Chapter 9

9

Pleasure came in waves as Alison threw her head back with a heated moan. Everywhere was the sweet touch of pleasure as Liam’s hands slid down her body. It was like that first night all over again, with them learning each other; where to touch and how to taste. They strained together as Alison gripped Liam’s back. She could feel his muscles jump and relax as he held himself above her. She wanted him closer until not even air could travel between them. With a loud moan, she pulled, getting what she wanted when he crashed down against her, pressing her firmly against the bed.

The night was quiet save their gasps and groans. Alison’s lips felt puffy and bruised with the force of their kisses, and she wondered if she would ever know what it was like to not be kissed by him. There were echoes of memories, but she couldn’t grasp them, and didn't want to. She wanted to lose herself in the shift of their bodies as they moved together as one. Liam’s thrusts made her tighten as her body strained to keep him hard against her. The sound of his panting breaths in her ear were a perfect symphony composed for only her to hear, and she felt ravenous in the wake of it. She wanted more; faster and harder. She wanted everything from him until they fell together, exhausted and unable to move. She didn’t want him to have the strength to move away or seek out another. She wanted Liam to always be focused on her.

“Alison,” he groaned softly, sending molten pleasure sliding down her spine. That voice could be her undoing if only he kept going. Kept calling out her name. “Alison.”

“Liam,” she whispered back, body clenching as she felt herself lurch closer to climax. She had never felt it this strong, the rush and desire to come. Nothing could ever compare to how it felt in Liam’s arms, both of them clawing their way to orgasm. “Liam please.”

Her words seemed to spur him on, and Liam’s hands grew rougher, pulling her to him as the thrust of their bodies sped up. Everywhere was only him, and Alison couldn’t stop herself from arching up with a cry of pleasure.

“Liam!” Alison jerked awake, her eyes snapping open to see nothing but dark ceiling above her. The room was quiet beyond her panting breaths and with a sinking feeling, she realized that the thrum of her body wasn’t from the actual touch of a hand, but from the fantasy of the touch she wanted. Craved if she were being honest with herself. In sleep and dreams she had everything she wanted and yet, every time she opened her eyes, she felt it slip further and further from her grasp. It was enough to have her eyes burning with tears that she refused to let fall. She had to do something.

Alison threw off the blankets, shivering slightly when the cooler air of the room rushed in. She didn’t let it stop her, climbing out of bed and moving with determined steps to the door. She opened it, stopping momentarily to listen for any of the maids who might be up late. There were no sounds save her own, and she rushed across the hall before she lost her nerve. It wasn’t until she had already knocked on Liam’s door that she thought of what she might find. She hadn’t seen him to bed, so she had no idea if he was in his chambers alone or if he was entertaining another one of the maids, giving to them willingly what he never gave to her. Alison chewed on her bottom lip as she debated returning to her own chambers and forgetting the dream ever happened. If she left now, no one would be the wiser.

She glanced over her shoulder at the open door of her chamber. ‘Come back’ it seemed to call. ‘That way only has pain. ’ It might be right, but with a start, she realized that going back couldn’t be an option. She couldn’t live with years of not knowing if any of this was worth it. Would things ever improve? She couldn’t see herself living like this day after day and year after year without knowing for sure if she should give up hope. Nerves banished, she curled her fist and banged harder on his door, wondering if perhaps he wasn’t even in his chamber. Maybe he was out at the tavern again, sleeping off whatever he consumed these days or sandwiched between two girls he’d paid to warm his bed.

When there was finally movement beyond the door, Alison swallowed hard and stood her ground when the door slowly opened. Liam came into view then, and Alison couldn’t help the way her eyes were drawn to his frame. He had no shirt on, displaying the chest that had clearly grown and the wide shoulders she had only touched in dreams. His eyes were half-lidded and fuzzy with sleep as he rubbed at them, and his dark hair was mussed, going this way and that in a wild display. He was every bit as handsome as ever, and it nearly broke something inside of her.

“Alison?” He asked, voice deep with sleep. The rumble of it seemed to go through her until her skin almost vibrated with it. Liam opened the door wider before looking out into the hallway. He almost wasn’t sure if this was real or if he were dreaming. Alison had never come to his bed chambers for any reason, not even to scold him. “What is it?”

“Liam,” she began, her voice soft with a slight tremor showcasing her troubling feelings. “Can we talk?”

Liam frowned, his mind all at once wide awake, though it was the dead of night. Surprise flickered across his face and for a moment, Alison could see some of the old him—the boy who had first caught her eye. His expression abruptly shifted to something more guarded, but he nodded, taking a step back and opening the door wider for her to come through. She paused for a moment, the space between them feeling like an ocean she had to jump into in order to swim across. She didn’t know if she was strong enough to fight against the current, but she knew she had to try—knew she would regret it if she didn’t.

Alison stepped into his chambers, her breath coming out in a steady stream of relief when she saw it was empty besides himself. The door shutting behind her made her turn, and she shivered when she realized they were alone for the first time in a long time. Liam was half cloaked by a cover of darkness, the rest of him being highlighted by moonlight. The hair on Alison’s arms stood up as he walked towards her, lithe and strong like a predator stalking its prey. He paused a few steps away from her.

“What’s on yer mind?” His tone was casual, as if he didn’t care about her answer and that let Alison feeling unmoored. Should she lie and leave? For a moment she just stared until, with a start, Alison realized the tension coiling in Liam’s shoulders. Liam wasn’t sure if inviting her in was the right move to make. Having her in his chambers so close and yet so far away was making him second guess so many things. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to handle the upheaval these questions might bring.

Taking a deep breath, Alison plunged right to the heart of it. “Why haven’t you touched me since our wedding night?”

The words hung in the air, thick and charged. Liam’s gaze was on her, but he said nothing as silence wrapped around them like a heavy blanket. Alison’s heart was racing, and she waited with bated breath for his response. There had to be a reason; some issue she was missing. She had rehearsed this moment countless times and yet now that it was here, she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to handle the reality of those words being out there.

“I dinnae know what you mean,” Liam said finally. He could feel the heavy thump of his heart as he told that lie, but he wasn’t sure if the truth would be any better.

“Liam,” she said, not knowing what to say to make him see reason. He couldn’t just leave her in limbo like this. It was cruel beyond measure. “Was it because…” Her voice trailed off as she entertained one of the thoughts she’d always had.

“Because what?” he prompted. Liam’s gaze never left her, even as he tried to fight against his own curiosity. He shouldn’t be encouraging this conversation, not when they were as close as they were.

Alison looked down at the floor, gathering her courage. “Was it because I wasn’t good?”

Liam was shocked into silence with her words. When she looked up at him, he could see pain etched on her face. Her expression was so startlingly earnest and regretful that his throat nearly closed in guilt. He had done this. He had put that expression on her face and that doubt in her heart.

“I thought because neither of us had much experience, it would be alright,” Alison continued. Now that the first words had been freed, she couldn’t stop herself from continuing. “I dinnae know much aboot it, but I thought we could learn together. Maybe I could get better at it and we could be?—”

“No,” Liam said, interrupting her. He couldn’t stand there and watch her berate herself over something that wasn’t true. He couldn’t let her continue to think that anyone could compare to her.

Alison felt chastised in a way she hadn’t since she was a child. Pain lanced through her as the sting of rejection once again took hold. He wasn’t even willing to try. How was she ever supposed to compete if she were never given the chance?

When Liam took a step towards her, he sucked in a hard breath when Alison flinched. Her reaction made something inside him cry out. He had to soothe her. He couldn’t bear for her to leave his chambers thinking she wasn't perfection personified.

“Nothing ever compares,” he said softly. “No one has ever compared to you, Alison.”

She froze, not understanding what he was saying. No one could compare? “Then why do—” Her words were cut off again, this time by lips pressing against her own.

Liam moved almost faster than she could comprehend, and it wasn’t until she was wrapped in his arms that she realized they were kissing. The feeling of it was indescribable; like being lost and found all at the same time. The memories of her dream swam to the forefront of her mind and yet, they paled in comparison to the real thing. Before she could overthink it, Alison wrapped her arms around Liam’s shoulders, holding on for dear life when he lifted her into his arms and away from the door.