Chapter 26

Chapter Twenty-Six

Anderson

Mom and I find ourselves talking more and more. I learn more about her childhood, her relationship with Dad, and her decision to move from San Diego back to her parents' home in Tacoma. My brother and I were a handful, and having grandma's help was the best solution back then. At the end of every conversation we go back to Dad, and the few years they had together.

"We knew from the beginning that our time together was going to be short," she tells me. "We made every day and every minute count."

"What was his long-term plan?"

"He didn't have one," she continues. "Live life, enjoy it, and leave a mark before you die. Those were his words. The thrill of a being a Ranger and defending his country was bigger than anything in his life."

"Even more important than you?" Fuck the question is harsh. "Sorry, I didn't?—"

"In a way. He loved me, but he always said that defending his country was his number one priority. His family came second. It was his life, and I knew it. He loved me like he never loved anyone else," she stops, taking a couple of breaths. I understand what she's saying. For years, my only goal was to fight for my country. I made a commitment, gave my word, and swore to give up my life. "Not every love story is the same. Each romance is different, and the love he had for me was infinite. I liked the way it was. We fit perfectly."

"He's waiting for me, you know," she whispers a shy smile appears on her dry lips.

She reaches out to grab my hand. "Plus, I have you and your brother." Her head leans against the couch, her eyes close. "I think I need to sleep for a little while."

I kiss her hand, staring at her thin body. She's beginning to waste away. Only a few days ago, she almost skipped joyfully while boarding the helicopter that took us to the airport and had this glow to her when we flew in a private jet. Today, she didn't want to take a walk, even walking around the house has become a difficult task for her. Our weekly doctor's appointments won't happen anymore. In a matter of days everything has changed from the two of us to a team of nurses, a doctor that comes by daily, a nutritionist, and a therapist. I'm not sure why we need a counselor, but I believe that Aspen is doing what she considers best.

These past few months have been life changing. The woman who brought me into this world became my best friend. We've shared so much; we've discussed life and she's tried to teach me more than the right utensils to use. With every word, every sentence, and every day, she's been preparing me to deal with life in a different way. I'm going to miss my mother, but I'll miss the woman who listens and speaks with so much passion too.

"Hey." Aspen enters the room, her hair up in some funny bun and held with pencils. "Is everything alright?" She looks at Mom.

"She's tired." I open my mouth and close it several times. "How long until…

"It's not something we can predict." Her voice is tender. "She's still willing to do things, eating and finding joy in every moment."

Aspen takes my hand. "She's strong, and she's clinging to life. Sophia will be around for longer than you think. She won't leave until she's ready."

She pushes herself into her tiptoes and whispers, "She's not willing to let go. Enjoy every minute while you have her."

I don't have many minutes left. Soon I'll have to go on my mission. I feel like an asshole, but Mom insisted that I continue with my life. I doubt she'll forgive me if I park my ass on the couch while I leave my team to some other lead who doesn't have enough intel. Until I'm called, I'll continue to spend as much time as I can with her, and pray that she doesn't leave before I'm back.

Aspen holds my hand tight, keeping me afloat and strong from losing my shit. They continue singing, Mom's voice coming short. "Happy birthday to youuu."

Tens of candles are burning in front of me. I sip enough air and before I exhale, Mom whispers, "Make a wish."

"Blow out the candles," Aspen and Brynn sing in unison, my friends joining.

My heart squeezes. I take in the entire dining room. It's decorated with blown up pictures of my childhood; there are streamers, confetti, and my favorite chocolate cake. I breathe through my mouth, then taking a deep breath, I wish for more days like today and blow out the candles. Aspen went all out to celebrate my birthday. Tiago and Kevin came to celebrate. Austin brought Mom flowers and, per Mom's request, he talks about Aspen's childhood—the few years they lived in Maine and their move to Boston. Unlike Aspen, he's loud.

"Make it count," Mom adds.

Mom starts coughing, Aspen releases my hand, going to her aid.

"Breathe for me, little sips of air," she coaches Mom. "You're doing great, now let's drink some water."

I place my hand on top of Mom's, smiling the best I can while hiding the fear eating my insides. "What's going on?"

"The singing, I was never good at it." She shakes her head. "Time to eat the cake. This is the first-time Aspen's baking it."

Personally, I don't want to eat cake. Yes, it's my favorite. Mom always bakes it on my birthday, and it's a recipe that comes from my great-great-grandmother on my father's side. I think I became obsessed with it when I learned it was my dad's favorite cake. Any other birthday I'd be thrilled that my girlfriend baked it for me, not today. Today is a reminder of what's to come. But as Aspen repeats like a mantra, Mom isn't quite ready to go.

I'm not ready to let her go.

"The doctor is here," Victoria enters the room.

"Why did you call him?" Mom protests. "I'm feeling well."

"This is my daily visit, Mrs. Hawkins," Dr. Morgan clarifies. His almost white brow arches as Mom frowns in confusion. "We agreed yesterday, you'd be sharing some of that cake with me?"

Mom inhales a couple of times, her hand trembling and her shoulders sag. "You'll excuse me, but I don't remember well."

"Time to cut the cake." Aspen hands me a big, red, plastic knife, while she plucks the candles out of the frosting.

"What the hell is this?" I stare at the light flimsy object in my hand.

"A dessert knife." Aspen's voice includes a hint of mockery. "It'll cleanly slice your cake, without leaving a trail of crumbs. And it can be yours for a limited time only for the low price of nine-ninety-nine plus shipping and handling."

"That my friend," Brynn points at the knife, "is the product of a night of too much wine and infomercials."

They both laugh giving each other a knowing glance. Whatever happened that night continues to amuse them. Mom smiles at them, then at me, mouthing, "thank you." I get it. It's those moments when you do something silly, something unexpected, and you share it with your loved one. Bringing her to Aspen's house helped me, but it's giving Mom something special too.

We go through the motions: serving cake to everyone accompanied with coffee, tea or wine for the two besties—as they call themselves. Beer for the guys. Everyone takes turns talking about everything and nothing. Brynn and Aspen remain by my mother's side. Once it's over, I help Mom to her room. The doctor comes along. He checks her vitals and asks me to follow him while the nurse stays behind.

"She's doing well. I hate to say this, but she'll continue forgetting things. Soon she'll talk more and more about the past." He squeezes my shoulder. "I offered her pain medication, she declined—for now. As long as she continues fighting, you will continue to have her around."

His words don't ease my worry. My only comfort is knowing Mom is happy. "Thank you for coming tonight."

"Happy birthday," he responds, shaking my hand. "Call me if you have any questions. I'll be here tomorrow around the same time."

He waves at Brynn and Kevin who are clearing out the dining room. I march into the kitchen, joining Aspen, Austin, and Tiago. They're cleaning the kitchen, washing dishes and putting the leftovers away. We finish picking up within half an hour. Kevin stares at me, unsure of what to do.

"You want us to get the fuck out or stay to keep you company?" Tiago, who doesn't have filters, speaks.

"I'm off to change, my shift starts in an hour." Brynn waves. "Happy birthday, Anderson."

"Thank you for everything, Brynn," I say, waving back before I hug Aspen. "What are our plans for the night?"

"I'm leaving," Austin declares, hugging Aspen and whispering something in her ear. She nods, kissing his cheek. He then turns to me. "Happy Birthday, man. Call if you guys need anything."

Once he leaves, Kevin turns to Tiago. "I guess it's you and me, want to go to the Silver?"

They both excuse themselves, leaving Aspen and me alone. "So it's the two of us, any suggestions?"

"Whatever you want, it's your birthday," she whispers in my ear making me shiver. Placing her hands on my chest and looking up to me, she does what Aspen does best—worry about others. "Please, don't lie to me. How are you?"

"It's close. Every minute I feel how she's being taken away from me," I explain to her.

She cups my face, giving me a quick peck. Touching my heart, she murmurs, "She'll always be with you, guiding you and loving you from Heaven."

I take her lips, kissing her and sharing my grief. Thankful that I have her by my side. She's the support I need to get me through this tough time.