2. June 14th

2

June 14th

I t's raining. Coming down in painful, small piercing pebbles, but I pay it no mind. They decided to have the memorial outside in the middle of the summer. Who's bright idea was that?

And why is it for the both of them? Do Auggie and Tripp not deserve their own individual time to be mourned?

I am seated on a plastic white chair in the front row to a makeshift stand. The row reserved for family. Across a small gap is another column of chairs. I am one of the last stragglers still enduring the weather. The priest declared we would move the celebration inside. A celebration of life. What a joke. What is there to celebrate? Two people are dead.

Auggie and Tripp, why did you have to leave me behind?

Fuck.

Loneliness settles into my gut, a well that is slowly filling to the brim. My skin feels tight against my bones as I shift in my seat.

Blinking through the rain, I realize that I am in fact not alone. Across the gap, and in the front row, are three boys.

Correction–three men.

Three men that are not crying. They are not showing any emotion except what appears to be annoyance.

As if this entire memorial is just an inconvenience to the lot of them.

I always knew they were awful but Tripp tried to convince me otherwise. We never spent much time around each other, but they had never seemed to like me. It didn't bother me though.

I didn't particularly like them either.

If only Tripp could see his brothers now…

I bet he wouldn't even be bothered.

That was the kind of man Tripp was. Sweet, understanding, caring. It is what made me fall so hard for him. Why I pursued him even when I knew he would be heading off to college and leaving me behind.

I never even had the chance to tell Auggie about us. Tripp and I were going to break the news together. We wanted to wait until I had graduated, until I was eighteen, to soften the blow of me dating one of his best friends.

My tears mix with the rain. The dichotomy of cold and warm streams down my face. If only I hadn't pressured them to come. If only we didn't have to keep everything hidden.

If only. If only.

I watch as the three men in the row across from mine exchange a look. Less than a moment later, they eerily turn the weight of their gazes to me.

Do they know I am the reason their brother decided to make the trip here? Do they blame me just as I blame myself?

I can't tell anything from their eyes and I avert my own before I can let the guilt reflect on my face.

Grayson, Darius, and Axel. The three remaining O'Brien brothers. The ones I had always avoided like the plague. Axel and Tripp may have been twins but they could not be any more different. Even still, I can't stand to look at Axel, and for a moment, I find it hard to breathe. They look exactly alike but that is where the similarities end.

Axel's stint in prison ended just in time to hear the news of his brother's death. Just in time to make it to this joke of a memorial. Whereas Tripp went to college on an academic scholarship, Axel was arrested on battery charges and tried as an adult.

Darius wasn't so bad, except he decided one day about two months ago, right after his eighteenth birthday, to just up and drop out of high school. Did he foresee that the eve of our graduation would end in this tragedy?

I certainly hadn't.

And Grayson? Well, I never could get a read on the eldest O'Brien brother, but his harsh features weren't doing any favors for my opinion.

"Sunday, get your ass inside!" My mother's voice pierces through the storm that is both brewing internally and externally.

I pay no more mind to the O'Brien brothers as I gather myself and as much energy as I can to steady my emotions. I'm not sure how I am supposed to go on. Not without Auggie. Not without Tripp.

Fuck .

Finally, I find my footing and stand haphazardly up from the soaked plastic chair. The rain has intensified and both my clothes and hair are plastered down.

I permit myself one more moment of misery as I step into the cathedral filled with sympathetic strangers, attempting to pay no more attention to the brothers in my wake, even as I feel the weight of their stares on my back. There is something incredibly off-putting about the remaining O'Briens.

About their uniform unwavering attention. About their emotionless display at their brother's memorial. About the way it almost feels as if they are waiting for me… to do something .

But what?

A terrifying feeling creeps down my spine. It takes a moment to recognize it, but once I do, I can't shake it. It sinks into my skin, causes my heart to beat into my ears, my fingers to shake.

Apprehension.

I make it my mission then and there to avoid the brothers as best I can.