CHAPTER 4

C HAPTER 4

"Pen! Where have you been?"

Pen shut the door of the bookstore and looked over at her mother, Diana, who sat behind the cash register. She walked through the tightly packed aisles and bent to give her mom a kiss.

"I was at the Nilsens' with Bernie. I thought I told you."

"You didn't say you were going to be gone all morning." Her mom stood up. She was blond like Pen and just as petite. "And what on earth can Bernie want you for? You're only a barista."

For some reason her mom's words stung more than usual.

"I'm helping with her wedding."

"Doing what exactly?"

"Making sure all the pieces work together to deliver Bernie and Luke the best day of their lives."

"That sounds a little . . . complicated for you, darling."

Pen raised her chin. "It's fine. I'm enjoying it."

Her mom pressed her lips together as if there was a lot more she wanted to say but was trying to be kind. "Can you take over this afternoon while I get some lunch and see Jake?"

"Jake's here?"

"He's back for Christmas." Diana smiled. "He's doing so well now."

"Of course he is," Pen said, ignoring the lingering worry in her mom's eyes. "I can't wait to see him."

"He texted me to say he's almost here. I told him to come to the store." Diana moved some of the book catalogues around. "Any more thoughts on going back to college and finishing your degree next year?"

"Not really." Pen had fielded the question a million times. "I don't think that environment suited me very well."

"But you've got to do something with your life, darling. You can't exist on low-paying part-time jobs and expect to have your own home one day."

"I know." Pen tried to smile. "Maybe I'm just waiting for inspiration."

Her mom sighed. "That's a lovely idea, but you know you must put in the real work, don't you? Your dad and I built everything we have from scratch."

"You did," Pen agreed. "And you did it while bringing up a family."

Diana reached out and took Pen's hand. "And that's what I want for you. A family of your own. I know you have your issues, Pen, but you are a lovely person."

"Thank you."

"And you shouldn't give up on trying to find a partner."

Pen didn't think it was a good time to tell her mom that the only man who interested her was an ex-con who barely knew she existed and who would probably run away screaming if he knew how she felt. She looked down at the floor, aware that everything she felt showed on her face and that her mom knew her well enough to pounce on any sign of weakness.

Luckily the shop bell jangled and there he was, her tall, handsome older brother, Jake. He grinned and opened his arms.

"Hey, shrimp!"

She rushed over to give him a hug. He smelled like coffee and faintly of cigarettes.

"Hey, you." She smiled up at him. "How's it going?"

"Good." He reached out and drew their mom into the hug. "Happy holidays, Mom. Kev sends his love."

"It's a shame he couldn't join us," Diana said.

"He has to look after the cat." Jake winked. "And his parents are close by, so he won't be on his own over Christmas."

"Next year, then." Diana patted Jake's arm. "Are you ready to go? We're having lunch at Bernie's."

"I hear she's doing great things in the cake world." Jake checked his cell. "Are you coming, Pen?"

"Nope, I've got to mind the shop."

"Can't you close for lunch, Mom, so Pen can come?" Jake asked.

"We can't afford to lose any customers, Jake. If the store is closed when people think it should be open, they tend not to come back. And it's good for Pen to be responsible for something for a change." Diana blew Pen a kiss. "You don't mind, do you, darling?"

"It's fine."

Jake waited until their mom was almost out of the door before turning to Pen. "Well, I tried."

"It's all good. Have a nice time and bring me back a doughnut."

"Will do." He paused. "It's really good to see you, shrimp."

"You, too."

Her smile died as he closed the door behind him. He looked well, he seemed happy, and he was in a committed relationship, but they all worried about him because that's what families do. Her mom was still concerned about Pen finding her place in a world that wasn't built for people like her, and she had legitimate concerns about Jake, who always managed to look as if everything was fine even when it wasn't.

For once Pen didn't have to work in the evening. She was looking forward to a proper family dinner at home with Jake, her parents, and probably some of their immediate family, who all lived locally. Her cousins were starting to get married and find partners, and the family was growing larger by the year, which she loved.

Pen sighed and walked back to the desk. She imagined Rob sitting next to her at the family dinner, holding her hand, and looking at her adoringly. He'd confided in her today—something she sensed didn't happen often, so why shouldn't he come to care for her? Why couldn't she have the happy ever after that everyone else in her family expected?

Several hours later, she looked up as someone came into the shop. She blinked twice.

"Rob?"

He considered her for a second, and then nodded. "Your parents own this store."

"That's right." She grinned. "Did you think I was stalking you?"

He came closer. "It did cross my mind."

"What can I help you with?" Pen asked.

"Holiday cards," Rob said. "I haven't had anyone to give them to for years, but I guess that's changed."

Pen got up to show him the holiday merchandise at the back of the store. "When you're done, come and find me."

"Thanks."

Pen returned her attention to the fantasy novel she'd borrowed off the shelves and was so engrossed that Rob had to gently clear his throat to get her attention.

He pointed at the book. "I like that series."

"It's brilliant, isn't it?" Pen carefully closed the book. "I'm about two books behind so I always try and catch up when I work here."

She rang up his purchases on the old-fashioned cash register, and he paid with cash.

"I wish I could afford to buy some gifts, but I don't have the funds," Rob said as he put his wallet away.

"I know the feeling." Pen sighed. "I really should get myself organized and find a proper job."

"You seem pretty good at the event coordination thing," Rob commented. "Can you train to do that?"

She stared at him. "I don't know, but it's a good idea."

The shop bell rang, and her mom came in. For once, her attention wasn't all on Pen as she came forward with a charming smile. "Hi, are you Rob? Bernie said she thought you were in town doing some shopping, so I'm glad I caught you here."

"Yeah."

"I'm Pen's mom and Bernie's aunt," Diana said. "Bernie asked me to give you a message. She said she has to stay late tonight, so can she take you back to the ranch around nine?"

"Sure." Rob nodded. "I can hang out with Anton."

"Anton's not here today," Pen reminded him. "He's in Reno."

Rob grimaced. "That's right."

"Why don't you come and have dinner at our house?" Pen said the words before she realized what was going to come out of her mouth. "That will work, won't it, Mom? Bernie can pick him up when she's ready."

Her mom looked at her. "That's a great idea. It'll give us a chance to get to know you better, Rob. Bernie says such great things about you."

"If you're sure that's okay, Mrs. Jones. . . ."

"Please call me Diana." She patted his shoulder. "Pen, why don't you take Rob back to the house and start the prep while I close up? Jake's already there, but I think he's taking a nap before dinner."

"Typical," Pen said as she found her backpack and kissed her mom. "We'll see you at home."

* * *

Rob couldn't quite believe he was walking beside Pen as she chatted merrily away, or that he'd been invited to dinner at her parents' home. It all happened so quickly he hadn't managed to think of a convincing excuse and had found himself agreeing despite every part of his brain yelling no .

He didn't do families, and he certainly didn't need to spend more time with a woman who had the uncanny ability to draw him to her like a moth to a flame. The fact that good people like Anton, Bernie, and Pen existed gave him hope when he'd thought there was none. Deep in his heart, he wanted to believe he was redeemable, and they made him think it was possible. But that didn't mean he'd ever feel like he fit in or should even be given the chance.

He realized Pen had asked him a question, and he looked down at her.

"Say again?"

She stopped walking, her hands twisting together, her expression suddenly uncertain. "Are you mad at me? I didn't give you a chance to say no without sounding rude, and I know you'd never do that to my mom."

"Why did you ask me?"

Pen met his gaze. "This sounds stupid. But I never had the kind of friends who wanted to meet my family. I was always that kid—the one who got left out unless the parents insisted on inviting the whole class . . . the one never picked for a team. When I was a teenager, my social life became zero." She sighed. "I guess I just wanted to have my friend over."

"Are we friends?" Rob had to ask.

A flash of hurt crossed her face and was quickly concealed by a smile. "Okay, maybe I'm overstating it. How about coworkers?"

He nodded, his attention on the blueness of her eyes and the curves of her lips. He was starting to learn her body language, the way she defended herself with a joke and a smile, the expectation of being rejected already in place. She reminded him of the colt, and she needed the same careful handling. She deserved so much more than having to beg him to spend a pleasant evening with her family.

He took one of her restless hands in his, shocking them both.

"It's all good. Anton's been nagging me to be more outgoing, so this is a great place to start."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He squeezed her fingers, and they resumed walking, holding hands. "How far out of town is your house?"

"It's just up the street." She pointed at one of the large Queen Anne houses. "My parents bought it for a song thirty years ago and lovingly restored it."

"It's . . . nice." Rob stared at the enormous house. It had a railed porch all the way around the ground floor, steps up to the massive double front door, and fairy lights everywhere. "Someone loves the holidays."

"That would be me," Pen confessed.

"No." Rob deadpanned. "I don't believe that for a second."

She looked up at him and chuckled, which made something inside him want to reach out and give her a hug.

"You're teasing me."

"Yeah."

She tugged on his hand. "We'll go around the side to the kitchen. No one really uses the front door."

"Same at my parents' house," Rob said. "My mom would've had a fit if we'd gotten mud on her fancy carpet, and living on a ranch there was a lot of dirt."

When he was a kid, he'd loved Christmas and was the first to nag his parents to set up the tree and get on with the decorating. He wondered who did it now and whether they still hung the ornaments he'd proudly made at school, with his name front and center.

"You can put your jacket here," Pen said. She wore a sparkly blue knitted sweater over jeans and had her hair tied back in a ponytail.

Rob found a spare peg, took off his boots, and followed her into the kitchen. The cupboards were cream-painted pine, and there was a large island, perfect for food prep, in the center.

"Mom restored all the original cupboard doors by hand and repainted them. When she could afford it, she got someone to come in and take down the wall into the original pantry and scullery to enlarge the kitchen and design new features to match the old ones." Pen went to check the note on the refrigerator door.

"It's a great space." Rob automatically washed his hands and looked around for something to do. He had no idea how a guest was supposed to behave, but decided he'd rather participate than sit around trying to make small talk. "What's on the menu?"

Pen brought the note over. "Looks like some kind of massive chicken-and-veg stir-fry, which I guess is why Mom wanted someone to do the prep."

"We can handle that." Rob scanned the list. "Where are your knives?"

"In the block on the island." She pointed them out. "I'll get the vegetables out of the refrigerator and wash them."

Rob found a stack of chopping boards in a drawer below the knives. "How many are we feeding?"

Pen paused and started counting on her fingers. "You, me, Mom, Dad, Jake, and my sister Demelza. I think."

"Demelza?"

"My mom had a thing about the Poldark novels."

Rob nodded like that made sense. He'd never been a great book reader. He stared at the red pepper on his chopping board. What the hell was he going to do if Pen's parents started asking him questions about books? They owned a bookstore and probably expected everyone to be as well-read as they were. Not for the first time he wondered whether he should do the prep and then invent an excuse to head out. It was only a four mile walk up to the Nilsen Ranch....

"It's okay." Pen put some onions and garlic at his side. "They try not to bring their work home with them."

"How did you know what I was thinking?" Rob chopped the pepper fast and set it to one side.

"I guess I've learned to study people's faces in case I miss something that would be obvious to everyone else. For example, I regularly remind myself that not everyone wants to listen to me go on about my interests."

Rob studied her. "I've never heard you talk about yourself. You're always the one asking the questions."

She shrugged. "I realized early on that it was a good way of not making everything about me."

Rob sliced the onion and crushed the garlic, releasing the rich aromas. "You have the right to your opinions."

"Oh, I have plenty of those." She grinned at him. "Shall I get the chicken or should we wait until we're closer to eating?"

For the first time he noticed how she always deflected the conversation away from herself. "If we do it now, we can stick it in some marinade so it will taste better," Rob said. "Just something basic like honey, soy sauce, fresh ginger, and sesame oil."

"You're a genius," Pen said.

"I wish."

He got out a new board and waited while Pen, with many exclamations of disgust, washed and patted the chicken breasts dry.

"Thanks. I need a large bowl or sealed bag." Rob diced the chicken, added the marinade, and set it back in the refrigerator. "All your mom needs to do now is get the wok out and cook."

"I didn't know we had a new chef in town."

Rob turned to see a tall, dark-haired man coming into the kitchen.

"Hey, Dad." Pen finished washing her hands and went to give her father a kiss. "I invited Rob to dinner and somehow made him do all the prep work."

"That's very kind of you, Rob." Pen's father smiled at him. "I'm Stefan."

"Pleased to meet you, and thanks for inviting me into your home," Rob said as he continued cleaning up.

Pen touched his arm. "Why don't you go and get acquainted with Dad while I finish up in here? Mom's going to be back in ten minutes."

He tried to convey to her that it was the very last thing he wanted to do, but somehow, he was hustled out of the kitchen and into the family room, where Stefan offered him a beer, which he declined.

"So, Pen says you work for Bernie?" Stefan settled into what was obviously his favorite chair while Rob took the one opposite.

"Yeah, I manage the online side of the business, which means I don't get a lot of time to actually cook anymore."

"Do you miss that?"

"It's where I got my start, so yeah. I never thought I'd be managing twenty people, but Bernie's a great, supportive boss."

Stefan beamed, and Rob remembered that Bernie was his niece.

"We always hoped Pen would become someone like Bernie, but, alas, it was not to be."

"Pen's great," Rob said. "The customers love her."

"She is a very kind and thoughtful girl." Stefan nodded. "And I suppose there's still time for her to settle on what she wants to do with her life." He looked up as the back door banged. "Ah, I think Diana's back. If you'll excuse me, I'll go and make sure Jake is up."

* * *

Pen looked across the table at Rob, who seemed to be holding his own with her loud and boisterous family. The stir-fry had been delicious, and now they were onto pie, ice cream, and coffee, and no one seemed willing to leave yet.

Jake refilled his coffee and turned to Pen. "So what's this I hear about you managing Bernie's wedding?"

"She's hardly managing it, Jake," Diana said with a little laugh. "She's simply helping her cousin out."

Pen looked at Jake. "Actually, it's a lot more than that, Mom."

"Like a wedding coordinator," Jake said. "Good for you."

"I'm enjoying it."

"It was so kind of Bernie to give you something to do, darling," Diana said. "I didn't even have to ask!"

Everyone around the table laughed except Rob, who was looking at Pen.

"Pen's doing an amazing job," Rob spoke up. "She's dealing with the logistics of setting the wedding up, managing the guests, the food, and the entertainment, and she hasn't had any hiccups so far."

Pen opened her mouth to do her usual jokey, self-deprecating denial, but something in Rob's eyes made her pause.

"It's very kind of you to say that, Rob, but I'm sure Pen would be the first to tell you not to exaggerate." Stefan chuckled. "My daughter doesn't have a managerial bone in her body."

Pen set her coffee mug down on the table, her face heating with embarrassment. Rob would think her family believed she was hopeless.

She stood up. "Excuse me. I left my phone in the kitchen."

"Pen?"

She ignored the concern in her mom's voice and escaped into the kitchen where she picked up her cell and kept walking until she reached the outside porch. She took several quick breaths and fought the desire to cry. Behind her the screen door creaked and someone came up behind her.

"It's freezing." Rob dropped her jacket around her shoulders. "Can't have you getting sick right before the wedding."

Pen took her time putting her jacket on and kept her head down as she zipped it up. "For the record, I don't come home every day and pretend I'm as successful as Bernie."

He considered her, his breath frosting in the air. "I never thought you did."

She put her hands in her pockets. "I'm well aware that I'll never run a business like her."

"You're definitely not Bernie," Rob agreed. "But there's nothing wrong with that."

"Bernie doesn't need her mom to beg for jobs for her." Pen sighed. "That's how I got my job at the café. Mom asked my aunt Linda if Bernie could help her loser cousin out."

"Bernie picked you to coordinate her wedding because she knew you could do the job."

Pen looked up at Rob, who was frowning. "You don't know that. Maybe Mom's right and Bernie just felt sorry for me, like everyone else."

"Bullshit." Rob stepped forward and put his finger under her chin, raising her gaze to his. "Don't put yourself down. You are way better than they give you credit for. I know because I work with you every day, and they don't."

She couldn't look away, mesmerized by the gold flecks at the edge of his brown eyes. She wanted to lean in, rest her forehead against his chest, and breathe in some of his quietness and certainty.

"Pen . . ." He lowered his head and kissed her firmly on the mouth. "Don't listen to them."

Pen brought her fingers to her lips. "Did you just kiss me?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Someone had to."

Behind them, a horn beeped, and Pen recognized Bernie's truck.

"I guess my ride is here." Rob patted her shoulder. "See you in the morning."