Chapter 58

It’s eleven in the morning, and Simon is still in bed. Back in the day, he rarely saw the morning, at least not this side of it. He was a nocturnal creature back then, staying up most of the night and not rousing until midafternoon. But Simon went to bed last night before ten. And it’s not just his aching hip that has kept him there. He hasn’t felt this low or helpless in ages. The tribe is crumbling. He no longer trusts Dr. Danvers, the one person he viewed as his savior. And worst of all, the urges and fantasies are beginning to assert control over him again.

I’m the train wreck you always expected me to be, Mom.

When his phone dings with a group text, he almost ignores it. Nothing good ever comes from them lately. But after three more dings, curiosity gets the best of him, and he reaches for his phone.

Salvador:I fell off TWO wagons last night! Sizzling hot mess that I am!

Baljit:Two?

Salvador:THE DOUBLE PLUNGE! Coke and Adderall!!!

Baljit:It happens, Sal. Don’t beat yourself up. Not that you’re capable of beating up anyone or anything.

Simon is oddly touched by Baljit’s small show of compassion.

Simon:She’s right. I’ve got a permanent dent in my skull from falling off so many wagons.

Salvador:

Salvador:Dr. Danvers is adamant. No more group therapy. No more ketamine.

Baljit:Got any more earth-shattering news flashes?

Salvador:She’ll keep seeing us individually.

Baljit:Without ketamine? Thanks, but no thanks.

Simon finds it hard to imagine what his life will be like without Dr. Danvers or the tribe in it, but he’s too proud to share that with the others.

Salvador:Dr. Danvers is still fixated on the night JJ died.

Reese joins the chat.

Reese:Fixated how?

Salvador:After I told her JJ and I exchanged a couple texts that evening, Dr. Danvers wanted me to spill on everything and everyone.

Baljit:What’s left to spill?

Salvador:She asked me about some kind of run-in JJ had with another doctor.

Simon:What doctor?

Salvador:Lang or something?

The text chain goes quiet for a moment. Then another message pops up.

Salvador:Reese, remember how you were supposed to meet JJ that night?

There are a few flashing dots on the screen as Reese types her response. Then a pause. Finally, her text appears.

Reese:Don’t remind me.

Salvador:Dr. D seemed weirdly focused on that, too.

Reese:I wish I hadn’t canceled on JJ. Everything might be so different now.

The conversation goes quiet again. Simon can think of nothing else to add. The whole thing has the death throes vibe of a text chat between people after a breakup.

Simon drags himself out of bed and heads to the kitchen to brew an espresso. The second shot has just dripped into his cup when his phone sounds again, indicating the video doorbell on the gate. Opening the app, he recognizes Detective Rivers at the gate. “Come in,” Simon says, buzzing him in remotely.

The detective refuses Simon’s offer of a coffee, and they sit down across from each other in the velvet chairs. Rivers crosses one leg over the other, and Simon can’t help but admire the slim cut of his suit. He can barely remember the time when he was that lean, though he has the photos to prove he once was.

“Thanks for seeing me again, Mr. Lowry.”

“It’s Simon.” But he doesn’t add the well-worn line he has used for decades: “Mr. Lowry would’ve been my dad, if I’d had one.” Fuck, I’m old.

“I need your help, Simon.”

“My help? How?”

“I’m hoping you can clarify a couple things regarding Ms. Jang and Dr. Koskinen.”

Simon immediately feels on edge, though he’s not exactly sure why. “Clarify?”

The detective’s grin is benign. “For starters, were both of them in your group therapy? With Dr. Danvers?”

Simon hesitates, still feeling protective of the tribe’s privacy.

“Dr. Koskinen hasn’t been seen in four days, Simon.” Rivers uncrosses his legs. “The clock is ticking. I’m hoping you might help me find her.”

“They were in my group, yes.”

“When was the last time you saw Dr. Koskinen?”

His unease rises. “Last week. Liisa was over here with the rest of the group. Friday, I think.”

Rivers pulls out a small leather-bound notebook and jots something down. “Have you spoken to her since?”

Simon considers lying, but he suspects the detective might already know. “I called Liisa a few days ago.”

“Which day exactly?”

“Tuesday.”

“The day she disappeared?” Rivers’s eyes never leave his notebook.

“The afternoon!” Simon shoots up a palm. “But she texted us all later that evening via our group chat.”

“Your therapy group? You had a chat group?”

“Yeah. We started it a month or two ago. Clients only.”

Rivers nods. “Why did you call Dr. Koskinen?”

Simon thinks of his panic following the ketamine session where his memory had been wiped out with midazolam. But he doesn’t want to have to explain his fears of what he might have divulged while medicated. “I just wanted to, um, debrief after our individual ketamine sessions. We weren’t going to have another group session for a while. After all, Liisa is a therapist, herself.”

“I see,” Rivers says. “Did Dr. Koskinen sound different to you?”

“Different?”

“Dejected? Scared? Worried in some way?”

Simon considers the question. “Yes and no, I guess. She’s hard to read, that one. Always so inhibited. Maybe she was a little more on edge than usual?” He shakes his head. “Nothing like her texts later that night, though.”

Rivers scratches more notes. “What was different about those?”

“She was fired up!” Simon blows out his lips. “Like fit to be tied. Liisa called Dr. Danvers toxic. She went on about how Dr. D was sacrificing us all for the sake of her career.”

“Dr. Koskinen used that word? Sacrifice?”

“I think so, yeah.” Simon shifts in his seat, wondering if he’s disclosing too much. “Anyway, Liisa told us she was quitting the group and said we’d be smart to do the same.”

Rivers taps his notebook. “Did Dr. Koskinen explain why she was so agitated?”

“No. She just dropped off the group chat. Went totally dark. Last any of us heard from her.”

“Can I see this chat?”

Simon runs a hand over the phone in his pocket. He is more concerned about what the detective might learn about him from the texts than protecting the identity of anyone else in the group. “I don’t feel right betraying the confidentiality of the group.”

Rivers views him for a long moment. “I respect your desire to protect their privacy. I really do. But when it comes to missing persons, every minute counts.” He shows Simon a sympathetic grin. “I’m not interested in anything unrelated to Dr. Koskinen.”

Simon breaks off eye contact. “It doesn’t feel right to me.”

“I can get a warrant for your phone, if you prefer.”

Simon shrugs. “You could try.”

“OK.” The detective exhales. “Maybe you can help another way? Aside from Ms. Golding, Ms. Jang, and Dr. Koskinen, I still don’t know the names of the other group members.” Rivers flips back a few pages. “However, I did get a warrant to access Dr. Koskinen’s phone records. She had some calls and texts with some private cell numbers. It will be easier to track her down if you help me identify these numbers I’ve written here.”

“I don’t know,” Simon says warily.

“You won’t be breaking any confidences. I’ll definitely be able to track the names down through their mobile carriers. But that could take a day or two. Time Dr. Koskinen might not have.”

Simon wavers. “All right. Show me.”

Rivers turns the page out. There are six handwritten numbers listed in a column. The last one is underlined three times.

“That’s mine,” Simon points to the third number on the list. But he has to cross-reference with his phone to identify the other ones. Two of them he doesn’t recognize at all. “The first one there is JJ’s. The fourth one, that’s Salvador Jimenez.” And he runs a finger over the last number. “That’s Reese. Reese Foster. The lawyer.”

Rivers writes down the names, and Simon can’t help notice how he circles only Reese’s. “That’s a big help, thank you, Simon.”

After the detective leaves, Simon pulls out his phone, opens the tribe’s group chat, and starts typing.

Simon:Just got grilled by that detective again. A lot of questions about JJ and Liisa. You might hear from him, too. He’s got most of our numbers.