Chapter 29

Olivia followed Lord Buckingham to the outskirts of the ballroom.

They were being watched, and she knew that, but she did not care. It did not matter what they thought; she would soon be married and then she would never see any of them again. It would no longer be a concern of hers. She would have far greater things to tend to, such as a household and her children and her husband.

"So," said husband-to-be began, "Perhaps it would be best if you tell me what you know about me already."

"In truth, not very much at all. From what I have heard, you are kind, but you never married because you never found a lady that you found intelligent enough."

"Oh, that was not the case at all! No, it was never a case of intelligence. It was more that I never met a lady that had the same values as myself. They always wanted money, or the knowledge that their husband was considered one of the most handsome gentlemen in London."

She eyed him carefully in spite of herself.

"I know, it is quite hard to believe," he laughed, "But once upon a time that was the case, I promise you. It was a blessing and a curse; no lady ever truly wanted to know me, and it led to many superficial encounters but never anything real. After enough time passed, I simply decided that if the ladies did not please me, then I was all too happy not to marry."

"I understand that. And what of you? What have you heard of me?"

"That you were ruined a while ago, and that it was undeserved but it is how the ton works and so you didn't stand a chance. It is a shame, too, because you would have made a most advantageous match."

"Perhaps, but then again that might not have pleased me either."

"And what would please you?"

"It does not matter what would please me. Frankly, My Lord, I am at your mercy. I shall be whatever sort of wife you are looking for if it means my father will be happy. You have been kind enough by accepting me as your wife."

"Well, if I tell you, do you promise to believe me?"

"Of course."

"I am not looking to fall in love."

It should not have upset her to hear this. She did not want him to love her, as she would never love him, but there was something in the way he said it that hurt her. Maybe it was that he was the third man in a very short span of time that flat out refused to love her, but it stung.

"Then what are you looking for?"

"A friend, in all honesty. I am not a fool, Miss Staunton. I know that I am not the gentleman that you have dreamed of your entire life, that I am quite the opposite, in fact, but I can promise you that I will be a good husband to you. I want only a companion, nothing more."

"And what about children?"

"Well, do you want them?"

"I do not know. I did, for a while, but now that I think about it I do not think that I would be any good as a mother, no matter how much I would want to be."

"If you should ever want a child, we will have one. We will have ten, if you wish, and you can have your own little army, but I promise you that I have no interest in them myself. There shall be no pressure from me in that respect. I have no need to sire an heir, nor any desire in all honesty. That is the job of my brother, and he has done very well in that respect and given me five nephews and a niece."

"Then maybe I could simply be an excellent aunt?"

"If you so wish."

Truly, he was so kind. She wondered if this was pure luck or if her father had factored that into his decision.

"Miss Staunton," he continued, "I want you to know that I do not pity you, but I understand you. I know that I am not what you want, but I will be good to you. I will do anything that I can to make you happy, even if that means a mere cordial greeting each day and nothing more. I want to make this as easy for you as possible."

"Thank you, My Lord," she whispered, "I do not know how I could possibly repay your kindness."

"You are marrying me, are you not? That is thanks enough."

A hushed silence fell in the room, and they both turned to see what was happening.

Olivia immediately wished that she had not.

The duke was there. William was there. He was a few mere feet away from her, and in her hideous lemon yellow gown he saw her instantly. He seemed so tired, but he was with his friends and he would have no doubt had a wonderful evening had he not seen her, but he had.

"Do you know each other?" Lord Buckingham asked, "I know that look."

"Then you truly are not a fool," she laughed sadly, "That is the son of the lady I have been staying with. He is quite alright as far as gentlemen go, but I was not expecting to see him. He is supposed to be in Bolton."

"Well, perhaps you can ask him why he is not there yourself, for I dare say he is coming here now."

"What are you doing here?" The duke demanded.

"I could ask you the same question," she replied, an eyebrow raised, "You are supposed to be with your mother."

"I have other matters to tend to."

"As do I. Your Grace, this is my betrothed, Lord Buckingham."

The duke's face had been stern, but it fell instantly.

He looked from her to Lord Buckingham and back again, in disbelief. She was unsure of how she felt about him studying her the way that he was. She didn't like how accusatory he was, especially given that it was partly his fault that she was there in the first place, but she certainly liked how conflicted he seemed.

"Is that true?" He asked Lord Buckingham, who smiled at him.

"As of last week, yes," he nodded, "Why do you ask?"

"Because I want to dance with her."

"That is quite the shame," Olivia said firmly, "I am spoken for. Perhaps you should have asked sooner."

"Miss Staunton, I-"

"If the lady has made up her mind, then you will listen to her," Lord Buckingham interjected.

"You will not speak for her."

"I do not plan to. I only want you to be aware that she is going to tell you what is happening, and you will accept it. If she is not interested in dancing with you, then she will not. That is how it is going to be."

"But I am here to apologize," the duke continued, "I only ask that she listens."

"And is that what you want, Miss Staunton?"

"I… I do not know."

"Well, the music is to begin soon and so you ought to make a decision."

Olivia glanced between the two men, unsure of what to do. She wanted to dance with William, of course she did, but it felt unfair to her betrothed who had been nothing but nice to her. Besides that, William had been incapable of being anything other than a friend to her, and it was only now that he was losing her that he felt an overwhelming desire to see her. She hated it.

"My answer is no," she said firmly, "You had a chance, Your Grace, and you sent me away. This is what you wanted, and I am respecting your wishes. Now please respect mine."

"Very well," he said with a sigh, "I understand. I only wished to see you one last time, and only because I saw you here. I did not follow you all the way to London. If it means anything to you, I am merely happy that you are safe. You frightened me when you disappeared, you know."

She had thought as much, given how utterly exhausted he appeared to be. With those words, he turned and walked away from her, not looking back. She wanted him to; she wanted him to turn around and storm over and tell her that he lost her once and wouldn't do it again, but she knew that he would not. He was doing exactly as she had told him to and was respecting her wishes.

"I do hope that you did not do that on my behalf, Miss Staunton," Lord Buckingham smirked.

"It was partly for you," she sighed, "It would not be proper to dance with another gentleman with one's betrothed mere feet away."

"And does the ton know that I am your betrothed?"

"Not as yet, I do not believe."

"Then where is the harm in it?"

"It is incredibly disrespectful to you!"

"I do not feel disrespected at all."

"My Lord, what are you-"

"There is clearly some unfinished business between the two of you," he said firmly, yet kindly, "I would hate for you to live the rest of your life knowing that you could have resolved this issue if it were not for me. Now, whatever happened between the two of you is of no matter to me, for we did not know one another, and so I do not mind at all if you wish to resolve it."

"And you are sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I do not know," she laughed, "I suppose I am worried that this is some sort of test."

"There shall be no tests," he laughed, "It is all quite alright. Now, if you remove me from the matter and you wish to speak with this gentleman, then do so. Share the next dance, say everything that you need to say, and then do what you feel is best. It is as I told you, I want you to be happy."

She looked for proof that he was lying, but there was nothing. He was being utterly truthful with her and she needed that from him.

"Thank you," she whispered before turning to follow the duke.

"Your Grace!" She called, perhaps too loudly, "I-"

"So this is the young lady you told us about!" A lady grinned.

William had returned to his friends, and they were all looking at her. They seemed to be looking upon her kindly, though she could not be too sure.

"Beatrice," the duke groaned, "Now is not the time for this."

"She is very pretty," the lady continued, "Oh! My apologies, I do not mean to speak about you. It is just that we are all quite surprised that William has found a young lady at all. He never did want to marry, but looking at you I can see why he changed his mind."

"Beatrice!" He snapped once more, "That is quite enough."

But the two ladies there were giggling and Olivia hated what that revealed.

"I came to ask you to dance," she said quickly, trying to change the subject, "I only said no because I was with my betrothed, but he has encouraged me to do what pleases me, and so here I am."

"And a dance would please her, too," the other lady nodded, "I truly had not seen this coming at all."

Perhaps it was due to those two ladies that William accompanied her to the dancefloor. She did not care much either way, but she couldn't help but wonder why they were saying such things about her, as if William cared for her at all. He didn't. That was why she had left Bolton.

"You terrified me when you left," he said suddenly as they danced, "I couldn't say as much in front of that gentleman, but you did. The moment you left, I missed you."

"Then you shouldn't have-"

"Please, just allow me to finish," he said firmly, and she quietened herself, "If you were not comfortable, you should have told me and I would have fixed things. I know what happened now, and had I known in the first place then she would have been sent away immediately. I only wanted your happiness, which is why I never went looking for you. My mother said you were happy where you were, and so I had to let you go, but do not for one moment think that it was what I wanted."

"I did not want you to send her away," Olivia sighed, "I did not want all of that to happen for my sake. I just wanted things to be easy, and my presence in that house did not make things easy for anyone, not even your mother."

"You made everything easier for her."

"Did I? I made her eldest son angry with her, and her youngest son suspicious of her."

"You did not do that, I did. I was angry with her because of my own insecurities and I made Scott suspicious because he does not want to marry and I gave my mother false hope that we could change his mind. You did nothing wrong, and after you left things only became worse."

"Is that why you are here?"

But he did not answer her, instead taking a breath.

"So," he said instead, "This betrothed of yours, how did that come to be?"

"Ah, yes, the betrothed," she sighed, "Well, when I left, I knew that I had to return to my parents' home and speak with them. I wanted to fix everything and come home, and a part of the deal that I made was that my father would find me a husband and I would accept whoever he found."

"That hardly sounds fair."

"It is exactly what you did, is it not?"

He fell silent again.

"He is a good man. He says that we shall be more companions than anything, and that he will not have any real expectations of me. I believe he shall make me quite happy, actually, even though it is quite unexpected."

"And you shall finally be a mother."

"Oh, no I do not think so. Lord Buckingham says we can have children if I wish, but I have changed my mind on the matter. I don't think I could do it. I can hardly do right by myself, so it would be most unwise to have a child. How could I do right by it?"

"I do not think it is the same thing."

"But it is. I am getting exactly what I want, a good husband that will be a friend to me, a secure future, more freedom than I could ever ask for… How could I possibly want more?"

"And what about love?"

"Since when do you care about that?"

"I- I do not, but I know that you do."

"Love is not real," she said softly, "I know that now. My parents know best; marriage is a practical thing and one cannot ask for more than that. Practically speaking, Lord Buckingham is everything that I am looking for in a man, and so I will not be fighting for anything more than that. Even if I did, it would be futile."

"And what if I said that I-"

"That you what?" She huffed, "That you like me? That you also see me as a friend just as Lord Buckingham does? Well, I give my thanks, Your Grace, but it means nothing to me. You mean nothing to me. You are simply the son of a friend of mine that promised to find me a husband and failed miserably. We may have had something, but that feels like an eternity ago and now I feel nothing towards you other than contempt. I hope that one day you find someone that makes you a better man, and if not I hope that you enjoy your own company."

"Miss Staunton, if you would just listen to me-"

"I did. I listened over and over to you, and I thought we understood each other perfectly well, but it all turned out to be a lie. That is how it was, and so forgive me if I have nothing else to say to you."

"Is that how you truly feel?"

"Yes."

They looked into each other's eyes for a moment, and she tried with every ounce of her soul to hide how she felt, and she succeeded.

"Then I wish you all the best," he nodded, as he bowed and walked away.

The stupidest part of her wished that she hadn't gotten so talented at lying.