Darkness

"SOMEONE JUST TRIED to bash Cesare's head against a...wall."

That sudden pause between Giancarlo's words is telling. I know he's barely stopped himself from swearing, and it only goes to show how everyone in the family is on the brink of completely losing control...and hell breaking loose.

"I expect all of you to make sure that he does not hear a single thing about what happened here. Capisce ?"

No sooner than one call ends when another one starts, and this time Giancarlo is speaking in rapid Italian.

"Do what needs to be done. All I want is the assurance that she will sleep through the night, and by tomorrow, there will be no trace of what happened."

My conscience starts warring with the pragmatic side of my brain. Even though he hasn't mentioned a single name, I'm pretty sure he's just ordered the family physician to sedate Penelope, Cesare's fidanzata. The younger girl has been throwing up nonstop since Cesare's arrest and her grandmother's murder. So while I get why he wanted to keep Penelope in the dark about tonight's attack...

Ah, fuck it.

Penelope's one of the nicest girls I know, and if this is the only way to get her to rest, so be it.

Giancarlo is still on the phone when La Strega rejoins us. I reach for my cardigan, and just as expected, his grandmother has already switched the A/C on.

Maybe the Marchettis know something I don't, and lower temps have been scientifically proven to increase IQ?

"Was that Massimo?" La Strega asks when Giancarlo turns to face her.

" Sì. He's already gone underground. Have you gotten hold of Ezio?"

His grandmother nods. "Ezio will take care of Gazelle." The older woman suddenly turns toward me, asking, "How are you holding up, bambina ?"

Even after all these years, being the recipient of someone's concern makes me feel uncomfortable, and I shrug awkwardly. "I'm fine. And...and I think I should be the one asking you that."

"We are all still alive," she answers crisply. "I cannot ask for more." She motions towards the door, saying, "Go and rest now. It is pointless for you to stay up while Giancarlo and I talk."

A part of me wants to argue, but I just nod and head back to my room. Potenziana Marchetti did not become Boston's ruling queen by being tenderhearted; if she needed my help, she would have asked for it from the start. And so if she wants me to rest, I know that's the best thing I can do if I want to do my part.

But this is easier said than done, and I spend the next hour tossing and turning in bed, my mind endlessly replaying earlier events.

News of Cesare's arrest had made rival gangs think this was their one and only shot at defeating the Marchettis. Local police won't have the exact figures until tomorrow, but I overheard one of the higher-ranking officials estimate the involvement of at least three famiglie behind the orchestrated attempt to seize Boston out of the Marchettis' control.

And they could have so damn easily succeeded...if not for Giancarlo being his paranoid self, and thus having countless safety measures in place.

A knock sounds on my door, and I'm already jumping out of bed in my haste to open it.

Giancarlo stares down at me, and he's still annoyingly gorgeous as ever despite the lines of weariness and tension etched on his features.

"May I come in?"

I step back and nod.

But as soon as the door closes behind him, I'm in his arms, and he's already carrying me back to bed.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Our clothes are on the floor in seconds.

My nails are scraping his back as his mouth latches hungrily to one erect nipple.

He suckles hard, and I cry out.

He thrusts his finger inside of me, and a moan slips past my lips.

I want it to last forever, but it never does.

He only has to touch me, and my whole body burns.

I come with a cry, my body shuddering under the dark intensity of his gaze, and not once did his eyes leave me.

Mine.

That's all I can read in his gaze, just like I know when he looks into mine—-

Yours.

There's only one word he'll see.

I'm not sure how much time has passed when I wake and find myself curled against his body. I push myself up on my elbows, and even though I'm not surprised to find him still wide awake, it still breaks my heart to know why this is.

"It will be all okay," I whisper.

"I know."

The hollowness in his tone makes me wish there was something I could do to take his pain away.

But how?

Show me how, God.

Please.

"I know it's all over, but...Cesare could've died, Sarica."

"He could've. But he didn't ."

He stares at me, and I suddenly feel self-conscious.

Was I just...wait, did I just...

His dark eyes start to gleam, and my heart sinks.

There's my answer then.

"Did you just try to comfort me?"

"I did," I admit gloomily.

"Well done, dolcezza ."

"Don't make me feel worse."

His lips twitch, and I feel even gloomier.

"Can we just please change the subject, like...what did you mean about Massimo going underground?"

" Nonna and I have defensive mechanisms installed throughout the city in the past several years. We've also built a network of tunnels that covers the whole of New England. All we need to do is lure our enemies into our territory or that of our allies, and the battle's already won."

Giancarlo cups my face. "I'm sorry I wasn't with you earlier."

I shake my head. "I was scared, but I wasn't...terrified. I don't know how to explain it. I think...it's because I feel I've already faced the worst, and survived it, all other kinds of evil only seem...familiar."

"I understand."

I look at him searchingly. "Were you afraid?"

" Sì ."

Giancarlo's lips twist in a humorless smile at my shock. "How can I not be? I do not have youth as an excuse now. And so if I fail to protect everyone again the way I failed to help..."

He shrugs as he says this, but it doesn't fool me at all. I know Giancarlo still considers himself partly to blame for what happened to his father and grandfather and that no amount of words will convince him otherwise.

But I also know that today is different because he has me...and him.

And that's when I hear myself repeat even more fiercely, "It will be all okay. You don't have to worry. God won't let you fail."

Giancarlo stares at me like I've just grown myself a halo when he's used to seeing me with a pair of horns and a cute little tail, and I can't blame him at all. I'm even tempted to tell him I need to see a psychiatrist...until he suddenly hauls me back into his arms, and I feel how hard his heart is pounding against my cheek.

"I need you."

That's what he says , and that's what I hear .

But we both know what he really means is...

I love you.

And I want so, so much to say it back but all I can do for now is that thing which I've never told others about.

Please.

I find myself praying even though it shames me to do so. It feels like I only come to him when I'm desperate—-

Please, please, please help me say it.

—-like now.

Please.

I fall asleep praying, and when I wake up, his answer is obvious.

Because my heart now feels like it's about to burst, and I'm just so, so ready to say the words.

But I can't.

Because the other half of the bed is empty.

Where are you when I needed you the most?

The disgustingly cheesy thought comes out of nowhere, and it makes me feel like gagging and smiling even as I hurry out of my bedroom. I don't even bother brushing my teeth first. I just want to find him, asap, and—-

There you are.

I slow down and step out onto the balcony.

"Do you regret it?"

It really seems to be my lucky day because for once in my life, I'm finally able to eavesdrop.

"What exactly are you asking, nonna ?"

The voices are easily recognizable. It's La Strega and Giancarlo, and while the door to her study may be closed, they've apparently forgotten to close one of the windows, which opens directly to the balcony.

"Sarica is not the bride I had chosen for you."

"Why are you suddenly bringing this up?"

"I just want to know. After all these years—-do you regret going against my wishes?"

I don't understand.

"I do."

I don't want to hear this.

"I do regret it."

I can't even cry as I turn and walk away.

Why, God?

Why?

I know eavesdropping is a fucking sin, but did you have to be this cruel just to make your point?