CHAPTER 7

C HAPTER 7

Pen couldn't look away from the joy on Bernie's face as she made her vows to Luke in front of their families. She'd chosen to wear her grandmother's wedding dress, which was full-skirted, 1950s-style cream satin with a boat neck. She also wore a fluffy knitted shawl around her shoulders to keep out the cold, and had her red hair piled on top of her head, crowned with a tiara.

Luke had looked stunned when she'd appeared, and Pen had tried very hard not to cry. She'd always known Bernie had a thing for Luke, but it had taken him a lot longer to work things out, with some help from his friends. Noah was acting as his best man and looked as formidable as ever in casual western wear, which was the preferred choice of all the men present except Jake, who'd gone for a tailored jacket and shirt.

Pen had hung hundreds of fairy lights around the family room, creating a magical grotto decorated in a holiday theme of red, gold, and white, which everyone had exclaimed over as they'd entered the space. For the first time in years, she'd felt proud of herself.

Jake nudged her and leaned in close. "You did good, Sis. No hitches so far."

"Tell me that after the reception," Pen murmured, "and I'll love you forever."

Her gaze turned to Rob, who had seated himself on the other side of the aisle. He wore a pressed blue shirt and khaki pants and looked his usual serious self. She knew he must have a million things going on in his head involving the wedding catering, but none of it showed. She tried to return her attention to the pastor's sermon, but her thoughts drifted off again. The next tricky part was persuading the guests to leave the family room so that they could set up the tables for the reception. She poked Jake in the arm.

"Will you help me clear the room after the ceremony finishes?"

"What do you want me to do? Strip naked or something?"

Pen rolled her eyes. "Just use your charm."

"I can do that. Where am I sending everyone?"

"Into the dining end of the kitchen."

"Thank heavens it's a small wedding," Jake commented. "And as it's just family, I can holler really loud, like I'm moving cattle."

"Don't you dare," Pen whispered.

Her mom pressed her finger to her lips and frowned at them. Pen immediately stopped talking, and Jake grinned.

"Sorry, Mom."

Pen surreptitiously checked the time as the pastor continued. Anton was going to have a fit if all his carefully laid plans for the meal were put out, but what could she do? It was hardly polite to stand up and make "get on with it, buddy" gestures at the pastor, who'd known her since birth. She glanced up as Noah, who was also checking his watch, frowned at the pastor, who immediately stuttered and started to wind things up. For once, Pen was grateful for Noah's intimidating presence as the wedding concluded with the bride and groom enjoying the traditional kiss.

She immediately jumped to her feet, grabbed Jake's hand, and moved to the front of the room.

"What a wonderful ceremony," Pen spoke as loudly as she could above the chatter. "Now, if you would all make your way into the kitchen, we'll set up this room for the wedding buffet."

No one except Rob moved. Jake grinned down at her.

"I've got this, shrimp."

He whistled loudly and then cupped his hands around his mouth.

"Everyone move on out into the kitchen. Don't make me have to set Sally's dogs on you."

There was a general laugh, and people did start to move.

Pen rushed ahead to make sure that the trays of beverages set up on the temporary bar between the kitchen proper and the dining room and mudroom were in place. She welcomed everyone and offered them a drink while behind her, chaos reigned in the kitchen, which she tried to ignore.

Bernie must have told the whole family that Pen was her wedding coordinator because they all knew. Everyone wanted to chat, and she received lots of compliments, which surprised her. Even her mother had something nice to say. When everyone had a drink in their hand, Pen checked that Luke and Bernie were still busy with the photographer and went into the family room, where Rob and Kaitlin from the café were busy setting up the tables and unfolding chairs.

"I can do this if either of you are needed elsewhere," Pen said as she put red tablecloths on the tables and found the boxes of decorations, gold plates, and silverware she'd prepared earlier.

"Thanks." Kaitlin hurried off while Rob stayed where he was.

Pen set a candle centerpiece in the middle of each table and checked off each item.

"It looks good," Rob said from behind her.

"Five more to go." Pen grinned at him. "I can do it if Anton needs you."

"To be honest, when he's in full diva mode, I'd rather keep out of his way," Rob said. "And you're doing great. Luke and Bernie won't be out of the photographer's clutches for a while yet, so we've got time."

Pen picked up the second box and started assembling the next tabletop. Bernie and Luke had wanted a holiday theme, and she'd tried to deliver exactly that—which hadn't been hard because it was her favorite time of the year. As the wedding was only two days before Christmas, finding things hadn't been a problem, even in their remote location.

"Gift bags!" Pen looked around. "Where did I put them?"

"Gold things with tassels?" Rob asked. "I saw something like that in Noah's old bedroom when I was getting changed."

Pen ran toward the door. "I'm so grateful I won't even ask what you were doing in Noah's bedroom."

"It's the designated catering-staff space," Rob called after her. "No need to get all squirrelly."

Pen opened the door and saw the chaos caused by several people changing in a small room. She picked her way through to the closet, where the gift bags sat on one of the shelves.

By the time she got back, Rob had already done two more tables. He glanced over at her. "Where do you want the bags?"

"One on each place setting," Pen said. "I can do that."

Rob didn't stop working but he did frown. "Anton wants to put the appetizers out, so that won't work."

"I thought it was a buffet."

"The main part is, but the appetizer goes on the table to slow them down while we get the buffet service organized."

"Fine," Pen huffed. "I'll stand them up beside the champagne glass."

"Or you could wait and hand them out at the end," Rob suggested. "I mean that's what normally happens, right?"

"At children's parties maybe, but not necessarily at weddings," Pen tried to explain. "There are things in there they might need."

"To eat with?"

Pen glared at him, which made him pause.

"I am not having this discussion with you right now. They need to be on the table and that's where they will be!"

Rob held up his hands. "Okay, you're the boss."

Pen was still muttering under her breath when Rob finished the last table and headed for the door.

"I'll check in with Noah about timing and get right back to you."

"Thank you."

He smiled. "You're beautiful when you're angry."

Pen might have given him the finger when he turned away, but she'd never admit it. She wanted everything to be perfect and was cross with herself for not consulting with Anton beforehand about something so basic. She carefully set each bag on the table, finishing with the special ones for the bride and groom.

Rob came back.

"All good to go. Anton's ready, the wait staff are ready, and Noah says he'll start sending the guests back this way in five minutes if that's okay with you."

"That's great." She met his gaze. "And thanks for the help and I'm sorry for . . . what I said."

"Sweet pea, I've worked in some of the best restaurants in California, and I've heard far worse."

"Still, it wasn't nice of me to get mad at you for my mistake," Pen countered.

"You're under a lot of pressure right now. So don't beat yourself up, okay?"

"Easy for you to say."

He kissed her forehead. "You have no idea."

He headed back to help with the buffet, which was being set up in the kitchen. Pen heard Noah's loud voice, and the guests all emerged into the hallway and spilled into the family room.

"Your names are on your plates," Pen called out. "Please take your seats while we await the arrival of the bride and groom."

For once everyone listened to her, and thirty or so people sat down. Noah looked over at her.

"I'll go get Luke and Bernie."

"Thank you." Pen gave him her best smile. She wondered if he'd be interested in a side job as a wedding herder, because he sure seemed good at it.

"It all looks beautiful, Pen."

Noah's wife, Jen, came in with her son, Sky, held firmly by the hand. Sky was loudly asking where the TV had gone, reminding Pen strongly of Noah.

"Thank you." Pen pointed at the table closest to the door. "I put you on this side with me, in case you need to make a quick getaway."

"Perfect!" Jen said. "Because Sky's ability to sit still is zero, and Noah will be too busy worrying about his best man speech to catch him if he runs off." She patted her round stomach. "I'm not that fast anymore. Goodness knows what I'll do when I have two to wrangle."

Pen stepped out of the way as Sky did a little twirl and tried to escape only to pause when he saw Noah blocking the exit. Noah cleared his throat and stood aside as Bernie and Luke came into the room bathed in smiles.

"May I present to you Mrs. and Mr. Nilsen." Everyone stood and applauded as the bride and groom took their seats alongside their parents and Noah. Pen sat down as well and watched with some trepidation as everyone checked out their gift bags. She only released her breath when she realized the bejeweled crowns and hand-knitted elf caps were a big hit all around. She'd even made personalized ones for Luke, Bernie, Noah, and Sky, which Jen in particular seemed to find hilarious.

Noah stood up again, and everyone immediately stopped chatting.

"When you're done with your appetizer, please proceed to the kitchen, in an orderly fashion, where the buffet awaits you."

Pen found herself nodding obediently and wishing she had half Noah's authority.

"The wedding speeches and toasts will commence after dessert and beverages are served, thank you."

Pen ate her appetizer fast, realizing it was the first thing she'd eaten all day, and rushed out to the kitchen where a serene scene awaited her. Anton and Rob had donned fresh whites and stood ready to serve with Kaitlin.

Anton gave her a thumbs up. "Ready when you are, boss."

Pen glanced over her shoulder to see Noah escorting Luke and Bernie through the door, followed by a very determined-looking Sky. She leaned against the wall and watched everyone file past her, offering help if they needed it, and generally making sure the line was running smoothly from her side of things.

Eventually there was no one left to serve but her and the kitchen staff. Anton called her over.

"Come and get something to eat. You've earned it."

Rob loaded up a plate with all the things she liked and handed it over. "Go and sit down. We'll be there in a minute."

* * *

Rob made sure everything was in order for Kaitlin, who had volunteered to stay at her station while everyone else ate and went to wash up. Anton glanced at him as he did the same.

"You like that girl, don't you?"

"Pen? Yeah."

"She likes you, too."

"So she says."

"I don't think she's the kind of woman to play games, so I guess she means it." Anton paused. "It's about time someone saw the good in you."

"She sees the good in everyone."

"Yeah, it's her gift." Anton smiled. "Are you going to stick around and take her seriously?"

Rob hesitated, and Anton kept talking. "She knows what you did?"

"I told her everything."

"Then she really does like you." Anton patted his shoulder. "And there's no reason why you can't make her happy."

"Except I've made a career out of doing the exact opposite," Rob said. "What if I screw this up? I'd never forgive myself if I hurt her."

"The fact that you're thinking like that makes me believe you'll get it right this time. You've got to promise me you'll at least try."

Rob met his friend and mentor's gaze. "I can do that."

"Then good. Let's go and eat."

* * *

Pen sat in a happy daze of exhaustion as the family room was transformed yet again into the smallest dance floor in the world. The old plank floor made from trees felled right where the house now stood had probably seen its fair share of celebrating over the past generations and would now embrace another memory.

"You doing okay?"

She looked up to see Rob at her shoulder.

"Just taking it all in."

He sat down beside her and took her hand. "You must be exhausted."

"I am a bit tired," Pen acknowledged. "But I'm trying to stay in the moment so that I can remember it next time someone tries to tell me I can't do something."

"That's a great idea," Rob said gravely. "I could do with some of that in my life."

"I'll tell you when you're doing great." Pen smiled at him.

"And I'll do the same back. Do you want to dance?"

Pen eyed him. "In front of everyone?"

"I don't know what Anton's been telling you, but I'm not that bad a dancer."

"I meant, like, in front of your friends and my family?"

His faint smile died. "Okay, yeah, I guess that was stupid of me. You probably don't want your family knowing anything about me." He eased his hand free and stood up. "I should really be getting back to help Anton, anyway. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

He left before Pen could untangle her words into a coherent sentence and make sense of what he'd implied from her reply. She jumped to her feet and bumped straight into Jake, who took hold of her elbow.

"Are you okay? Was that guy bothering you?"

"That guy is Rob. We work together. You already met him at our house."

"That makes it worse."

Pen blinked at him. "What?"

"Do you want me to tell him to back off?"

"Why on earth would you do that?"

Jake sighed. "Okay, let's start again. If that guy is bothering you I'll go and have a quiet word with him."

"He's my friend."

"You sure about that?"

"One hundred percent sure." Pen met her brother's skeptical gaze. "I absolutely adore him."

Something in her tone must have alerted Jake to her being more serious than he had anticipated.

"Like, in really adore him?"

"Yes." Pen smiled.

"Like, as in boyfriend material?"

"Absolutely."

Jake looked down at her. "Okay."

"What?"

"Nothing." He patted her shoulder. "I need to sneak outside and have a smoke. Cover for me."

"Like Mom doesn't know," Pen said. "And you should give it up, anyway."

"I know. Kev says the same." Jake smiled. "I guess I just have an addictive personality, and this feels like the lesser of a lot of evils."

After watching him go through rehab twice, Pen wasn't going to argue with that.

"It's snowing."

"Then it serves me right if I come down with pneumonia or get buried in a snowdrift." He winked at her and headed for the door, pausing briefly to speak to their mother on his way out.

Pen gave him five minutes and then walked through to the kitchen, but there was no sign of Rob. Anton was just packing up the last of his things.

"Are you looking for Rob?"

Pen nodded.

"He went back to his place to change his clothes. He'll be back in a minute."

"Thanks," Pen said.

"No, thank you."

"For what?" Pen asked.

"Seeing him for what he is and liking him anyway." Anton smiled at her. "Rob deserves to be happy, and so do you."

"Pen?"

She turned at the sound of her mother's voice.

"Hey, Mom. Are you having a good time?"

As Anton turned away to continue packing up, her mom came over to her.

"It's been wonderful—although I knew Bernie would insist it was perfect."

Pen looked at her mom. "I'll take that as a compliment. Bernie wanted to enjoy her day without the stress of organizing everything, which is where I came in, so I'm glad you've enjoyed it."

"There's no need to get all defensive, sweetheart. I'm sure Bernie was grateful for your help, but claiming you did it all is a bit far-fetched."

Pen took a steadying breath. "I did do it all, Mom. Ask Bernie if you don't believe me."

Her mom chuckled. "Don't be silly. If I ask Bernie of course she'll give you all the credit."

"Because I deserve it." Pen held her mom's gaze. "I wish you wouldn't do this."

"Do what?"

"Assume I'm not capable of achieving anything."

"That's not what I'm doing at all!"

"Yes, it is, and it hurts, Mom. I'm twenty-eight, and I'm getting tired of being treated like a kid."

Her mom drew herself upright. "All your father and I have ever wanted is for you to be happy, Pen, and if we're a tad overprotective because of your . . . problems . . . then that's because we love you."

"I know you love me."

Pen was beginning to wish she hadn't said anything. Every time she tried to stand up for herself it ended with her mom being upset and Pen having to expend all her energy comforting her for having such a difficult daughter.

"Then maybe before you start attacking me, you'd remember that." Her mom's voice trembled.

"I'm not—"

"And how hard we worked to help you overcome your issues."

Pen pressed her lips together and looked away, her gaze inadvertently meeting Anton's, who was trying very hard not to be present. And who could blame him?

"I have to go," Pen said. "I'm not sure when I'll get home. As Bernie won't be here to tell me what to do, I'll have to muddle through on my own."

"Pen, don't be silly, darling . . ."

She turned away, her pride in her accomplishments deflating with every step, her doubts about her abilities shouting loudly in her mixed-up, muddled brain. She wanted to run away, but she couldn't do that because it would prove her mom was right. And she had a responsibility to Bernie and Luke to finish the job they'd hired her to do.

She found a smile somewhere and went back into the family room where Noah was dancing with Jen and Sky while still managing to check his watch. He looked straight at Pen.

"Luke and Bernie should be leaving now."

Pen nodded. "They're already getting changed. I'll get an update on their departure time."

"Thanks." Noah cleared his throat. "You've been excellent all day."

Jen winked at her. "Take a moment to savor that positive comment, Pen. Noah doesn't say that to everyone."

"I wish he'd tell my mom," Pen murmured as she walked down to Sally's suite, where the bride and groom were getting ready to leave on their honeymoon. "She might actually believe him."

She knocked on the door and realized she still hadn't had a chance to talk to Rob. But the wedding had to come first. Once they'd waved Luke and Bernie off, she'd find him and talk things through.

* * *

Rob paused on his way back to the house as a hint of smoke wafted past him. His gaze immediately went to the barn, but everything looked serene, and it was unlikely a fire would start during a snowfall. Nevertheless, he changed tack and walked down the slope. Years of living on a ranch meant he wasn't prepared to take a chance and make a small problem a much bigger one.

As he approached the barn, a shadow moved near the fence facing the paddock.

"Hey."

Rob recognized Pen's brother, Jake.

"Hey." Rob gestured at the cigarette between the other man's fingers. "I smelled smoke and came to check that the barn wasn't on fire."

Jake grinned at him. "I might not have been born in a barn, but I do know it's important to completely extinguish my cigarette when it's done." He took another drag and blew out the smoke. "I'm trying to quit so I limit myself to one a day, but I must confess, I still enjoy every poisonous, deadly moment."

Rob couldn't help but smile.

"I gave up two years ago, so I hear you."

"And you've stuck to it?" Jake looked at him. "That gives me hope."

Rob shrugged. "I have what's known as an addictive personality. I can't just do one of anything."

"Same." Jake sighed as he finished the cigarette and ground the butt under the heel of his boot until there was nothing left to see. "Pen says you work for Bernie."

"Yeah, I mainly run her online delivery business and help create new menu items in the test kitchen."

"If you don't mind me saying, you don't look like a typical pastry chef."

"I grew up on a family ranch like this one. My dad thought I'd take over when he retired."

"Nothing like rocking the boat and upsetting your family's expectations of you, is there?" Jake sighed. "My parents are great, but that didn't stop me doing a lot of stupid shit and nearly killing myself along the way."

Rob suddenly remembered Pen mentioning a family member who'd gone through a similar journey to his own.

"I can relate," Rob said.

"I hate myself for that, you know?" Jake looked out over the frozen pasture. "I mean, it's bad enough ruining your own life without dragging everyone else down with you."

Rob couldn't have agreed more but he stayed quiet and let the other man speak.

"They all pretend everything is fine, but every so often I still see it in their eyes, the fear that I'm going off the rails again, and that this time they won't be able to stop me from destroying myself. And sometimes I guess I feel that way, too."

"Do you go to meetings?" Rob asked.

"Yeah. If I hadn't agreed to do that, my partner, Kev, wouldn't have moved in with me." Jake smiled. "It's amazing what you do for love."

Rob nodded. He already knew he wanted to be a better person for Pen.

"I guess I should go back before my mom organizes a search party." Jake shivered. "And it's getting cold out here."

Rob started walking alongside Jake, his gaze on the house where Pen was probably still working hard to make everything right. He'd been taken aback when she hadn't wanted to dance with him, but he guessed it made sense. No one would be particularly keen to introduce an ex-con as their boyfriend, particularly to an overly protective family like Pen's.

Jake glanced over at him. "Pen had to deal with a lot of crap when she was growing up. She found me in my bedroom once, when I'd overdosed and had to call 911. She was around twelve at the time."

"That's tough."

"And you know Pen. She wants to help everyone." Jake smiled. "Sometimes too much."

Rob stopped in his tracks. "Are you trying to make some kind of point here?"

"I guess I am." Jake grimaced. "I don't want her to think she has to save everyone all the time."

"And you think she's trying to save me?"

Jake met his gaze steadily. "I wouldn't want you mistaking her feeling . . . bad for you for something else."

Rob went to speak, but Jake kept going.

"And I'm not trying to be mean, Rob, I just know from my own experience that working out who says they want to help you as opposed to who actually does isn't easy, especially when you're an addict. We all have trust issues, right? It took me three years to believe Kev actually meant a word he said to me, and even now I still have my panicked moments."

"Pen's a good person. I'd never do anything to hurt her."

Jake nodded. "Then let's just keep it that way."

They continued on to the house in silence, Rob's mind in chaos as he digested Jake's obviously well-intentioned warning. The thing was—there was nothing he could disagree with. Pen was the kind of person who loved to help others. Had she seen that desperate need in him and tried to give him the same support she'd given her brother? Was it as simple as that? But she'd told him she wanted more and that she liked him. . . .

Just as Jake went to open the kitchen door, Noah came through it and held it open, his keen gaze scanning Jake and Rob.

"Clear the decks. Bride and groom on the move."

The wedding party, headed by Bernie and Luke, spilled out of the open door in a burst of colorful chatter, warmth, and excitement.

Rob stood back as the bride and groom were kissed, hugged, and sent on their way with cheers and waves. It wasn't until the brake lights of their truck had disappeared into the darkness that Rob noticed Pen was missing.

Half of the guests decided to call it a night and departed, which should've made it easier to find her. As Rob checked each room, Pen's mom came into the hallway.

"Have you seen Pen, Rob?" she asked. "I assumed she'd be coming home with us."

"Knowing Pen, she won't be leaving until everything's back in place," Rob said.

"Surely someone else can do that?"

"It's her job. I'm not sure Pen would let them," Rob said. "She's something of a perfectionist."

"Pen?" Diana's brow wrinkled.

"She's done an amazing job with the wedding, Mrs. Jones. You must be so proud of her."

"I'm always proud of her." There was a note of uncertainty in her voice Rob hoped meant she was thinking a bit more about how she viewed her daughter.

"I think I overheard Sally asking Pen to stay over, for the company," Rob said.

"Then we'll be off. If you see her, will you let her know?"

Rob nodded, and Diana headed out, calling to her husband and Jake to follow her to their truck. He found Sally in the kitchen making herself a drink. Her smile faded as he approached her.

"What's wrong?"

He shrugged. "Nothing to worry about, I'm just looking for Pen. Did she leave with someone already?"

"She said she'd stay overnight to make sure everything was restored to normal, but I haven't seen her for a little while." She lowered her voice. "Anton said she and her mom were having quite the argument in the kitchen earlier."

"Her mom is . . . overprotective."

"She apparently refused to believe Pen had managed the whole wedding."

"Seems on-brand," Rob murmured. "Is Anton still here?"

"He's just finishing packing his truck."

"I'll go talk to him."

"And find Pen," Sally called out to him. "That's the most important thing."