Chapter 56

Saturday, April 27

Holly gives up on attempts at further sleep and crawls out of bed just after six a.m. She didn’t think she’d slept a wink overnight, but when she consults the app connected to her watch, it tells her she managed to bank about two hours, though it rates both the quality of her slumber and her daytime readiness as “poor.” Which sounds right to her.

Her altercation with Graham loops in her head. It gnaws at her. She’s still incensed that he thought he could blackmail her. But ironically, she’s more than willing to comply with his demand to cut ties with his father. She’s only surprised that he didn’t demand money to keep quiet about her clients’ deaths. At least the nasty encounter clarified one thing: that it was Graham, not Aaron, who broke into her car. But that doesn’t absolve her husband of anything else. Or make him any less guilty for trying to intimidate JJ or Liisa.

After Holly showers and dresses, she heads down to her car with the intention of driving to her office early to prepare for the videoconference her editor requested. She hasn’t been able to focus on her manuscript in weeks. Besides, how can she write a book about the power of psychedelic therapy now? What a hypocrite and a fraud she would be. Holly would willingly return her six-figure advance to the publisher, but she knows that would devastate her sweet, sensitive editor, who has such high hopes for the book. Stalling is her only option.

As Holly drives, she thinks about all the ways Aaron has manipulated and betrayed her. Her outrage intensifies, and she can’t stop herself from heading over to his house. She unlocks the front door with her old key, half-hoping Graham will be there. She’s ready to blast him again, too.

Holly finds Aaron alone in the kitchen, sitting at the counter in his black robe with a coffee cup in front of him. His cheeks are unshaven, his hair is a bird’s nest, and his eyes are sunken. The resignation in his face makes him look a decade older. But he doesn’t appear the least surprised to see her.

“I’m sorry, Holly,” he says with a weak smile.

Multiple possible retorts come to mind, but she opts to let him do the heavy lifting. “For what this time?”

“Where to start?” He sighs a laugh. “How about for not telling you about JJ?”

She shrugs. “Probably just slipped your mind that you threatened one of my clients.”

He sighs. “I didn’t threaten her.”

She stands by the door, keys still in hand, unwilling to move an inch closer to him. “No? What did you do then, Aaron?”

“I reasoned with her. Or at least, I tried to.”

Holly only glares at him, making no effort to hide her contempt.

He shrugs. “You have no reason to believe me, but it’s true.”

“Why? Why the fuck would you track JJ down like that?”

“You were so distraught, Holl,” he mutters. “When you thought JJ was going to report you. After what happened with Elaine… I was worried. I thought…”

“What did you think, Aaron? I’m curious.”

“That I might be able to help.” He rubs his eyes. “I didn’t even plan on speaking to her. But then I saw this post online announcing this Jang family event at the museum that same afternoon. I thought JJ might attend. So I went. And then, when I spotted her coming out of the museum, I couldn’t resist.”

“Resist ambushing her?” She scoffs. “I think that impulse might run in your DNA.”

He grimaces. “What?”

“Never mind. Go on.”

“We just talked, Holly. In broad daylight in front of the museum. I thought I’d even struck a chord with her. As JJ was leaving, she told me she’d consider what I’d said.”

“Which was?”

“That it would only hurt the group and herself, if she spoke up about your DMT use.”

Holly isn’t willing to believe a word of it without proof. “And you never saw JJ again?”

“Never.” He shakes his head. “She had to hurry off. Apparently, she was late to meet a friend.”

“Which friend? Where?”

“I didn’t think to ask. I actually went home feeling a bit better about your… predicament. I had no idea anything happened to JJ until later when you woke me up to tell me.”

“And Elaine?”

He frowns. “What about her?”

“Did you try to make Elaine see the light, too?”

“Honestly?” He reaches for his coffee cup, but his hand stops short of it. “I might have tried if I had known how to find her.” He pulls his hand away from the cup. “No. I never met Elaine.”

“And Liisa? That call to your office?”

He holds out his palms. “I still can’t explain that one. I haven’t seen Liisa in fifteen years.”

Some of her anger seeps away, seeing how small and pathetic her husband looks. “Even if what you say is true, Aaron, and I’m not convinced any of it is… why? Why hide it from me?”

His chin drops. “Because I realized I’d made a huge mistake. That, despite my best intentions, you’d never forgive me for that kind of professional and personal transgression. Not after what happened to JJ.”

“And if JJ had lived another day, I would have found out from her what you’d done.” She pauses. “And you just couldn’t let that happen, could you?”

His expression is one of pure defeat. “Actually, her death only made it worse.”

Holly looks at him sharply. “Why worse?”

“Because I didn’t know—I still don’t—if it was something I said that made her jump.”