2. Shana

2

SHANA

"… a

nd the machine is making a grinding noise again," Dan says.

He said more than that, I know he did, but I have no idea what it was. This is happening to me more and more over the last few days. I cannot keep my thoughts focused long enough to pay attention.

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask, blinking quickly to try and clear the fog of lost attention from my eyes.

Dan smiles but it's tight and doesn't touch his eyes. He shakes his head. I know this look. Dan is smart. Really, really smart but even more than that, he's perceptive. There isn't much that slips past him and my absolute disinterest in pretty much everything isn't likely to slip past.

"What is it?" he asks.

"Nothing," I snap.

No way Dan. Love you man, but this is my problem to deal with. I'm not sharing.

He narrows his eyes, purses his lips, and studies me in contracted silence. I meet his steady gaze with one of my own. Unflinching, certain that this is the way it has to be. I will not, no cannot share this. Not even with him.

He's been my best friend for years, even before the crash, but in all the time we've known each other I never told him. There was no reason to. Neither of us were ever romantically interested in one another. We love each other, sure, but in a brother-sister kind of way. This… this is too private. Too painful.

I force my lips to curl into a smile that I am definitely not feeling, but it works. The corners of his lips twitch then he breaks and laughs.

"You're the worst," he says.

"And yet you love me," I say, falling into the comfortable and familiar pattern of conversation between the two of us.

"Because I'm an idiot," he grins.

"What was it you were saying?"

There. Get the conversation back on track. Back into safe territory. He repeats what he was telling me about the lift we've been using to get water from the ocean and how it's not going to last much longer. I nod along at the appropriate points. It's not really new news. We all know this is temporary at best. We need a much better long-term solution, but what?

"We should take a look ourselves," he says.

"Why not?"

He leads the way to the airlock. The halls seem extra full of people today. I don't mind because with so many around it keeps Dan from asking the prying questions I know are on his mind. I'm going to have to avoid being alone with him as much as possible.

I should tell Kosh. He has a right to know.

No. I can't. If I do… it will only hurt both of us. I can't tell him until I know. Until I decide.

Damn it, why did he do that? I was clear about it from the start. Never, ever finish inside. Simple, right? This is his fault anyway. He's never had a problem controlling himself before.

The door to the airlock closes behind us with a whoosh sound and then we're alone, standing side by side in silence. Dan clears his throat. A pointed sound and I know what he wants but I'm not ready.

The air pressure shifts and the temperature rises as it does. The first beads of sweat form on my forehead and trickle between my tits. Dan clears his throat again, louder now.

"Something in your throat?" I ask, staring at the outside door and praying to all the powers that might be in the entirety of the universe that it would hurry up and open.

"You know," he says, making a soft scoffing sound. "Something is wrong. Shana, you're my best friend."

"I know," I say as the outer door cycles open.

The desert air hits like an ocean wave. So sudden and so incredibly hot that it steals the air from your lungs. We both stagger and gasp. Every single time I go out this happens. The epis that the Zmaj have introduced us to helps. A lot, but that is a rare resource and there is not nearly enough for anyone to indulge themselves in its glorious relief from the heat.

I wonder what in the hell that stuff is doing inside our bodies that it makes such a difference to how the heat affects us. I wish we had a laboratory, but I wasn't in that section of the ship when the crash happened. I wonder if one of those areas of the ship survived the fall to the planet.

Dan makes a noisy harumph sound and then pushes past me out onto the blasted sands. I follow in his wake, feeling bad, but not bad enough to tell him what's really going on. I also can't lie to him. He is one of my best friends and lying isn't something I can do, not to him.

But Kosh? Can I lie to him?

I push those thoughts to one side. The lift is a problem that is here and now. Everything else, well I've got some time. Hopefully enough time to figure it out.

If we were only on the ship. This wouldn't be an issue there. I wouldn't be able to even have this happen because I always kept that under control.

But I wouldn't have him then, would I?

An empty ache deep in my chest throbs painfully. I may not have committed to Kosh publicly, but he's definitely made a place for himself in my heart. He's so damn kind. Thoughtful. Always attentive. And of course, he's an incredible lover. A loud clank followed by a sick grinding sound interrupts my thoughts.

"Shit," Dan curses as he breaks into a run. "Shut it down! Shut! It! Down!"

He's waving his arms as he runs. The group running the lift doesn't react by stopping it, instead, they turn to look and see who is shouting. Smoke rises from the machine. It was never designed for this. It's original purpose was a light-duty lift in the maintenance area to lift heavy things onto a workbench. It wasn't used consistently and was never intended to be. Jean has done a miraculous job of keeping it running but even she can only do so much.

"The machine," I yell. "Stop it. Stop the lift!"

One of the people standing by it looks over his shoulder. His curse echoes across the sand back to us but it's too late. He moves to stop it but there is a loud clang, a bang, then an explosion of tearing metal, sparks, and smoke.

"Ahhh!!!!"

Someone is screaming in pain. I can't see how or why because there is a thick black cloud hanging over the lift and the crew that was running it. I run as fast as I can, only a couple of steps behind Dan.

We plunge headlong into the roiling, choking smoke. I wave my hands trying to clear the air enough to see. The acrid odor that fills the air is an assault on my eyes and nose.

"Shit," Dan curses, "help me."

He's on his knees next to one of the workers who's screaming at the top of his lungs, hitting notes that an opera singer would be proud to achieve. A long, jagged piece of metal protrudes from his thigh. Blood pours out, coating him and Dan who is trying to stem the flow.

The other members of the crew, one man and one woman whose names escape me, stare in abject horror. The woman is so pale that I worry she'll pass out. We're too close to the edge of the cliff for that kind of nonsense. The way this is going she'd drop right off.

"You," I shout, pointing at the man. His head turns slowly to look at me with his wide eyes of utter shock. "Get his shoulders."

He nods in understanding and then moves to the man's shoulders. He's still going in slow motion, or maybe I'm just operating so much faster than the rest of them. An interesting theory that I'd enjoy examining if there wasn't a man literally dying right in front of me.

"Come on," I say to the girl. "Help me with his feet."

She shakes her head, tears trailing through the dirt and soot marring her pretty face. Her mouth moves but no sounds come out. The hurt guy pauses his screaming long enough to inhale sharply then resumes with a fresh vigor.

I grab onto his feet, yelling to lift. If we don't get him onto the ship, we'll lose him. We've lost too many people already. I'm not going to let a stupid accident add another makeshift marker to the graveyard. Not on my watch, damn it.

We manage to get him up, but I swear it feels like all of his weight is on my end and the girl is not taking any of it. My shoulders burn as the muscles in my arms strain to keep him off the ground. It feels as if my arms might be dislocated if this goes on much longer. We waddle towards the airlock.

"I can't stop the bleed," Dan says.

His voice is calm, but I know him too well to miss the subtle signs of panic. The tension in his jaw, the tightness around his eyes as he desperately tries to keep pressure on the wound while we stumble our way to help.

"What's happening?" Desiree's voice calls like the sound of an angel from on high.

"Need help!" I yell back, barely seeing her shadowy outline close to the ship.

"I come!" Kosh yells then his massive form is bounding across the distance.

My heart leaps into my throat. The sun glints off his scales as he leaps into the air. His wings spread wide, at least a six-foot span, and he rapidly closes the distance. He lands with a loud thud and a puff of dust despite the fused sand that resulted from the impact of the ship.

"Kosh," I say, mouth dry, throat tight, and heart pounding.

"Here," he says, grabbing the wounded man. He clutches the screaming man to his chest as he spins and sprints for the airlock. "Open!"

His voice is deep, resonating, and full of command. He has taken charge and there is no denying that all of us are grateful for it.

He's a protector. He'll be an amazing father.

Dan and I exchange a quick look before following behind. Dan is a bloody mess and desperately needs a shower. I do not doubt that I look the same but first, we both want to see to our crew member.

We follow in Kosh's wake, passing Desiree who is holding the airlock door for us. She exudes the calm serenity that I've come to expect from her no matter how desperate or shitty the situation is. I used to think it was some weird denial of reality but the more I've gotten to know her I've learned that it's anything but. She sees what is and has an incredible ability to accept any situation as it is while not losing her cool. It's an admirable trait and one I aspire to mimic.

"Thanks," I say to her as we rush past.

She gives a quick nod and follows in our wake. There's no difficulty in knowing which way to go, all we have to do is follow the trail of blood. My stomach flips at the sight but I push down the rising bile and run through the halls.