Chapter 19

Arianna wrung out the rag she had just dipped in a bowl of cool water and bathed the sweat from Brian’s face. The terror that had gripped her when he had shown signs of fever had eased now. It had been two days and his fever had not risen very high. His wounds were healing nicely as well, with no signs of infection.

She shivered with dread as she remembered her first sight of him after the battle. To see him bloodied and carried in Sigimor’s arms had nearly brought her to her knees. If Brian had not groaned softly at that moment she would have started wailing like a banshee. The mere thought of him dying had torn the heart right out of her. She had actually been relieved to hear that he was only wounded, until she had seen the wounds. It had taken Mab and Fiona a few moments to assure her that none of the wounds were mortal.

Fiona and Mab had done wonderful work. Arianna was ashamed about how little she knew despite all the teachings of her family. She had been too young to understand the importance of such teachings. Her love had been the garden and still was. In her youthful arrogance she had thought the ability to grow all the plants the healers needed was enough. In France she had been better than the healer they had used but, next to Fiona and Mab, she was a fumbling novice.

“I just assumed that everyone had skilled healers,” she told a sleeping Brian as she bathed his arms. “That was verra foolish of me. Just because I grew up surrounded by women who had great skill didnae mean there were a lot of skilled healers outside the lands of my kinsmen. If I had taken a moment to consider the matter, I would have recalled how often one of my kinswomen was called away because of her skills. Then I would have kenned the idiocy of my belief. The fact that I was just a child doesnae excuse me, either.”

“Why not? Many of us dinnae think much on the future when we are children,” said Fiona as she closed the door behind her and moved to the side of Brian’s bed. “He looks better.”

“His wounds are still clean and already show signs of healing,” Arianna said.

“Good. I have come to sit with him for a while and Mab will follow me. Ye go and visit with your lads, get some rest, or go and enjoy this rare sunny day in the gardens.”

Arianna forced down the reluctance she felt, the need to stay at Brian’s side. Fiona was right. She did need to get some rest, to leave the room and breathe some fresh air. She would do Brian no good if she exhausted herself. With a nod to Fiona, Arianna stood up and walked out of the room, intending to find Michel and Adelar.

Two hours later, Arianna sat down on a stone bench in Fiona’s garden. She knew she would have to seek her bed soon. The visit with the boys had quickly revealed to her just how tired she was. But, the sun was shining, the gardens were full of the signs of new growth, and she needed to savor that for a while. She leaned back against the tree behind the bench and let the sun warm her.

“Ye would probably be more comfortable sleeping in a bed.”

Blinking rapidly, Arianna sat upright and looked at Callum as he sat down next to her. A glance up at the sun told her that she had fallen asleep for a while, but her body was demanding a much longer rest. She was a little surprised that her cousins were still at Scarglas.

“I had thought ye and the others would have left by now,” she said, a little embarrassed that she had paid so little attention to where her cousins were after they had come to help her.

“We are waiting on ye,” Callum said.

“Ah, weel, I cannae say when Brian will be fully recovered.”

“Actually, we are waiting to see what ye wish to do when he is. Stay or leave. I can see by your face that he has ne’er given ye a hint of what will happen about that. So, ye and the rest of us will wait until he does.”

Callum was too astute, she decided. He always had been. Arianna suspected the horrors of his childhood had something to do with how easily he could see into a person’s heart. Orphaned and abused, he had known the worst of humanity until her cousin Payton and his wife, Kirstie, had saved him. He had gained a true skill at judging what a person was or what they wanted from those dark days. Now accepted by his paternal family, the cherished grandson of a powerful MacMillan, he had fulfilled his boyish pledge to grow strong and learn to fight so that he could protect the innocent. She did not believe she needed his protection, however.

“There has been little time to think about the future,” she said, and was not surprised by the way he just cocked a brow at her for the thin excuse was worthy of derision.

“Nay? He found time to be your lover.”

She could feel the heat of a blush stinging her cheeks but ignored it. “That is none of your concern.”

“Ah, but it is. Arianna, we failed ye.”

“Nay!”

“Aye, we did. All of us. We didnae stand by ye as we should have as a family. Ye were in France for five years, lass, and not one of us came to visit.”

That still stung but she told herself not to be a child about it. “Ye didnae ken that I wanted ye to. The Lucettes didnae let ye see the letters that might have made ye want to come to see how I was faring. They didnae let me see any letters from my family that might have spoken about visiting, either, so ye couldnae have kenned that I wished to visit home or have ye visit me. As far as all of ye kenned, I was content.”

He moved closer and put his arm around her shoulders. “E’en if ye were truly content, someone from the clan, from your family, should have gone to visit you. The verra fact that ye ne’er asked us to visit or asked if ye could come home for a visit should have made us wonder why. We definitely should have had some suspicions roused by the occasional missive from your husband or his family telling us that ye were far too busy to visit with us.”

They should have and Arianna suspected the fact that they had not would hurt for a while. She knew how the days could pass, how long a journey it was, and how many obligations her family had. Soon that would be enough to soothe the sting. They had written so they had not forgotten her. And with the Lucettes watching all letters coming or going, her family must have begun to wonder if she cared about any of them anymore. The wound she had suffered had mostly been inflicted by the Lucettes and it would heal.

“I didnae ken that the Lucettes wrote to any of ye.”

“Only now and then. I believe it was at those times when they saw something in our letters to you that told them we were becoming unsettled by the lack of any invitation to come to France or your unwillingness to visit with us here. They kenned verra weel that we wouldnae have tolerated the way ye were being treated. That doesnae excuse us, though. Someone should have traveled there to see how ye fared, nay just taken the Lucettes’ word for it.”

“The Lucettes, aside from Claud’s family, are good allies and good people. There was nay any reason to be suspicious of them. Of course, I was ne’er allowed to see any of the other Lucettes, either. I fear I thought they ne’er wished my company, but now I ken that the Lucettes or Claud made sure none of them came to visit, either.”

“’Tis the way of such people. They cannae have the ones who care for ye come anywhere near. Claud certainly couldnae allow it or all of his lies would have been revealed and one of us would have freed ye of the trap he had put ye in.”

She sighed. “Brian told ye everything, didnae he?” She had the feeling that Brian had done so because he was angry at what he saw as their neglect.

“About how Claud abused ye? Aye.”

“He ne’er hit me, Callum.”

“What he did was still abuse.”

“I ken it now. Brian made me see that, although it did take a while for it to become clear to me.”

“I will confess that it took me a while to ken how ye didnae see what he was doing from the verra start. Then I understood that what he did was feed ye a slow poison.”

“That is exactly what Brian calls it. Insidious is what it was. Rather like that wee drop of water that slowly wears a hollow in a rock. When I became aware of what he had done to me, I was ashamed. Why had I allowed it? I have thought about it a lot and have decided that I wasnae as certain of myself as I had thought I was. A part of me accepted the implication that I needed a great deal of improvement. I also come from a clan with a lot of strong, good marriages. I wanted that for myself and I think I was willing to believe Claud wanted that, too. Many of his criticisms were weel disguised as advice.” She shrugged. “It doesnae matter. I am recovering. I dinnae e’en hear his voice in my head as often as I did before.”

“I think ye are still wounded enough that ye now hesitate to reach for what ye want.”

“Both people must want it, Callum,” she said quietly, knowing that he spoke of Brian.

“Aye, but that doesnae mean one cannae at least try to convince the other that they both want the same thing.”

She laughed with him and promised him she would think about it. There was some wisdom in his jesting words, however, she thought as she finally left the garden to seek her bed. One could not force love from a person, but that did not mean one had to just sit and wait, hoping it would grow. She could, at the very least, try to show Brian that there was love just waiting for him if he wanted it.

What she knew she could not do was openly declare her love and hope for the best. If Brian could not have his mind changed about sending her home, she did not want to leave knowing she had handed him her heart only to have it tossed aside. Arianna decided that what she needed to do was show him in every way she could that she cared for him. If he wanted her as some thought he did, he would see how she cared and ask her to stay.

Brian woke to the soft sound of Arianna’s voice. He had heard it often during his recovery. The way she had cared for him as he had healed made him think she had some deep feelings for him. He tried not to let that tempt him into reaching for what he knew he could not have. He saw no harm in basking in her warmth for a little while longer, though.

“Ah, ye are awake,” she said, and hurried back to the side of his bed to kiss his cheek. “Hungry?”

“Och, aye,” he said as he sat up and rested against the pillows she stacked behind his back. “I will be glad to get out of this bed, too. A fortnight abed is too long.”

“I ne’er liked being bedridden, either. I once thought that the sun only came out when I was too ill to enjoy it.”

He laughed and then murmured his pleasure when she set a tray of hearty meat, bread, and cheese before him. Another sure sign that he was healed for Fiona was very strict about what an injured or ill person could eat. This food was only for the healthy.

Arianna kept him entertained with tales of what everyone was doing while he ate. It was evident that she had settled in nicely at Scarglas. He knew she and Fiona had become very close. He prayed Arianna would not be too hurt when he sent her home.

Brian then wondered if she was reluctant to leave because she still thought her family had deserted her. That wound had been deep and he doubted it was fully healed yet. Arianna had the sense to know it was not her family’s fault, not entirely, but that did not mean she was eager to face them all.

“So, your cousins are still lurking about?” he asked as he picked up his tankard and then inhaled the scent of good strong ale, another thing Fiona had denied him while he healed.

“Just Callum and Uven,” she replied. “Brett and Harcourt had to leave as they had places they had promised to be.” She frowned. “I have the feeling there is something troubling Brett but he didnae tell me what. I think he got tired of me asking him if everything was fine.” She smiled. “Might be why he left.”

“Could have given him a nudge but I suspicion it was more about some place they had said they would be, some promise they had made. And, at times, a mon doesnae want to talk about what troubles him, nay if it is personal.”

She nodded. “I had to wonder if it was a woman.”

“And that would most assuredly nay be something he would want to speak to ye about.”

Before Arianna could reply, Callum strode into the room. She resisted the urge to kick him as she walked by him to leave. He and Brian probably had some business to discuss, she decided as she made her way to the gardens. It delighted her to find Michel and Adelar there helping Fiona weed the herb beds, and she quickly joined in.

“How is your campaign to win that fool’s heart coming along?” asked Fiona when the boys moved away.

“I think it goes weel but I cannae be certain,” Arianna said.

“He hasnae told ye to go home yet.”

“True. Of course, he has only just finished his healing. He may have waited because he likes to be coddled.”

Fiona laughed. “Oh, aye, they do. Ye have certainly made my life easier by taking o’er his care. He has healed enough now that he can begin to move around and regain all his strength and I havenae had to suffer through any monly tantrums.”

“A true blessing.”

Fiona glanced at the boys to make sure they were still at the other end of the garden and then asked, “He hasnae asked ye to stay yet, has he?”

Arianna sighed. “Nay. And, although he hasnae yet asked me to leave, he sometimes speaks as if I am soon to go. I begin to fear entering the room as I expect to hear the words I dread each time I do now.”

Fiona hugged her. “I shall pray that ye get what ye want.”

“I think a few prayers may be needed as naught I have done has seemed to make him see that I care for him, that I have no trouble with his life as it is. I shall just have to wait and see what happens when he is back on his feet and fit again.”

Brian stood up and stretched, enjoying the feel of just moving around without pain or weakness. He looked at Callum and sighed. They worked well together and the younger man had a good eye to making a profit in trade. Brian hoped that would not change when Arianna left.

His heart clenched with pain at the mere thought of her riding away from him but he fought to ignore that. Now that he was healed, there was no more reason for her to linger at Scarglas. If he was honest with himself, there had been no need for her to stay and help him heal as Fiona and Mab were very skilled healers. He had allowed himself the time with her, enjoying her caring for him, out of pure selfish need. It was time to stop being selfish and send her back to the life she deserved.

“Ye have a look on your face that isnae making me feel verra kindly toward ye,” said Callum.

“What look?”

“The one that says that now that ye are healed enough to stretch and prance about, ye will do what ye think is the honorable thing and send my cousin away.” Callum held up a hand to stop Brian from speaking. “Please, dinnae lash me with the talk of how she is so high ye cannae touch her. I just ask that ye make the cut ye are about to give her quick and clean. Once ye do this, dinnae change your mind and come looking for her as I willnae allow it.”

Brian was tempted to respond to that threat with a bit of belligerence of his own, but bit back the words. They had one more item to discuss as far as their business dealings went and then the man could leave. He just hoped that Callum did not carry grudges. The trade deals they had made together could prove to be very rich ones and he liked the man.

“We have received word from Lord Ignace that Captain Tillet has a fine new ship. Our first shipment of wine will be headed this way in about a month.”

“Good. Does he say anything about the lads?”

“Aye, their maternal grandfather agrees that they are safer here, that it is safer that the world thinks them dead as weel. The blame for that was put on Lucette. The man will be sending some boon for the lads soon. It appears that his son has died and the mon bred only lassies on his legal wife.” Brian frowned. “I hope he doesnae think he can make them his heirs for then the world will ken that they are nay dead and they are legitimate. It will also mean that Paul Lucette cannae be the heir to the Lucette land.”

“Leave it to them to sort out. The lads are safe here. What happens when they are grown will be their business to deal with. I doubt the old mon will be making his wishes clear for a long time. Arianna says Paul is a verra good mon, studious and kind. For all we ken, he and the old mon are working together in secret. And, we cannae work against those boys getting a fortune in lands and titles when they are older just because we fear for their safety. We will just make certain they are always protected and trained weel in how to protect themselves.”

“Agreed. Lord Ignace also says that his mother has retired to a convent. Seems his uncle suggested it. Says the mon wasnae happy about her plans to stand up against the rest of the DeVeaux or her lack of regard for her only child, his heir. He felt we would be pleased to ken that she willnae be sending him on any more journeys to add to her power and prestige.”

Callum chuckled. “And I suspect he and his uncle are still rejoicing. Obviously the uncle had some power of his own to get that woman out of the house and tucked away in a convent where she can do no more harm.”

“It does seem as if we have found that rarest of creatures, a likeable, honest DeVeau.”

“Aye, so let us hope the rest of his family continues to ignore him. I think ’tis the fact that Lord Ignace is the son of a sailor that has saved him from the others. He may be a DeVeau but he is still tainted by the common branch of the family tree.”

“From what I have heard of the DeVeaux and having met this lad, I think they would do weel to get a little more of the common blood into their family.”

“Aye.” Callum stood up. “I will be off soon I am thinking, but let us nay shake hands right now as I am sore tempted to strike ye down for what I ken ye are about to do.” He nodded at Brian in farewell and walked out of the room.

Brian stared at the door Callum shut behind him and sighed. He supposed he would feel the same if it was one of his cousins. Callum and Arianna had also been close when they were children. Even he had seen what good friends they were once he had gotten past his jealousy.

He sat down at his worktable and dragged his hands through his hair. This was going to be hard but he had to do it. He was healed enough now, after three long weeks, that he was finding it very difficult not to drag Arianna into his bed and make love to her until they were both too weak to even twitch a finger. If she did not leave Scarglas soon he would be doing just that and that would be wrong. A man did not make love to a woman and then turn around and tell her to leave. The trouble was that the need for her was growing so strong he just might sink that low.

He was searching his mind for the right words to say, ones that would carry no taint of rejection, when she stepped into the room and smiled at him. Brian wondered how such a sweet smile could make him feel so wretched. He knew she cared for him but wondered how much of that was because he had been so much kinder to her than any of the Lucettes and had helped her save the boys. A part of him wanted to hear her tell him how she felt about him but he knew that would be cruel because he would still have to let her go.

It did not surprise him when her smile began to fade and her steps slowed as she approached him. Callum had guessed what he was going to do today and she was nearly as astute. It puzzled him that doing the right thing, the honorable thing, should be making him feel like the worst of heartless bastards.

“Arianna, I have been meaning to talk to ye,” he said.

Arianna stopped a foot away from his desk and clasped her hands in front of her skirts. There was a look in his fine eyes that was easy to read. He was going to send her home, just as he had always said he would. The fact that he looked sad about that did not ease the pain of it at all. She kept her hands clasped tightly so that she did not give in to the urge to either cling to him or grab something heavy and beat him over the head with it.

“About what?” she asked.

“Weel, first, let me tell ye what Lord Ignace wrote. I received his missive just today.” He proceeded to tell her nearly everything the man had said even as a voice in his head scoffed at him for this pathetic attempt to delay doing what he had to do.

The news concerning the boys both pleased and worried her. They were safe for now but the future could bring problems. Arianna wondered why he was bothering telling her this because he must have just told Callum, who would be sure to tell her. He did not need to waste time before breaking her heart. Now that she knew what he was about to do, she really just wanted him to get it over and done with.

“Weel, that is good news. For now. There may be trouble later, however,” she said.

“Callum and I are aware of that, and everyone will be alert. I believe Lord Ignace will be sure to send us word, too, especially if he gains from the wine trade with us.”

“Of course. So, is that all?” She desperately wanted this over with as she was nearly shaking with pain and anger.

Brian cleared his throat and clasped his hands together on the top of his worktable. He wished she were not looking at him as if he was about to draw his sword and lop off her head. She had to know that this was best for her.

“I want to thank ye for all the care ye took of me while I was healing from my wounds.”

“Ye got those wounds fighting for my laddies.”

“Ah, weel, aye. And ye. But, I am healed now and your family is eager to see ye. So, I have arranged for an escort for ye and the boys for the ride to your family. Callum and Uven are preparing to leave with ye, too. It was my greatest honor to have been of help to ye in your time of need. If ye e’er need help again ...”

“I will ask it of my family. Now, if ye will kindly excuse me, it appears I have packing to do and fare-weels to give.”

He watched her walk out of the office and had to bite his lip to keep from calling her back. Brian did not think he would ever be able to forget her expression as he had so politely thanked her and wished her well. She had looked both devastated and furious.

For a moment he had almost leapt up to take her in his arms and try to soothe the pain he sensed he had inflicted. That would have been the greatest folly and he knew it. Once he had her in his arms he would not have been able to let her go. It was one reason he had not made love to her despite having been able to and wanting to for at least a sennight.

“I did the right thing,” he said aloud.

He poured himself a tankard of ale and wondered if he had enough so that he could just hide in this room and get stinking drunk until she was long gone. It could be the only way he stopped himself from running after her. Considering the way she had looked at him, if he did run after her, he would probably also have to get down on his knees and beg her forgiveness. Getting drunk was less painful.