Chapter 18: Ashton

eighteen

ASHTON

Look here, if you’re telling the truth you needn’t be afraid…

— MARK TWAIN

T he sun was long gone and the evening dew was setting in. Everyone was watching a movie on the screen Ford had set up in front of the lake. Or they had been. The kids had wandered off to the playground up by the house. And most of the adults had made their way inside. Only Blue and Anna were on a blow up mattress, thirty feet away, full on making out.

I showed Tally the messages that were rolling in about the new chapter of Spy on Incognito. It had “exceeded expectations.”

“Your turn.” Her teeth chattered. “Let’s see if your chapter can beat mine.”

A half hour ago, I’d placed a fuzzy blanket around her shoulders. She’d snuggled in, wrapping it around her from chin to feet. But she was still cold apparently. Virginia thought it was summer during the day, but at night not so much.

I nudged her shoulder with mine. “My chapter is going to kick your chapter’s butt.”

“Sure, sure.” She laughed. “We’ll see.” She opened her arms, welcoming me into her blanket cocoon. “You think you could loan me some of that body heat, Leggs?”

The logical thing would’ve been for her to put her T-shirt on. We were both still in our swimsuits which were slightly damp from earlier.

“Don’t have to ask me twice, Austen.” I crawled into her arms. She giggled as we fell back onto the mattress. I landed on top of her. I looked down into her beautiful face. “It’s been a good day, yeah?”

She smiled, her eyes sparkling. “The best.”

She slid her fingers up into my hair and pulled my mouth to hers. Her tongue slipped straight between my teeth, sending warmth into my gut. I sunk into her, ready. I’d been waiting all day for this.

Her lips chased mine. Wherever mine went, hers were right behind, searching, exploring. Memorizing. We’d barely gotten going when our mattress bounced hard, flinging us up. I caught myself before I landed on Tally’s chest. I didn’t need to knock the air out of her.

Anna giggled as I rolled off of Tally. “All right, you two.”

Embarrassment smacked me in the cheeks. A man is never ready to be caught making out by his niece. Especially with her best friend.

Peering down at us, Blue said, “We’re headed to our place. Making out doesn’t do it once you’re married.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I said flatly .

He smirked.

Anna looked down at Tally, fighting a smile. “Want us to put Charlie and Theo to bed for you? Then you can take your time .”

Blue groaned. Clearly, he wanted to head straight home.

“Yes,” Tally said eagerly. “That would be great.”

“You got it.” Anna smiled and pulled a reluctant Blue behind her. We watched them walk away.

Once they were gone, Tally reached for me, urging me on top of her.

I looked down at her. “Are you sure you’re okay like this?”

In response, she slid her fingers back into my hair and pulled my mouth to hers like Blue and Anna had never interrupted us. Her tongue licked across mine and the heat rushed in, full force. My fingers intertwined with hers. I pushed her hands up by her head, while I pressed kisses up her jawline to her left ear and down to her lips. Then I went up the other way. She panted and nudged me with her nose, trying to get my lips to come back to hers.

I loved this woman so much. Loved every part of her intelligent brain. Loved every curve and bend of her body. Loved every freaking atom that made up Tallulah Hawkins. And I wanted her to know it.

I littered kisses down her throat and past her collarbone. Then I made a straight trail down the front of her torso, kissing, kissing lower down her velvety skin. When I reached her ribcage, her back arched and she moaned, goosebumps springing up everywhere. Her fingers dug into my hair, gently tugging, guiding. I kept going, veering across her stomach until I found the spot where she’d pointed to earlier. Where she said the stretch marks were. I pressed two kisses there, one for each.

She arched again. No, that was a shudder. No, a shake. Was she crying? My lips stayed frozen against her stomach as I waited, listening. She sniffled and her body shook again. She was definitely crying.

I made my way back up in quick, kiss-free fashion. Then I popped up into an elbow plank, and looked down at her. Tears slid from the corners of her eyes into her hair.

“Hey,” I said gently. “Did I scare you? I’m sorry.”

She smiled, tears still pooling. “No. Don’t stop.” Then she reached up behind her neck with both hands.

“But you’re crying. What’s…” Oh wow. She was untying her top. “No.” I wrapped my hands around her wrists like a pair of manacles. “Don’t do that.”

Her hands went limp by her head. She looked bewildered, and a little rejected.

I rolled off of her. “Tally, what did you think was about to happen?”

She curled up on her side, facing me. “I thought you were going to make love to me.”

My brain tried to explode in my skull. “And you’re ready for that? On our first day together?”

She wiped her cheeks and whimpered a, “yes.” She put a hand over her eyes, looking ashamed. “Is that bad to admit?”

I chuckled. “No. I think you just made my year.”

She released a single laugh and peeked up at me. “But I’m terrified too. So maybe I’m not ready? I dunno.” She tucked her bangs behind her ears, determined. “You’re older. More experienced. That’s what you want, right?”

Oh my word. “Hold on.” I flung the blanket burrito open and hopped up. Then I grabbed my T-shirt off the chair and pulled it over my head. I found her shirt and shorts and walked them to her. “Put some clothes on.”

“Okay.” She sat up and did as I’d asked.

When she was done, I crawled back in beside her and pulled the blanket shut, trapping in our warmth .

I traced over her cheek. “Maybe that’s the way Madden did things, but it’s not the way I do things.” She’d said in our Incognito chat, back before I knew she was Austen, that the rape had been her only time with a guy. But maybe she’d lied about that the same way I’d lied about Alaska and my fictional fat cat, Blubber.

She shook her head. “He didn’t. We didn’t…do that. Ever.”

My brow raised. “You never had sex with Madden in four years and you were okay doing that with me the first day?”

More tears spilled out. “I don’t want to lose you. If that’s what I have to do, then I’ll do it.”

I let out a little huff. “Is that what you think? That I won’t stay with you if you don’t give me that?” One look at her gutted expression told me that’s exactly what she thought. I pulled her tight against me. “I wasn’t planning on making love to you until we’re married. That’s how Duprees roll. We wait.” I sighed. “Well, most of us.” I shook my head, the shock still fresh. “Did you really think I would wait all this time for you and then expect that on the first day?”

“You want to marry me?” she asked in a breathy hush.

My fingers ghosted over her cheek. “Yeah. Someday. If that’s what you want.”

“You want to marry me even though I’m raising Charlie and Theo?” Her tone was careful. Calculated.

“Yes. Of course. They’re the best freaking kids on the planet. And even if they weren’t, they’re part of the deal, so yes again.”

“So, you want to be a parent, with me?”

“Yes. And I want to be the father of your future children and be your husband and love you all of your days.” I didn’t know how to be any clearer.

“Okay.” She smiled. “Yeah.” But then her face dropped. “ But you want to wait until we’re married? What if that’s years down the road?”

I bit back a smirk at her disappointment. “We don’t have to figure it out right this minute. We can give ourselves a few days, at least. But yeah, I want us to be committed for life before we’re intimate. It’s the smart thing to do. It’s how I was raised.”

“I mean, I know that’s how Anna was raised but sometimes…” She bit her bottom lip.

“There’s a double standard for guys?”

She nodded.

“Not at the Dupree home.” I chuckled. “There’s just a double standard for famous, country music pop-stars. The rest of us peons are expected to toe the line.” I expected her to laugh but her face grew serious. Her eyes were shining.

“Who are you?” she asked like I was some sort of knight in shining armor who’d just ridden up on his white horse.

“I’m just a guy who’s crazy in love with Tallulah Hawkins.”

She dropped her forehead to my shoulder and I pressed a kiss into her hair.

After a few seconds, she sat up and I went with her. Then she reached for my hand. “Ash, I need to tell you about…before we came here. That’s why I needed to ride with my mom today. To let her know that I was going to talk to you about it.” She glanced away and swallowed. “I’ve never told anyone what I’m about to tell you.”

“Okay.”

She exhaled and brought her legs to her chest, her knees bent. “It’s going to be way worse than you ever imagined.” She shook her head. “Not worse. Just…more. More than you’re expecting.”

“Okay,” I said again, trying to mentally prepare for the worst. The most. Whatever that was .

She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples.

“Tally, whatever it is, I’m still going to love you. You know that, right?”

She nodded. “I hope so.” When her eyes opened, she was different. Resolute. “You know that I placed a baby for adoption in tenth grade.”

“Yes.”

“The thing is…” Her hands twisted around each other in her lap. “I didn’t actually place the baby.”

My head tilted, trying to understand. “What do you mean?” She hadn’t placed the baby? We’d never seen the baby. She didn’t bring it home with her from the hospital.

“That baby…” Her shoulders lifted and fell once. “Is Charlie. And Brianna has been raising her for me.”

I fell back on my hands, shellshocked. Charlie did look like Tally. A lot. Too much. And now that she’d said it aloud, it seemed obvious. I felt stupid for not figuring it out. Then again, Tally, Brianna, and Kim looked like sisters. Charlie fit right in.

“I couldn’t give her up,” Tally’s voice trembled. “I know that sounds crazy but it’s true. I love her. With my whole heart. The minute they placed her in my arms, I knew. She was supposed to be in our family, regardless of how she came to be. I was as sure of that as I am…of you.”

My gaze lifted, taking in her face. She was so scared to tell me. I had to make this okay.

“Hey,” I reached for her.

“I’m not done.” She held up a hand like if I touched her, she might lose her nerve. “Not even close.”

“Okay.” My hand fell away and I stiffened, trying to brace myself for whatever was next, even as I doggy-paddled to keep my head above the news that Charlie was her daughter.

“The thing is, I wasn’t raped by some random stranger I didn’t know. ”

I tried not to tense at that but it was impossible.

Her fingers curled into a fist against her knee. “I was raped by my step brother, repeatedly. For years.”

My jaw clamped and my fists curled. Rage filled my chest. I shoved it down. Tally didn’t need that right now. How could this happen? How could someone do that to her?

Once I trusted myself to speak, I asked, “Did your mom know?”

“Of course not,” she said in a hush. “She never would’ve let that happen to me.”

“Why didn’t you tell her?” I choked.

“I was twelve when it started. I didn’t realize he was grooming me. Once it began, he threatened me on a daily basis. Messed with my mind.”

“Tell me your stepbrother’s name. What’s his address?” I was going to beat the living daylights out of him. Ford would help me. Maybe Blue would too. But not Holden. Or Silas. They’d never do anything that shady. Oh man, if my sister Sophie were still alive, she’d be my ride or die on this. No questions asked. “I need to defend your honor.” An angry tear escaped my eye.

She wiped it away. “Sweet Ash. It’s okay. I’m okay. It was a lifetime ago. And I have you now.” Her hand pressed against my cheek. “I do have you, don’t I?”

“Of course, you do. What kind of dumb question is that?” My voice collapsed to a hoarse whisper. “It doesn’t change anything. I’m going to love you like I always have and I’ll be a dad to Charlie. A good one.”

Her hand was still against my cheek. “Yeah. We can figure that out later. I’m going to say the next part in a big long gush because if I don’t, I won’t be able to do it. It’s going to be a lot of information all at once, okay?”

I nodded, though it took all my willpower to sit there. To not be up, making some kind of plan to assassinate this guy .

“Here goes.” Her shoulders rose and fell and then she began. “So I had Charlie when I was sixteen but…she wasn’t the only baby. The first pregnancy happened when I was in eighth grade. That was Theo. He’s mine too.”

It felt like a wrecking ball slammed into my chest. All the air was sucked from my lungs by some invisible force.

“We placed him with my mom’s cousin Beverly—who was a fantastic mom to him—but then, right when I got pregnant with Charlie and finally told Mom the truth about what my stepbrother had been doing to me, Beverly was killed in a car accident. The state put Theo in foster care before we knew what had happened. We got him back, thankfully. But it took a while. That was scary for a bit. But once we did, we knew we were never letting him go again.”

“Wait, you had two babies and your mom didn’t figure out it was your stepbrother?” How was that even possible?

“I lied to her with Theo,” she said, toying with a stray thread on the blanket. “Told her it was a boy from school.” When she looked up, her expression was so sad. “But when I told her the truth about Charlie, everything happened super fast. Mom knew she had to get me out of there. Had to get us all out of there. So we took Theo and Charlie, packed our car when my stepbrother and stepdad were gone one night, and we left Oregon for good.”

“Oregon?” My mind was reeling. She’d said she was from Montana. Why I stumbled over that, I don’t know. It was the least significant thing she’d told me.

“Yes, Oregon. Once we made it to Idaho we pulled over at a gas station and bought a map. We didn’t have our phones. We’d left them behind so they couldn’t track us. So we had no GPS. Mom folded the map down the middle. Nowhere west of the Mississippi, she said. Then she let me do the honors. She said since I’d lived through hell, I should get to pick where we start over. So I closed my eyes, said a prayer, and pointed to a spot on the map.”

“That’s how you ended up in Seddledowne?”

“Yes. We laughed—me, Mom, and Brianna. It was the first moment of relief we’d had in weeks. A place called Seddledowne ?” She smiled. “A place where we could settle down and be safe? In the middle of nowhere, Virginia? We knew it must be a sign.”

I pulled her to me. “What if you hadn’t pointed to the right spot? What if you’d pointed to somewhere in Maine or Florida or Kentucky?” I buried my face in her hair. “What if I’d never met you?”

She slipped into my lap and wrapped me in her arms. “But I did, Ash,” she said with so much happiness in her voice. “I did. And here I am.” She smoothed my hair. “Here we are.” The more she confessed, the lighter and happier she got, and the heavier I felt. But I would take it. For her, I would take anything.

I shoved her hair off her shoulder and buried my face against her neck, a few tears breaking free. “I love you. I love Charlie and Theo too. I’m going to make this up to you. To all of you.”

Her fingers scratched lightly over my scalp. “It’s not your job to do that.”

“I’m going to anyway, and you’re going to tell me his name. I’ll get a hit put on him. Ford will help me. I bet he knows a guy.”

She shook with laughter. “It’s okay. He’s already paying. He’s in jail.”

“He is?”

“Yeah. He is.” She pressed a soft kiss to my lips.

“Do Charlie and Theo know? That you’re their mom?” I didn’t think so. They seemed to believe it was Brianna. And they only called Tally their aunt .

“No. We never could decide what to do. At first when Brianna married Cam, and things were good, they wanted to keep them and raise them as their own. And I felt obligated to let them. Kids deserve a mom and a dad, you know?” She was stiff and I could tell everything they’d been through hurt her. Maybe she felt like it was her fault. “But things didn’t stay good for long, and the more they fizzled, the clearer it became that Cam didn’t want them after all. Not the kids or Brianna. After he left, Brianna sort of fell apart. I was relieved. Not for her. Just because I wanted the kids so much.” Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip. “So I told Bri if she could hang on until I was done with school that I would love to take them.” She gave me a sad smile. “She almost made it.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said.

“It’s okay.” She laid her hand against my beard. “My stepbrother’s the reason I was so freaked out about your age. He was older. In college when it began.”

“So you didn’t trust me? You thought I’d do what he did because I’m older?”

“No, I thought you were a good person. But it felt like older equaled more powerful. Older meant calling all the shots. Having all the control. Doing whatever you want even if it hurts other people.” She brushed my bangs back. “You know what finally helped me know it was safe to fall for you all the way?”

“What?”

“That horse ride, when you told me you’d stayed away from me after the first time we met—because it wasn’t appropriate to like me as young as I was.”

I tipped my forehead against hers. “I never would have hurt you like he did.”

“I know.” She kissed the corner of my mouth. “Thank you for waiting for me. ”

I fingered a lock of her hair. “I would’ve waited nine more years if I needed to, Tally.”

“Oh, shoot.” She smacked her forehead. “I forgot to tell you something kind of big.”

I didn’t know how I could take any more but I said, “All right. Whatever it is, I can handle it.”

“Here’s the thing…” She gave me a sad smile. “…my name isn’t Tally.”