Journal Entry

There's always a price to pay when you dance with the devil.

VIKTOR WALKS ME BACK to my table, and Lorenzo rises to his feet when he sees me coming, his beautiful face impassive.

I come to his side, but Lorenzo makes no move to pull me close.

How... unusual .

He's usually very protective around any man who's not related to me by blood.

"Congratulations on your marriage."

My stomach cramps at Viktor's deceptively smooth voice. No one looking at him now would ever guess that he had accused my husband of murder just moments ago.

" Grazie ."

Lorenzo's tone is equally bland as he shakes hands with Giancarlo's best friend.

Viktor nods at me before moving away to speak to the rest of my famiglia. We both sit down, and I wait for him to ask about Viktor.

But he doesn't.

And I don't get it.

Am I expecting too much from my husband?

I really believed he'd only have to take one look at me, and he'd know something is seriously wrong.

But he doesn't.

And stupid or not—-

Unfair or not—-

His unawareness breaks my heart, and things just keep getting worse when the evening comes to an end.

It's only the two of us in the car now, but he still doesn't ask me about Viktor.

Am I being unreasonable, God?

I slowly turn my gaze to my husband.

I know he knows I'm looking at him.

But he refuses to look at me.

And I don't get it.

It's as if I'm looking at a stranger, and there's not a single trace left of the man I once found so unbearably sweet and protective.

It's as if...

No, oh no.

I no longer matter all of a sudden.

Oh God.

And that's when I finally get it.

Lorenzo Anghileri is not the Beast of New York for nothing.

He should've known something was wrong with me the moment I came back to his side.

He should've known.

But he didn't.

Because something else, something he deemed more important had distracted him.

And that thing was the end of our marriage.

God, oh God.

I swallow again and again.

It's all I can do to keep myself from throwing up.

God, it hurts so, so much.

The only thing that's changed between now and then was Lorenzo seeing me dancing in another man's arms.

And I suppose that's when the truth hit him.

The honeymoon's over.

He looked at Viktor and me, and he realized he absolutely felt nothing.

What now, God?

He realized that I was just a novelty, nothing else.

What do I do now?

I was different because I didn't care about his past, but not so different that seeing me with Viktor could make him jealous.

And so here we are now.

A wife who's hopelessly in love, and a husband who no longer wants her.