Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18

T he sun had never shone more brightly on Garvey Manor than the following morning. Alicia erupted into a wide smile as soon as Juliet flung the curtains open, the wave of light slapping her with a new sense of excitement that she had never experienced before. She rose from her bed before the maid could even say a word.

“My, my,” Juliet mused, a sneaky grin growing on her thin lips, “don’t you look pleased this morning!”

Alicia touched her cheek and felt a heat rise. “Is it dreadfully warm in here?”

“I would think not,” Juliet giggled as she crossed the room to her. She raised a delicate hand to touch Alicia’s forehead gingerly. “No fever, Your Grace. But there is quite a rosy look to your face.”

“Don’t tease, Juliet.”

“Perhaps I should fetch Mr. Porter!” the maid squealed. “He’ll know the cure for a lady’s first kiss!”

“Oh!” Alicia exclaimed, burying her face in the fluffed pillows. “You’re too much,” she said into the fabric.

Juliet’s giggles filled the room like birdsong. “I barely slept myself,” she spoke as she sat at the edge of the bed.

“Why not?”

“I was so excited for you, Your Grace!”

Alicia rolled her eyes as she pushed herself out of the bed. “There was nothing to get all bothered about,” she pronounced as calmly as she could manage.

“Really?” Juliet drawled. “Nothing you’re just dying to talk about?”

“Of course not.”

Juliet pouted. “Are you sure, Your Grace?”

Standing in front of the window, Alicia gazed out to the gardens as Renfield unlocked the shed, retrieving a wheelbarrow full of tools. “What is it that you’re expecting?”

“Look at you, acting coy!” Juliet flung herself off the bed, skipping to the wardrobe.

“Not coy, Juliet,” Alicia firmly said, though her hand drifted up to her lips, fingertips dragging along the phantom feeling of the duke’s soft kiss.

“So you won’t tell me anything?”

Alicia turned, gazing at the eager maid as she looked through the wardrobe. “Pick out something flattering, Juliet.”

“Flattering,” the girl repeated, raising a slender brow.

“And then I’ll tell you all about my evening with the duke.”

Juliet released an excited squeal as she quickened her pace. “How about a spring green, Your Grace?” She pulled a light dress out of the wardrobe, one with bunched sleeves and thin layers on the bottom. “You’ll look like a dream.”

“Very well,” Alicia said with a smile.

As the maid skipped over with the dress, laying it out flat on the bed before turning her attention to Alicia’s hair, she giggled with glee. “What happened, Your Grace?”

Alicia sat before her mirror, watching as the girl dragged a brush through her locks. “We talked,” she began, “like we had never spoken before.”

“How charming!”

“It seemed as though he finally felt at ease enough to open himself to me, to reveal the man I had married, rather than the duke the ton learned to revere.”

“And?” Juliet urged, twisting the hair into a thick braid.

Alicia smiled, reaching up to touch her cheek again as it grew a cherry-red in the mirror. Her eyes met the maid’s for just a moment, and the girl grinned wildly. “There is something to our marriage,” she said. “Something substantial, something born out of…”

“Love?”

“Well, now,” she laughed lightly, “I–I cannot speak for the duke.”

“He kissed you, didn’t he?”

Alicia gaped at her. “So blunt of you, Juliet!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Your Grace,” Juliet quickly said, “but I was just so curious! A lady doesn’t wake up like you did if she hadn’t had love confessed to her or received a kiss.”

Alicia sighed. “Well, you aren’t wrong, Juliet. He did kiss me.”

Saying it aloud brought a sense of awareness to Alicia about her future. She met her own gaze in the mirror, watching as her chest rose and fell quickly. Whether Alicia came to terms with it or not, everything within Garvey might change.

The duke was more than just the duke, he was Matthew, the broken man who opened himself up and laid his truth on her lap. Alicia pressed a shaky hand to her bosom, feeling the race of her heart underneath.

“How spectacular, Your Grace,” Juliet said in a light voice, finishing the long braid.

“Yes,” Alicia breathed. “How spectacular.”

“Are you ready for your dress, Your Grace?”

Alicia stood, gripping the back of the chair to steady herself. “Yes, Juliet.”

As the maid pulled the nightgown off Alicia’s shoulders, she smiled sweetly to herself. “I’m sure your mother will be very excited to hear about your life here at Garvey so far,” she said.

Alicia smiled. “I will have to write a letter soon.”

“Have you not told her yet of your plans for a ball?”

“I waited for the duke’s approval,” she explained, laughing to herself. “I suppose he will be all right with it now.”

Juliet giggled. “I would hope so!”

The maid brought the dress over Alicia’s head, careful not to undo the braid that cascaded down her back. The gown was light and airy, falling off Alicia’s shoulders with a delicate ease. The green and white fabrics shone brightly against her honey-tinted skin. And when she glanced at herself in the mirror, a gasp left her lips.

“What is it, Your Grace?” Juliet asked, hurriedly coming to her side. “Do you not like the dress?”

Alicia’s eyes widened as she stared. “I…It’s perfect.”

“Then why do you look so frightened?”

“I–I?—”

“All is well, Your Grace,” Juliet tried to reassure, “take a seat before you lose yourself.” The maid guided her to the bed, sitting her down on the edge.

Alicia breathed deeply, trying to calm the tremors that suddenly rocked her down to the core. “I am all right, Juliet.”

“You look terribly scared, Your Grace.”

“I am not scared.”

“Then what is it so I may put you at ease?”

Alicia met the girl’s worried eyes. “Do not burden yourself, I am all right.”

“Your emotions are not a burden,” Juliet whispered. “What bothers you?”

“I—” she hesitated, feeling shame rise up her throat like bile. “What if the duke does not find pleasure in me anymore?”

“Why wouldn’t he?”

“He has had a tendency to,” she tilted her head, breathing a sigh, “to leave when things become heavy.”

“You must not ruin your joy before it has come to fruition.”

Alicia frowned at her. “I do not know how not to be afraid of what may happen.”

“That’s the thing about being alive, Your Grace. We never know what lies around the corner, but that doesn’t mean we must be afraid of it. How do you know that the duke isn’t waiting for you now?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“And you’ll never know till you walk out that door,” Juliet said as she pointed to the bedroom’s exit. “Do not let something so beautiful, like connecting with your husband, be forgotten about over an insecurity.”

Alicia stared at her hands. “I fear I am not enough for him.”

Reaching across her lap, Juliet grasped onto Alicia’s hands. “You are more than enough, Your Grace,” she said with a widening smile. “You are kind and nurturing. You came into Garvey knowing nothing of it’s past, and still accepted it with open arms. You saved Lady Lucy. Do not think yourself to be less than what you are.”

Alicia squeezed the maid’s hands. “You are something special yourself, Juliet.”

The girl grinned, her cheeks turning a delicate shade of pink in the morning light. “Why don’t you go for breakfast, Your Grace?”

“Alright,” she whispered. “Thank you, Juliet.”

“Of course, Your Grace,” the maid said with a small bow.

Alicia smiled at the girl one more time before she rose from the bed, a confidence burrowing itself deep within her heart. She left the room without looking back, letting the rush of excitement for her future with the duke propel her through Garvey’s winding halls.

In the dining room where they usually took breakfast, Alicia practically jumped inside, a wild smile on her lips. With wide eyes, she searched the room for Matthew, but only saw the frowning governess poised beside the window. Alicia could feel the fire diminish from within her, but breathed in deeply, willing herself to hold onto hope.

“Good morning, Miss Ayles,” she called out to her.

The governess lazily bowed her head. “Your Grace.”

“Are you well?”

“As well as I can be,” she replied with a placid smile. Finally noticing Alicia’s unbridled excitement, Miss Ayles narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Good lord, Your Grace, you’ve got a smile as big as London on your face.”

Alicia laughed breathlessly. “Very funny, Miss Ayles. It’s just a splendid day.”

“Is it?” Miss Ayles glanced out the window again. “It’s quite cloudy, Your Grace.”

Another laugh pulled itself out of Alicia, this time more from nerves. The adrenaline of her excitement began to fade into a ball of anxiety. “Have you seen the duke yet this morning?”

“Not yet, Your Grace.”

“Well,” Alicia said with a shrug, “perhaps he got caught in some business.”

Miss Ayles nodded. “He normally does.”

Alicia pressed her lips together, sensing that the governess did not seem to be in a mood for polite conversations. She ached for Lucy to be near, for the girl’s brightness to calm the storm raging within her mind.

“Have you seen Lucy yet?”

“The lady refuses to wake since she’s trapped in bed,” the governess complained. “Apparently for her, it’s just more time to sleep.”

Alicia chuckled. “I’m not surprised.”

“Would you care for a cup of tea, Your Grace?” Miss Ayles asked as she walked to the table.

“Yes, thank you, Miss Ayles.”

As the governess prepared two cups, Alicia held her hands behind her back, fidgeting and pulling at the end of her braid. She tried to remember Juliet’s words as she stood there in silence.

Do not think yourself to be less than what you are.

“Here you are, Your Grace,” Miss Ayles said while handing her a delicate blue cup that sat on a matching saucer.

Alicia gladly grasped it, taking a hurried sip while it still steamed. “Thank you,” she muttered with a burnt tongue.

“Are you feeling well, Your Grace?” Miss Ayles asked with a skeptical look. “You seem… different.”

“Different how?”

“I am unsure,” the governess said. “Ah,” she called out, looking over Alicia’s head, “good morning to you, Ms. Crawford.”

Alicia looked over her shoulder as the housekeeper entered the room with a bow. “Hello, Ms. Crawford,” she greeted, excited to see someone who’d gladly talk to her. “Have you come for our chats?”

“Not this morning, Your Grace,” Ms. Crawford said as she handed her a sealed letter. “This arrived for you in rather a hurry.”

Holding her cup with one hand, Alicia took the letter, running a finger over the emblem on the wax seal. “It’s the Egerton emblem,” she muttered. Popping the seal, she unfolded the letter to reveal hurried writing.

“Come at once,” Alicia mumbled as she read the letter, her eyes moving so fast her brain could barely keep up. “Mother…” she whispered, “had a fall?” She kept reading till a gasp pulled itself out from between her lips, and her hand lost the cup as she backed away from the breakfast table.

The blue teacup shattered against the floor.

“Oh,” Alicia breathed, “I–I’m terribly sorry!”

“What did the letter say, Your Grace?” Ms. Crawford asked, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “You look dreadfully pale!”

Alicia met the housekeeper’s eyes. “It’s from my brother. He says mother has had a grave accident, and I am needed at once in Mayfair.”

“How grave?”

“He didn’t say,” she whispered, her eyes scanning over the letter once more.

Ms. Crawford pressed her lips together with determination. “Do not fret more than you need to, Your Grace,” she said. “Let me tell your maid you must travel quickly to London. She can accompany you.”

“I–I need paper and quill, Ms. Crawford,” Alicia said as the housekeeper ran out the room.

The older woman was back within a moment with a piece of paper and a quill, already stained with ink. Before another word was said, Ms. Crawford quickly left the room again, going in the direction of Alicia’s bedroom.

Alicia collapsed into a chair at the table, trying to stop the shakes from taking over her hands. The fear and adrenaline of the situation rocked her with tremors, making it almost impossible for her to write a single word on the paper.

“Your Grace,” Miss Ayles suddenly said from beside her, “let me.”

“What?”

“Tell me what you’d like to say, and I’ll write the letter for you.”

Alicia stared at the governess in astonishment. “You would do that?”

“Of course,” Miss Ayles said with a sad smile. “Look at your hands! You can barely write with all the stress. Let me help in some way, Your Grace.”

Alicia breathed a sigh of relief, and passed the paper and quill over to the governess. “You are a lifesaver, Miss Ayles.”

“Who is the letter for?”

“The duke.”

The governess cleared her throat, holding the quill above the page. “Whenever you’re ready, Your Grace.”

Alicia stood from the table, pacing around the room as if to get rid of the energy that filled her veins. “Matthew,” she said, unable to stop the quiver in her voice. “Forgive me. I have received a letter from Owen that details my mother to be in a terrible state after a frightful accident.”

She paused, glancing at the governess.

Miss Ayles nodded. “Go on, Your Grace.”

“I must leave,” she breathed. “And I do not know for how long. I only ask—” Alicia stopped herself, glancing down at her hands as she searched for the right words. “I only ask that you do not forget me, or the night we had.”

The governess paused in her scribbling for a second before she finished. “Anything else, Your Grace?”

“No, Miss Ayles,” Alicia sighed, “that’ll be all.”

Miss Ayles folded the letter up. “I will deliver it into the duke’s hands when he arrives for breakfast, Your Grace.”

“Thank you for all your help,” she said. “I truly appreciate your kindness.”

The governess eyed her with something Alicia could not recognize. Perhaps a smugness, a slight perk in her lip that reeked of something wicked. The look was gone within a moment, and Alicia felt nothing but relief at Miss Ayles’s help.

Ms. Crawford stood at the room’s threshold. “Juliet is ready with your bag, Your Grace,” she said. “She’ll fetch the carriage now.”

Alicia nodded. “You have my thanks.”

“Do not look so somber, Your Grace,” Ms. Crawford tried to reassure her with a small smile. “You will be with your family in no time.”

Alicia felt a heavy weight rest upon her heart as she approached the room’s door, glancing down the hall to where the duke slept. A dreadfully poignant ache grew within her, one that could only be quenched through her husband’s embrace. Nevertheless, Alicia sighed, swallowing down the feeling of what she wanted, and turned towards where she was needed.

Responsibility, once again, trumped her heart.

“Yes, Ms. Crawford,” she replied stiffly. “All will soon be well.”

Alicia followed the housekeeper through the halls, donning a hat and gloves before leaving Garvey behind.