liam had done no such thing. In fact, his behavior seemed to ramp up even more, as if daring her to respond to it. It was part of why she didn’t respond.

But this morning, she had been in the hallway when she heard the first murmurs from the chambermaids about Liam’s return.

“Did you see his face?”

“Yes, the bruises looked awful. I wonder what happened last night.”

She had caught the tail end of the conversation before the maids had noticed her and scurried away with nary a word in her direction. She had at first wondered who they had been speaking of until she came upon Liam. From where she stood, he didn’t seem to see her and Alison was just about to walk toward him even if only to show that she could ignore his presence, but when Bain called out she paused, waiting to see what he had to say.

Their conversation wasn’t quite loud enough for her to catch, but when Liam resumed walking, Alison caught sight of the cuts and bruises that dotted his skin. She sucked in a deep breath, wondering just how he got the abrasions. She knew that men at times got rowdy with too much drink, but Liam had never been one to participate. Then again, they had hardly spoken more than a couple words to one another over the past few months, if not years, so for all Alison knew, he spent the better part of his time away fighting anyone who would step to him. Alison’s musing almost led to a tricky situation when Liam and Bain started walking, but she had ducked back into her room just in time to hear their footsteps walk past her door.

She leaned against the door, waiting until the sound of their shoes against wood faded away. With a sigh, she looked to the ceiling. She needed a moment to try to understand what her eyes were telling her. Was Liam involved in something dangerous? Maybe she shouldn’t have cared with the way he had treated her over the past few years, and yet something inside of her that had activated during their courtship and wedding refused to be turned off. Something inside of her still yearned to reach out and cover each of those bruises with her own hand to heal them. Those dark marks on Liam’s skin seemed almost like a physical manifestation of the abrasions on their marriage, and not for the first time, Alison wondered how Liam truly felt about the direction their lives had gone.

That one fateful night had somehow veered them so terribly off course that she was here hiding in her room instead of confronting him, demanding to be made to understand what was going on. Breakfast had come and gone hours before, and yet the food still sat heavy in her stomach, almost leaving her gagging. This helplessness was not something Alison had often felt prior to marriage, and yet she had become aggravatingly accustomed to living with it in the back of her mind since. This is not what she was raised for. This was not what she nor her parents had wanted for her future; a marriage that seemed more like a prison than a life worth living. She did not want her future children to be raised in such an environment, fearful of saying or doing the wrong thing and finding themselves left and forgotten.

“I can’t keep doing this,” Alison whispered heatedly. She turned to look at her door. Beyond were the familiar sounds of life—servants walking this way and that as they went about their daily tasks. She had hoped that by now, the halls would be filled with the pitter-patter of tiny feet and the squeals of laughter from happy children. Somehow, it was that acknowledgment of children she was unsure would even come to be that lit a fire inside of her that had been waiting to burn.

Alison was no simpering maiden who would take being sidelined from her own future. If not for herself, she had a duty to her clan as did Liam and for too long she had allowed their issues to cloud that. But no more. She was done with not acknowledging the fact that they had veered so sharply off from where they had pledged to be. She was done with Liam running away from the truth that their marriage was not only failing them, but also failing the people they were supposed to be protecting. This had to stop now.

No sooner had Alison stepped foot out into the hallway when she heard the doors to the great hall being thrown open. She moved quickly, trying not to appear as though she were running just in time to see Liam stalk from the room, the voices within cutting off when he slammed the doors closed behind him. She could see his expression, distorted and fierce, but she wasn’t afraid. Her own anger was fierce enough to rival it.

“Liam.” Her voice seemed to startle him, and he turned to her before scowling and looking away.

“Alison, I don’t have time for this,” he said, his voice, practically growling with anger. No one had followed Liam from the room and that made him even more enraged. Did he truly not matter to the elders? Did his name mean nothing to them? Everything his father had worked for and trained him for seemed to be flying out the window. He was being left unsure of his place in the very clan he had been born into, and now here he was face-to-face with the reason for why he was doing everything, and he had to shoulder the burden alone. It was almost enough to drive him from the castle and back to the stables. He longed to mount his steed and ride off along the cliffside away from everything that made him hurt—everything that reminded him of what he had lost.

Normally, his words would be enough to drive Alison off, but not today. She had spent too much time wallowing in her own world of hurt. “Liam Anderson, you will make time for me, now.” Alison hadn’t known her voice could be so sharp, but it seemed to pierce through whatever fog of uninterest Liam seemed to carry around himself lately. For the first time in a long time, Alison felt that Liam was seeing her.

Liam felt everything in him snap with Alison’s tone. The anger inside him wanted to claw its way out and at her. “I am not in the mood?—”

“And I dinnae care about your mood,” she cut in, fists clenched at her sides. “Ye're scaring the maids with yer face cut up like that, and I willnae have you upsetting everyone in the castle. Follow me.”

Liam looked like he wanted to say something more, but Alison beat him to it.

“Nay, if I have to find a way to knock you out myself just to fix that face of yers, I will. Dinnae try me.”

With a heavy sigh, Liam moved to follow Alison as she made her way back down the corridor. Alison could feel the heat of him at her back, and for a moment, she feared she had bitten off more than she could comfortably swallow. Liam had grown in the years since their union, his shoulders having become broader until he outweighed her by a fair amount. His shadow eclipsed hers, and Alison tried not to think about how much she liked his heft. Not that she ever had a chance to appreciate it, given the state of things. When they reached her bedchamber, she waved Liam in, taking care to close the door behind them so they wouldn’t be easily overheard or disturbed.

“Sit,” she said, pointing to the bed. She felt a sharp sense of pleasure when he dropped down as she demanded. Liam tried not to take a deep breath in as a tendril of Alison’s familiar scent curled around him. Liam had hoped he no longer felt anything, and yet a jolt of arousal washed over his senses. It was that same scent that haunted him at night, driving him from his own bed and into another in a vain attempt to stamp the memory from his mind. A memory of heavy breaths and gripping hands. Of soft cries of pleasure and declarations of love that could never come to pass.

Liam looked up when Alison walked back over with a small box in her hands. She sat it down on the bed before pulling up a chair and taking a seat in front of him.

“I dinnae understand how you men can be so ridiculous about fighting,” Alison said as she sat down. She was going through the box, though she kept up her stream of words. “Ye’re all right fools for thinking yer fists can solve everythin’.”

Liam closed his eyes as her voice trailed over him. Even if each word was damning, he still couldn’t help but enjoy the sound of it. Alison in anger was a beauty to behold, no matter who it was aimed at.

Each swipe of the cool cloth over his skin had Liam relaxing further. He felt cared for in a way he hadn’t had since his mother’s death. It reminded him of a time much simpler, when the future seemed more awe-inspiring than panic-inducing. What he wouldn’t give to go back to that time and perhaps make some different decisions. Maybe then it would’ve kept him from dealing with events like this morning, where his legitimacy was called into question. His chest still burned with the realization that something very wrong was going on, and Laird Cormac was somehow part of it.

“Liam,” Alison began, loath to break the silence they had somehow stumbled into. It was unlike the ones before, which were filled with so much tension that it threatened to choke her. This silence wasn’t quite comfortable, but it was new. “We can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep doing this.”

Liam didn’t want to reply. He wanted to move, walk out of the room and keep the distance they had maintained. But he hesitated with each soft touch against his skin. It had been so long since he’d last felt that touch, and his body yearned to have it on him long enough to fuel his fantasies for the coming months.

“I’m not doing anything,” he replied, not giving up anything. The even tone of his voice pushed Alison past the hurt and straight into anger.

“Eejit,” she exclaimed, tossing down the cloth she had been using to clean him up. When she saw Liam’s eyes widen slightly, a sick thrill ran through her. Finally, something had gotten a reaction out of him. “I’m so tired of this. Enough is enough.”

“I dinnae?—”

“No,” she cut in, watching in pleasure when his mouth snapped shut. Before she could lose her nerve, Alison stood and walked a couple steps away. When she turned, Liam’s face had been schooled back into that frustrating mask of indifference. She hated it. She had to do something to make it slip. “I dinnae care if you dinnae love me.”

“What?” Liam’s voice was calm on the surface, but below, he was anything but.

“This marriage is failing the clan,” she continued undeterred. “We are failing the clan, Liam. I dinnae care if you lie with every maid in sight or lie with women in taverns, but I do care about this clan and I know you do too. You have a duty to the clan and to me as yer wife, so even if you hate… even if you hate me, you need to get yer wits about ye.”

Liam gripped his kilt and tried to calm the frantic urge in his body to move. Alison was right, he knew it was true, but he had spent so much time trying not to fall into first despair and later anger that he didn’t know how to handle this flood of emotion. Alison’s cheeks were flush with righteous color, and he wanted to reach out to taste that warmth. Her anger energized him and drew him in. He was so tired of fighting his need to fall into her.

Alison felt lighter after her declaration, but also no less angry. Why had it come to this? Her biting off rage-filled words in front of a man who might as well have been made of stone. “You, Liam Anderson, are a coward.” The words hurt coming out and yet, they did, clawing from her lips and heading towards their target. “You are not half the man your father was.”

She moved then as if to leave, and something in Liam snapped. He moved, almost faster than she could see, until he had a hand around one of her arms and the other on the back of her neck. Alison’s gasp of surprise was swallowed by two firm lips as they pressed against her own. The hard wall at her back wasn’t unlike the hard body pressed against her front, and Alison couldn’t have stopped her groan of pleasure even if she tried.

With fumbling hands, she managed to find a grip on Liam’s shirt, pulling him against her until not even air could come between them. The kiss was urgent, with both their tongues tangling first in Alison’s mouth and then in Liam’s. The hand on the back of Alison’s neck held her head in place, and she felt something powerful in her clench at the thought of that strength elsewhere. Liam tightened his grip as he dove in again, his kisses almost biting in their ferocity. He wanted to slowly savor the taste of her, but he fell in again and again like a starving man who hadn’t sipped water for days. The passion that answered him left Liam unmoored and adrift in uncomfortable questions. With the realization that he had just complicated things even further, Liam tore himself away from Alison, stepping away to suck in cool air.

They stood staring at one another, both unsure of what to make of their passionate encounter. After so many years of no touching, Alison had thought that her need for him was extinguished and yet, here it was on stark display. She almost groaned when her eyes shuffled down Liam’s body, stopping at the unmistakable bulge barely hidden by his kilt. She knew the pleasure that could be found between his thighs, and yet, she wasn’t sure she was ready to be fulfilled only to have it ripped away.

“Join me for dinner.” It wasn’t what she had intended to say, and yet she couldn’t find herself regretting the words once they were out.

Liam could have slapped himself for how badly he wanted to say yes. Alison’s touch had awakened something in him that he feared would never be re-caged. He had to leave before he did something they couldn’t come back from. The bed was too inviting for him to take his chances behind closed doors with her. Before he could second guess himself, he walked over to the door, flinging it open and escaping into the hallway. He could almost feel Alison’s disappointment as he forced himself to walk away.