Chapter Twelve

She had no idea how long she drifted.

She came partially back to herself several times, but each time there seemed to be something fundamentally wrong with the skin she found herself in, with the way her limbs were aligned. She could barely make sense of her surroundings. The light that filtered in through the window above seemed strange, oddly discolored, and she found herself fixating on the floating motes of dust that drifted slowly down, at the way they caught in the light.

She heard footsteps outside of the cage— no, cell , she reminded herself, but the distinction felt meaningless. What did it matter? Bird or human, she was a prisoner in either case. Still, she turned to see the source of the footsteps.

A woman with raven dark hair and a scattering of sea-blue scales on her skin came around the corner, flanked by two human guards. Tanitha was certain she knew her, was certain she should be able to remember her name, but she could only summon up a deep uneasiness, a sense of muted fear. This woman represented some sort of threat, she knew, but she couldn't place precisely what manner of threat it was .

The demon woman regarded her for a moment, then said something to one of the guards. Tanitha could hear the words, but they seemed to have little meaning. She tried to focus on understanding despite the blazing pain the effort sent through her head. She realized, a bit puzzled, that tremors were running through her body. She still felt bizarrely unconnected from herself, but worse than that, she couldn't seem to remember why the sensation seemed strange to her. As if she couldn't quite remember how things were meant to be. Still, she forced her attention back to the newcomers, fighting to assign meaning to their words.

"Open the door," the woman was saying, her voice flat. Anxiety that Tanitha couldn't put a name or source to coiled around her heart. She couldn't remember what her relationship to this woman was, but she did know that she didn't want to be in the same room as her. That she was dangerous.

"Lady Alethia…" One of the guards said, sounding uncomfortable. Alethia. A slow trickle of memories began to flow through Tanitha's mind, all of them tinged with deep, barely restrained fear.

"Open it," Alethia snapped. "Her life is mine to do with as I please, and I advise you to respect that."

The guard bowed his head. There was a jangle of metal as he lifted a ring of heavy keys from his belt.

Tanitha had a strange, muted sense that she should bolt, that she should try to keep her distance from Alethia, but her limbs weren't responding beyond the odd jolting shivers that were tearing through her. Nonetheless, she pressed herself up against the wall as Alethia approached at a brisk pace.

Alethia stopped directly in front of her, then placed a hand beneath Tanitha's chin. Tanitha wrenched away with a feral jolt of fear at the contact. Alethia grabbed her by one shoulder, her grip tight enough to bruise, and Tanitha gasped, trying to pull away, but Alethia didn't relent. She tilted Tanitha's head up by her chin, and Tanitha sat frozen as Alethia looked searchingly into her eyes for several excruciating seconds.

All at once, Alethia released her. "Your name," she said briskly. "Say it."

Tanitha looked at her, confused. She knew the words had meaning, and she thought she could nearly grasp what it was, but formulating a response felt beyond impossible. Alethia pursed her lips, drawing back. She turned to the guard.

"Send for Prince Kaion," she said. "Now."

Darius paced.

He had been doing a lot of that of late. But in his defense, there was little else he could do to aid himself in thinking.

At first, he'd been half mad with worry and with the rage that came with helplessness. The rage of knowing that Tanitha was in danger. The pain that came with knowing that she'd willingly placed herself under Naratha's power for his sake. He continued his pacing, giving a short shake of his head. Gods, why would she do that? He'd seen the devastated pain in her eyes in that moment he'd turned away from her, when he'd told her goodbye. His heart clenched. He'd hurt her, and he'd never forgive himself for that.

But somehow… somehow it seemed that she had.

He closed his eyes, the confines of his cell so familiar that he didn't break stride in his pacing. His wingtip brushed the basalt wall as he turned, and he opened his eyes again. Somehow she'd forgiven him. He couldn't begin to understand it. He had never even contemplated being on the receiving end of that sort of love. The sort of love that meant she was placing his happiness and safety even above her own life. Likely without any assurance that he would happily do the same for her.

Upon the completion of his circuit of the cell, he knelt to examine the bars, or rather, the place they were bolted to the basalt wall. He placed one hand on the bolt he'd been focusing on. The bolts, as attachment points, were the only possible weak point in the entire cell, so far as he could tell. And so, he'd been working at them. As often as he had the strength, he'd been taking his dragon form and slowly digging his claws into the basalt. He had to be careful, and painstakingly precise, gouging at the stone immediately behind the bolt but no further. He couldn't risk anyone being able to see the marks; otherwise, he would have continued until his nails bled. Any of his three possible visitors would have seen that and known immediately what he was up to. Getting caught before he even escaped his cell wouldn't help Tanitha.

He pressed his thumb against the small but precious divot he'd carved into the stone. He was perhaps halfway to the bolt that anchored the bracket in place, and there were six on each side of the cell. He thought he probably only needed to do one side; he could punch through at that point, Akkenthian steel or not, provided he still had the strength to take a dragon's form.

And then… and then he'd have to burst from the dungeons, cleaving through whatever obstacles were in his way. Finding Tanitha wouldn't be a problem; he was soul-bound to her, and once free of the basalt, he'd be able to sense her within any reasonable range. If he could get Kai to let slip where she was being kept in the meantime, though, so much the better.

He stood up, returning to his pacing. There was the other matter, of course, and that was where they could possibly go. There were very few places in this world that were safe for him. Not to mention for their unborn child.

The thought sent a searing pain through his heart. Gods, Tanitha had to have been so afraid when she'd realized she was with child. And he had kept her so distant from the truth of things that she hadn't even thought she could ask him the questions that would allay that fear. He didn't deserve her loyalty, her goodwill, or her help, and yet she was offering it. He had to save her. It didn't matter where they went, so long as she was safe.

Suddenly, he heard approaching footsteps, and he stopped his pacing, turning sharply to the front of the cell just as the door slammed open. To his astonishment, Alethia and Kai entered, supporting Tanitha between them.

"Tanitha!" He rushed forward, pressing himself against the cell bars. Something was wrong; he could tell that much immediately. Tanitha's gaze was blank and unfocused, and violent tremors darted through her limbs every few seconds.

Darius rounded on Alethia. "What did you do to her?" he spat, though he knew the anger in his voice was shot through with fear.

Alethia released her grip on Tanitha, who stumbled sideways. Kai quickly caught her, helping her upright once more. Tanitha barely seemed to notice, another shudder tearing through her.

" I did nothing," Alethia said, sending Darius a contemptuous glance. "She fractured her spirit by dividing it too far." Darius' heart seized. "You know how to help her. Do it," Alethia said. Her expression was grim. "Bring her back to herself. I'm not finished with her yet."

She turned away without a backward glance, then exited, slamming the door behind her. Before the sound had even finished reverberating through the stone room, Kai was rushing Tanitha forward.

"What in the name of the Abyss happened?" Darius asked, his voice strained. Kai gently lowered Tanitha to the ground just outside the bars. She was still shaking, and her breathing was unsteady, hitching at odd intervals. Darius knelt beside her, cursing the enchantments that made it impossible for him to reach past the bars to take her hand. Tanitha glanced from Kai to him without any real recognition in her eyes.

"Naratha made Tanitha an offer," Kai said, voice low. "That she could be bound to you in turn if she could overcome the Trials."

Darius' blood, already cold, felt as if it had been shot through with ice. "What?" he asked, soft horror in his voice. The Trials ?

"Tanitha agreed. She did the first Trial. She succeeded, but she pushed herself too far," he said. "I wouldn't have even thought it was possible, what she did. She split her consciousness far too many ways for far too long. She's fractured. It's… it's bad, Darius. She isn't even responding to her own name." He looked up to meet Darius' gaze. "Can you help her ground herself? Help her remember, help her come to a sense of herself again?"

Darius' breath caught. "Give me her hand," he said.

Kai obeyed, taking Tanitha's wrist and placing her hand between two of the cell's bars, the enchantments rippling around it. Darius wrapped both hands around hers tightly. It felt so fragile and delicate under his own, and he took a deep breath, trying to focus past the fear that was rising inside him. He'd been afraid that Tanitha was in danger for days, of course. No, not afraid. Terrified. But after he'd learned that she'd surrendered herself, he'd thought that he at least had some time . That she'd be safe until the child was born.

That, apparently, was more mercy than his mother was willing to extend.

The thought filled him with a dark fury, which he stifled, but didn't fully banish. He would keep that fury for later, for a time when it might help Tanitha. Right now, though, it wouldn't. Right now, Tanitha needed something else. She needed someone who knew and loved her, someone who could guide her back to herself.

"Tanitha," he said, his voice tender but still carrying far too much fear. He consciously loosened his grip on her hand, afraid of hurting her. She glanced at him before another shiver wracked her whole body, but then turned away. Kai moved back, toward to the bench at the front of the room. "Tanitha, I'm here," Darius said, his voice breaking. "Come back. I'm right here."

No response but for another shiver. Darius' hand tensed. "Do you remember me?" he asked quietly, gently. "Do you remember the first time we met? You thought I was a hawk and struck me with a broom," he said. He gave a quiet chuckle. "I never stop being amazed when I think about that," he said. "I never stop being amazed when I think about you. You have the most incredible, quiet strength. You'd defend sparrows against a demon. And you'd defend someone you love against the most powerful demons in Karazhen."

Tanitha's hand tightened slightly on his. Heartened, or perhaps grasping at anything that could give him hope, he continued, "You're the most incredible person I've ever met, and you don't seem to have any idea of that. You've never seemed to believe me when I tell you that you're strong. That I've never known anyone like you." He blinked back tears. "The second time we met," he said softly, "I'd been ordered to kill you. And I looked at you and couldn't do it. I think I knew even then that there was something remarkable about you. That somehow our fates were twined. I took you to the mountains, to a place where you'd be safe. You seemed so frightened of me at first. I could see it in your eyes, in the way you moved. But you still found it in yourself to trust me. You told me you were a soul-speaker, asked if I could help you reclaim that gift. And I did."

Another tremble wracked her frame, but she turned slightly toward him, her face creasing in what looked like pain. "I offered to let you go," he said. "Many times. But you chose to stay. I don't think you admitted to yourself why for a long time. Or perhaps it was just me that couldn't admit it. That I'd fallen for you. That my heart was yours and always would be."

Tanitha raised her other hand weakly, then reached through the bars to lay it atop his. He gathered both her hands together tight inside his. "You and I belong together, and I was a fool to doubt that, even for a moment. I'm so sorry," he said, his voice breaking. "This is my fault. Everything you've suffered, it was because of me. But I'm not letting one more thing happen to you. I'll protect you. Whatever it takes, I will protect you. Just please, please come back to me."

Tanitha finally looked at him, finally met his eyes. There was still a strange, wordless confusion there, but he thought he caught a glimmer of something, a brief spark of awareness, of comprehension. He stroked her hand with his thumb, taking a steadying breath. There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much he needed to say to her. He needed to apologize, to beg her forgiveness for what he'd done. For how he'd let his fear drive him to turn from her, how that action had endangered her, how he would never cease trying to atone for what she'd suffered since. But none of that would help her right now. She would never remember him if she couldn't even remember herself.

"You grew up in the Sanctuary," he said softly. "Do you remember? It was a refuge for you for most of your life, for you and your sister both. You told me about how you and she used to steal fruit from the ornamental trees by the reflection pool until you realized how vile they tasted," he said with a quiet chuckle. "And then after a time, you realized you didn't have to steal food or hide it. You finally believed that you were safe." Until the day when abruptly, she hadn't been, he thought, his heart aching.

"I know you've been afraid," he said. "But you are one of the bravest women I have ever known. Do you understand that? If I know one thing about you, it's that you are brave, and that you have never let fear stop you." He drew her in, bringing her head close to the bars, lightly kissing her forehead through them. "Be brave once more," he said. "I know that you're hurting, but please don't flee from it. Walk through it once more and come back to me. I'm here, and I'm not leaving you again. Whatever it takes, I will be there to protect you."

Tanitha pulled back slightly. He let her do it, leaning back himself to look into her eyes. "Darius?" she whispered.

His heart leapt. "I'm right here," he said. Her eyes fluttered shut as she slumped against the wall, and he gave her a quick shake. "Tanitha. Tanitha, stay with me," he said. She stirred, opening her eyes to look at him with a hint of confusion in her gaze. "Talk to me," he said urgently. "Tell me about yourself. Tell me something you remember." He cast about for a second, then seized on something. "Your sister. What's her name? Do you remember?"

Tanitha made a face as if in pain. "It's… Lithra," she said, her expression clearing briefly. Darius nodded encouragingly. She blinked back tears. "She was so afraid…"

"I know," he said, a hollow ache in his chest. Lithra's fear had been for Tanitha's safety, and it never would have happened if Tanitha hadn't been so afraid herself. If she'd been able to trust that he would have been honest with her. "She's safe right now, though. You're safe." She shook her head once, and he drew her as close as he could, cursing the bars between them. "I promise you, you're safe," he said softly, wondering even as he said it if he could make it true.

He closed his eyes for several seconds, then turned back to Tanitha. "Can you tell me something about yourself?" he asked. "Anything. Something small. Your favorite colors?" He knew the answer to that, knew what memories it was connected to. She'd once told him she had a sparse memory of riding in a wagon and coming over a hill outside a Sabrian city, seeing the rolling fields of barley gleaming in the sun for the first time.

Tanitha blinked. "Green and gold," she said softly. He nodded, kissing her hand briefly. He hadn't ever said it aloud, but even the moment she'd told him that, he'd thought it was perfect for her. Green and gold, life and light, for a woman so full of both.

"Green and gold," he said in gentle affirmation.

He continued asking questions, and she continued to answer, the trembles slowly, almost imperceptibly starting to lessen. The focus was returning to her gaze, but there was a deep exhaustion there too. After a time, her eyelids drooped, and he let her lean back against the stone wall, his fears of her losing herself finally abating.

"Do you think you did it?" Kai asked, his voice unusually subdued.

Darius startled slightly; he'd almost forgotten his brother's presence. "She's grounded again," he answered. "She'll recover." Given time to rest, time and security while her fractured mind knit itself back together again.

"I… I need to take her out of here, then," Kai said reluctantly. "I'm sorry, but—"

"No," Darius said flatly.

"Darius… she isn't supposed to be here at all."

"She's not supposed to be in this situation at all," Darius retorted, and Kai had the good grace to look away. "Just let her stay with me for a time," he said. "She's resting. It isn't harming anything for her to be here. And she may need me again when she wakes."

Kai hesitated, then finally nodded. "All right," he said. "Darius… I'm sorry I…" He cleared his throat. "I wasn't sure I could believe you before," he said. "I wasn't sure I could trust that your words were your own. But… you truly do care for her, don't you?"

Darius' hand tightened on Tanitha's. "She is everything to me," he said quietly. "I meant everything I said."