CHAPTER 9

C HAPTER 9

Christmas Day started with a snowstorm that made the town look like a Christmas card, but Pen wasn't feeling particularly festive. She'd politely ended all conversations with her mom and Jake about what had gone down at the wedding, and neither of them were happy with her. To her surprise, it felt good to have established some boundaries, and she reminded herself to do it more often.

By the time her large family gathered together, ate a huge lunch, and started distributing presents, she was feeling quite lonely. Everyone else had a partner, and even though she knew the teasing was meant with love, she was tired of smiling at all the jokes about her single status. She almost wished she'd stayed up at the ranch to keep Sally company while Luke and Bernie were away, but Sally had Noah, and Jen, and Rob. . . .

"Hey." She looked up to see Jake standing in the doorway of her bedroom. "Why are you hiding up here?"

"I'm not hiding. I just came up to find a book for cousin Finn."

"That was half an hour ago."

She shrugged. "It took me a while to find it."

"It's not like you to mope, sweetheart."

Pen picked up the book and went toward the door. "I lost track of time. You know what I'm like."

Jake didn't budge, so she had to look up at him.

"What?"

"You really like him, don't you?" Jake asked.

Pen dropped her gaze to the book. "I should get this to Finn before he leaves."

Jake sighed. "I know you think I let you down, but you can talk to me, shrimp."

"I guess I know what you're going to say, so what's the point?" She smiled at him. "Will you stop towering over me and get out of my space?"

He stepped back. "I just want you to be happy."

"And I'm tired of everyone in this family thinking they get to decide what that means. If I want to have a relationship with Rob then that's what I'm going to do, okay?"

"That's better." Jake grinned at her. "Fight for your man."

Pen groaned and pushed past him. "I don't know how Kev puts up with you."

"He loves me." Jake gave her a mischievous grin. "He makes me want to be a better person."

Pen went down the stairs and paused in the wide hallway. Her mom had opened the doors between the dining room, front parlor, and kitchen to provide space for the whole family to gather together. Two Christmas trees sat twinkling away at opposite ends of the house, and the space smelled of spices, baked ham, and her aunt Linda's special Christmas brownies, which Pen was fairly certain contained some lethal orange liqueur.

She set the book down on the hall table and backtracked to the kitchen, which was empty. She found her keys, coat, and backpack and went out the back door. The snow had stopped, and everything was silent and still around her. She took one last look at her family through the windows and got into her four-wheel-drive truck.

She took a moment to text Jake.

Off to see Rob. Tell Mom not to worry x.

She was halfway up the county road toward Nilsen Ranch when her phone lit up with a thumbs up emoji followed by about a hundred hearts. The county had already been through and salted the road, so it was safe to drive. Pen tried to think about what she was going to say to Sally and Rob when she gatecrashed their Christmas Day, but nothing came to mind.

She'd have to make it up as she went—which was her usual mode of operation anyway. She didn't think Noah would throw her out, but you never knew. And what if Rob didn't want to see her? It would be awkward as hell.

"Stop it, Penelope," she said out loud. "Focus on the road."

She had the gate code for the ranch memorized after her frequent visits for the wedding planning and got through without incident. The old logging track through the forest to the ranch house was bumpy but still well-defined. She slowed down and reminded herself to breathe deeply and not get ahead of herself. She glanced over at the neatly wrapped presents peeking out of her backpack on the passenger seat. Even if Rob wanted nothing to do with her, she could still deliver the presents and leave.

Dusk was settling over the forest and wisps of mist swirled through the tree trunks like fingers reaching for her truck. She was almost relieved when she turned the last corner and the light from the cluster of houses and the barn was revealed.

She parked her truck behind Rob's and gathered her belongings. It was time to make her own decisions and live with the consequences.

* * *

Rob had never been the life and soul of any party, being too shy as a kid, too out of control as a teen, and lately, too careful not to draw attention to himself as an addict and an ex-con. If it hadn't been for his worries about Pen, he had to admit, it had been the best Christmas in years. Anton had joined Sally, Noah, Jen, and Sky for the day, meaning the food had been out of this world, and the company exceptional.

He didn't have to explain himself or try too hard because they not only got him, but they seemed to like him despite the fact that he wasn't at his best. No one had said a word about Pen, and he appreciated that because his head was full of images of her laughing at him, kissing him, and arguing with him while he missed her like crazy.

He'd also had a chance to talk to Anton about Bernie's plans to take the online business statewide and how he felt about that. As someone who'd been burned by bad business deals, Anton understood where Rob was coming from and didn't belittle his concerns, which was refreshing, and gave Rob a lot to think about.

Jen had just gone to put Sky down for a nap in his old room when the screen door creaked open and banged shut. Everyone else still digesting lunch in the family room looked up.

Noah was instantly on his feet. "Are we expecting anyone, Sally?"

"Not unless Bernie's had enough of Luke already and left him in Reno," Sally joked.

"Hello?"

It was Rob's turn to stiffen as he recognized Pen's hesitant voice. Sally grinned at him.

"Hey, Pen! We're all in the family room, come on in!"

She came in clutching her backpack, her cheeks flushed from the cold and her hair in two high pigtails tied with tinsel. She wore a cherry-red sweater with a short plaid skirt and woolen stockings. Rob had never seen anything more beautiful in his life.

"Hi!" She gave a little, awkward wave. "I thought I'd drop your presents off."

To everyone's credit no one questioned her dubious decision-making as she carried on talking.

"Except I didn't know Anton would be here—which was silly of me because Rob wouldn't have let him spend the day alone, and as he's up here now, of course, Anton would come, too."

"Don't worry about me," Anton said.

"I do have something for you, but I left it at the coffee shop." Pen paused. "But I forgot you weren't working that day, and I think it just stayed there."

"It's all good," Anton reassured her. "I hope you've got something for Rob."

Now everyone, including Pen, was looking at him, and for once he was glad his tan skin tone meant he didn't blush much.

"I have something for everyone," Pen said, beaming.

She set her backpack on the coffee table and sat on the floor to take things out. "This one is for Noah, this is Jen's, and Sally, here's yours."

She handed out various squishy-shaped parcels.

Noah unwrapped his immediately and regarded the contents. "This is useful. Thank you."

"You can't go wrong with a knitted scarf and a hat," Jen agreed as she revealed her own pink-and-blue patterned set.

"I made one with sheep for Sky." Pen handed over another parcel. "And a tiny one for the bump."

"Thank you!" Jen rushed over to give Pen a kiss.

Sally unwrapped her yellow hat with applique sunflowers. "I love it, thank you." She paused. "Did you make something for Rob?"

Rob, who was busy gawping at Pen like a teenager with his first crush, jumped.

"I'm . . . good with whatever she wants to give me."

"Really?" Pen looked right at him, and his mouth went dry.

"Anything." He held her gaze. "Not that I deserve it, because I'm an idiot, but—"

Noah cleared his throat. "Is this about to get personal? Because we don't mind if you need some privacy."

"Noah." Jen rolled her eyes. "Just let the woman give the man his present, okay?"

Pen handed over a square package, her gaze solemn. "I hope you like it."

Rob's fingers were trembling as he carefully unwrapped the present to reveal a framed photograph.

"Wow . . ." He let out a breath. "It's great."

Jen looked over his shoulder at the picture of him and the young colt in the pasture. "Did you take that, Pen?"

"Yes, when neither of them was looking," Pen said. "I took quite a few, actually, but that was my favorite."

"I can see why." Sally joined the conversation. "They look so in sync, it's remarkable."

Rob was still staring at the picture Pen had taken as if seeing himself for the first time.

"Do you like it, Rob?" Sally asked.

Rob set it carefully on the seat beside him and turned to Pen. "Can we talk?"

She nodded, and he took her hand and went toward the kitchen. Behind them, Noah was still yacking. "See? I said they needed some privacy, and I was right."

Rob went out onto the veranda, turned around, and drew Pen into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry."

She didn't resist him, which was a good sign.

"For what?"

"Being an ass."

She looked up at him. "That's not very specific, and anyway, I—"

He cut her off with a kiss full of rough longing and need, and . . . with a sigh, she kissed him back, her hands in his hair.

Eventually, he raised his head, his voice hoarse. "I don't like fighting with you." She shivered slightly, and he glanced up at the sky. "Let's go back to my place, okay?"

She nodded, and they ran across the yard to the other side of the barn, where the old bunkhouses were situated. He'd left a light on, so it was an easy matter to step inside, find her a towel for her hair, and turn up the heat. By the time she returned, he'd set a match to the log fire and sat on the couch, leaning forward to warm his hands.

"Come here." He patted the seat beside him, but she shook her head.

"Can I sit opposite you? If I'm sitting too close, all I think about is kissing you."

"I kind of like that option."

"That's because you don't want to hear what I have to say."

He met her gaze. "Correction: I'm afraid of what you're going to say."

She didn't laugh, which was good, and nodded instead.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing, Rob. I made some assumptions about you and Jake that weren't fair."

"To be honest, I wasn't exactly in the best frame of mind when I came to find you, either," Rob admitted. "I would've taken anything you said the wrong way."

"I was feeling the same." She sighed. "I'd just had an argument with my mom."

Rob made himself hold her gaze. "And I was thinking how hard it is for an addict's family and how difficult it would be to love someone like that."

"Because of Jake?" Pen asked.

"Yeah, but he was right," Rob continued. "I didn't know you had to call 911 when he overdosed."

Pen's gaze was clear. "I saved his life. That's all I cared about. and what I choose to remember."

"I just . . . suddenly thought you didn't deserve to have to face that risk with me. And when you got mad about me talking to Jake, I thought maybe I was right, because you'd realized it, too."

"I thought Jake had warned you off when I asked him not to, which is why I was mad." She grimaced. "Of course, he did warn you off in a subtle way, but I didn't realize that until afterward."

"So, we were both kind of right and kind of wrong," Rob said slowly. "We've got to get better at this communicating stuff, Pen, or we'll never make it."

"Wait." Pen sat up straight. "You weren't planning on breaking up with me?"

He frowned. "Hell, I thought you'd already done that part."

"I didn't actually say the words."

"You stormed off."

"I didn't ‘storm.' I just left the barn."

Rob raised an eyebrow. "Okay, you ran out on me. It felt like you meant it."

She scowled at him. "It was a very long day. I was tired, you were tired, and my family were being obnoxious to both of us. Is it surprising that we ended up arguing with the wrong people?"

"You mean each other?"

"Exactly." She nodded. "They're the ones who should be begging our pardon."

"I don't want to do anything that takes you away from your family, Pen," he said carefully. "I' d never forgive myself if you had to choose."

"Rob . . . they'll have to make that choice for themselves. I've already chosen." She smiled at him. "And I'm with you."

His words stuck in his throat, but he had to tell her the truth. "I'd be the luckiest man alive to have you in my corner. And I'd do my best to never let you down or cause you to regret that decision."

"I like the sound of that. Can I come and sit with you now?"

He stood up and opened his arms. She skipped over to him, narrowly avoiding the coffee table and flung herself against him with such force that they toppled over onto the couch. Rob looked up into her blue eyes and smiled.

"I think I'm in love with you, Pen Jones."

"You think?" She kissed him. "Then I'll have to try harder to take those doubts away because I'm sure I love you to death."

He rolled her onto her back and grinned down at her. "Merry Christmas, Pen."

She cupped his cheek and grinned back. "You're the best present I've ever had."

"Oh!" Rob raised his head. "I have to give you your card."

"Now?" Pen complained as he got off the couch and went over to the table. "Can't it wait?"

She couldn't believe how happy she felt, as if a choir of heavenly angels were singing loudly in her head.

"I want you to read it." He held the card out.

Pen opened the envelope and took out the card, pausing to admire the paint horse on the front. Rob had very clear loopy handwriting that was easy to read.

"Dear Pen," she read out loud. "Thank you for making this the best year of my life. I don't have much money, but I do have a gift for you—will you choose a name for the colt? I just know you'll get it right. Love, Rob."

She took a shaky breath and looked up at him.

"It's . . . so sweet of you to trust me with this."

He shrugged. "I can't think of anyone better."

She reached for his hand and found it waiting for her. "Thank you."

"There's something else," he hesitated. "I sent my parents a Christmas card and then I called and left a message."

"That was very brave of you."

His smile was crooked. "You told me someone has to take the first step. I thought it should be me."

"I bet they'll be thrilled."

"We'll see." He squeezed her fingers. "And while I'm laying everything out there, I'm not sure if I want to continue in the catering business. I might want to be a cowboy again."

"You could do both," Pen suggested. "Otherwise Luke and Bernie might be having their first married fight."

His smile was so warm, she almost melted.

"One thing I love about you is your optimism, and your belief in me."

"That's two things," Pen pointed out. "But you're welcome."

Rob cupped her chin and looked deeply into her eyes. "You brought the sunshine back into my life, and I never want to live in the dark again."

Pen blinked back her tears. "And you're the calm center of my universe."

He gently kissed her mouth. "Then let's keep being honest with each other and build on that, okay? Because I very much want to share every Christmas with you from now on."

"Agreed. Now should we get back to the house before Noah explodes with curiosity?"

Rob chuckled. "That would be messy." He pulled her to her feet. "And, if we don't get out of here soon, I'm going to be wanting to do more than kiss you."

"I wouldn't mind."

He set her hat on her head and helped her into her coat. "We're going to do this the old-fashioned way."

"Ooh, you're going to come ‘courting'?"

"Yup." Rob closed the door, and they walked back through the snow-blanketed pathways and trees. "With flowers, and sitting in the front parlor, and everything."

The silence was immense. Pen took it all in and sent up her thanks to the universe for all her blessings. Their path might not always be easy, but she had a feeling that with the help of their community and their love for each other, she and Rob would have a very happy ever after indeed.

And if anyone deserved it more than them, she'd be very surprised.