Chapter 13

13

Alison stumbled through the corridors, anger nipping at her heels as she tried to figure out what her next steps were. The past day had been nearly too much for her to handle. The revelations that not only did she still desire Liam but that her body could yearn for his touch so much that she was thrown back into hoping for a future that slipped further and further from her grasp were nearly enough to drive her from the castle. She paid no mind to the few servants and maids that lingered around the halls. She knew instinctively that Liam wouldn’t be far behind, and she needed to be ready to say her piece without fail.

Liam indeed wasn’t too far behind. He had pulled himself away from the crowd of onlookers, not bothering to look back and assess Bain’s condition. If his cousin knew what was good for him, he would stay down until Liam could fix the mess that was his doing.

Fear coursed through him as he threw himself through the doorway of the castle. He knew he cast an unpleasant sight with blood dripping from his torn brow. He could feel the crust of it drying around his nose but when he went to wipe it away, pain had him squinting, blocking his vision. Relief would have to wait. Finding Alison and explaining was far more important right now. He had awoken this morning content for the first time in a long time and he knew it had been because of the woman still sleeping soundly beside him. Liam had thought about waking her, but he still hadn’t been able to find the words he needed to say to explain why the years had passed between them the way they had. He knew he owed her an explanation and yet the thought of letting those words fall from his lips was terrifying. How could he explain his fears without appearing weak? Strength was tantamount to leading and he knew that some saw an admission of vulnerability as a sign of weakness. It had been easy enough to let his uncle lead while he dealt with his grief, but Liam was finding that trying to step back into the role he was born for was almost a more daunting feat.

His footsteps echoed in the hallway and Liam checked his chamber first. Disappointment pierced him when he saw it was empty. The bedding had been replaced as well, leaving him upset that there were no reminders from the night to soothe him in the light of day. He closed his door before turning to Alison’s. If she weren’t in her own chambers, he had no idea where to look next, and that was an unfortunate realization. He had spent so much time avoiding Alison that he had no idea where she spent the bulk of her time. He had truly done a disservice to his wife. Steeling himself, he knocked on her chamber door. When no sounds answered him, he tentatively pushed it open.

Alison was only partially ready to see Liam standing in her doorway. She had been arguing internally with herself about whether she should bother with Liam or simply send him on his way as soon as she saw him. But she wanted to get her thoughts out and damnit, he deserved to hear them. She refused to be the only one suffering. She wasn’t the one who had broken what they could’ve had.

“Alison.” Hearing her name had her swallowing hard as she steeled her heart against him. She looked up at him, refusing to flinch away. His lips were twisted in a grimace, the top one split. His cheek was bruised and there was blood dripping into his eyes as well as some half dried around his nose. She cataloged everything before dropping her eyes down to his bloodied knuckles. She didn’t think that was his blood, but either way, she gestured for him to sit in the chair beside her.

“Sit.”

Liam hesitated, not sure if he should truly enter before apologizing. “Alison, I think that?—”

“Sit down Liam.” Her voice was firm in a way it had never been with him, and while Liam knew he deserved it, he couldn’t help but try to let loose his apologies again. He walked over to the chair, mouth moving, but Alison heard none of it. Her mind was focused on what she needed to do, and she refused to be dissuaded. She waved a hand in front of him, cutting off Liam's words again. “Give me your hand.”

Liam looked at her for a moment, shocked at her calm words that didn’t acknowledge his. Tentatively, he lifted the hand closest to her, holding it out. Alison’s touch was gentle but firm as she lifted a wet cloth from the basin on the table and began cleaning off the blood and dirt. The skin of his knuckles was slightly split but mostly intact. It didn’t even hurt when she applied the cloth and after watching for a moment, Liam couldn’t stop his gaze from returning to her face.

Alison’s expression was closed off and guarded in a way it never had been before. Liam found himself wishing he could say something, anything to make that change. He would even accept her yelling and calling him names. This silence was unnatural. Alison moved methodically, cleaning one hand and dressing the wounds before moving on to the other. She worked in silence, letting the tension of it spread, trying not to delight in how unnerved Liam appeared when she continued to silently work on his injuries. When she finished his second hand, she paused, dipping the cloth back into the basin.

“Alison, aboot Bain?—”

“I don’t care aboot Bain.”

Liam swallowed hard and tried a different approach. “He talks nonsense.”

“So, you haven’t been whoring with any woman who would have you?” She asked evenly. Liam froze, but she paid it no mind as she lifted the cloth again and leaned towards him. Alison looked him in the eye before touching the cloth to his nose. “Did you really think I dinnae know about them, Liam?”

“Nay,” he sputtered. At her even look, he backtracked. “I mean…” He trailed off, not knowing what to say. Liam winced when the cloth knocked too hard into his bruised nose. The pain was deserved, but it still made his eyes water.

Alison lifted the cloth from his skin and looked at him for a moment before dipping it back into the water. It was still clear but with swirls of pink and deeper reds. She knew it would need to be thoroughly cleaned before using it again. She rang out the water from the cloth and paused before continuing.

“I don’t know what makes you more of an eejit, that you thought I didn’t know anything, or if you knew but didn’t care.” She lifted the cloth and caught Liam’s eyes widening at the implication that he had hurt and embarrassed her on purpose. “You seem shocked. The whole clan has known fer years that you’ve spent more time in other women’s beds than your own. I’m surprised it took this long for a bastard to pop up after three years of your whoremongering.”

Chastised, Liam looked down. He knew he should say something, but he had caused this. He hadn’t been discrete, especially lately having grown weary in a way that made him sloppy and careless about hiding his indiscretions. In the back of his mind, he had been aware that his late-night escapades were known, but he had used his grief to trick himself into thinking that Alison was none the wiser. She had never said anything that would have led him to believe she was aware he was sleeping with others. He had been a fool.

“It’s a shame,” she continued as she wiped away the blood from his brow. Alison’s gaze was steady, though it lacked any warmth. Still, this close, Liam could see the slight flush across the bridge of her nose and the milky white skin of her neck. Just hours prior, he had had his lips all over that skin, losing himself in the warmth that only she could bring to him. He had tried in so many ways to find that same solace elsewhere and never had it been enough to satiate him. That should have been his first clue that he was searching in vain for a distraction that had no chance of working.

“What is?” He asked tentatively hoping to add in something that would get her to look at him and truly see how sorry he was.

“That in all this time, we could have been together working towards siring an heir to strengthen the clan instead of spreading bastards who will never know the warmth of a father’s touch. How many lads out there will grow wondering why their father never cared?” She shook her head, a frown spreading across her lips. Liam sucked in a breath at it, wanting to reach out and smudge it from her lips. But he knew his touch would not be welcomed. Not now. “I mean, did you ever count? Do you even know how many bairns are out there of your lineage? Do you even care? Or will they be doomed to be attached to an uncaring man, like me?”

Liam couldn’t stand it. He wanted to protest; to let Alison know that he was not without feelings for her. Last night had proven that. But when he tried to open his mouth to counter her words, she kept talking, not letting him get a word in as she let loose everything she had been feeling.

The hurt burned through her as Alison let out everything she had felt in the years since their estrangement. Watching Liam leave each night and knowing that he would come home smelling of whiskey and women had left her with righteous anger and a need to make him hurt as he had made her hurt. How unfortunate that she couldn’t bring herself to find someone to warm her bed and hold her in ways she had wished he would. If she could’ve done that, how many years would have gone by before they imploded together? Five? Ten? Would they have taken their dysfunction to the grave as a marriage of wasted potential to serve as a story warning others to choose more wisely?

“Alison,” Liam said, catching her when her words had faltered. He gripped one of her hands. The strength in that grip unwittingly brought about more memories of last night and the way he had gripped her tightly to him until there had been no space between them. She had never felt so close to someone until then, and so it hurt even more to realize it was all for naught. The whispers of what could have been threatened to choke Alison in what ifs, and she knew she needed to be alone. She had to build her walls back up before she crumbled apart.

“No,” she said curtly, pulling away from him. She dropped the cloth into the basin and stood. She felt Liam moving beside her as he moved to do the same. She lifted the basin, not caring when some of the water sloshed over the side, dripping onto her table. Before he could say anything else, she shoved the basin in his hands. “I’m done with this conversation. It’s time for you to leave.”

Liam was in shock at the abrupt change. It was that shock that had him moving without thinking letting Alison herd him from the table and towards the door. It wasn’t until he was at the doorway that he turned to protest.

“Wait, what about the other wounds?” That wasn’t what he meant to say and clearly it was the wrong direction to go in given the way Alison’s eyes narrowed. She pushed him out into the hallway and gripped the door.

“Get one of your pets to change it for you. I’m sure they would be very happy to cater to your every waking need.” Alison’s jaw tightened after she said her piece and she closed the door in his face before Liam could think of a response. The slam of it echoed through the hallway and sounded a lot like the end leaving Liam frozen with despair.