Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty-Five

Aspen

"Anyone can make your heart beat, not many will shake your soul," Sophia explains, sipping her tea. "Lori doesn't expect direct pleasure. This man, Graham, stirred her life, awakening her from the haze she's been engulfed for so long."

"So she's doing it because of him?" Brynn questions looking at her tablet. This impromptu book club has turned into some soul-searching, life coaching event.

My mind swirls every time I think about my past, my present, and my envisioned future. Right now, I have complete chaos on my hands. Mom left me a message asking me to please call her. Austin texted me to do the same. My godfather emailed me to check how I'm doing and asked if I had finished settling all of my father's businesses. No. I haven't. I'm still ignoring a letter I picked up from the Boston house that I was supposed to read years ago. Maybe he's asking because I asked him if he could help me sell the house in Maine?

There's this ongoing hurricane of emotions, doubts, and questions inside my head. Every time we read a new book, the winds pick up and my mind is even more confused. Like when we read a few passages of The Secret Life of Bees . Sophia simplified it in a few words: strong female bonds matter and sometimes the best kind of family is the one you choose for yourself. That's us, Scarlett, Brooklyn and me.

Ah, Scarlett. The other person I'm avoiding like the plague. These books are like a lesson; they're telling me that I have to stop avoiding my life.

Eat, Pray, Love made it today during lunch. It's about a fulfilled woman who decides to leave everything behind. "I wished I had done a little soul-searching traveling myself," Sophia said. "How many people continue doing the same thing every day without stopping and analyzing what they want?"

I am one of those people she's talking about—wake, work, sleep. Did I work too much that I'm burnt out? Certainly, the book justifies my current state. My purple, leather organizer remains on top of my nightstand collecting dust. Victoria bought the weekly groceries, most of my bills are on auto-pay, and I'm about to ask for a leave of absence from the hospital until further notice. The main reason is to take care of Sophia, but I also want to have a long break from work. I pride myself on doing the best I can with every patient, but what I do isn't fulfilling anymore. Am I selfish? Do I want to continue working in my field?

All those questions surfaced just as I'm pausing my mindless, fast-paced, lifestyle. I'm always going through the motions and following each line on the daily schedule. My schedule was simple—workout, coffee, work, and sleep. This new pace will be a great change, having Sophia with us is refreshing. She brings an approach to life I've read about but never seen up close.

Like this evening, we're reading and discussing an erotic romance book.

"Make each other happy, I'd agree," Brynn's voice refocuses my attention. I'm back in this strange conversation. Why did we choose this book? "Still, I'm not sure if I'll be willing to blow a guy while fucking his asshole with my fingers. Would you, Aspen?"

"There's nothing wrong with having a prostate assisted orgasm," I defend the author or is it the character. Who am I defending here? "Anal is amazing if you're with the right person. A BJ while stimulating the prostate might be mind-blowing for a guy."

Brooklyn leans backward, her eyes fully open. "Have you had anal?"

There's a loud cough. Anderson. "Why the fuck are you talking about our sex life in front of my mother?" The same man who has a pretty extensive sexual repertoire is red like a radish and his eyes are flaring.

"Oh dear." Sophia Hawkins shuts her book close, placing it on top of her lap and staring at it.

"I guess you've had anal." Brynn smirks at Anderson's confirmation. "Look at you, all full of kinky surprises."

"Shut up, Brooklyn." I stand up, crashing the book I hold on Anderson's chest. "We were discussing a book. Maybe you should've waited for more context before you put your foot inside your mouth."

He turns the paperback over, reading the blurb, "entrepreneur, philanthropist, and orphan Graham Queen has a black soul and a shattered heart. During his last trip to Italy he meets Lori Ritz, a starving American artist," he pauses, admiring the cover. A tint of red and black, a pearl in the middle, a blurry image of a Saint Andrew's cross.

" Bound My Soul —a Dante's Dungeon novel," he reads the title. "What the fuck, Aspen? You're reading erotica books to my innocent mother?"

Brynn and I laugh at his question. Poor man, he believes his mother is pure and na?ve. If only. Sophia is the one who suggested reading this book. Her collection of erotic fiction is impressive. She's gifting her collection to Brynn because the books won't make it to her final destination. But the words we read will accompany her along with her lifetime of memories.

"I'm collecting memories, son," she corrects him, standing up from the couch. "Why don't we start dinner."

Her body stills and she closes her eyes. I move closer in case she faints. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course, I stood up too fast." Brynn and I stare at each other, not believing that line one bit. "This read has me all flushed. Do you mind if I go to rest?"

"That's an excellent idea," I second, reaching for her hand.

Anderson, the ultimate gentleman, doesn't ask. He carries her in his arms and rushes to my room. "How are you feeling Mom?"

"It's a little fainting spell." She tries to play it down. They both disappear. Brynn and I wait outside giving them some privacy.

"What's a fainting spell?" Anderson comes out of the bedroom.

"Due to everything she's going through, her body is weak, but she doesn't want to slow down. No matter how many times she's been told by her doctors and friends that she needs more rest, she doesn't comply," I explain what I gathered from her medical history.

"That's the way Mom's always been," he protests, a deep frown marring his forehead. "Now more than ever, she wants to experience it all because her days are numbered I don't fucking know how many she has but…"

"I wish I could do more."

"You are doing a lot," he reassures me. "We've talked about it, Mom and me. No matter how I see it, the end is close. And there's not much I can do to stop it or prevent her from enjoying her last days."

"I understand, but her body doesn't agree with her decision." I angle my head toward the living room where we sat only minutes ago. Then point at the stack of books. "We are trying our best to keep her active while she rests."

"With smutty books?" He spanks me tenderly switching the gloomy conversation. The atmosphere doesn't lighten up, though. The pain of what's about to come is asphyxiating.

"There's nothing wrong with romance books," I defend myself and Sophia.

"Just take notes, baby." There's a huge smile drawn on his lips, but his eyes are filled with so much sadness that my heart breaks.

"I wish we could find a cure," I offer, but my words feel empty.

"She's happy. She's having fun and being cared for by the best doctor I know." He opens his arms and pulls me to him.

"Mhmm," Brynn interrupts. "Victoria just arrived, she went to check on Sophia. Who's cooking?"

"We will," I volunteer us, then turn to Anderson who nods once in agreement.

To : Aspy

From: Walter Glanville

Subject: Real estate sale

Hey, dear girl, I received your email. Are you sure you want to sell? I know how attached you are to the house in Maine. Please, call me soon, so I know that you're doing fine. I worry about you.

Sending you all my love,

Walter

To: Walter Glanville

From: Aspen Zimmerman

Subject: All is well

I didn't mean to worry you! Why don't you tell me when is a good time to call you, and I'll give you a long explanation?

Love you,

A