Chapter 14

14

It felt good to slam the door in Liam’s face. Alison wasn’t too proud to admit that, outwardly if push came to shove. The sound of it echoed, giving voice to her turbulent feelings. Being so close to Liam again after their night of passion had left everything jumbled in her mind. She had been so upset waking alone until she remembered about the council meeting. For a moment, she had hoped so desperately that was the only reason for Liam’s absence. Duty, she could understand. They all had a part to play and play it they would. But to go and find him in a crowd already engaged in a fight with Bain, a fight that gave voice to the truth she had been so desperately trying to ignore, was too much.

She needed an escape.

For a moment, she thought about throwing open the door and stomping past Liam with her head held high in the knowledge that she had been fulfilling her vows even when he had tossed his away like waste from a chamber pot. But that would mean leaving the safety of her room, and Alison wasn’t sure if she had the fortitude to handle a second confrontation so soon after the first. She had a lot to think about when it came to her place here in the castle and with Liam. She had things to think about for her future and where she saw it leading, because this path might have reached its end.

A knock on the door startled her from her musings, but Alison was in no mood for company. She didn’t doubt the many servants and chambermaids who witnessed this morning’s thrilling display of manly foolishness had heard the news. She was probably the foolish one for not knowing about it already. Secrets had no doubt been flying amongst the workers from the start. Clearly she was the only one clueless.

“Nae, I’m busy this morning. Please return later,” Alison called out. It was a struggle to pitch her voice neutral, but a sense of pride filled her at how steady it sounded when inside she was anything but. She turned away from the door, sure that the person would heed her words and leave her to her own thoughts. When she heard the sound of the door opening behind her, Alison whirled around, mouth fixed to chastise the person for disregarding her wishes. When she came face-to-face with Bain, she paused in confusion. “Bain? What are ye doing here?”

Though it wasn’t the first time he had come to her chamber in the last few days, it was still disconcerting, especially after the scene she had witnessed. He hadn’t even bothered to clean himself before coming, his face still a mess of blood and cuts and his clothing askew with dark stains of earth. Unlike with Liam, where she felt the need to clean him up and bandage the worst of his scrapes before her anger took over, she felt no such inclination for Bain. Maybe it was rude of her, but she couldn’t stop thinking about the words that had come out of his mouth not but a few moments earlier.

“I wanted to?—”

“Bain, must we talk about this?” Alison interrupted wanting to be done with the conversation already. She wanted the peace and quiet of not having to deal with any of this. A hand came dow, stopping her from moving away.

“Alison,” Bain said, pulling her to a stop. “I didn’t want to have you find out this way. If I had known you were going to come out then, I wouldn’t have said that.”

She narrowed her eyes, her thoughts a boiling mess. “So, you would have continued to hide that from me just like everyone else?”

Bain paused for a moment, thinking of how to play this. He knew she wouldn’t believe outright that he never would have said anything. At this junction, it was probably best to come clean, but using words that would more easily turn the situation in his favor.

“Nay,” he said finally after deciding on how to spin things. “I would have said something to you eventually, but with better words. The harshness of them was for my cousin alone. I dinnae want to upset you.”

Alison looked at him for a moment as she tried to figure out if he was lying. She didn’t think he had any reason to lie to her about things given he wasn’t the one stuck in the situation with gossip swirling behind his back. Alison didn’t know where or even if she had an ally anywhere in the castle to talk with, and she couldn’t go to her parents about things. If she did that, there would be no going back from the situation.

“Listen,” Bain said, drawing her attention again. He blessedly let his grip loosen enough that Alison’s arm slid from his grasp. She rubbed against the reddened skin and gave him a steady look. She wasn’t sure if she could trust anything that came from his mouth, but she wanted to hear what he had to say. She was tired of not being privy to any conversations that had an effect on her future.

“I’m listening,” she said, turning to face him fully. Bain wasn’t expecting that. He had thought Alison would be in tears by now. Clearly, he was going to have to kick things up and really set her straight with where things stood with Liam. By the end of this, he needed her by his side and ready to close the door on Liam’s claim to anything that had to do with the clan’s present or future.

“I meant it when I said if I had known you would be there, I wouldn’t have said things like that. Definitely not in front of a crowd. Those words were never directed at you.”

“And yet, they were divulged in my presence. There were witnesses.”

Bain nodded, sensing that denying that fact would end the conversation before he was able to make his ultimate point. “Aye, and for that, I am regretful for allowing my cousin to push me to that point. I should never have allowed him to bait me into hurting you.”

“He baited you?” Alison asked, confused at the turn of the conversation. She had known that there was no love lost between the two cousins, but to be dragged into whatever was going on between the two of them was unacceptable.

“Aye,” he confirmed. “‘Tis true that I knew of the bairn for a while, but I wanted to find the best way to tell you. But Liam had seen me leave your chamber, and he had things to say about it.”

Guilt rose in Alison at that revelation. She should have known that Liam would find out about Bain’s visit. “But nothing happened.”

“I told him so, but it dinnae matter to him. He had some words to say about it before taunting me until I had no choice but to respond to him.” Bain took a step closer to her while holding out his hands. His large frame loomed over her, and it took everything in Alison no to step back to keep from having to look up at him. “Liam has been nothing but selfish, pushing off his duties and leaving you alone for so long.”

Alison couldn’t counter Bain’s words even if she wanted to. He wasn’t totally wrong. Liam had been so unavailable for so long that Alison wasn’t sure if he even still knew what his duties to the clan should even be. Did he even remember his duty to her? A couple years ago, she would have been hopeful, but doubt had long crept in leaving Alison straddling a line.

“If my father and I had known what would happen, we would have spoken up against the wedding,” Bain continued when Alison remained silent. He could see the wheels turning within her mind, and he knew he couldn’t let up now. Not when he was so close to what was needed. “And with what happened after, we were only supposed to be a temporary help to cover you and Liam until he was ready to step up as was his duty. But with each passing day, we can see that he’s not right to lead the clan to a prosperous future when he’s still so stuck in grieving the past with hard words and harsher actions.”

Grief. That was what Alison felt when hearing Bain’s words. They each fell, like thick raindrops during a hard winter shower stinging her skin and leaving her cold. Large hands reached for hers and Alison let him. She looked down at the hands holding hers. They were so unlike Liam’s. They held no real warmth for her to want to curl into. But maybe more importantly, they didn’t bring her pain.

“Liam is the worst thing that has happened in your life, and I hate to see you so upset and hurting because of his actions.” At Bain’s words, Alison looked up in surprise.

“Why?”

Bain paused before frowning. “Why is he the worst thing that’s happened to you?”

“Nay,” Alison countered, shaking her head. “Why do you care? What’s in this for you?”

The question was a valid one and not for the first time, Bain cursed how perceptive Alison was. It was one of her greatest strengths and one of the reasons he knew he needed to work quickly to get her on their side. “I told you already.”

“You never?—”

“Alison,” he breathed out before cupping his hand around her cheek. The warmth of her skin soaked into Bain’s hand, and he tried to keep his touch light to keep from spooking her. “I have told you, but maybe now you’ll be ready to hear me. I love you.”

Alison couldn’t help the jump of her heartbeat at those words. She wanted so desperately to hear them again, but in another voice—the voice that had whispered soft words into her ear last night. Words she was quickly coming to realize she may never actually hear again. Her lack of action made it easy for Bain to move in closer until there were only a few inches of air separating them. If anyone happened upon them right now, there would no doubt be rumors swirling by supper.

“If you were mine, I would never treat you as an afterthought. I would have you by my side, as it should be.”

Those were the perfect words to tug on something inside of her. Alison couldn’t move as she looked into Bain’s familiar eyes. He was moving closer, and while she knew propriety meant she should back away, Alison remained rooted in that spot. Everything in her was screaming to move, run, do something to stop what she knew was coming before things she couldn’t take back happened. But wasn’t that rich? Liam had spent years disregarding her feelings. He’d ignored their marriage and what it was all meant for and yet she was still considering him. Even in her sadness, her thoughts were still full of him.

“I won’t push you,” Bain said before brushing his thumb across her bottom lip. His gray eyes were downcast following the motion and he continued moving in, slowly aiming for his target. Alison’s distress was palpable, drawing him in like a warm fire on a cold winter’s night and he went gladly. He knew this was crossing a line, but if he was able to steal the barest of kisses, he’d know that he had a way in. The cracks in Alison and Liam’s marriage were clearly visible and he wanted to take a hammer to them, shattering the bedrock of their relationship completely until there was nothing left to fall back on.

Bain needed Liam to be utterly alone in the clan with no one to turn to when Bain made his move. He needed the show of having Alison by his side to start swaying those in the clan who looked at her as a Lady.

“You are a beautiful woman, Alison. And if you were with me, by my side, I would make sure you felt that way every day. You would never have to wonder about my feelings for you.”

Alison’s thoughts were screaming as Bain moved ever closer. His face eclipsed everything, and she was left with pulling away or letting what would be, come and deal with the consequences later. That those were her two options was frustrating in and of itself.

When Bain made his move, he was surprised Alison didn’t move away. After all her questions, he’d thought for sure he would have to do more to grease the way in. But when his lips pressed to hers, she didn’t step back or separate their lips. The kiss was dry with her lips staying firmly closed, but Bain still took it as a win that they were kissing at all. He reached up, cupping her cheeks and moving her face closer to his to deepen the kiss. He didn’t push for too much more, sensing that it wasn’t the right time. When Alison finally moved away, he released his hold on her, slowly opening his eyes.

Alison stepped back, a hand coming up to press against her lips. She tried to ignore the way it shook as she looked at Bain. “I need you to leave, please. I need to be alone.” Guilt gnawed at her as she pressed against her lips as if to wipe away any traces Bain had left.

Alison held herself stiffly, not knowing what she would do if Bain refused. She had let him in, let him kiss her. Things had gotten so far out of hand she didn’t know how to come back from it.

Bain clenched his fists by his side. He had given Alison much to think about and he was satisfied for now with the direction things had gone. With a stiff nod, he turned and exited the chamber, the taste of Alison still lingering on his lips.