Chapter Twenty

Soul

brOOKLYN IS CHANGING every single day since we found out that Bennett and his parents will be spending the rest of their lives in prison. Every single day she wakes up she smiles a little brighter and stands up taller than the day before. Jayce and I are watching the weight that's been holding her down fall from her shoulders as she gets through each day and realizes her nightmare is finally over. It's an amazing sight to see because she was already growing and gaining confidence and now she's moving down her path of discovery and healing even faster than before. I'm all for it because this is what she deserves. Our wife is an amazing woman and she's starting to see that in herself instead of shrinking into nothing if she feels she's doing something wrong. We're literally seeing how much Bennett and her parents hurt her as she was growing up and then while she was with that stupid fuck.

Right now our girl is in the kitchen talking to Fee and holding Adrianna while Leif plays on the floor with a motorcycle he brought with him. Adrianna is Scorch and Fee's new baby girl and it's the first time Brooklyn is getting to see her. Ophelia has been waiting to bring Adrianna up to see Brooklyn and she's finally in the right frame of mind to talk to Fee and meet the newest member of our family. I'm giving the girls space to talk and hang out, but I have taken a few pictures of our girl holding the baby girl because she's so fucking sexy and looks so right with a baby in her arms. It makes me long for our babies to be here so we can watch her hold them and fill her role as a mom. Jayce and I are both waiting for the day our twins are born and we get to start our new journey in life.

Scorch is sitting with me in the living room as we hang out while our women talk and laugh. Brooklyn is filling Fee in on everything that's happened with the trial, Bennett's sentencing, and how she's feeling with the pregnancy. Fee is the first one my wife tells that she's carrying twins and is scared as hell to have them because she has no clue how to take care of more than one baby at a time.

"Brooklyn's havin' twins?" Scorch asks me, his voice full of shock as he looks at me with wide eyes.

"Yeah. We found out when we brought her to the hospital after Bennett had her," I answer him, a smile on my face as I look in the kitchen to see Brooklyn with a soft, serene smile on her face as she looks down at Scorch's daughter. "It was a shock to us all and none of us were thinkin' that's what we'd learn that day. We just wanted to know our baby was safe and nothin' happened from the beatin' and punch to the stomach she got."

Before Scorch can respond, my phone starts ringing on the table in front of me and I pick it up to see a number from back home. It's not one I recognize, but I feel deep in my gut that I need to answer it.

"Hello?" I ask, waiting to see who's calling me.

"Is this Mr. Gavin Calhoun?" a woman asks from the other end of the line.

"It is. Can I ask who's callin'?" I return, not sure what to think of someone using my birth name.

"This is Mrs. DeGraw from Children's Protective Services. I have your brother and sister with me at this time. Has anyone been in contact with you, Mr. Calhoun?" she answers, fear and shock filling me as I try to figure out what the hell is going on.

"No. You're the first person I've talked to. Why do you have my brother and sister with you? Where are my dad and stepmom?" I question the woman as Scorch sits up straighter in his seat and Brooklyn makes her way to the living room with Adrianna still in her arms as she rests a hand on my shoulder.

Reaching up, I place my hand on top of hers so she doesn't move her hand away from me. The uncertainty filling me is making it hard to think and I have a feeling I'm going to need my wife and best friend with whatever Mrs. DeGraw tells me next.

"I'm sorry to be the one to inform you that your dad and stepmom, Carrie, were killed in a car accident late last night. They were on their way home from a date and were hit by an older man who fell asleep at the wheel. He wasn't drunk or on drugs, he'd been trying to get home from a trip and thought he'd be okay to make it. You are their next of kin and if you can't take them into your care, they'll be placed in foster care. There will be stipulations in place for you taking the children but you will be able to adopt them and raise them as your own," Mrs. DeGraw informs me, her voice almost robotic like as my entire body freezes and I get stuck on the words that my dad is no longer alive.

I'm not sure how much time passes, but someone takes the phone from me as everything fades to nothing. I don't see anyone else in the room with me and there are no sounds penetrating the thick fog surrounding me. It's like a giant, hazy bubble has me encased inside it and I can't think, see, hear, or anything else. My heart is racing out of control and I can't breathe. I feel as if I'm covered in sweat and my entire body is trembling. I'm freezing cold and feel as if I'm surrounded by ice with no way to warm up despite the house being very warm.

"Gavin," someone calls out that I barely hear. "Baby, I need you to come back to me. Please, Gavin. We've got a lot to figure out and I can't do anything without you."

Brooklyn. Blinking my eyes, I look up to see my beautiful wife with tears running down her face looking at me with a deep sadness and pain filling her eyes. When I realize she's no longer holding the baby, I pull her down in my lap and bury my face in her neck. Tears fall from my eyes and soak the top of her shirt and her bare skin.

"Love, I don't know what to do. I need Jayce. He'll know what to do. Where is he?" I ask, not remembering he's at work and we've been visiting with Scorch and Ophelia.

"He's at work, baby. Why don't you call him while I make you something hot to drink. It will help calm you down and warm you up. You're freezing, Gavin," she says, her voice soft and warm as I look up to find Scorch and Fee looking down at me with sorrow-filled eyes as I try to figure out what happened to my phone. "I've got your phone, Gavin. Mrs. DeGraw is waiting for us to call her back and tell her our flight information so she knows when we'll be there to see the kids. Regardless of whatever decision you make, you need to go home to bury your dad and stepmom and see your siblings."

"Okay," I tell her, taking my phone from her hand and finding Jayce's number. I press call and listen to it ring a few times before my best friend finally answers the phone. "Jayce, I need you."

"What's goin' on, Gavin?" he asks me, his voice on high alert as I listen to him move around at the shop.

"He's dead, Jayce. My dad is dead. Carrie is dead. The kids are with some lady from Child Protection Services. I need to go home, Jayce. I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do?" I ask him, feeling more vulnerable than I have in a very long time as more tears fill my eyes and roll down my face.

"Fuck!" Jayce says on his end of the call. "I'll be right there, Gavin. Where's Brooklyn?"

"She's in the kitchen. I'm lost, Jayce. I didn't get to repair my relationship with my dad. I've hated him for so long and now I won't ever get to talk to him again. To know that he's been tryin' to get help from the grief that's held him hostage for so long. Why didn't I ever talk to him again? Why didn't I try to fix our relationship and be there for my dad, brother, and sister? I've barely talked to Carrie, but I know she was a good woman. How do I fix this?" I cry out, falling from the couch to land on the floor in a heap as strong arms surround me and help me back up on the couch again.

"I'm on my way, Gavin. We'll figure everythin' out when I get home. Don't get off the phone with me. I'll keep you on speaker. Let Scorch, Fee, and Brooklyn help you until I get there," Jayce orders me, starting his truck as I hear it in the background.

I don't say anything else as I let the tears continue to fall and revert back to the little boy who lost his mom and dad at the same time. My dad was so consumed by the grief of losing my mom, the love of his life, that he forgot all about me. It's because of Carrie that he was getting help and we had had one conversation since he started counseling. It wasn't a major talk, just my dad checking in on me for the first time since the day we lost my mom. Our conversation was stilted and superficial at best, but it was a step in the right direction. Now, we won't get to take any more steps to repairing our relationship and he'll be buried next to my mom.

We've been in Western, my hometown for almost a week now. Jayce took care of everything from the second he walked in our home and found out what happened. Brooklyn had to tell him because I couldn't say a word. I sat on the couch in a stunned silence and didn't focus on anything around me. Even when Brooklyn and Jayce surrounded me with their love and comfort, I couldn't appreciate what they were giving me. I don't remember anyone else from the club showing up to offer their support, but Brooklyn has told me more than once they were all there.

The first thing we did when we got here was go to the county building where my brother and sister are being held. Brooklyn fell in love with them at first sight and they've been clinging to her since then. Kyler, my five year old brother, is withdrawn and no matter what we do, we can't get him to talk to us about anything. He's very quiet and watches everything around him. Mia is my seven month old sister and she has no clue what's going on in the world around her. She doesn't understand that she just lost her parents and will never see them again. Brooklyn is focusing on taking care of the kids while Jayce takes care of me. I've spent more time crying over the last week than I have my entire life. I'm mourning the loss of my dad for the second time in my life and I'm not sure how I'll get past the feelings running rampant through my body and mind. My heart is shattering my chest every morning when I wake up and remember where I am and what happened.

Right now we're staying in a hotel instead of the home they lived in with my dad and their mom. Mrs. DeGraw isn't sure that the kids being there is the best thing since we have to bury our parents. So, we booked a hotel suite that has two bedrooms and brought the kids there. Brooklyn has the second bedroom set up with a crib for Mia and some stuff from the house for Kyler. Jayce went and gathered them some clothing and toys to have with us until we can get to the house and pack up their belongings.

Today is the funeral and I'm sitting on the bed in our hotel room half dressed as I try to process that this is the day I say my final goodbye to my dad and Carrie. Jayce walks in the room, dressed in a black suit with his cut on under the suit jacket. He's got his boots on and I can't see a single tattoo on display as he makes his way over to me. Jayce isn't wearing a hat like he normally does today. My dad always said something about the hats Jayce wore and I can't tell if he found them funny or was annoyed my best friend was never without a baseball hat on his head.

"Come on, Gavin. You gotta snap outta this shit and get ready for the funeral. I know you're tryin' to get through each day and are mournin' a person you've already mourned in the past, but we all need you. Kyler and Mia need you. You're their big brother and they're gonna depend on you because you're all they have left. Brooklyn and I can only do so much for them, Gavin. We need you," my best friend tells me as I nod my head and stand from the bed to put my black button-down shirt on.

After putting on my boots, I grab my suit jacket and slide it on over my cut that I've put on over my shirt. Taking a final look in the mirror, I add my beanie and make my way out of the room. Brooklyn is wearing a black dress that emphasizes the small baby bump she's showing already. She's got Kyler dressed in a dark gray suit and has his hair brushed and styled. He's got dress shoes on his feet as he looks up at me with pain filling his eyes. He doesn't totally understand what it means that his parents are dead, he just knows they're never coming back again. Mia is dressed in a little black dress with tights covering her legs to keep the chill of the day off her bare skin. Brooklyn is putting her in the thin snowsuit we were given when we picked the kids up from Mrs. DeGraw.

"Are we ready to go?" my wife asks me, making her way over and pressing a soft kiss against my lips before stepping back and wiping the lipstick from my skin.

"I'm ready," I tell her, my voice breaking as nerves fill me.

Jayce grabs Kyler's hand while I grab the car seat Mia's been strapped in. Brooklyn winds her arm through mine as we leave our hotel room and make our way to the lobby. I know a limo will be waiting for us as we exit the hotel and find the limo parked right out front. An older man is standing by the back door and he moves to open it when he sees us approaching him. Jayce gets in first and settles Kyler in a seat and fastens him in as I follow Brooklyn into the vehicle. Before the door closes behind me, the loud, thunderous rumble of bikes fills the air. My head snaps up and I find every member of the Tattered and Torn MC filling the parking lot and two SUVs for the women and kids. My family is here as tears fill my eyes and I get Mia's car seat strapped in the seat between Brooklyn and myself.

As the limo pulls away from the hotel, we're surrounded by bikes. Every single member of the club is around us as we make our way to the cemetery where my dad and Carrie will be buried. Neither one of them wanted a long, drawn out funeral service and had everything paid for and planned long before their death. I've already been with their lawyer and he read the will. Everything was left to me with the exception of the life insurance policies. Those were left to Kyler and Mia and will be placed in a trust until they're twenty-one years old. They'll be rich based on the size of the policy and the interest the money will earn until they can use it. I was also left a large sum of money. It seems my dad had been investing money for most of his life and was rich as hell. That's a surprise and I'm not sure what to do with anything. Brooklyn assured me no decisions need to be made right now.

Jayce and Brooklyn have been my rocks so far. Neither one of them have left my side and have done everything in their power to comfort me and make everything as easy as possible. Brooklyn has been taking care of the kids while Jayce takes care of me. I've been so completely lost that I can't focus on anything and I have no clue what the fuck is going on around me.

Pulling into the cemetery, there's already a small crowd gathered around as the limo and my brothers park. The driver opens the back door and we all get out, taking Mia from her car seat instead of dragging that with us. For the first time, I hold my baby sister in my arms and feel her weight settle against me. It grounds me as I put one foot in front of the other and head to where we'll sit during the short ceremony. At least until I get up and give the eulogy.

As we help Brooklyn sit in a chair, Kyler climbs up into the one next to her. I take the one on the other side of her and Jayce sits next to my brother. The club and their women and kids stand directly behind us to keep everyone else away from me. They know I don't want to talk to anyone or deal with all the bullshit of today. I don't have it in me to deal with anything except getting through the funeral so we can gather what the kids need before returning home to Odin's Gap. Honestly, I'm not even sure I can speak coherently at this point since I've mostly been monosyllabic ever since receiving the phone call telling me that Dad and Carrie were gone. My family has carried me and they're still doing so today, something that manages to touch my frozen heart.

I zone out as the minister begins speaking. Brooklyn holds my hand and gives me a gentle squeeze breaking me from my head as I look around. No one's talking as the minister looks at me. With a nod of my head, I get up and pass Mia off to Jayce. Taking the steps up to where the minister is waiting for me, I take a few deep breaths and don't look at anyone but my chosen family.

"Um, my dad and I didn't have the easiest relationship after we lost my mom to cancer. He was so lost in his grief and kind of forgot I existed. I'm not sayin' this to talk bad about my dad or anythin' like that. Deep down, he was one of the best men I've ever known. He loved my mom so much that he couldn't see a way out the other side and everythin' else faded into the background as he tried to figure out how to move on and live a new life without his wife at his side. It wasn't until he met Carrie that my dad found a way out of the dark abyss that claimed his life for so long. She had him get the help he needed and he was in counseling to deal with his grief. If there's one thing I regret . . .," I say, not being able to continue as emotion overwhelms me and I feel as if my throat is closing up.

A small hand takes mine and I look down to find Brooklyn standing next to me with the papers I wrote my eulogy out on. She gives me a sad smile and looks out at everyone before us.

"If there's one thing I regret, it's that my dad and I were never able to repair our relationship. We talked one time since he married Carrie and it was him checking in on me. I took it as a step in the right direction but still did nothing to come home and visit with my dad, Carrie, brother, and sister. I wasn't there to meet Mia when she was born either. Now, I'll never get the chance to fix what was broken between us and that guts me. My heart has shattered and I don't know how I'll ever put the pieces back together again.

"My dad did teach me two very valuable lessons. The first one is not to let your grief suck you down so low you have no clue what's going on around you and you forget everyone important to you. Secondly, he taught me that it is possible to find love again and open yourself up to those around you. I will take these lessons moving forward and use them to guide my brother and sister as we navigate our new lives. The world lost two very special people when my dad and Carrie were killed in an accident. Hold your loved ones close and make sure everyone in your life knows how important they are to you. You never know when you'll take your last breath and leave those you love behind," Brooklyn says, finishing my speech as she continues to hold my hand before leading me back to my seat.

Anguish places his hands on my shoulders as we watch the caskets holding Carrie and my dad be lowered into the ground. Brooklyn doesn't let go of my hand as tears slide silently down my face. I don't look at anyone as we wait for them all to leave. When anyone gets too close to me, the guys step in front of me and build a wall so no one can talk to me. My family is in full protection mode and I love them for it.

Exhaustion fills me as Brooklyn and Jayce lead me back to the limo so we can go to the hotel. I can barely keep my eyes open as we make the short trip back. By the time the driver pulls back up in front of the hotel, I'm ready to strip to my boxers and climb in bed once again. It's so bad, I don't remember the walk up to our room, Brooklyn helping undress me, or Kyler coming in to give me a hug. I climb in bed and pull the blankets up over my head and sink into the oblivion sleep brings me.