CHAPTER 5

C HAPTER 5

Two days before the wedding, Pen had basically given up working at the café to concentrate on solving the million little details that would make the event go off without a hitch. Neither Bernie nor Luke had time to hang out at the ranch and accept deliveries, or talk to the florist, or deal with Anton having a crisis about the particular shade of frosting on the cupcakes, so Pen had to step in.

To her surprise, she found it invigorating. Her mom always commented about Pen's inability to focus on one thing and her tendency to flit among a thousand tasks, but with a cascade of small details to deal with, Pen was in her element. She easily swapped between discussing the number of paper napkins twenty people might go through, the logistics of the bathrooms, and what to do with Sally's cute dogs on the big day.

Anton stayed in the kitchens at the café and occasionally sent up samples of food for Luke and Bernie to taste and approve before he went into full-scale production mode. Rob had somehow managed to divide his time between the online cake business, the wedding, and working with the unbroken colt. Pen wasn't sure if he was sleeping at all.

Late one afternoon, after she'd accepted delivery of five folding tables and several hundred fairy lights that someone, probably her, would have to put up, she wandered down to the barn. It hadn't snowed again but there was something in the sluggish movement of the air that told her it wouldn't be long before it did. She looked over toward the mountains, where heavy, black clouds were gathering, and wondered when the storm would hit. Rob's old truck was parked outside the barn. She knew exactly where she'd find him and headed toward the sheltered interior yard, which had walls high enough to keep out the worst of the wind and the weather.

Even though she approached as quietly as possible, both man and horse were instantly aware of her. She sat down on a bale of hay and just watched Rob work his magic. Something about his calmness with the colt transmitted itself right to her. Her shoulders relaxed and the million zinging thoughts in her head quieted down enough for her to breathe more normally.

She hadn't said anything to Rob about the kiss, and he hadn't either, which seemed about right for two people who struggled to communicate, in their different ways. She'd relived it in her head a million times and convinced herself that he'd meant it in a friendly, supportive manner, and that she was a fool to obsess over something so trivial. But her brain didn't care about logic and continued to mull it over even as she got on with other things.

Rob patted the horse and smoothed his hand along his flanks. After being at the ranch for a few weeks, the colt looked far healthier, but still had a lot of growing to do.

"Can you pass me that second saddle blanket?" Rob asked out of the blue, making her jump. "I forgot to bring it over."

Pen got the blanket, and walked to Rob, careful not to get behind the nervous colt so that she wouldn't get kicked.

"Put it on the ground between us," Rob said. "So, he can have a sniff."

Pen did as he asked and remained still while the horse bent his head to investigate the new and suspicious object. The last thing she wanted was to start moving and freak the colt out. She had a lot of sympathy for his suspicions about everything around him. She'd been the same when she was a kid.

"You can back away now," Rob said. "Thanks for your help."

Pen waited until she resumed her seat on the hay bale before she answered. "You're welcome."

She watched him go through the now-familiar routine of letting the colt get used to the blanket before it was placed gently on his back. This time Rob set the second blanket over the first, placed his hands on the horse's back, and leaned in before stepping away. He repeated the process several times while talking quietly to the horse.

"That's new," Pen said.

"It's about weight transference. I want him to start to recognize what it might feel like to have a saddle or a person on his back."

"Makes sense." Pen nodded.

Leaving the blankets on the colt's back, Rob led him around the yard a couple of times and then took him back into the barn.

Pen followed and helped Rob settle the colt in his stall.

"He's much calmer now," she commented as she shut the bottom half of the door.

"Yeah, he's doing good." Rob put away the lead rope and the blankets in the tack room. "Slow and steady works like a charm."

"Just like with people," Pen murmured. "I wish I'd had teachers like you when I was in school. Most of them thought throwing me in the deep end would work just fine."

"That's stupid." Rob turned to look at her. "A lot of people still break horses like that."

"Poor horses." Pen shivered. "By the way, my mom said to tell you that you're welcome at our place anytime for dinner."

"You have a nice family."

"Yes." She managed a smile. "I'm very lucky."

He turned toward the exit of the barn, and Pen walked beside him, her hands in her pockets, her head down.

"Doesn't mean they don't have their blind spots," Rob said.

"About what?"

"You, for one."

She stopped and looked up at him. "They love me very much."

"That's obvious, but sometimes love can be . . ." He hesitated. "Kind of limiting."

"What do you mean?"

"Okay, my parents loved me, and yet my dad was one hundred percent against me going to catering school."

"Why?"

"Because he assumed that as his oldest son, I'd follow in his footsteps and take over the ranch when he was gone. He couldn't think of a better life for me."

"But you're a fantastic cook."

"I was." His smile was bleak. "I bet if he was standing here right now, he'd be reminding me that if I'd stayed home like he'd said, I wouldn't have ended up on the streets addicted to painkillers and then in jail. And he'd be right."

"Not necessarily."

Rob raised an eyebrow. "Come on, Pen. Even you can't make something positive out of that."

"You did what you thought was right."

He stared at her for a long time before shaking his head. "That's it? That's all you've got?"

"You're not your father, Rob. You have every right to decide how to live your own life even if you make mistakes." She paused to take a breath. "You don't blame him for what happened to you, so why should he get to blame you for not being a carbon copy of him?"

Rob blinked at her. "That's . . . stupid."

"Oh, great! Now you're calling me stupid." Pen turned away.

He caught her elbow and gently turned her to face him. "I didn't say you're stupid. It's just that occasionally, like most people, you do say stupid things."

"It's all the same!" Pen was aware at some level that she wasn't behaving well. "I'm the dumbest person in my family, so thanks for pointing that out."

"Hey." He cupped her chin, his callused thumb tracing her jawbone. "You know you're getting mad at the wrong person, right?"

She positively glared at him and was amazed when he smiled.

"I can't get mad at them. They mean well."

"So did my dad."

"Did you get mad at him?"

"I did better than that. I left home and put myself through culinary school." He kissed the tip of her nose. "And that's what you're doing right now. Proving them wrong."

She tilted her head higher and her mouth met his in a clash of warmth. With a stifled sound, he kissed her, and she kissed him back, her fingers curling into his hair as he drew her tight against him. He just felt right, like the calm at the center of her personal storm, or the answer to all the questions in her world, and she didn't know how to handle that at all.

After what felt like a long time, he eased his mouth free and looked down at her.

"Pen, we should . . ."

She stepped back. "It's okay. I know what you're going to say—that it was a mistake, that you just feel sorry for me, or that you were being my friend."

He frowned. "I wasn't going to say any of that."

"Good! Then let's just go back to whatever we were doing before and forget this ever happened, okay?"

"Sounds like you're the one with regrets, but that's definitely okay."

"I said it before you got the chance to."

"You said it because you realized that kissing an ex-con wasn't a good idea."

"It wasn't that at all!" Pen glared at him. "I was thinking how lovely it was to kiss you and how right it felt."

He took a long time before saying anything. "And I was just thinking it was cold out here and we should get back to the house."

" That's what you were trying to say?"

He took her hand and started walking. "I've only lived here for a year, but even I know when it's going to snow."

Pen let Rob tow her up the path toward the house, her thoughts freewheeling like a buzzard on a warm summer day. She noticed he hadn't addressed any of her remarks about how she liked kissing him, but who could blame him? She had no idea how to deal with the feelings she had for him or how to share them without blurting out the first thing that came into her head.

The first light touches of snow drifted down from the leaden sky and melted on her hair and coat. Rob glanced down at her and increased his pace.

"Where's your hat?"

"I left it at the house," Pen confessed. "Your Stetson isn't exactly weatherproof either."

"It's better than nothing."

He drew her into the shelter of the porch, and they climbed the steps together. She glanced back over her shoulder as the snow continued to fall, making the ranch look like a Christmas card.

"I'll make us a drink." Rob had already taken off his coat and boots. "Hot chocolate okay for you?"

"Yes, please," Pen answered automatically, her attention on the snow as she followed him through into the silent kitchen. "Where is everyone?"

"Luke should be back any moment. He's just up the road at the snowmobile barn. Sally's in town at the clinic helping out, and Noah's probably home with Jen and the kids." Rob put a pan on the stove and added milk. "The horses are all in, the cattle are as close to the ranch as we could get them, and we've already built the winter shelters."

"Sounds like everything's in good shape," Pen commented. "Luke must be thrilled to have someone who knows what they're doing while Max is away."

Rob shrugged as he stirred the milk. "I spent my first eighteen years on a ranch. It's second nature to me."

"Do you miss it?"

He stopped stirring. "When Dad and I were fighting, and he wouldn't let me go to school, I began to hate it. I swore I'd never go near another ranch again. But now? I find it kind of comforting, and I enjoy the work."

"More than cooking?"

"I hardly get to cook anymore." Rob added the hot chocolate powder and a pinch of cinnamon and stirred vigorously. "I miss that, too."

He brought two mugs of hot chocolate over and set them on the table.

"Thank you." Pen took a sip. "It's lovely."

"You're welcome."

"Did you write your holiday cards?" Pen asked.

"Yup. All done."

"Are you sending one to your folks?"

Rob looked at her. "And ruin their Christmas?"

"I think they'd be pleased to hear from you."

"I disagree. My dad is a very proud man."

"You mean he's as stubborn as you are."

She surprised a smile out of him. "Yeah, I guess the apple didn't fall far from the tree." He looked down at his mug. "What the hell would I even say to them?"

"Happy holidays?"

"Funny."

"It's a start," Pen said. "Someone has to be brave." It was her turn to consider her words. "We had something. . . similar happen in our family. We had to wait for our person to realize we loved them regardless and come home."

He looked right at her, and she forgot about the conversation and simply stared into his beautiful brown eyes.

"Why do you keep kissing me?" Pen blurted out.

He blinked. "You don't like it?"

"I do, but I'm confused, and if I try to explain myself, I'm going to sound like a madwoman, and then you're never going to want to kiss me again."

He reached across the table and took her hand, his fingers warm and strong, his calmness wrapping around her.

"I think I know you well enough to get what you mean, so go ahead."

"Really?"

He nodded. "Shoot."

Pen took a deep breath. "I think I have feelings for you, and I'm not sure what to do about that because I have no idea how these things are supposed to work, and I don't understand flirting, or whether someone is just joking, and then I get the wrong idea and look stupid in front of the whole senior year at prom."

"What happened at prom?"

"Oh! Some guy asked me to go with him. I got all dressed up and excited only to get there and find he'd done it as a joke."

His expression darkened. "I hope you kicked his ass."

"I just laughed, pretended I got the joke, and went to the prom anyway," Pen said. "Because, as I said, I probably did misinterpret what he meant."

"I bet you didn't." His fingers tightened over hers. "I wish I could go and kick his ass for you. Does he still live around here?"

"No, he went off to college and never came back, thank goodness. Otherwise, I would've been avoiding him in town for the rest of my life."

"Pen, he's the one who should be ashamed of what he did, not you."

"It's not his fault that I get things wrong," she said earnestly. "Mom explained it to me when I got home that night, and I was crying. She said I needed to be more careful about how I interpreted things or I would get myself into difficult situations."

He went to speak and then stopped.

"What is it?" Pen asked.

"It's not my place to criticize your family, but man, that advice sucks. Making you responsible for everyone else's behavior? That's not okay."

"She was just trying to keep me safe."

"Yeah, I guess in her own way she was." Rob sat back, releasing her hand. "Anyway, back to what you were originally saying."

"Which was?"

His lips twitched. "Whether you're okay with the kissing thing."

"I am okay with it if you can confirm what it means."

"As in, am I kissing you like I'm your friend or something else?"

"Yes, that." Pen nodded.

He studied her for a long moment. "I kiss you because I like you."

"But what kind of like?"

"Like I want to keep doing it even though I know it's a bad idea?"

"Why is it bad?"

He sighed. "Because look at us, Pen. You're . . . amazing. And I'm not."

"Anyone who has overcome addiction and turned their life around is amazing, Rob. And, if you want to keep kissing me, I don't mind at all."

"Then maybe we agree to be honest with each other as things progress?" Rob suggested. "Make sure we're on the same page?"

She smiled at him. "I'd like that."

"Good."

They were still smiling at each other when Luke came into the kitchen complaining about the weather. He got some coffee and started texting at a furious rate before looking over at Pen.

"I think you should stay here tonight. Mom's just turning in at the gate, and she says the roads aren't safe."

Pen nodded. She knew Luke wouldn't allow her to be in any danger. Driving down to town through the forest was hazardous on a good day, let alone when a layer of ice was forming. And it meant she got to spend more time with Rob, who was okay with the whole kissing thing.

Pen smiled. "Thanks, Luke. I'll text Mom and let her know."