Journal Entry

Bodies that are close enough to touch.

But because there's no love—-

The distance between their hearts couldn't be any greater.

IT WAS THE FIRST NIGHT in their marriage that he and his wife went to their separate rooms.

And remained apart.

I should've expected this, dammit .

Her own grandmother had warned him about this, but instead of calculating the risks as he had always done, he had thrown caution to the fucking wind.

And this was the price he now had to pay.

The sound of his wife moving in the room next door as the minutes ticked closer to midnight.

Damn her.

She wasn't even making any attempt to keep the noise down. Was she that bad an escape artist or had the thought of eloping with her brother's princely best friend had her so excited her brain had completely shut down?

Damn her, damn her, damn her.

He should have known better than to let her get under his skin.

Should've known better than to let himself believe such a girl like her truly existed.

He was the Beast of New York.

Did he really think she'd always be loyal to him, and that no one would be able to steal her away?

Yes, I fucking did.

She knocked on his door at a quarter to midnight.

What the hell?

It seemed he was wrong about her, after all.

What he had assumed earlier was carelessness on her part was actually a complete absence of care, since she was now standing in front of him.

Damn her.

Did she mean to drive him crazy by saying goodbye before leaving him for another man?

"So..."

His wife had changed into a dark-colored shirt and jeans. Her face was bare of makeup, and her eyes were red-rimmed. She had obviously been crying, and she was just as obviously struggling to find the right words.

Why, dammit?

Why couldn't she choose him?

What did he have to do to make her choose him?

A part of Lorenzo was viciously tempted to show his wife just how much of a beast he could be and tell her there was no fucking way he would let her leave him.

But the other half of him was already dead.

Because he realized now that all he wanted was for her to be happy.

"You haven't told me what's the plan yet."

And if her being happy with another man was part of the plan—-

So be it , Lorenzo thought hollowly.

He had never imagined his wife could be this cruel or crazy, to actually expect him to protect her even when she was already with another man.

But so fucking be it.

His wife lifted her chin. "Whether you like it or not—-"

Lorenzo only stared at her. Did she really believe—-

"I'm coming with you."

—-he would understand what she meant by coming with him?

What the hell was she talking about?

"There's no need to pretend," his wife muttered. "I've lived my whole life with Giancarlo. Do you think I wouldn't spot someone paranoid like him from miles away? We both know this —-" Gazelle impatiently gestured to the necklace he had given her. "—-comes with GPS tracking and recording—-"

His wife ended up gasping as he yanked her inside his room.

"Damn you."

Her tears finally fell, but he was not moved at all, since his heart was still half-dead after what she had made him think.

"I thought you were leaving me for him, damn you!"

"I would never—-" She suddenly stopped speaking, and she was now looking at him like she was seeing him for the first time.

"You're jealous ," his wife whispered.

Lorenzo was this close to shaking some sense into her.

Why was she suddenly talking like an idiot?

"Of course I'm jealous," he snarled down at her. "How the hell can I not be jealous when everyone knows Bianciardi is a much better man—-"

"I love you," his wife blurted out.

And just like that, Lorenzo completely forgot what he had to say.

"I've known it for some time," Gazelle confessed unevenly, "but I was worried I'd scare you off if I told you."

All he could do was stare at her, and a smile wobbled over her lips.

" That hurt me earlier, you know."

"I...hurt you?"

She nodded, and his chest tightened.

"I'm sorry," Lorenzo said tautly. "I didn't know I was hurting you or how I was hurting you—-"

"I know that now. But earlier, when you were just suddenly so silent—- "

He finally understood where her pain was coming from, and his chest tightened all the more.

"It was like you suddenly changed."

Her voice broke, and his own heart broke with her.

"I'm sorry, tesoro ."

She started crying in earnest as soon as he called her his treasure, and all he could do was take her in his arms.

"I thought you g-grew bored with me," she choked out.

That he had made her think such a thing flayed him.

" Mi dispiace." I'm sorry. "I never meant to hurt you . But seeing you with another man, and hearing the things he said, and thinking that you believed him—-"

"I understand." His wife wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "I just wished I had figured it out sooner."

"Figured out what?"

"What you kept secret from me."

Lorenzo stiffened. "I have never lied to you—-"

"But you never told me you're different with me either."

Ah.

"Or that you only enjoyed talking to me. Alone ."

Incredibile, Lorenzo thought. The smugness in his wife's tone was undeniable, and he actually found it cute.

"And I get this, too."

He stared at her warily.

"What you're doing now."

Her tone was gently teasing but tender at the same time, and he just didn't know how to handle it.

"Every time you're suddenly silent, it just means there are things you don't want to say. Or things you're not ready to think about. And as much as I want to tease you about this—-"

His wife cupped his face.

"I don't want to ever risk making you think, even by accident, that I'm ashamed of you. Or that I don't want to be seen with you. I just hate seeing you hurt in any way—-" Her voice suddenly broke. "And I hate it the most if I'm the one to hurt you—-"

"You haven't hurt me," he gritted out. "You've never wanted to hurt me—-"

"But I can. Can't I?"

He finally realized where this was going.

"Others can't ever hurt you," she choked out, "but I know I can."

And even though a part of him wanted to push her away—-

"Because you love me, too."

Lorenzo was tired of hiding from the truth.

"Don't you?"

His wife gave her a teary smile.

"Wait here. I have something to give you."

She went away and came back in mere moments, a journal in her hands.

"I want you to read this."

His heart slammed hard against his chest.

A part of him was still terrified.

And that part of him was hell-bent on self-harm.

It would rather destroy his only chance at happiness than risk rejection.

Her expression turned uncertain when he remained unmoving. "What is it?"

Alright, God.

For almost his entire life, Lorenzo had been afraid to trust God.

But this time, he would take another chance.

And so he, too, pulled out what he had hidden in a secret safe.

His wife was in shock as he took her journal and gave her his in return.

"Shall we read it together?" he asked quietly.

She was crying again as she nodded, and she was crying even harder when she finished reading what he had written.

"Oh, Renzo."

He got to his feet just in time to catch her as she threw herself in his arms.

"I don't think I'll ever deserve you."

"Then you're an idiot."

She laughed and shook her head.

"Oh, Renzo."

Her voice caught.

"I love you, so, so—-"

The rest of her words disappeared in a kiss that bound their souls as one.

He couldn't yet give her the words, but what he could do now was show her.

I love you.

Because love was the reason he was the only one able to pin her against the wall—-

I love you.

And have the right to take her in a way that she would have found terrifying if it had been any other man.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

He still couldn't give her the words, but he knew she heard it from his soul and felt them with every possessive thrust of his body.

I love you.

I love you, Gazelle.

And I will never stop loving you.